Jump to content

NEW VIDEO: My tour was cancelled (vlog)

Shine Magical

Shine Magical's journal

Recommended Posts

I met with an old coworker last night and it was nice to catch up. She told me I looked really good and cute, better than when she had last saw me, which was really nice. I usually don't believe it when people say that but I believed her haha. I have been working out more consistently since last I saw her and even though I have the same work clothes I am filling them out a bit better I think. I have a little bit of acne this morning but I am trying not to let it get me down based on what my coworker said. It was the first time I really socialized in the past few weeks so it was nice. I'm going to attend a few meetups later this week and also I have a date tomorrow. I'm trying to get my social life back on track!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
27 minutes ago, Shine Magical said:

I’ve been thinking about League of Legends occasionally

i hate that part  , i quit LOL two weeks ago and i didn't play a single game but i can't tell you how many times i performed airblade in my head , how many insecs i did in my head . but every time i think about it i just open game quitters and see what people share or simply i look at what i wrote to remind me why i quit at the first place .

i am trying to resist and fill my schedule to not have anytime to think about LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, reza Mrb said:

i hate that part  , i quit LOL two weeks ago and i didn't play a single game but i can't tell you how many times i performed airblade in my head , how many insecs i did in my head . but every time i think about it i just open game quitters and see what people share or simply i look at what i wrote to remind me why i quit at the first place .

i am trying to resist and fill my schedule to not have anytime to think about LOL

I know by now that even if I downloaded and played it I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’ve relapsed enough to know by now. It’s just the thought of playing that makes it seem fun. But actually doing it is not fun for me anymore. It’s actually a very stressful game and feels like a job.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Literally just had the best and most fulFILLING sex I’ve had in at least a year. Probably the 2nd best of my life. God it was so good and so needed. I’m happy I found this guy. He knows a lot about classical music since he plays the violin so I will get to hear some more awesome music too which is great since I feel it’s very niche and has a lot of different songs. Pretty sure I just found my first friend with benefits. He thought I was hot even though I’m having a not so great skin day. I don’t really understand why. God I feel high. Happy I found someone I can be a bit more stable with, he can save me from myself a little bit haha.

Edited by Shine Magical
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ergh. I don't look good today, I have a good amount of breakouts. I'm supposed to meet with my new fwb today and I am stressed out about it due to the way I look. It's funny, because I had some breakouts when we last met too, though I think I look worse today. But he had told me I looked very sexy. But basically, I care about this person now and so I am stressed out about the way I look whereas if it were some random person I knew nothing about, I wouldn't care as much.

I really want to cancel on him, but I don't think I should do that. It would hurt our forward momentum since its so early on and we had made plans to see each other today. I fucking hate the way I look sometimes. 🤬

 

Edit: I took a look I’m a different mirror with less harsh light and decided I didn’t look too bad. Not bad enough to cancel at least. I still don’t look very beautiful though.

Edited by Shine Magical

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't think so much about yourself. Try to focus on the outside, focus on other people. I feel that we have this tendency to have very high expectations, when looking into the mirror or on pictures, which we can never fulfill. As a result, we are then frustrated, unhappy  and do not like, how we look. Therefore, we will always find things to "complain" about. When we have bad skin, we don't like the skin, when our skin is fine, we don't like our hair, when we are overweight, we hate that we are overweight, when we finally have a sixpack, we are annoyed that other people are still more ripped than we are. So focus on the outside, what other people were, what they are doing, where they are coming from etc. Get away from this self negativity. It is going to be there anyway, whatever you do. When I look at photos of mine, I could scream. xD

Ps.: Don't say to yourself that you don't look beautiful. What you say this to a person, you would sincerely love and take care of? And I think this is your goal: To take care of yourself, promote yourself and be there to yourself. I am sure, you look like a beautiful angel. 🙂

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m lonely and want a boyfriend. But someone told me it would be good for me to be single for a while since I’ve never lived in my own or been single for very long. But I miss having someone around that cares about me.

Edited by Shine Magical

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I almost ordered some marijuana. Yikes! Thankfully I stopped myself. Also thought about playing League of Legends for a few minutes but also don’t have good internet so I put that thought away too. 

I’ve been thinking of creating a drawing meetup group, which would cost money but that way I could have people over at my house to draw. I’m having a hard time socializing so far and have been pretty alone. 

Edited by Shine Magical
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Shine Magical said:

I almost ordered some marijuana. Yikes! Thankfully I stopped myself. Also thought about playing League of Legends for a few minutes but also don’t have good internet so I put that thought away too. 

I’ve been thinking of creating a drawing meetup group, which would cost money but that way I could have people over at my house to draw. I’m having a hard time socializing so far and have been pretty alone. 

Hello, I've often thought about making a drawing meetup too as there isn't one in my area. I settled for joining other groups though. It's hard to be motivated to do a hobby when you can't find other people to do it with. Good luck finding a group that suits you. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a cold so I’ve been especially bored. I took the last 2 days off from work and I started working on a painting I had been working on a few months ago but I’m not that thrilled with it. It’s more cartoony and my newer style is a little more realistic I think. I’m still going to finish it, I want to experiment with a new art photography technique I researched.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So...I did smoke some weed and did play some video games.

Now I'm not as sick, I don't want to do either atm. My excuse was that I was sick and very bored since I couldn't go to the gym or have sex which have been my main 2 hobbies over the past month. Can't wait to feel fully better and go back to the gym asap. Gaming was fun, but also mildly stressful and I don't really miss it. It was a fun activity to do when I wasn't feel good and didn't have much else going on.

Either way I made it hard on myself by going to a eSports gaming lounge my in neighborhood and playing there. It was actually an interesting experience, not as cozy as doing it at home and its a 12 minute walk to get there so I have to put in some work to play the video games. It actually is a good way to regulate my gaming usage. 

I think I'm going to buy some more plants. I also miss drinking tea and realized I sold my tea ware too soon, too quickly... I bought some of it back. It hasn't been the best past few days but I'm starting to be able to breathe more clearly through my nose and I'm sure in 2 days I will be good to go. I feel optimistic today. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Today I was doing some deep cleaning and came across 3 journals written from Jan 2018 through mid-2019. There weren't many journal entries (more to-do lists), but some were jarring to read now that I’m out of the situation. I tore out 2 pages of good to-do lists and threw the 3 journals out. It felt good to release the journals and not have to stumble upon them again in the future.

 

After living here in Malden, MA for 2 months my apartment is starting to feel like a home. I love the freedom! 😊

Edited by Shine Magical

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...