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Phoenix

My journal - Thomas

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Yes, a huge difference to the better. It can be tough at first until you realize you have effectively filled your time with better things. I see this as a constant among ex-gamers here. The more you are deliberate in choosing what to do instead of gaming, the easier it will be.

It's true that it's easier to quit gaming when you find other hobby's. I find spending time on activities other than gaming regardless if it's work or not is important to fulfill time. At least I have other hobby's like running or guitar I can pick up again.

Hey Thomas, great to hear from you.

Think of it like this. There are millions of people in the world right now who manage to stay in touch with their friends WITHOUT gaming. So how do they do it? They chat on Facebook, Skype, they call each other, use WhatsApp, etc. I stay in touch with many people who do not live in the same place as me using those tools. 

Friendship goes far beyond just a similar activity or things you have in common. Friendship is about shared values. Right now your friendship has been based on gaming, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. You aren't stuck as "gamer friends". You are friends. Friendship is about finding a way to stay in touch if that's a priority for you regardless of circumstance. It's not a matter of "I can either stay friends and still game" or "I can have no friends." 

That is a very limited way to think about yourself and the life you want to have. Do you want to live from a place of only those two options? NO WAY. You want to be friends with people who regardless of where you live, or what hobbies you have at the time, you stay friends because you care about each other. 

The best way to answer the question of "do people really see changes after 90 days" is to experience it yourself. IF you can't go 90 days without gaming you should NOT be gaming. That's fairly simple. If at the end of 90 days you notice no improvements, you're always welcome to go back and game. Again, you're allowed to create the life you want. I would encourage you to expand your perspective. For examples of those who completed 90 days and how it impacted their life, read this thread.

Thank you for your wise words on friends. I guess friends that do not share my values are not friends. If they don't want me to quit gaming because I don't want to in order to grow, then there is no other way around it. I have to be bold in my decision and cut them off completely, even if it they may be nice persons. Now I must admit things weren't going very well between us, we had a bit of an argument and I haven't spoken them since. I thought that would be a good time to quit gaming. I ignored their skype calls and texts to game for 3 days now. 

This is my third day without gaming so far. I´m glad I don´t even have time to game as I´m busy with other things like work and sports. I picked up my guitar again, playing for at least 10 minutes a day. Maybe I should expand on that and make it a true hobby instead of just 10 minutes. I also filled your survey and will try to post daily journals again, even if they´re mundane haha. I also read some of the posts on the 90-day detox thread, they inspire me to keep going and refrain from gaming!

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Day 4 detox
Today was a great day! Day started off with a bit of haste, waking up later than usual to rush for school. There, we had to do a debate about three different subjects and we were placed in a group that had to either defend or disarm the statement. Out of all debates, I was placed in the group that wasn't my own opinion. So it was quite hard to come up with arguments. I learned to take things into perspection.
Next, I inspected my mistakes made with tests I made. I appreciate the time teacher made to make me understand what I did wrong. Even though I failed some tests, I know I can pass them. After that, I went home and played a bit of guitar. Then, I went for an easy 8k run and went straight to dinner.
At this moment, I'm doing my homework and other business. I'm a little bit bored that I don't game but whatever, I'm going to sleep earlier than usual because I have work to do. My gaming friends distract me but I won't give in.

Gratitude journal: I recently read articles about US college debt. It's INSANE how the US fucks over its own students with huge debts. How the hell are they going to pay a 60k debt, with not even job guarantee? 
Here in the Netherlands, we have much of a better system. As a college student, we get free public transport and get money from the state to pay the college fees. Now recently the state no longer gives money, but I'm still regarded in the old system so I essentialy pay ~ 180 euro's per month, which is basically nothing (relatively).
I'm grateful for living in a country where studying is possible without having huge debts AND receive personal feedback from teachers on my perfomance. 

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Day 5
Started off working in the morning till 12 am. Then, I spent some time watching youtube video's on guitar playing. Some later in the afternoon my sister teached me for an hour some guitar tricks and I started practicing it. I spent a total of 2 hours practicing guitar, it was really good. 
I am a bit dissatified with my social life, but I realised I need to plan AHEAD in order to get somewhere. When I was gaming my lack of social interaction was toned down due to it, but without gaming my mind becomes more clear and allows me to understand the current situation I'm in. Saturdays are generally the hardest for me so I try to plan something every week on that day. I really want to get out there and practice my social skills because it's necessary. 

I am grateful for having a nice sister that is good with guitar.

Edited by Phoenix

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Week recap:
No games played so far! I won't mention monday through thursday as it consisted mostly of work. 
I made progress with my social life by actively going to different social events. I organized a day to play snooker at a bar with my friends, it was a fun night. That same day I went to a bar alone, it wasn't what I expected but I got out of my comfort zone so that's important. Next day I went to a local christian youth club. I usually don´t surround myself in those social groups but I went anyway and found the majority to be very welcoming to me. The evening I met up with an old colleague of mine there and met new people. They invited me to come back two weeks later to watch a movie, excited for that! It could have ended differently if I thought to myself "man this is gonna suck, I'm not going". I remember a quote along the line of "If you don't want to do it, do it anyway". It's crazy how a last minute decision can change the day.
Today I participated in a local 5k relay race, we finished first! We made photo´s to memorize the event. The rest of the day I spent playing guitar, browsing a bit and going to the local church. It was kinda boring, but I was away from the computer anyway. I kinda messed up leaving right after the service because there was time to meet new people and that was what the evening was all about. I should´ve stayed but I was hungry and went home. Oh well, I learned from it.

Overall it was a successful week. Most important in quitting gaming I found was getting out of the house, even if it´s for something really boring, it´s better than waste time inside the house. Definitely gonna plan more upcoming events and try out new things!

Gratitude journal
My dad, who´s always there for me. Took pictures of our relay race and he helped me tune my guitar.

Edited by Phoenix

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Happy to read it's going so well with you! Indeed taking action yourself is the best way to go. A man called Gandhi once said: "you must be the change you want to see in the world". It was about much broader issues but I find it fit perfectly with everyday life.

Keep it up man!

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Recap 2+ weeks:

I saw an old friend and asked him to hang out some time, so we played some pool at the local bar and talked about everything. It was great meeting up again, we agreed to eachother to weekly go out. This is great as I got myself a new going out group.
The same day in the afternoon I was so bored I went out for a bit of cycling for the sake of it. The wind was so hard I had to step off. The moment I stepped off another guy also stepped off and walked, we talked a bit about the tough weather. I noticed he came from the gymn and we talked a bit about sports. Cool guy, sportive, we added eachother on facebook. Later that day I asked him if he would be interested in working out with a group friends of mine, he agreed to do so. So because I randomly went for a bit of cycling, I met new people. 
The next week I got sick, couldn't work or sport so I stayed home for most of the days. I got a bit better on saturday and started working again. In the evening I met up with the same social circle from 2 weeks ago and watched a movie. After that we socialized and played a game (twister) it was alot of fun. I met a ton of new people and built more relationships. I will definitely come back again the next time.
I notice I play more guitar than when I was gaming, quite obvious. I don't always keep my daily practice, but that's okay, I'm close to 100 days of guitar practice. 
Sometimes I have urges to go back to gaming, my friends try to persuade me to do so, but I occupy my mind with other things to keep me busy. I noticed I am game free for one month so far. Time flies!
 

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So because I randomly went for a bit of cycling, I met new people. 

I call this "serendipity by design". It's creating chances for luck to strike.

One month! Gratz!

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Months and months have passed, and I find myself gaming. It's sad really, I don't know what the hell happened :/. I slipped up and gave in to boredom. Somehow I always return to gaming as an escape. This is the third time I have quit gaming and failed. 

Although I have been gaming for months, I do however run 4 times a week on average, participate social events every 2 week, work 2 jobs and am studying. I promised myself gaming should never have priority over real life activities, the problem is that it does interfere. 

So I watched some guitar video's earlier and thought: if I would spend my time playing guitar instead of gaming, how much better would I have become if I weren't gaming? And not just playing guitar, but in other area's as well. That made me thinking and post here. At some point I need to quit gaming, that is for sure. I just can't find the willpower to quit for good right now. Ugh.. I need to make my mind up.

Edited by Phoenix

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Hey. Welcome back.

It seems like you need something to have fun besides gaming. It obviously fulfills a need you have. You appear very sucess driven, what isn't a bad thing. But sometimes we neglect our relaxation needs and this leads to a willpower erosion and bad habits like gaming to spring back up. A god book on the importance of play was" Play: How it shapes our brain". Could be a good read for you.

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Hey. Welcome back.

It seems like you need something to have fun besides gaming. It obviously fulfills a need you have. You appear very sucess driven, what isn't a bad thing. But sometimes we neglect our relaxation needs and this leads to a willpower erosion and bad habits like gaming to spring back up. A god book on the importance of play was" Play: How it shapes our brain". Could be a good read for you.

Hi WorkInProgress, thank you for your advice. I agree relaxing is important. But when I come home after a long day of work, the way I see relaxing is gaming. Like Cam described in his work, the relaxation needs are replaced by gaming. 
It is time however, to give it another shot and quit gaming for good. Here we go

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Day #1

I decided to quit gaming again. Am deleting my games as we speak. I don't know where this will bring me, but here's to another shot. 
I will focus on playing the guitar as my relaxation needs and study to become better at work. 

Gratitude journal

Great parents

No big problems

Gamequitters community

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

Quitting gaming attempt #4

Workout/run

About to do

Meditation

-

Visualisation

I picture myself as a professional with knowledge in the future, create formiddable speaking skills, become better at sports and have a great social life. There is work to do, so let's do this!

Daily affirmation

working out > about to do

Reading + taking notes

-

Getting to bed before 9pm

Have to get up at 5am in the morning, having always slept at 23:00 I will try around 9pm

Weekly Goal(s)

Study for tests

Monthly Goal

Study

3 Month Goal

Keep quitting gaming

What went well today:

Work, quitting gaming

What I could have done to make my day better:

Not buy junkfood

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Less procastinating

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I find that concept of gaming si relaxing as a myth. At least if you play a lot of online gaming. i was never relaxed or refreshed after gaming it took always energy away. Was it fun? Yes  of course, But never relaxing. I don't know if that is the case for you too though.

Nice goals btw.! Gl I will follow your journal ;)

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I find that concept of gaming si relaxing as a myth. At least if you play a lot of online gaming. i was never relaxed or refreshed after gaming it took always energy away. Was it fun? Yes  of course, But never relaxing. I don't know if that is the case for you too though.

Nice goals btw.! Gl I will follow your journal ;)

Thanks! I read your journals earlier this day and it inspired me to try quit gaming again. Will follow you as well!

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Hey Phoenix, welcome back!

I'm surprised but stoked, it's awesome to see you back with the desire to change for the better.

Also that's a cool journal layout you've chosen, I find it pretty useful too :D

Best of luck for getting through the detox!

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Hey Phoenix, welcome back!

+1 to replacing gaming with playing guitar. It's working wonders for me. I study when I want a challenge, and play stuff I already know when I just want to relax.

This covers the active, relaxing, and achievement-based activities on Cam's matrix (see 60+ hobby ideas).

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Hey Phoenix, welcome back!

I'm surprised but stoked, it's awesome to see you back with the desire to change for the better.

Also that's a cool journal layout you've chosen, I find it pretty useful too :D

Best of luck for getting through the detox!

Hey Alex, thanks for the support! :)
I've 'borrowed' your layout if you don't mind :P

 

Great to have you back!

Thanks Cam!

I read >70% Respawn chapters today. I feel like it should be read multiple times to understand and refresh why and how to quit games, cravings are always lurking in the dark. There were techniques I didn't implement when I quit the first time which I will use now. Tomorrow I will finish the last few chapters. I do have a tip for you for Respawn by the way: if you have lots of free time left, you can always go to work. Spending time doesn't always have to be a hobby. It's always useful to earn more money to 'kill' time. 

Journal #2
Yes, I have relapsed. But so what? Failure is a part of succes. The important part is that we learn from our mistakes. Educate yourself in order to succeed next time. This is a lesson I have learned through hardship. Whether it's quittings games or passing tests, it's all the same.
Today I read Respawn during traffic hours to educate myself on quitting games. It gave me more insight in the thought process behind gaming, very useful. After work I had dinner and then I worked out, only to have my free time at 9 pm. For that reason, there is not much to add other than that I had a good day of work and again one more day of not gaming. I will make myself a schedule on the tasks I need to complete and a planning. There is so much to do it's unbelievable, but I got to start somewhere.

I work 2 jobs, am in college and run fairly competetively. I don't have time for games, I need to cut this off.

 

Gratitude journal

Nice colleagues

Living in a stable country

Pea soup

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

Read Respawn

Workout/run

Done

Meditation

-

Daily affirmation

working out > about to do

Reading + taking notes

-

Getting to bed before 11pm

Yes

Weekly Goal(s)

Study for tests, working out

Monthly Goal

Work out 5 times a week

3 Month Goal

No gaming

What went well today:

Work, workout

What I could have done to make my day better:

 

Should have brought a book for in the bus

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Ban certain websites, delete more (old) games

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Hey Phoenix, welcome back!

+1 to replacing gaming with playing guitar. It's working wonders for me. I study when I want a challenge, and play stuff I already know when I just want to relax.

This covers the active, relaxing, and achievement-based activities on Cam's matrix (see 60+ hobby ideas).

Guitar playing is absolutely a good choice indeed. It fills everything needed.
Yesterday I played a game (read: not computer game): my sister had to guess a song I would play on the guitar.
I played the intro of Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication, she guessed it right! That was so much fun, can't wait to try out another song

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Hey Alex, thanks for the support! :)
I've 'borrowed' your layout if you don't mind :P

Not only do I not mind, I'm humbled and encourage your use of it :D Of course feel free to adapt and change the headings according to what you need and want to add or remove, its your journal!

Nice to hear you have two jobs on top of your studies. Best of luck keeping up with those and I look forward to seeing how things unfold!

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