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Shine Magical's journal


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Latest art piece:   I'm happy with the anatomy in this drawing as well as the line art I did for it. I wanted to practice mixing darker skin tones for the BLM movement happening. I usua

Today, I did my laundry which I had been putting off for over a month. 😬 I also cleaned my whole apartment. For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm getting back on track. I'm someone that

Dealing with a bit of acne which is making me 😣   I completed this art piece which I’m proud of.   I went to the gym again yesterday and I’m not too far off from where I left off a

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's been a week since my surgery. I only needed to get 1, as they realized it was pretty simple fix once they were inside.

I'm still healing but feeling better.

I think I'll start working out in 3 weeks or less (yoga).

In 5 weeks or less I'll start weightlifting again.

My elimination diet evolved during the past two weeks and I'm very excited. I need to do more testing before I can give an updated result though.

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I think the worst of my illness is over and I'm recovering well from my surgery. Also my elimination diet is going well.

I took a short walk outside today. I'm sad I missed the end of the summer, but I'm happy that I'm healing and have a renewed positive outlook on life now that I'm healthy again.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today is my birthday and I turn 30. I feel a bit down because I'm alone, and haven't been since I was a teenager. The surgery is further isolating me from meeting people, as I can't really date until I'm fully healed. I was fairly happy after the surgery because most of the pain went away right after and I was feeling better, but now not being fully healed is frustrating me as it could take half a year for me to be fully back to normal. It's 12:24am and no one has texted me happy birthday 🙂 Normally I wouldn't care about something like that but I'm feeling sensitive at this time.

 

I've done a few things to pare down the number of things in my apartment and I have a few more ideas I'm going to roll out over the next couple of weeks. After I finish my meetings today I'm going to go to an art store and treat myself. I'm going to buy oil painting supplies and try something completely new.

 

My birthday wish for this year is to be fully happy as much as possible.

 

Edit: Actually I saw on my Instagram that one of my friends messaged me right at 12am to say happy birthday. I started to cry when I saw it, I was so touched. Thank you Tay.

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happy late birthday.  i didnt read all of ur journal post, because me brain would hurt, but its look like u come long way.

happy happy happy birthdayyy to uuu happy happy birthdayyy ohhh birthday

30 year long time.  much life more life to come

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I ended up having a pretty good birthday, and a surprising number of people reached out to me today which I wasn't expecting. Even my grandma called me, even though I had just reached out to her last week. I bought oil paints, which I am trying out and unsure if I'll like. It's very different from watercolor. I'm going to try my best with them.

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I’m starting to look a bit healthier since my surgery, I’ve been taking pictures of my face every few days for the past several months. 😆

 

I’m finding oil painting to be difficult. I sold or got rid of most of my plants. I have 4 left. I want less responsibility and less flies in my apartment.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So much of the music I listened to during the past 8 years has been horrible. The injury from my surgery is healing well, I don’t need to wear a bandage on it anymore. I’ve been making big changes to my apartment and have been selling stuff I no longer use. I’ve framed some art my friends made for me a while ago.

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I hate myself.

I don't believe anyone.

I dislike most people.

I'm ugly and have no confidence.

I only care about myself.

I get sick easily and should have died a long time ago, I've lived past my natural life.

And yet I feel like I'm better than most people too.

I'm disgusting.

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Hey @Shine Magical. I know you're feeling down today; that's okay, we're all human, all imperfect. I hope you will feel better tomorrow!

I saw you post that painting and mention Instagram. I am also an artiste(haven't posted in forever but I will, promise!!), and was wondering if you could DM so I can follow you 🙂 If you feel insecure or anything, I can send you my Insta instead.

Happy belated birthday, congrats on making it so far! I turned 20 two weeks ago and it honestly feels like the end of times.

Hope you feel better soon,

Pochatok

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I have a 23 year old coming over for a date in an hour. I currently have a thing for young guys, I think it’s because I finally have my own place and guys that age never do so I never really dated anyone in that age range before. 
It’s fun and since I don’t look or act like I’m 30. In some ways I relate to them more than the guys I normally go for. I don’t have my feelings sorted out on the age difference though, I prefer to be the younger one and be the one that’s taken care of and that dynamic isn’t fully possible with someone that has less life experience. So I’m mostly having fun and seeing if I could have a serious relationship with someone like that. In some ways it could work because I could try to give them the relationship I never got. But I don’t really want to be in that role.

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