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Shine Magical

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The conflict I am having in my head is that it makes sense to not play video games I don't like or want to play.

But there is a less compelling reason to not play a video game that I want to play.

 

I came into this a little bit differently than others I think, because I kept playing a game that made me mad (League of Legends) and played other games because it was a habit.

 

Either way, I do not feel strongly one way or another about playing or not playing at the moment.

Edited by Shine Magical

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@Shine Magical I think you've made a great decision to continue going without gaming. The point of quitting gaming or cutting back on it is to have more time in life for things that matter the most, and to have a more fulfilling life. If the things you've now started to do that are beneficial would be overtaken by gaming, it is likely that gaming is not a good choice, but rather just the path of least resistance. I played a video game with some school friends for a few hours some couple of weeks after my detox, however it became apparent that the gaming was simply engaging and sometimes fun, but not fulfilling in any way. I then went cold-turkey again.

The Lesson: if you've had to go through all this trouble to reduce time gaming and you're starting to see positive results, returning to gaming will erase the progress you've made, delay the attaining of your dreams, and will likely end up being a regrettable decision.

All the best for abstaining from games :)

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Today is day 109 without video games.

I just studied for 3 hours and plan on studying for at least 3 more today. I am aiming for 5 more hours of studying.

 

I drank an expensive Korean green tea today and will have another when I get back. I am currently taking a break and going to exfoliate and then go to the steam room in my building's gym and then back to studying.

 

Stuff I acquired since my last journal post:

Pink iPhone 7 for Christmas

Bought myself wireless earbuds because I saw the price dropped by $50 which is what I had been waiting for

Received $200 massage certificate

Bought myself the laptop I was unsure about buying on eBay (it is capable of playing Maplestory 2...) for a good discount, I hope there is nothing wrong with it.

Bought a cute case for the new iPhone

 

My boyfriend bought me this new phone in part because he wanted me to stop using the free phone service I had (Freedompop) because it wasn't reliable. So now I will have an extra monthly expense for a phone bill which is not something I am very happy about. :( This free phone service doesn't work on the iPhone 7. 

Not paying phone service was a good way to make room in my budget. 

 

Just because I bought a laptop that is capable of playing Maplestory 2 does not mean I will play it. But it means I will have the option of doing so...

I am leaning towards not playing Maplestory 2 though because of a gaming experience I had last year:

A game called Tree of Savior came out, which was also very cute and so I was excited to play. The game play was fun at first, until the grind kicked in, after which I quit.

It is a good thing I have 9 months or more to experience not gaming before having to face making the decision of whether or not to play Maplestory 2. I am excited to experience what life will be like once I don't have my free time fully booked with studying.

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I studied 7 hours yesterday. I plan to study for at least 6 today, but so far I am having trouble focusing. Also, overall I feel behind in my studying but I am not in a place of no return.

 

I have been reading the posts in the Relapse forum. It is reminding me of some of the reasons why I quit gaming that I had forgotten about: being irritated after playing, low motivation, subtly feeling ashamed of not doing anything...

 

I plan on finishing drinking all of this corn-tasting Korean green tea today.

 

I have not said a word in 2.5 days and my apartment is very quiet and it is relaxing. I made chicken legs for dinner yesterday and I made eggs with salmon for breakfast.

 

I have decided just now that I am going to take a short walk to try to re-focus on studying when I return.

 

I feel like I have been receiving a lot of support lately in my journal, and I appreciate it.

Edited by Shine Magical

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I re-read my journal. It was interesting seeing how I worked through things in subtle ways in my entries. Each post seemed to be a step closer to enlightenment ????

 

I am leaning even more towards not playing MS2 when it comes out... It seems like it would be a waste. Re-reading my journal also reminded me that soon enough spring and summer will be here and I will have a whole different set of activities available to do.

 

I also was reminded of when I was attacked in the park, which lately I have been thinking about frequently. The incident still brings me a lot of anger and I have noticed I feel a lot more hostile to strangers lately, and sometimes want to get physical with them when they do annoying things. I do not like this and I need to work through this issue because it is not the person I want to be.

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You live in a scary city.  Maybe it would help you to take a self-defense class?

 

Self-defense lessons can suck. Sometimes you can be taught how to defend yourself from getting stabbed by catana instead of knife. Isn't it better to wear pepper spray or taser in case of emergency? :)

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I studied for 5 hours today. I was only able to study one 50 page chapter within that time so I am not very proud of my work today. Studying about life insurance is very painful and boring >:(

I will take a break for the next half hour and then go to sleep.

 

I exercised today, gave myself and mani + pedi, and made a better egg and salmon omelette than yesterday.

Edited by Shine Magical

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I studied after work today for 1 hour.

I also went to Whole Foods and bought a lot of vegetables; although I usually buy a lot of vegetables, I bought more than usual. I think eating salads for breakfast will be my newest routine because I like it, it suits me very much and I was thinking of easy ways to eat vegetables for breakfast. And it lets me wake up later because I have it prepared ahead of time and eat it at work. :ph34r:

I also went swimming for 30 minutes.

 

I don't want to play Maplestory 2 when it comes out, but I am a little scared that I will want to play it. My desire to not play it is at a very low level and I need to work on increasing that determination. I am also a little scared that I may currently want to play it if I had the opportunity to. I don't want the desire to play to be there! I want to be in the place I am now with League of Legends and the other games I used to play, where the desire to play is pretty much eliminated.

Edited by Shine Magical

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Hey, Magical,

I love salads! What kind of salads do you like? I really like pineapple in breakfast salads. Goat cheese was a surprisingly good addition to lunch and dinner ones.

Hope you are well!

Best,

Luxo

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Hey, Magical,

I love salads! What kind of salads do you like? I really like pineapple in breakfast salads. Goat cheese was a surprisingly good addition to lunch and dinner ones.

Hope you are well!

Best,

Luxo

Right now I do baby kale/slivered almonds/cherry tomatoes/miso carrot ginger dressing with 2 eggs and an endive. 

 

I'm trying to find other good combos that take 2 mins to make ????

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If you have been reading my journal entries lately, you know that I have been flip flopping back and forth between will I be playing vs not playing Maplestory 2 when it is released at the end of 2017. I've had a tough time deciding that I should not play it. Should I play it? Should I not play it? Pros? Cons? I'll put off my decision? OMG!!!

I was telling my boyfriend yesterday I was having trouble committing to a decision and he said that he would not be able to make this kind of decision so far in advance otherwise he'd go crazy. Well, I am the type of person that needs to think it out and make it ahead of time exactly because it will drive me crazy! So I have decided:

 

I'm not going to play Maplestory 2 when it comes out.

 

Even as I type it out, I am making a   >________<   face.

It makes me uncomfortable. The nostalgia, the feelings, the emotions, are all strong when it comes to Maplestory. It was my first MMO. It was so cute!!

But if I think about it as if it were a different video game, I wouldn't want to play and I'd say that I want to do other things instead.

 

I have to have faith and hope that the world has something better for me in store than an online game, even if that game is the cuteness machine Maplestory. There has to be something better, something that doesn't feel like there is something missing. Something that doesn't make me feel like I am wasting my life, but something that provides me the same good feelings as Maplestory. I don't think I have found it yet. I want to continue the journey to find the true inner me and I can't have a video game holding me back. I want to get to the final destination!

Song of the day: https://youtu.be/iOjTa92ApQM

 

mGYOpaD.jpg

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If you have been reading my journal entries lately, you know that I have been flip flopping back and forth between will I be playing vs not playing Maplestory 2 when it is released at the end of 2017. I've had a tough time deciding that I should not play it. Should I play it? Should I not play it? Pros? Cons? I'll put off my decision? OMG!!!

I was telling my boyfriend yesterday I was having trouble committing to a decision and he said that he would not be able to make this kind of decision so far in advance otherwise he'd go crazy. Well, I am the type of person that needs to think it out and make it ahead of time exactly because it will drive me crazy! So I have decided:

 

I'm not going to play Maplestory 2 when it comes out.

 

Even as I type it out, I am making a   >________<   face.

Znalezione obrazy dla zapytania proud face

That's my face after reading your desicion-making process.

You're smart at thinking, keep that in mind.

 

I don't remember what was my first game, because I was too young to remember. Maybe this will help you into not assiociating your gaming with first game ever played? :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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I haven't played a video game in 114 days. Also, I now have plans not to play a video game ever again, even if it is Maplestory 2! So I guess this is day 114 out of infinity?

 

I studied for 1.5 hours after work today. I will try to increase my hours and study every day now in order to pass the test in March. I've also asked my bf to be quieter and for more help around the house, so that it is split more like 70/30 than 50/50 until my test is over.

I have also decided to enter a flash fiction writing competition, which has a deadline of February. I had a story already written, so I just need to edit it to perfection. I thought this would be a good place to start, because the story needs to be less than 360 words. :)

I am much more open to exercising now that there is a gym in my building -- this means that I do less yoga, but I suppose that is alright.

Right now I eat 1 salad per weekday at breakfast. I am considering making it 2 salads a day and have the 2nd one as my mid afternoon snack which is currently beef jerky or a granola bar.

My new laptop arrives Monday and I am looking forward to setting up new songs on my new phone.

I've started reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie so that I can better control my workplace personality.

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After watching the movie Lala Land, I got very upset and cried a lot. It was not the kind of movie I would normally watch and I wouldn't say I liked it, but I think it's good that I went to see it. I ending of the movie upset me because it was about regret and 'what could have been.' I don't want to have regrets about the choices I made in life, or end up wishing I had behaved more like myself instead of acting in a way that would cause the least resistance with people.

The movie had characters that seemed to express themselves fully and dance and sing, without being embarrassed of who they are and what they want to do. This is something I would like to feel. Although I am not going to sing in the street. But I will continue to strive to show people my true self, my shining heart, without fear or embarrassment.


Shining Heart Goals:

- Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 1/10

I spoke to one of the interns at my work that I would have normally smiled at, said hi, and then ignored. Today, I turned to her at the start of a staff meeting and asked how her weekend was. She seemed happy that I spoke to her. It was an easy way to start off my goals because she wasn't a random stranger where I'd have no pretext.

- Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 1/10

For this goal, instead of trying to emulate an "I don't give a fuck attitude," I will be working towards an "it will be alright" attitude.

I cried in front of my boyfriend after watching Lala Land and told him it made me sad. I could have done a better job being open with him about why I was sad, but it was a good first step toward my goal.

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- Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 1/10

I spoke to one of the interns at my work that I would have normally smiled at, said hi, and then ignored. Today, I turned to her at the start of a staff meeting and asked how her weekend was. She seemed happy that I spoke to her. It was an easy way to start off my goals because she wasn't a random stranger where I'd have no pretext.

Great step! Even if she was not a random stranger, it's still courageous to open up like that.

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Today is day 124 without video games, and I have improved my life once again today.

 

I went to a tea meetup and it was better than I thought it would be! I ended up really enjoying it. I have never shared this hobby with other people, and the people at the meetup were just as into the hobby as I was. I even learned some new things. It was quite a positive experience, and I was talkative and social. The people at the meetup seemed to enjoy talking to me.

 

I ate 10 clementines today and they were the best clementines I've had in my entire life.

I have made 400$ selling things since my last journal entry, with some more on the way.

 

Shining Heart Goals:

- Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 2/10

At the meetup, people mostly initiated conversations with me. In the beginning, I just answered their questions which shut off communication once I finished answering the question. But later on, I opened up a little more and began asking the other people questions about themselves as well, which helped open up communication amongst the group.

- Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 2/10

I was honest with my boyfriend that I wanted him to not meet up with his ex. I also said that I wanted him to cut off contact with them in general, since this was not something that was happening at the start of our relationship and I would not have moved forward with him if it had been occurring because it goes against my beliefs. So, I stood up for what I wanted in a calm and non-threatening way and there were no issues.

Edited by Shine Magical

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I gave a good presentation to my company's leadership today about a project I have been working on for over a year now. It was well-received and I would not have been able to do as well of a job if I were still gaming.

I signed up for another tea club meet up next month and am looking forward to it.

I feel like the past week has been stressful and the worst of it is now over. I haven't been studying as much as I should have as a result, but I have continued to study a little bit everyday which is what counts I think. 

Last night after studying, I worked on my short story submission instead of watching anime, which made me feel proud.

Shining Heart Goals:

Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 2/10

Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 2/10

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I gave a good presentation to my company's leadership today about a project I have been working on for over a year now. It was well-received and I would not have been able to do as well of a job if I were still gaming.

Amazing! Well done :)

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I'm not in a good position with regards to studying because I am trying to make up for lost time. Instead of studying for my test the past 1.5 years, I was fooling around playing video games and getting high instead of learning in the classes and self studying on my own. Studying would be easier now if I had learned the material while it was being taught instead of just going through the motions in the classes.

I do think that I am in a pretty good mindset now though, trying to take my studying seriously.

I am going to the New York Philharmonic tonight to see a Mozart and Brahms orchestra. I have never been to a classical music concert before! I have watched a lot of anime recently about classical music and that has sparked an interest.

One of the people from the tea meet up I went to last Sunday messaged me on Facebook and we set up a 1:1 tea drinking meet up. I will sneak out of work for an hour or 2, hehe.

I did a quick tidy of the apartment yesterday and it wasn't as stressful due to the lower amount of things I own now. It took about an hour. There were a few things of mine I thought to get rid of, but decided to keep because I thought they might bring me joy in the future. 

I really like my new phone and laptop, as well as the other smaller improvements I've made in my life.

Shining Heart Goals:

Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 2/10

Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 2/10

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