Greetings - Glad to be on-board

[byrdmath]

Hi,

After visiting this site on and off for quite some time i've finally gone and joined.  It's been hard because if i really make this commitment it's going to change things for me.  I've USED games, man... like a heroin addict. Tell me I'm going to level up in real life now.  

My first system was an atari 2600.  I was never without games.  I've mostly been a PC gamer, and i have a Steam account on which i've accrued around 270 games over the past 12 years or so.  Also kept up with consoles.   I really want to try the detox because i'm tired of not being as successful as i know I'm capable of.  I've always been pretty active with creative things.  I work in a creative industry doing pre-production/assistant producing for cool stuff.  I give that job my best, but sometimes I stay up late when i get on a binge-run and can't think clearly the day after... that's about the worst of how it effects my day job.  I've even freelanced as a graphic designer on the side since 2005.  But i never truly meet my full potential because of the huge chunk of time I put into games.  

To others i seem like i'm an achiever, but it's kind of an illusion because i just promote what i DO end up doing as a best practice (though lately my social media has seen less-than-usual proof of creative output).  Others don't know how much time i spend gaming.  I spent about 55 hours last week in addition to working my full time job,hanging out with my wife (should be doing more of that, though) and participating in some volunteer activities.  I used to think i needed to game because i binge worked/created, so i needed to binge game to recharge and balance it out.  I'm sure there's some truth to that kind of balance when you're a creative professional and you tend to binge create and burn out, but it seems that the addictive nature of gaming makes it too volatile to use as a tool in unwinding (for me anyway).

The real problem comes in with how gaming doesn't help me reach my personal goals. I'm not content to get paid to work for someone else's dreams my whole life. I have worlds to create, myself.  Aside from my main job i have an art studio in which i have started numerous projects but haven't moved them forward as much as i should.  I mean, i finished about 10 paintings last year, but none this year.  I started a graphic novel, am working on a children's book with my wife, and last year i just started offering painting commissions.

Great, right?  Problem: My creative sessions are limited to a few minutes at a time because my attention span for things other than games has greatly dwindled...  so my bigger projects move at a crawl, and i'm at risk of petering out and never finishing. I can never seem to make myself promote my creative services, so i don't get commissions.  I don't make myself sketch everyday, so my skills are not where they should be.  I feel like i'm not making the best of my natural talents, and that scares the crap out of me.  I'm 36.  I've got to act now.  Anyhow, besides the stress that comes with ignoring that voice in my head that's saying, "hurry up! You're 36 - time to follow your dreams," I find myself being secretly OK with not reaching my goals, because all i ever want to do is game.  It's my default mind-candy and it's getting worse.  I find myself saying... why not? it's more satisfying than art or anything else.  Ugh, i know it's effected my brain if i'm saying that.

I've got to do something and start turning these other pursuits into the satisfying, rewarding things i know they SHOULD be.

I still haven't made my Steam account inaccessible. 

How am i going to do this?  I guess i'll start reading that e-book now.  

sorry this is so long.. .hah!

[Cam Adair]

Welcome to the forums! Awesome to have you here with us. Part of that struggle you're talking about when you make the commitment and it changing you is all about your identity. Although that can be scary it can also be exciting! 

[Tarantula]

Good luck to you man! My story is nearly identical. I have been feeling like i have squandered my time with video games. I have always liked to draw but my attention span has been shortened to minutes in the last 10 years as well.  Do you feel like your imagination has also been changed?  Mine seems to be gone, I want it back!

[Remigjus]

Welcome to the forums buddy! I Congrats on finally joining  

My creative sessions are limited to a few minutes at a time because my attention span for things other than games has greatly dwindled

I suffer from the same problem as well , I can be creative/productive for 10mins-1hour ,but  then I get distracted by unrelated thoughts and it's very hard to regain  focus .

[byrdmath]

Hi Tarantula,

 Do you feel like your imagination has also been changed?  Mine seems to be gone, I want it back!

My creativity is definitely sluggish, especially after my last bout with overgaming.  I think when you consume video games, they can potentially give you a lot of ideas, but when you're "using them" in excess... something about the way they give such instant gratification and stuff keeps them from really feeding you.  Artists need to consume in a way that inspires them.  A combination of books, movies, reading articles about cool subjects like science - all in balance.  Those things all can inform your imagination in a more rounded way, i've found... But you have to re-structure your life as "Tarantula the Artist" first.  I have always held on to my identity as an artist at least a little bit.  

I guess i do that by making sure i do sketch, do keep notes on ideas i have when inspired, do read articles just for ideas of stuff i want to explore creatively... for example science... i was reading about some weird biological stuff that happens on earth that gave me ideas for a story, and have been sketching and writing ideas for a graphic novel slowly over the past year... very slowly since i game too much (hopefully, together we make sure that all changes, soon).  

But, seriously, if you just start flexing your creative muscles again, you WILL get it back over time.... maybe faster than you think.  Just make yourself do it regularly... monday, wednesday, friday, or something... just promise yourself a half hour at a time at first, and do it at the same time everyday. Set creative goals, and consume for the sake of creating.. gather your visual source material, think of cool stuff you want to draw or paint... maybe sign up for a local drawing club or something.    Just ideas.  Anyway, thanks for the shout-out. 

Edited June 7, 2016 by byrdmath

[byrdmath]

Welcome to the forums buddy! I Congrats on finally joining  

My creative sessions are limited to a few minutes at a time because my attention span for things other than games has greatly dwindled

I suffer from the same problem as well , I can be creative/productive for 10mins-1hour ,but  then I get distracted by unrelated thoughts and it's very hard to regain  focus .

Yeah, my attention span is definitely one of my biggest problems, and i'm sure it's related to gaming since that's usually what i feel like doing when i'm distracted.   I really struggle with it.  Sometimes i have to take half a xanax to get over the anxiety that comes with trying to make myself sit down and be creative for a long time (my doctor only gives me 15 pills over a 3 month span so i don't rely on it).  That usually quiets down my hyper thoughts and stuff so i can focus a little and get over the initial hump of intense nerves that feel so distracting.  Sometimes it doesn't work and it really ruins my day.  Then i feel like, man, "when is my brain going to start going back to the way it used to be?"  But it's got to.  They say it does.  This happens with all kinds of addiction, and expert advice consistently says that with time, you get it back.  But, man, when you think about it, it's really a good motivation to stay away from games on the long-term, isn't it?

What do you guys do when you feel too distracted to make stuff? 

[Remigjus]

What do you guys do when you feel too distracted to make stuff? 

Basically , I sit there untill my head starts working again , although most of the time it takes around 2 hours for it to start doing something , but out of those 2 hours I can get 10-20mins of being productive/creative , or even more (depends on my mood). It's really annoying that I cannot  be 100% focused on things that are important for me. I hope my brain gets back on track someday. 

But, man, when you think about it, it's really a good motivation to stay away from games on the long-term, isn't it?

Yes indeed. That's one of the main reasons why I quitted gaming , because  I couldn't think soberly. Throughout the whole day my thoughts would be only about gaming and almost nothing else, that really pissed me off. So yeah I've found gaming as an obstacle towards my future.

Edited June 7, 2016 by Remigjus