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Simon E

A life without gaming

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I think it's a bold decision on your part to not watch any TV/Netflix/ YouTube at ALL. I mean, I've made a commitment to significantly CUT BACK on watching TV and YouTube and the like. But none at ALL? Now that's bold. Nothing but respect on my end. Nothing but respect.

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@Paul A. Thank you, man! Now I just have to live up to that respect...

I'm an all or nothing kind of guy, so statements like these usually fit me the best. If there's any ambiguity/unclarity about how much time I'm allowed to waste, these voices emerge from somewhere within the darkest places of my mind, whispering: You've worked hard today, you deserve to relax or just one more episode, it's fine or all your friends play games and watch series, why shouldn't you be allowed to aswell? 

I usually listen to them, which I'm not proud of. Hence why I'm not even giving them a chance to speak this time. I'm interested to see if it's possible to live a life where you ONLY spend time on productive tasks - no couch, no computer etc. Will I burn out, or will I come alive? That's what I'm about to find out. 

@WorkInProgress Thank you! Yeah, you wrote that before - your post served as inspiration for my decision, to some degree. (I realize for myself that it's for the best.) 

 

Now I'm off to (hopefully) get a shitload of stuff done. If all things work out, I'll report back in the evening, look this journal in the eyes, and proudly say I managed to be productive. 

Edited by Simon E

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You should watch "The 100"! Great series. I'd say emotions vs evolution is one of the main topics. A bit slow in the beginning, but so friggin good! Makes you think :D I just finished S2.

Edit: I just realized you're not watching Netflix. Keep it up bro! You could read the book as well :)

Edited by flingaas

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@flingaas I'm way ahead of you man :D I finished S3 of the 100 as soon as it came out, lol :P (Clarke is so friggin badass, oh my). I've read the book too, but the storyline there isn't quite the same as in the series. 

I appreciate your suggestion anyways! I'll warn you that season 3 kinda goes crazy, but it's still definitely worth watching.

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Day 47: I didn't really live up to my expectations. The time has passed in some kind of feverish haze - I've been busy but I haven't achieved that much. Math is hard and the big litterature study I have to write is even harder. I know it'll get easier once I've started, but that's the thing. 

._.

Atleast I have written quite alot, and I've been taking care of my health/sleep somewhat. These things have to be the basics, and when all else fails, atleast I can say I got those done. 

Also I'm not at home at the moment, so maybe that serves as a legitimate excuse for not being as productive as usual? No? Okay :c

I'll try harder tomorrow; this uncertain, fickle thing called the future will have to be my savior. 

Meh. I'm way past my scheduled bedtime already, so unless I want the failure of today to bleed over into tomorrow, I'll have to go now. 

Hoping to bring brighter news tomorrow night. Peace, everyone. 

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@flingaas I'm way ahead of you man :D I finished S3 of the 100 as soon as it came out, lol :P (Clarke is so friggin badass, oh my). I've read the book too, but the storyline there isn't quite the same as in the series. 

I appreciate your suggestion anyways! I'll warn you that season 3 kinda goes crazy, but it's still definitely worth watching.

Ah ???? Alrighty then! Guess I'll have to go watch Season 3 too ????

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Day 48: I haven't necessarily been more productive today, but still I felt much better. This is probably because I got a bunch of sleep (10 delicious hours), and because I simply decided to be happier. 

I'm wavering between feeling complete hubris and utter despair regarding my novel. At one moment I see myself writing the next big bestseller, and a second later I can't for everything in the world see how anyone would like to read what I write. 

But let's disregard my feelings; I'm definitely making progress (whether that progress is positive or negative is irrelevant). I'm halfway through step 6 of the snowflake method, and once I'm done with that there's only two more before I can actually sit down and start pounding away at my keyboard for real.

Also, I've got to give myself props for establishing a decent number of positive habits. It's easy to take your new actions for granted, but I have a certain consistency today that I definitely lacked before, something I mustn't forget.

That'll have to be it for this report - the English language won't cooperate with me today. 

Night, people.

 

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars

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Also, I've got to give myself props for establishing a decent number of positive habits. It's easy to take your new actions for granted, but I have a certain consistency today that I definitely lacked before, something I mustn't forget.

yes, this is very important!

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Day 49: Woah, I'm about to hit 50 days. Wasn't it like yesterday I felt hyped about coming close to 30?

Oh well. Time, man. 

Still working on the novel. Yes, I am slightly obsessed. Is it completely healthy? No. Does it feel amazing? Yes.

Obsession is the way to greatness, haven't you heard?

I'm finished with step 6 of the snowflake plan, and I'm working on step 7. Soon, soon, I'll be able to begin with the first draft. I'm excited. I think it'll work out. No, I know it'll work out. Doubts are not invited for this trip to fantasy worlds and beyond. I'm going to publish this novel, and I'm going to become an author. That's it.

I'm way past my bedtime (big surprise there, I'm always way past my bedtime lol), so I'll close it off here. 

Go chase your dreams people. Do not sit around and wait for it to happen - take it by force. It has been said before, but whatever it is that you want, it's possible for you to get it. Look at all the people that has achieved fantastic things, and then realize you do not differ from them. You are made of the same atoms and molecules, the same stardust, if you wish, as they were; you are capable of doing anything they did. What one man can do is what any man can do. 

~

Goodnight, everyone. 

 

Edited by Simon E

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Day 50: Wohoo, day 50! *fanfares and people celebrating*

It's been kind of a weird day. 

It's funny (not really) how the thing you absolutely love to do can also be the thing that threatens to destroy you. I'm still working on my novel (sounds like that is everything I do, lol - I make sure to eat and sleep too, don't worry guys), and I'm realizing more and more just how complex the task at hand is. You have to create a whole new world, a believable world, with history, culture, religion, people. You need a story that makes sense, that's interesting and fresh and originial. You need characters that are multi-dimensional and real, that develops together with the story. You need this and that and ermagehrd, it's so much. And you have to do it all well too, as if simply coming up with all that stuff wasn't enough.

And do not even get me started on the writing; it has to be beautiful, poetic and smooth, while still coming off as effective and minimalistic. 

Meanwhile, you feel the pressure that comes from knowing how many great books and authors that's out there, making your book silly and illogical and dumb and simply not good enough in comparison. 

*sigh* 

All this knowledge eats away at your soul, and you do not even have a choice but to keep chasing it, to keep writing. That's the only way to deal with it that I know of, atleast. It would be amazing if I were able to shut off all the judgemental, tiresome voices in my head, but I doubt that's possible.

Kinda depressing post, but I'm feeling rather depressed at the moment so that was inevitable. (Look how hard my life is - I'm trying to write a book and it is challenging. The world is so unfair, buhu *spoiled tears*)

Alrighty then. 

 

Also, thank you, @DaBest. If only my mindset helped me write :^) 
I appreciate your words.

Edited by Simon E

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Day 51: My mood was way better today - the result of me picking myself up and telling myself not to be such a little bitch.

There's really nothing to gain by comparing yourself to published authors, or constantly looking down on your own work. As you may know I'm a big advocate for exploring different feelings other than happiness, but there's really no value in telling yourself you're worthless and that your writing sucks. 

Following this day I won't give in to such thinking. I will

  1. Picture myself becoming published, as if that's the only option. As if I cannot fail. 
  2. Write because I love to, and not because I have to. I'm not in it for the money, I'm in it because there's nothing I enjoy doing more.
  3. Separate my editing voice from my writing one. This is essential. First I write without a thought on how the words looks on paper, then, much later, I edit, I change, improve. If I attempt to do both at the same time my brain suffers a complete meltdown and I probably break down and cry - no bueno.

Phew. I needed to tell myself that.

That's it for today though. The martial arts training lasted for longer than usual, and so, I'll have to hurry to bed. 

Also, there's this whole "Winter is coming"-feel in Sweden now; the temperature finally dropped below zero and stayed there the whole day. There's nothing quite as refreshing as that first cold breath in the morning :P 

Peace, people.

Edited by Simon E

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Hey Simon, I remember reading this book "war of art - by steven pressfield". And your thoughts in this recent post really coincide with what the writer talks about. Basically, to separate your editing from writing. To not stifle your creative mind. Cool dude, keep it up!

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Day 51: My mood was way better today - the result of me picking myself up and telling myself not to be such a little bitch.

There's really nothing to gain by comparing yourself to published authors, or constantly looking down on your own work. As you may know I'm a big advocate for exploring different feelings other than happiness, but there's really no value in telling yourself you're worthless and that your writing sucks. 

Following this day I won't give in to such thinking. I will

  1. Picture myself becoming published, as if that's the only option. As if I cannot fail. 
  2. Write because I love to, and not because I have to. I'm not in it for the money, I'm in it because there's nothing I enjoy doing more.
  3. Separate my editing voice from my writing one. This is essential. First I write without a thought on how the words looks on paper, then, much later, I edit, I change, improve. If I attempt to do both at the same time my brain suffers a complete meltdown and I probably break down and cry - no bueno.

Phew. I needed to tell myself that.

That's it for today though. The martial arts training lasted for longer than usual, and so, I'll have to hurry to bed. 

Also, there's this whole "Winter is coming"-feel in Sweden now; the temperature finally dropped below zero and stayed there the whole day. There's nothing quite as refreshing as that first cold breath in the morning :P 

Peace, people.

write drunk, edit sober. 

 

(definitely not said by hemmingway)

 

 

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Day 52: Another day finished. Another building brick of my life layed down, never to be picked up again - for better or worse.

School can feel like such a waste of time sometimes, like it's just something some dude made up so that all the kids would be busy doing something. I get the point and all, it's for learning and betterment of yourself, but most of the time, its just a buttload of crap. I honestly imagine I would be able to learn all the matters brought up in school much faster by myself, at home or in the library. I doesn't take a genius to find a system more effective than copying what the teachers say. 

Oh well. Since I lack the balls or the faith required to drop out of school and write fulltime, I'll keep attending the local nut-house for a while longer.

@Tatu92 I've heard about that book before, so your recommendation seals the deal; I'll add it to the list of books I wanna read. Thanks for your encouragement.

@AlexTheGrape Thank you. Honestly, having faith in ourselves is the only sensible thing to do. If you do not believe that your actions will lead to to what you want, it's all futile, isn't it? At that point, you may aswell curl down on the ground and await death, since there's no purpose in continuing. It may sound harsh, but it's true. Begin believing in yourself, or take a moment to ask yourself why you the fuck you are doing what you are doing, since you can't see the point anyways.

Since I'm not the brightest crayon in the box I'm struggling to keep this in mind, but I'm getting better at it.  

@happykhan (Nono, definitely not. Where'd you even come up with that, silly?)

@Reno F That's... Uplifting to hear, actually. Maybe I should embrace my suckiness as something completely natural.

 

That'll be it for this jolly evening. According to the snowflake method, I'm almost able to begin writing, but despite all this work, I feel like I know even less about my novel then when I started. Or maybe I'm simply aware of much I do not know, when in fact, my knowledge has grown? Ehm. 

Anyways, I have a feeling that'll figure stuff out as soon as I begin, so I won't wait for much longer now. 

G'night, guys. 

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Day 53: I'm being proactive today - writing before the training instead of after, so I won't sit here at 23 o'clock about to fall unconscious at any moment. 

Ehm... I do not actually have anything of importance to say today, lol. Since I'm not struggling with cravings at all anymore I do not have any dark, interesting thoughts to share, which is kinda sad. Felt good in regards to my story aswell today - no harsh self-criticism - but then again, I've promised myself that; no judgement.

That'll be it. Still going strong with my daily habits, but nothing new to report. 

I hope you're all having a nice day.

 

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Day 54: Alright, so yesterday was quite a bit more interesting than I made it sound like; we recieved information about further studying in the future, I talked to a bunch of people almost effortlessly (which, as an introvert, is something I have to give myself props for), realized how much I love psychology and philosophy, and closed the day off with a quick visit to the hospital (nothing too serious). 

Today has been kind of intense aswell, with followup hospital visits (they really test your patience), and some more stuff. I'm exhausted.

It's also interesting to see how my perception of the world changes more and more as I begin to think like a writer. I can experience something the vast majority of people would consider to be negative, and absolutely cherish what happened, because it means that I can now write about it with more depth and legitimacy than I otherwise would have been able to. I also listen more carefully to how people speak, which is useful when writing dialouge. I may get lost in thought for ten minutes straight considering how I would describe the colour of autumn leaves getting caught in the sunset, what specific words I would use to encapsulate that certain gleam. 

Basically, my brain has gone wild, in an awesome way. 

Guess what? I should be sleeping. 

Sweet dreams (and beautiful nightmares), everyone.

 

It's never to late to be who you might have been

 

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i think that's cool that your starting to communicate more to people around you. lol the doctor's visits man.... i hope they aren't too long. sometimes mine takes a couple hours at the waiting room. 

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Day 55: I'll just pretend today didn't happen lol. When I've gotten the necessary shit done I'll go to sleep and wake up with no memory of this day.

Well, it's not that bad. Just one of those "nope, fuck this"-days.

@WorkInProgress I haven't actually thought about it like that before, as if my brain has changed focus now, but I appreciate the idea. My goal would be to obsess about writing as much as I did with gaming.

@Tatu92 The communication tend to be rather sporadic. There can be weeks between the good days though. And yeah, screw waiting rooms 

Also, my patience has run dry; I'm going to start on the first draft tonight. This day is a shitshow already, it can't get any worse by attempting to write, right? (Heh...)

I apologize for the negativity, people. Maybe you will read this and become grateful about how much better you feel in comparison? :^)

I'll feel better after a solid night's sleep. Bon nuit, for now.

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In my personal experience that happens if you really sourround yoursefl witha  lot of information about a topic and practice a skill. For em this happens with programming and software development. I start to see parallels in everything to the process of coding. That doesn't eman I am a good coder but my mind adjusts in a way. That was one benefit of spending so much time on gq. I thought about improving my habits and my life all the time. Now I try to find a balance at this aspect of my life but it gave me a big push to read all tehse books watch tehse videos and share my story with same minded people.

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