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Sashiku

My Journal ~ A New Beginning

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~~~ Intro ~~~

So, the day is over. It wasn't that hard because I've gone a day or two before. I think the real hardship will begin in a few days when i start feeling the need to play them again. But, I won't let it get me this time..

So, I just finished uninstalling every steam/origin/other game I had and already noticed one up side. I was running out of disk space due to all the games and only had about 200GB left. Now? I Have 700GB of 950GB. :) My drawings take up a lot of room because they are all PNG format as I'm a digital artist so i was getting worried that I would run out of room. Feels nice to see so much memory on my hard drive. Not only that but my desktop is no longer cluttered. its nearly empty which is a nice feeling. I also got rid of my Nick Valentine Desktop image and used an anime one instead. It was hard because Nick Valentine is my favorite video game character of all time, but I did it.

I also noticed I still had blender installed. I have always been in love with 3D modeling and animation, maybe I can pick back up learning how to use it again. I aspired to be an animator at one time but I knew it was impossible though... My eyesight isn't the best so I don't think it could ever happen. Instead, I want to be an artist who sells commissions and maybe a translator. I took Japanese in college before I dropped out a couple of years ago and I loved it. I was actually going to join the honors society a few months before really bad things happened in my life and I went to gaming to avoid thinking about them. The first thing was my mother nearly getting beat to death by my brothers ex girlfriend who was addicted to some sort of drug. The cops say if I hadn't been there to pull that girl off her that she may very well have died. That sort of responsibility also stressed me out. I felt like I was responsible for my mothers well being when I couldn't even take care of myself.

The second thing was very recent, in January actually. I was saving up money for property taxes and had most of it when... it all got stolen. 2000$ poof, gone. This was another thing that made my gaming worse. I didn't know how to deal with my life at all so for years I just blocked it out.

Anyway, back to the present. I am going to clean my house tomorrow... It is horrible. There are dishes everywhere, clothes on the floor, and clutter as far as the eye can see. My desk is a mess too and my poor pet bird's cage is pretty dirty. I feel so bad about all of it. I took such good care of my house before everything. I can't wait to see it clean again.

Well, that is all for today. Goodnight~

 

~~~Day 1~~~

I slept most of the day. I watched a bunch of documentaries last night *a common ritual when I'm nervous about something* mostly because I wasn't tired at all. Which is very very odd. I have hypothyroidism so I am usually horribly exhausted unless I take my medicine daily *which I forget 50% of the time*. But last night I wasn't tired in the least and went to bed at 7am. I am going to stop watching if I can and go color or doodle with a pencil or maybe do a puzzle. I am already finding all sorts of things I want to do with my time now. I have a small list of little things to do when I'm bored and big things to do as goals. Hoping after I get this place clean I can start doing yoga. I also have mild scoliosis so my spine curves inward slightly which yoga I feel will help me with a lot. Sitting for years has made walking around for short distances very painful. Painful enough I have to sit down till the pain stops. This means sitting down in the middle of grocery stores.. which is horridly embarrassing. I am going to go start on my living room. If I can get one room done a day, I will be happy.

Edited by Sashiku
Update! :D

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Hey and welcome!

Most likely you will have to deal with cravings in the near future, it's good you uninstalled everything.Make sure to fill in time with activities you like and want to get good at.I personally try to draw everyday, I haven't touched my pencil in 5 days though(*cries*), and also I want to read something new everyday.

Would love to see any drawing/animation/model you come up with.

Keep us updated! 

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Hey seems like you have gone through some hard stuff. Many people(myself included) escape in video games if shit gets real. It will be challenging but worthwhile to go through with the detox. If you need any tips or advice don't be afraid to ask. We are here to help!

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Greetings from Mad Pharmacist!

I can tell you 2 things for now:

1)You're not the only one here who saved potential suicider

2)Tidying up your house can drastically improve your discipline and makes you feel better. Just trust me, science proves this!

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The first thing was my mother nearly getting beat to death by my brothers ex girlfriend who was addicted to some sort of drug. The cops say if I hadn't been there to pull that girl off her that she may very well have died. That sort of responsibility also stressed me out. I felt like I was responsible for my mothers well being when I couldn't even take care of myself.

 

Look, regardless of the shit anyone's endured, none can completely identify with what you've been through. Traumas are these massive shit storms that we strive to understand years after they hit us. My ma had multiple personality disorder and lots of ptsd, so I ended up protecting and raising my older sisters and her regardless of my well being. So, I can't imagine what you survived, but I know it's been rough.

Instead of feigning a slightest comprehension of your struggle, let me share some strengths and duties I've found through survival.
You survived. This puts you well ahead of the majority of the human species. Fact is, it's easier to die than strive. Power to you.
You faced shit. Most people who've endured extreme shit don't talk about it because it's considered taboo or poor discussion material. Thus, most people hide from their lives and hide their lives from others. This disenables them from growing from their hardships and disconnects them to the real world.

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The first thing was my mother nearly getting beat to death by my brothers ex girlfriend who was addicted to some sort of drug. The cops say if I hadn't been there to pull that girl off her that she may very well have died. That sort of responsibility also stressed me out. I felt like I was responsible for my mothers well being when I couldn't even take care of myself.

 

Look, regardless of the shit anyone's endured, none can completely identify with what you've been through. Traumas are these massive shit storms that we strive to understand years after they hit us. My ma had multiple personality disorder and lots of ptsd, so I ended up protecting and raising my older sisters and her regardless of my well being. So, I can't imagine what you survived, but I know it's been rough.

Instead of feigning a slightest comprehension of your struggle, let me share some strengths and duties I've found through survival.
You survived. This puts you well ahead of the majority of the human species. Fact is, it's easier to die than strive. Power to you.
You faced shit. Most people who've endured extreme shit don't talk about it because it's considered taboo or poor discussion material. Thus, most people hide from their lives and hide their lives from others. This disenables them from growing from their hardships and disconnects them to the real world.

I really appreciate your comment. I suppose talking about it has helped me get over it in a way. I only told my closest friends before now and it kind of ate away at me. So glad I can let it all out here and start healing the wounds of those trying times.

My relatives say I'm strong but would someone who is strong really hide away playing video games for 10 years? I think if anything I'm just normal. There is a lot more to my story and I have been through a lot, but so have a lot of other people. From today on, I am going to try to think of the things that make me happy. Maybe then I will have true strength to overcome my weaknesses.

Also, sorry to hear about your Mother. I am sure that was rough for you and your sisters. I have been thinking my mother may have something wrong with her because she never does anything but watch television and let my brother live with us when she knows he steals, lies, does drugs, and steals my money as well. I have been begging her to make him leave but she won't.

Edited by Sashiku

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Hey and welcome!

Most likely you will have to deal with cravings in the near future, it's good you uninstalled everything.Make sure to fill in time with activities you like and want to get good at.I personally try to draw everyday, I haven't touched my pencil in 5 days though(*cries*), and also I want to read something new everyday.

Would love to see any drawing/animation/model you come up with.

Keep us updated! 

I wish I could draw with a pencil. ^^ My eyes are too bad and when drawing with a pencil I can only doodle. Finding a tablet saved me because I can zoom in and undo mistakes instead of having to erase 4000 times. *It probably truly is 4000* Here is a link to my art: http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/1591-sashis-art/

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Greetings from Mad Pharmacist!

I can tell you 2 things for now:

1)You're not the only one here who saved potential suicider

2)Tidying up your house can drastically improve your discipline and makes you feel better. Just trust me, science proves this!

:) Indeed! I can't wait to see my floors again. xD And have clean dishes/clothes.

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Hey seems like you have gone through some hard stuff. Many people(myself included) escape in video games if shit gets real. It will be challenging but worthwhile to go through with the detox. If you need any tips or advice don't be afraid to ask. We are here to help!

Yep, I have decided to go through it. I feel confident and hopeful that I can do it, so my mood is very good right now. :)

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I love how many people have replied to your journal so far. What a great community we're developing here!

^_^ I already feel better. I'm thankful.

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~~~Day 2~~~

I woke up today extremely tired. Not *yawn* tired *I can barely walk* tired. I couldn't even open my eyes fully for the first hour or so after waking and I went to bed at a reasonable hour last night AND took my thyroid medicine yesterday.

I feel a bit irritable and had a bit of a grump at my mom who insisted I was lying about taking a bath last night even though the bubble bath and bath beads are still beside the tub and completely ignoring how clean my hair is. I felt so good after that bath. I don't take them often and preferred to shower because they're faster. After last nights bath I tried that site for meditation and it was pretty nice. i felt wonderful when I went to bed. I also unsubscribed from ALL gaming channels *there were probably 50+* so now my Youtube subscriptions are much smaller and mostly art and cat related now.

My mother has also been really grumpy with me telling me I need to clean my house when yesterday I cleaned it for a few hours. I didn't get a lot done due to my ADHD and getting side tracked but at least I didn't get side tracked on the computer this time. I mostly got sidetracked by random objects instead. I hope I can get more done when I get home from my errands.

I was wondering if using *Habitica* is considered a game? I was using it before to keep track of my daily tasks. Nothing I have found has worked as well with me. If you have an alternate site I can use please link it to me but i HAS to be interactive or I'll bore of it very very quickly and see no point in checking it. There must be some sort of way to tick off finished tasks and a reward section like in habitica. If only there were an artistic *task* software or website where you draw on the list or something. No idea.

Anyway, I did have a dream about my favorite video game character last night *Nick Valentine* I think we were fighting swan... Not completely sure. Other than that, no real cravings yet aside from being on the computer in general. I did move my chair yesterday so I can't sit there anymore. Great idea I think.

That's all for now! <3

Edited by Sashiku

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Hell yea! Taking bath is awesome activity when you're exhausted/stressed! Much better than gaming!

By the way, using Habitica is ok. Treat it as a to-do list instead of treating it as a game.

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Yep, I don't really do any of the *gaming* aspects of it anyhow. I was doing poorly before I quit but now I actually got most of my to-do's done yesterday minus one. I was thinking of developing a *real life* quest log. Just to get me into doing things for real and then I can ditch it for a regular to do list. I just figure it would motivate me. I mean, my favorite two things about gaming were the story and questing, so making up real life quests sounds like a great idea. I don't think it will temp me or anything.

I also figured for each completed quest I could reward myself with things I like. IE: Sno cones, teddy bears, walks across the river, making my favorite meal, going to visit a friend *all of my friends live far away and not all of them were met via gaming. Quite a few were met doing art.* or going to a movie of my choice. :)

Edited by Sashiku

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~~~Day 3~~~

Today is a bit hard. Not only am I a bit stressed out from not being able to lose myself in a game but I'm also bored. I have yet to completely clean my house but I am currently doing all my piled up laundry as I type this. I just can't think of anything to do right now. There is nowhere currently to do yoga as my floor is still somewhat cluttered and I don't feel like reading. I may pick up my house some more but doing chores has always been hard. Even harder when there is nothing fun to do during breaks. Being half blind means I am unable to leave the house most of the time so all those *away from home* activities are pretty impossible right now. I love drawing but I don't want to draw too much because I feel I need to do most of my activities away from the computer for the best result.

Yet, I sit here in my boredom, trying to get a grip on it. Wait.. I have a few ideas!

Maybe.. Origami? I still have tons of origami paper from Japanese class. How about having tea and sitting outside? going for a walk? Don't we have sidewalk chalk? Oh, is that a hula hoop over there?

So, to sum it all up; I can find activities but I never seem to find enough to fill up the entire day. If you guys know of some indoor activities anyone can do, toss them at me~

 

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Sure, here you are with indoor activities:

1)Cooking, baking etc.

2)Reading every book or listening to audiobook!

3)Listening to good music! Classical could also be great to lower our stress level!

4)Drawing can be also good, especially if you're good at it

5)Origami is freakin' awesome! I also love it. Be careful while using tutorials on YT to not fall into "Youtube Party"

6)Playing music instrument! Never played before? Well, try it! It's worth it!

7)Call a family member/friend - it really works if you feel lonely and anxious.

8)Exercising! You don't need to go to gym or even outsite to be in good shape

9)learning/studying anything you desire!

10)Watching good movie! I can recommend to you Vanilla Sky for a good start.

11)Also watching documentaries could be as educating as books!

12)Talking with yourself is the best way to know yourself better. Worth trying, especially if you're home alone!

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Sure, here you are with indoor activities:

1)Cooking, baking etc.

2)Reading every book or listening to audiobook!

3)Listening to good music! Classical could also be great to lower our stress level!

4)Drawing can be also good, especially if you're good at it

5)Origami is freakin' awesome! I also love it. Be careful while using tutorials on YT to not fall into "Youtube Party"

6)Playing music instrument! Never played before? Well, try it! It's worth it!

7)Call a family member/friend - it really works if you feel lonely and anxious.

8)Exercising! You don't need to go to gym or even outsite to be in good shape

9)learning/studying anything you desire!

10)Watching good movie! I can recommend to you Vanilla Sky for a good start.

11)Also watching documentaries could be as educating as books!

12)Talking with yourself is the best way to know yourself better. Worth trying, especially if you're home alone!

Great tips. :) I did cook dinner twice now. Hoping to do even more. I don't have the resources to buy instruments but that could be something I could do down the line. And no worries! I have an origami book. :) I am gonna go jump on the trampoline now. I am also going to buy a hula hoop as I have a lot of fun doing that.

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Nice List. I would add Meditation. If you try to start it you can use Headspace. It is an app which gives you a free new guided 10min Meditation for 10days. Could be an awesome training for your focus.

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UGH. People keep asking me to play a game with them so I finally put in my skype description that not asking about games would be appreciated. This created a lot of people asking me why and telling me I don't have to quit and that I can just limit it. They don't get it at all. I have had to explain this like 10 times already. I think I am going to write up a paragraph and copy/paste it every time. I only turn on my skype at night because I get a little lonely. Before now I talked on skype every single day all day. Now that I have nothing to talk about with anyone it's hard. My best friends aren't even fully accepting. I am thinking of not logging in but I don't know what I will do for social things then... I can't get out much due to being unable to drive so irl friends aren't going to happen I'm afraid. This is another reason It's been so hard to quit. I'm also a bit of an oddball so even when I'm out, I rarely click with anyone.

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~~~Day 4~~~

I had trouble getting to sleep last night so i didn't wake up till around 3pm. i went to bed at 8pm from a headache and slept till 12am then struggled to sleep till about 7am. I dozed in and out a few times but never really fell into a deep sleep.

I was going to hula hoop yesterday but the hula hoop I have is way too small. It's not heavy enough to stay on my waist. The other one I have is perfectly weighted to stay on my waist but it has these ridges inside the ring that hurt terribly when they hit my waist or ribs. I will have to get another at some point.

Today has been okay. I walked as soon as I woke up and used a pedometer too. It said I walked 860 steps but I think it's wrong as I only walked to the end of the street twice and back. My 3DS has a pedometer built in so maybe i will use that instead. I did get on my 3DS yesterday but only drew on the *swapnote* app. No gaming at all still. I have to say it is harder than I thought it would be to quit. Going to go fold my laundry and try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight, hopefully my body plays along. I didn't get a lot done today since I was sleeping but tomorrow I intend to finish laundry and clean out my birds cage. No need to reply if you don't want to. Posting here just helps me keep track of what I've done so far.

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