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Stercus accidit's Journal - 90 days detox completed :D


Stercus accidit
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I think it will stay tough to keep the gaming addiction behind you, even though you've finished the 90-days detox. Atleast you are getting more things done, which you should also see as a victory.

For me it was a long way to go from gaming addiction, to gaming in moderation. That also went good for quite some time, but the last few weeks, I was affraid of relapsing. So I just decided not to game for atleast a week. Try that, maybe it will get you on the right track again. And don't feel bad about relapsing, it is hard to get rid of an addiction, not even mentioning how hard it is to make it stay away. It is a good thing that you start writing in your journal again, see it as a first step.

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Congrats on the 90 days. If you say that you are getting more things done with gaming, then gaming in moderation is okay for you? 

It's your call whether you want to quit gaming again. Even if you decided to continue gaming, I will still be interested in reading your journal. 

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Thanks for the response. I wish the only problem in my life rn was gaming addiction. At this very moment I am struggling to push myself into take control of all the mess that is around me. It may sound... stupid? I don't know. There are many things, very important things, that have to be done but it requires me to leave my comfort zone (which got even smaller since I have come to USA). There are periods of time when I control everything and then there are times like this. Reasonably speaking there is no time to play games. 
I drives me nuts. I am totally aware of it and yet I only do them right before the "deadline". Srsly fk me.

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Thanks for the response. I wish the only problem in my life rn was gaming addiction. At this very moment I am struggling to push myself into take control of all the mess that is around me. It may sound... stupid? I don't know. There are many things, very important things, that have to be done but it requires me to leave my comfort zone (which got even smaller since I have come to USA). There are periods of time when I control everything and then there are times like this. Reasonably speaking there is no time to play games. 
I drives me nuts. I am totally aware of it and yet I only do them right before the "deadline". Srsly fk me.

It doesn't sound stupid, or I should callk myself stupid too, as I am going through the same things. I also need to get out of my comfortzone, and am doing so step by step, but it is a hard thing to do.

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My thoughts about starting my "fight", again, are getting stronger.
let's  see how it goes

Goal:
short-term:
clean my room

long term:
practice my English every day - by this I mean - actual notes and usage of learning techniques

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It is Wednesday. I haven't cleaned my room yet. 

Good thing is that I keep more or less to my long term goal: English practice

My sleeping schedule is messed up completely.Good thing that coffee is letting me function normally during school. 

Problem with my goals starts as soon as I enter my apartment. My will to do something disappears. I still think about "changing environment" when I study, for example: studying at library.

This time when I come home I will drink one more coffee to fight exhaustion. Do basic laundry to have something fresh to wear.  I guess while waiting for laundry I can take a nap.

Goals for today:

Short:

Clean my room, do laundry,  do homework, study for history and chemistry. 

Homework:

Physics work sheet, chemistry lab, English project, 

I will also block every website that I don't need until I am not done. 

Let's hope everything will work today :D

 

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I have always had a problem with continuing something that I started. It is kind of like a fear of commitment. Also, I expect to see the results immediately. Of course, I know it doesn't work that way. But this puts me down. Makes me escape to the electronic world. I have moments when I feel enough strength to start committing myself to a new goal. As strong it is as weak it becomes after a while. In the end, I make a small progress. Not always, but if I do it is temporary. Putting an end to playing games didn't help. I was distracted, and an unclear path I had with my goals bothered me a lot. I was looking to make everything straight, but I couldn't. This uncertainty is always somewhere in my head. I am sick of it. I hate being unsure, though it is unavoidable. New big changes are coming to my life.Meanwhile, I am sitting numb, doing nothing to make them more clear and appealing. Instead of choices I still have the possibilities that can become real "if" I move my ass. 

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I went to a hairdresser today. Nothing special huh? Well... It was my first time not going to polish hairdresser. I had to explain what I want in English. After living here for 1.5 of a year, I think it was finally a time to do that. Don't you think so? :D

Today my mood is mostly positive even though the weather has been gloomy for the last four days. I have a lot of energy at 6 pm which is unusual. I hope I can get some things done in the evening. 

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I have played way too much today. I wanted to do a couple of things, but I ended up playing. 
I will try to clean my room right now maybe this time it will be done in 100%. During that, I will play some good podcast. Either Brian Cox's or  Michio Kaku's. I could also play some Chemistry courses.

A plan to start working out is in my head for a long time (a couple of months maybe). Of course, I haven't started yet. 

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Today I men aged to clean my room and do some other house chores. However, I am mad at myself because I again played way too long. 
At least my study place is clean and looks fresh.

Tomorrow I want to do a small laundry and iron some clothes. Also, I have, and idea for daily goals and will work on the list to post every morning as a summary and write down a plan for a whole day.   

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4/2
12 pm:
just woke up 


4 pm:
I haven't done anything. 
Things to do:

  • chemistry lab: calculations did it
  • history project:
    • find a paper with instructions did it
    • do most of it 9 pm - I did almost no work
  •  math: do practice on rational functions 9 pm - I did almost no work

9 pm:
YES finally!!! I don't know why it took me so long, but I did it. I applied for the summer job. The same as I had last year. I had been hesitating for no obvious reason for 1.5 months. 
The history project is my biggest concern right now. I should try to do some more work
- The new Mastodon's album The Emperor of Sand is incredible. I can't stop listening to it. it had been a long time since I enjoyed one artist so much as Mastodon

11 pm:
I did not do anything. Going to sleep.

 

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Today is a good day. 
I played only one game of league with my schoolmate and we joked around and had fun - the thing that I always wanted from gaming
It didn't make me play another game. So I am really happy with the result. 
I have just finished my homework. The only thing left is the project - nemesis. I hate history as a class that you have to pass. I don't see any reason to just remember all those dates people and events unless you will have a work that uses it. No matter how pointless it is, it is better to be done with it. The feeling that I have when this comes to my mind is overwhelming. It repels me from working on it. This conflict of my beliefs and getting a good grade makes me miserable and numb. I could sit for hours staring at the wall just to not do it. 
Of course in our life we have to do a lot of things like this stupid project. And as much as I hate where this is going to, I know I have to do it. 
Motherfking pig, I hate this guy for creating time consuming work. 
Imagine that those 10 hours I will spend on this I could study for college chemistry exam. FUCK!!!

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I am going to not have a school the whole next week. It is a perfect time to settle some problems and begin to do something new, to try to change some bad habits and to refresh myself. I am worried about one thing. I also planned to play some games with my friend for fun. It is the most enjoyable way to play games. Chill and have a good time with friends. I have to limit myself to how many hours daily I can play.

My other plans for next week are:
- Come back to cooking
- Start exercising
- study for chemistry college exam - AP exam
- take a walk every day
- read a new book 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think I am mentally ready for the new detox 'session'. 
It is hard because I had a lot of fun playing games lately and didn't lose the control over it. However, I think now is the time to try again and look for a different lifestyle. While I am writing this, I feel a lot of anxiety about goals I want to achieve. 
So let's start the detox again?

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I think I tried to make my journal way too much explanatory and descriptive. From now everything will be cryptic and hard to read or rather much harder than before :D
Good luck reading it

I hope I will establish a nice looking, and transparent form as time goes by (is it a good idiom to use here + is it correct tense, please help!)

Day 2
didn't play, wasted around 1 hour on the internet

I did a good job studying today. I want to treat myself, but playing does not benefit future goals. 
This thought, for now, is enough to do smth else let's listen to audio book

Edited by Stercus accidit
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D 3
work out 
had some minor thoughts bout gaming
spent about an hour on youtube doing nothing
listening to the audiobook  
I still have to study for physics and chemistry, and do history homework - this one awakes negative emotions, will be hard to accomplish

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Cheer up!

I hope you overcome negative emotions and handle the homeworks and reviews without hesitation.

Show those subjects that you are not giving up!

 

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D 5 
still going
Workout done
proper meals 
AP exam review done but will do more
History essay not done - I want to finish it today


song: https://youtu.be/p1WzJXp6p48
I must do a laundry

Feelings - positive, happy
audio book - later in the evening


D 6 or 7 - I stopped counting
Ap chem exam went great
started working out seriously
creating my own diet
Have a lot of things to study
working on meditation

song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DjmQXtZUx4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnwZca8z9II

oh yhea I did my laundry and now I am going through unnecessary clothes to give them to someone

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