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Caged - Writing like I Talk


Caged Bliss

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Entry 11 

I have spent some time with my brother (5 1/2 years older). Now I used to look up to him, we were really similar and I wanted to be like him. He got married earlier in the year, and now today I see that we are no longer a-like at all. He is the son who "made it", who is hitting his potential, that our parents feel proud of. My family and I just don't get each other anymore. And my brother doesn't relate to the problems I have.

This hasn't been a particularly pleasant post, but it is the situation so think it might be good to get it down. Am going to take a break from visiting my family for a while, maybe I'll see them in July after exams. Positives: Have been keeping to my exercise routine and have not felt urge to game despite not very good mental space lately.  - Caged

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Entry 12

Been doing the Uni thing mostly, final week of classes and then have exams mid-June. Got a headlight so I can go to runs organised by the meetup group which start after 6pm. Workout and basketball in the morning planned for tomorrow. I watched some Kripp gaming youtube videos while eating dinner tonight. I don't know what to think of this, I didn't play the games he does, I guess I more watch them for Kripp than the game. But either way probably not wise, should just put some music on next time. Or something I don't have to concentrate/listen much to while I am eating. Good luck to everyone with their personal development - Caged

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I felt quite similar to you at last year. At the time I wasn't doing so great and comparing myself to my sister who was having success in Team Gym, traveling to Iceland and Italy while I stayed home and felt like I didn't do anything. Didn't feel great :-/ Now, after some time of improving my life I feel like I don't need to compare myself as much to others because I know that I'm walking my path going after my own goals. Though I'm still trying to get over comparing myself to others. I know that you are just as great and worthy person as your brother. Keep on working on yourself. :) 

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Entry 12

Been doing the Uni thing mostly, final week of classes and then have exams mid-June. Got a headlight so I can go to runs organised by the meetup group which start after 6pm. Workout and basketball in the morning planned for tomorrow. I watched some Kripp gaming youtube videos while eating dinner tonight. I don't know what to think of this, I didn't play the games he does, I guess I more watch them for Kripp than the game. But either way probably not wise, should just put some music on next time. Or something I don't have to concentrate/listen much to while I am eating. Good luck to everyone with their personal development - Caged

Thanks for continuing to share on the forum. Enjoying following your journey :)

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Wow @SpiNips your post really hit me. That seemed like exactly the advice I was needing. Sometimes it feels like my parents want to push my siblings and I into university courses and make sure we get these "successful" professions. But that pursuing your own goals and focusing on self improvement, that is what I am trying to do, thanks man :) 

Entry 13

Alright so I overdid the basketball (was at the court for around 3 hours) until my knee started getting sore. That meant I am missing the workout today as that also puts strain on my knee, and I want my knee to be good for my run tomorrow with the meetup group. Uni work happened, am aiming to finish my last assignment tomorrow to hand in by Friday. 

Been thinking about my counselling session which is coming up soon, and how much my situation has changed since booking it. I'm sure they will still have good insight on ways to escape addiction. I'm also wary of exam time maybe being a high risk time, since my university routine will be gone and I'll have a lot of "spare time". Hopefully I will continue to find more new activities to fill some of this time. Good chance and luck - Caged 

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Entry 14

Running Meetup was pretty good, ended up running quite a bit further than I had intended by joining the "speed" group instead of the "chill" group haha (I mean they both start from the same place at the same time, I can't be the only one who has made that mistake). Knee is getting a bit sore now, think I will go get a doctor to check it out when I can. My goodness did it feel amazing to be out running again though, have really been missing it. We ran 15km tonight, so once I'm back to 100% fitness I am going to try push for that elusive half marathon distance. Maybe a full marathon one day, but for now just going to focus on a small goal ahead in the future. Two more days of classes HYPE! :D  - Caged

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Entry 15

Alright classes are done, study time begins. Got some results back and am hitting the 95%+ goal I have for myself to get an okay-ish passing grade, given I did not attend the first half of the semester. I am going to fill in some of this spare time created from not having a University routine to get books out of the library, watch business documentaries and read financial articles. I'm excited about what I have been learning, which is a big difference compared to the Engineering degree I was originally doing. This is what I have planned for my (NZ winter) break so far, and letting the tear in my knee heal properly.

Some things to work on: My eating lately has not been very healthy, not eating enough basically. Also I will do the exercises tomorrow that don't strain my knee since I have missed 2 days of the routine. - Caged

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Entry 16

Alright so I'm going to draft out a routine for my days since today was not as productive as I would have liked. I mean I learnt "True Facts About Animal X" but that isn't too relevant. 

Get up by 7.45, read and try to understand/actively think about the business section of news during breakfast, then study till lunch (noon-ish).
After lunch will be time for exercise for that day (either basketball or short run / weight training).
Study till dinner.
Post dinner is either watch a documentary, general movie or some cross-study (so just general knowledge/interest learning). Cross study can be books or videos/articles.

Exceptions for: NBA games, watching 1 rugby friday/saturday night. Also any unexpected social events I should try to attend to work on social skills. I'm okay with not trying to create them myself right now because its exam time, after exams I can focus more energy towards social activities.

- Caged

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  • 4 weeks later...

Entry 17

Exams have finished and I think I have done well (although it is the last time I will tell my parents, I can't please them, so I am done trying). I stopped posting because when I study I go pretty NATO on it and try to remove everything else for the exam period. I have kept to my workout routine for the most part. I have also been getting out to practice basketball whenever the weather has allowed. I have been feeling very in-control during this period, as in I haven't been mindlessly procrastinating or getting distracted from my task at hand. 

I think now might be when my challenge really begins. When I quit gaming I was easily able to substitute that time towards studying/running/basketball. Now that I have two weeks off, it's like my last excuse for not actively improving my social ability is gone. I will try post often again, the journal process is definitely powerful.

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Entry 18

Yesterday I was a driver for a school trip at my old high school which was pretty interesting. Was an easy social experience since I was "higher status" by being older (the students were 17-18) and so I felt more relaxed talking to them. Also at the basketball court there are a group of guys I have started to join in pick-up games with (after seeing them around multiple times). They are a bit of a mix of ethnicity/age/background so that is a decent social setting too. Going to get some books from the library tomorrow and get running now that I have repaired my running shoes. 

I have encountered an unexpected issue; my family having zero belief in my self-control. On 3-4 occasions they accuse me of gaming and my father has been saying "You were a gamer, you will always be a gamer." I think they may be pulling me down because they haven't changed aspects of their lives that they have told me they are unhappy with (Weight, Job satisfaction etc). I thought this might be a problem with my gamer friends, but not my family :( . If anyone has advice or maybe some experience with something similar I would like to hear it. Have a good one - Caged

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Real fast some tips and what i experienced.

When i started different projects in mental health care (1 for my autism, 1 for my addiction and smaller ones all the time to) i had build a bad reputation. I think almost everyone here can affirm that your standing with your non-gaming friends, family and loved ones is, well, quite bad or low or just not at all alive. It's this template of concrete that has surrounded and influenced a lot in your life. When i started to work on myself it was not really a 1 day job. I discovered then that if i wanted to let my family see that i wanted to change, all i could do was show them. Because i could talk about it all the time, but that was precisely my problem, to much talking about it then then start doing. Now i understand that's not your position because you started doing some months ago ;). What i mean to say is that you have to break that wall around you. It exists mainly from your and people's view on you. Change 1 small thing and then move on to bigger ones. Your father still sees you as the guy who was gaming, and keep breaking promises or who kept gaming full nights or whatever your thing was. He still believes you are the old you. I suggest you show them. If that isn't enough have 1 serious talk about all of this, show him the forum, your posts, tell him what your priorities are now and how you are improving.

Don't know if this is what you wanted to hear, but i felt these where the words i wanted to tell!

Keep focus, your improving and working on yourself, it's great and it shows you are taking freaking awesome control of your own life.

Rick

 

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Hey Caged!

I had experienced the same lack of believe in my self-control from my parents. Even now they're asking me - "are you playing games?"

They have completely different point of view in every sphere of life, and the truth is that parents in most cases are not an rolemodel.

So, I decided to limit contact with them, especially when I'm in my hometown, because they were trying to control me and put into my mind all of they're negative behaviour.

When I'm with them I just agree with everything they're saying, but after that talk I'm doing what I should do.

That's my answer for your problem.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist.

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I really appreciate your inputs guys, I took some time to try to understand and have come to the conclusion that my parents views don't reflect the truth within me. That is, I am about 2.5 months game free and feel great but until this new found productivity manifests itself in a clear way to my family, they have no tangible marker of my growth/improvement. Which isn't necessarily undermining the progress I feel I have made, which is where I was going wrong before (viewing it as an attack on me).

Entry 19

 Alright so I went running and borrowed some books from the library as planned. I also had a few ex-high school friends over to watch some sport last night which was nice. I took some inspiration from here (not sure if it was on the forum or in one of Cam's Videos) about taking the initiative if you want to set a social event up. Sidenote: I wish I had seen that video ~5 years ago because our group of guys in high school was so shit at setting up and communicating events, we just needed someone to say "Alright we are going paintballing at place X at time Y, if you don't show scientists have shown you will be a lady's blouse."

I also suggested another catch up in a few days time which they seemed keen on. These are people who I see maybe twice a year, so it isn't quite on the scale of total stranger interaction but it is definitely improving my social skills. Hope the summer is treating the Northerners well - Caged 

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Entry 20

I made a quick list of 9 things I want to work on during my holiday (Weights, Reading, MS Excel, Guitar, Basketball, Cooking + few others). This has been good, keeping me focused and giving me a variety of things to do. I cut my leg running on loose gravel which kind of sucks, didn't need stitches thankfully. 

I also just got an exam result back. I got a B- which I am happy with, given I missed 30% of that course, it feels more like a A+ in terms of proportion passed:attempted. I am sure there is no way I could have achieved this if I was still gaming. Maybe my family will take this as a singal that I am growing :)  - Caged

Edit: I also want to add that I emailed to thank the lecturers who gave me a second chance/advice. That is something I have learnt from this forum, to be more thankful and appreciative, as someone who would probably be described as cold and cynical, this is something I definitely would not have done prior to joining game quitters, so thanks to the people reading this too!

Edited by Caged Bliss
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Edit: I also want to add that I emailed to thank the lecturers who gave me a second chance/advice. That is something I have learnt from this forum, to be more thankful and appreciative, as someone who would probably be described as cold and cynical, this is something I definitely would not have done prior to joining game quitters, so thanks to the people reading this too!

So awesome!

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Entry 21

I haven't been as productive over the last few days as I would have liked. Organised all my books and reading material for new semester starting next week. Read some of my library book, although it was a bunch of financial analysis essays so it wasn't something I could really get "into". Been working on basketball and guitar, but I haven't made much progress with the Excel stuff. I have a bunch of tutorials saved for it so I'm going to focus on that tomorrow. 

Have had some minor urges over the last 2 days to play some wc3, first cravings I have had in awhile. Also had it out with my father for the final time after he assumed I had been gaming all day, I had just got back from 3 hours at the basketball court and yelled at him. Cooled off for 5 minutes then calmly told him he is entitled to put the "gamer/failure" label on me in his head, but that I no longer respect/care about his opinions and wanted to keep contact at a minimum until something changed. On a positive note, I am now 80 days game free. or 0.37% of remaining expected lifetime :D - Caged

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Congrats on 80 days game free, keep it up! 

There's a book about dealing with difficult people that my friend was reading, or maybe some books or articles about difficult family members? I don't think I am qualified to give advice on that part lol. 

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