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Ahmed The Wanderer's Journal


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Hello there. 

I remember buying Respawn v3 in Sep 2015, at the time I tried to apply the principles as fast as possible and ended up locking my steam account, but I did not do it fully, instead I gave my account (500+ games) which is worth like $10,000 to my younger brother and told him to change the password. I lasted for 3 months I think but then I was so bored and gradually started going back to gaming (I forced him to give me the password). 

I just bought the full Respawn course (Elite).

Almost a month ago I realized that my "crush" on this girl in my workplace is probably more like an obsession, even though I "confessed" my feelings to her knowing fully my high chances of get rejected due to the innate friction/differences between us (she is 9 years older than me, different religious sect, different race, different social status), I got rejected very politely and to be honest I was not upset nor disappointed because I kinda expected it but both of us were mature about it and stayed friends (at least that's what I thought), what caught me off-guard though and made me feel like I was obsessed about her is when she suddenly changed her attitude toward everyone in the workplace including me, it was then I realized that this whole thing was just a one-sided attraction (already got over it) but much worse it was also a one-sided friendship (first time experiencing that). 

Moral of the story is that I spent almost two years ignoring myself, my feelings and my self-improvement journey (my passion) and instead I just kept thinking about this girl 24/7 (literally !!!) and filling the void with playing videos games (3000-4000 hours in dota 2 alone I think)

I have made great improvements in my life since 2012 (improved my looks substantially, grew more mature, increased my intellectual level..etc) but still not enough to the standards I aspire to. Finally after all those years I can clearly see the areas that need the most improvement,its my personality and self confidence level.

So the goals I will focus sharply on from this moment until the 20th of Oct 2016 (when I turn 26 years old) will be:

1. Apply all the vast self-improvement knowledge I gathered during the last 10 years (when I started my journey of improving myself, sadly I was an "Insight Junkie", I would read so many books and not apply them in reality at all, instead I would feel this sense of achievement just by reading and I would leave it at that.

2. Focus on the gym and don't skip a single day unless ABSOLUTELY necessary (2 months and a half training now but I started to skip days a lot lately).

-------I will complete the rest as I go through the Respawn course. 

Edited by Ahmed The Wanderer
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I have made great improvements in my life since 2012 (improved my looks substantially, grew more mature, increased my intellectual level..etc) but still not enough to the standards I aspire to. Finally after all those years I can clearly see the areas that need the most improvement,its my personality and self confidence level.

So the goals I will focus sharply on from this moment until the 20th of Oct 2016 (when I turn 26 years old) will be:

1. Apply all the vast self-improvement knowledge I gathered during the last 10 years (when I started my journey of improving myself, sadly I was an "Insight Junkie", I would read so many books and not apply them in reality at all, instead I would feel this sense of achievement just by reading and I would leave it at that.

2. Focus on the gym and don't skip a single day unless ABSOLUTELY necessary (2 months and a half training now but I started to skip days a lot lately).

Looks, intelligence, and personality are things that quite a lot of people believe is something we are born with and can not be improved. Good job on proving them wrong, and good job on improving everything else in general. Keep it up bro! 

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Completely agree. I don't know why many people want us to fail ( bla bla bla ... it proves it was a wrong decision... bla bla bla) and then shut up when we succeed. And that can be as closed as girlfriend, closed friend, supposed to be mentor.

But we can always manage with efforts over years. I sometimes thing that I have been hard core gaming to prove them that it's was not my will and capacity which were wrong, but this gaming addiction. Like if I were to afraid to succeed and really had to find a way to fail. That would have been an acceptable answer to stress if this f...ing gaming addiction was not becoming a bigger problem by itself.

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Back again...some updates since my last entry on Monday:

1. I completely got rid of my steam account which is around 5 years old with 500+ games, I used a temporary email account, I can't even recover the account now. 

2. I have been procrastinating since Monday, I still haven't setup the the mentally engaging, rest..etc activities, so am mindlessly browsing so far. 

3. I just had a job interview today that went so well that they guaranteed my reserved spot once I switch from my current job, from a stagnate job as a Radiographer in small outpatient clinic to a full multi-disciplines hospital (Cleveland hospital), I loved the environment, all the staff is multi-national and I have a great opportunity to grow

4. Had to skip today's workout because I didn't sleep much yesterday while preparing for the interview so I still need to watch this issue. 

5. Since quitting gaming I have this sudden urge to go back to riding my motorcycle which I haven't used since a couple of months now. 

So yeah good progress so far, just need to push myself in regards to continuing the Respawn course and following the steps. 

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Hey man,

I don't think that training everyday is healthy. It depends on what part of muscles you're training, but muscles need to regenerate which takes time!

So skipping one day at a time is something even better than training everyday!

For further information, I recommend this.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Back again...some updates since my last entry on Monday:

1. I completely got rid of my steam account which is around 5 years old with 500+ games, I used a temporary email account, I can't even recover the account now. 

2. I have been procrastinating since Monday, I still haven't setup the the mentally engaging, rest..etc activities, so am mindlessly browsing so far. 

3. I just had a job interview today that went so well that they guaranteed my reserved spot once I switch from my current job, from a stagnate job as a Radiographer in small outpatient clinic to a full multi-disciplines hospital (Cleveland hospital), I loved the environment, all the staff is multi-national and I have a great opportunity to grow

4. Had to skip today's workout because I didn't sleep much yesterday while preparing for the interview so I still need to watch this issue. 

5. Since quitting gaming I have this sudden urge to go back to riding my motorcycle which I haven't used since a couple of months now. 

So yeah good progress so far, just need to push myself in regards to continuing the Respawn course and following the steps. 

Thanks for sharing your update!

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1. Apply all the vast self-improvement knowledge I gathered during the last 10 years (when I started my journey of improving myself, sadly I was an "Insight Junkie", I would read so many books and not apply them in reality at all, instead I would feel this sense of achievement just by reading and I would leave it at that.

Reading is awesome. Nothing wrong with the knowledge you've acquired, you've got all the skills now you just have to practice the %s ;). No more skill points into video games!

And congrats on moving up your career path! Sounds like you've already been putting that knowledge into good use

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update:

So I have been stuck in a mindless youtube/Netflix vicious cycle...I have been doing the same thing for the last 2 weeks...am feeling the pain of not having anything with instant gratification. I have postponed reading many articles and books...I have like 20+ tabs that I want to check out but am stuck jumping from one YT video to the other. I Guess  the only way to solve this issue is by just forcing myself to close all tabs.

To be continued...

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Update:

So I have been stuck in a mindless youtube/Netflix vicious cycle...I have been doing the same thing for the last 2 weeks...am feeling the pain of not having anything with instant gratification. I have postponed reading many articles and books...I have like 20+ tabs that I want to check out but am stuck jumping from one YT video to the other. I Guess  the only way to solve this issue is by just forcing myself to close all tabs.

To be continued...

Yep! This video can help with the instant gratification piece.

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  • 1 year later...

it's been a year since my last entry. 

Many things happened in my life since July 2016.

On the Positive Side:

I succeeded in my job interview, I got the job in Cleveland Clinic Abu Dhabi (first foreign branch of Cleveland Clinic), I make around $140K a year as a 26 year old guy which is pretty good (really good income for my age group in my country). 

I bought my own car which is from where I come is like a rite of passage to signal that you are a self-sufficient grown up. Though I still failed resisting societal pressure and ended up buying an expensive car just to maintain a certain social status look :/

I started taking care of my physical looks even more with the addition of having a skincare routine which I have been relatively consistent with for the past 8 months. I had really good results and everyone comments on how clear and clean my face looks (lots of girls ask me if I had Botox injected into my face :D

On the Negative Side

My mother lost her 2 years long battle with cancer and passed away 3 months ago on May 3rd, which brought closure to the whole family and an end to her suffering. Am slowly recovering from the impact and the constant stress I was going through for the past 2 years and a half. 

In terms of gaming, I relapsed a few months after my last journal entry due to poor planning for Specific Situation and basically replacing a gaming addiction to video entertainment addiction (anime/TV Shows), I would say the whole dilemma is a constant need for instant gratification. 

I failed in my Piano journey too, I completed 3 months but with poor results because I would attend the weekly classes but won't study afterwards (30 minutes to 1 hour study time per day is required to achieve anything meaningful). 

I failed my fitness journey, I had started working out for 3 months with a relatively good consistency (4-2 times a week), until I started lying to my personal trainer when I felt tired (lack of sleep) and my trainer started to become unprofessional by poor keeping my schedule (because he was chatting with girls) which in turn gave me an excuse to skip the gym. 

From July 2016 till Nov 2016 I was in the process of starting a Beard oil company but scraped the idea later on due to the easy entry of this business and the unethical aspect (basically lying to customers about the benefits, beard oil doesn't do shit except as a styling product and to keep the hair less messy). 

From Jan 2017 (when I joined Cleveland hospital) till like March 2017 I was facing a very stressful time as I found out that I was working in a negative environment filled with workplace aggression and long work hours which eroded my free time, my current schedule is a mess, I work  8 AM to 4:30 PM, reach home by 5:15, sleep due to tiredness, wake up at 10:00 PM and sleep again at 1:00 AM.

From March 2017 till May 2017 I was with my mother in New York to take care of her while she was on her deathbed. Since she passed away I have been avoiding anything that might remind me of her and pretty much spent most of my time working and playing video games (coping with stress). 

Before my mother passed away she transferred one of her business stores ownership to me, I have an empty store that am planning to turn into a niche cosmetics retailer but I have been procrastinating since 2 months now and haven't worked on the business. 

tl;dr

Am starting to get more anxious as am getting closer to turn 27 years old (Oct 20th) which triggered me to wake up from slumber and get on the improvement journey again, I will make use of my previous experience and map the reasons of why I failed in my previous attempts. 

Now I will mention few things that I had found to be MUST-DO if you wanna avoid relapsing and keep making progress:

1. Make Sleeping a priority: Sleep 6-9 hours a day to make sure you wakeup fully rested and have energy in the evening to do stuff such as work on your business/hobbies. Nothing saps away motivation and willpower as fast as tiredness.

2. Plan activities for Specific Situations: YOU MUST have a plan to deal with specific situations such as being stressed with work or family issues or you will turn back to whatever gives your comfort and let your escape the moment (gaming/drugs/bad relationships..etc)

3. Don't do many things at once: I suggest you work on 1-2 hobbies (for me that would be exercising and learning the Piano), and one work-related activity (job or business). Doing too many things at once will burn you out and you will eventually relapse and stop working on anything. 

4. NEVER GIVE UP, ITS NEVER TOO LATE: I have failed so many goals I had set up for over a decade now but looking back from where I started I still ended up making quite a progress and am getting closer to realising the goals I have been failing for years, so just keep going because trust me you won't be able to live with yourself if you stopped this journey and years later on your deathbed you will start regretting all things you wish you had done and achieved, because that regret is real and I have seen it personally with my own mother and all of us will go through it eventually, better die with a clear conscious knowing you had done everything in your power to change, move forward and get what you think you deserve in this life (ok am rumbling too much at this moment).

Till the next entry. Take care ! 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Ahmed The Wanderer
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