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asquerade

Tim's Weekly Journal

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Journal Week 6

downs and ups

 

As the subtitle suggest this week has been a bit rocky. I focused a lot on my music and learning more theory, the part of music I was too lazy to sit down and learn during my gaming days. When it came to actually producing music I had kind of a writers block, which led to me questioning my abilities and if I could ever achieve my high goals in music.
With the help of my accountability partner and one podcast, I was able to build up confidence again. My general plan to reach my goals is pretty simple: consistent daily practice and not giving up.

I've been struggling with unpleasant dreams (sometimes nightmares, more often just unpleasant and strange stuff) in the past weeks, which is strange to me because I'm very happy and content with my life right now. If anyone has similar experiences let me know.

 

Thanks for reading

Edited by asquerade

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Hey @asquerade.  I make music too!  When it comes to writers block, sometimes what I find helps is using sounds you don't usually use and messing round with them.  Often I get inspired by the new sound. Or if you've already got a project on the go, just doing really mundane tasks like quantising a bunch of notes, that helps me get into the flow sometimes.  Enjoyed reading your journal so far, especially your adventures in socialising. Keep it up!!!

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Journal Week 7

sugaaaaar

 

My Journal last week was pretty short and I didn't mention the fact, that I started a no-sugar diet. I'm not being a nazi about it (I'm still eating fruits) but I haven't eaten any sweets and try to avoid added sugars where ever possible. I was and still am experiencing pretty intense cravings and have overall less energy and motivation. That's what I hope at least, that the diet is what my dip in motivation is coming from. My dreams are very unpleasant at the moment and I feel a bit more tired.

Socially I made steps in the right direction and feel good about my progress and try to find a good mix of learning theory and applying it. One youtube channel I found does a great job of analyzing filmed social interactions, mostly of celebrities in talk shows. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU_W0oE_ock8bWKjALiGs8Q

 

Staying away from gaming is still easy, because it's just too big of a time waste. I'd much rather use that time to improve as a person and as a musician. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself with that actually, I even feel bad while watching a movie, because it's not a productive thing to do.

Edited by asquerade

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Journal Week 6

sugaaaaar

 

My Journal last week was pretty short and I didn't mention the fact, that I started a no-sugar diet. I'm not being a nazi about it (I'm still eating fruits) but I haven't eaten any sweets and try to avoid added sugars where ever possible. I was and still am experiencing pretty intense cravings and have overall less energy and motivation. That's what I hope at least, that the diet is what my dip in motivation is coming from. My dreams are very unpleasant at the moment and I feel a bit more tired.

Socially I made steps in the right direction and feel good about my progress and try to find a good mix of learning theory and applying it. One youtube channel I found does a great job of analyzing filmed social interactions, mostly of celebrities in talk shows. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU_W0oE_ock8bWKjALiGs8Q

 

Staying away from gaming is still easy, because it's just too big of a time waste. I'd much rather use that time to improve as a person and as a musician. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself with that actually, I even feel bad while watching a movie, because it's not a productive thing to do.

No sugar diet, respect!!!!  I tried that once -  really hard!!!  Let us know how you're getting on!  

Thanks for sharing that YouTube link,  looks like some interesting stuff!! I watched a video about Adele being authentic.  I enjoyed it

Sometimes movies inspire and move me so I don't feel bad watching them -- as long as it's 'a good one' :):)

 

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Journal Week 8

Music

 

As the title suggest the last week was all about music. After reading "The war of art" (which although it gave me new perspective on my hobby/profession, I can't really recommend as a book) I started to treat my music even more as work. Now each day at 12:00 PM I sit down and make music, regardless of whether I feel inspired or not. Borrowing an idea from @usernameforworldpeace! I want to engage with music at least 4 hours a day (a mix of producing, learning theory and critical listening), which would result in 1460 hours a year. This seems a bit low so me, so I'll start with 4 hours a day but ideally want to raise that number. In the last years I already put quite a lot of time into music and have a good amount of experience already, so this should (hopefully) put me on my path to becoming a successful musician.

The social part of the week was ok. I didn't meet friends or new people every day, but had a very pleasant surprise on Friday, when I initially just planned to meet with 3 friends and chill outside. We were then asked by another friend who lives nearby to spontaneously join his party, which ended up being awesome. I was trying a little bit too hard to be the life of the party, while I actually planned to just be content with who I am, but now next time I know I'll be a bit more chill about it and just enjoy myself, not trying to impress others.

 

I'm also trying to work on my quality of sleep right now, as I am still suffering from nightmares. Browsing for help I found a useful free app, which  aims to wake you up gently during weak sleep phases.

https://mysleepbot.com/

 

That's all for this week, thanks for reading

Edited by asquerade

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Hi Asquerade,

the 90-Day anti-sugar detox is a great experience of sacrifice, ultimately worth it.

If you can, try vegetable juice. If you have a juicer: 3 carrots, one apple, one thumb of ginger gives you great juice, and then you can gradually move your sugar tolerance up, so that kale-celery-beet juice tastes sweet enough. If you don;'t have a juicer, you can buy "V8 juice" in the supermarket, it's an ok replacement. If you like it, a cheap juicer is around $60. Mine has never failed me so far. Let me know if you need more information.


And good luck with your diet!

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I started to treat my music even more as work. Now each day at 12:00 PM I sit down and make music, regardless of whether I feel inspired or not. Borrowing an idea from @usernameforworldpeace! I want to engage with music at least 4 hours a day (a mix of producing, learning theory and critical listening), which would result in 1460 hours a year. This seems a bit low so me, so I'll start with 4 hours a day but ideally want to raise that number. In the last years I already put quite a lot of time into music and have a good amount of experience already, so this should (hopefully) put me on my path to becoming a successful musician.

 

Awesome!  I love how you're thinking about learning music as well as doing it (producing),  I'm going to try and do some critical listening too !

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Journal Week 9

More music

 

I definitely achieved my goal from last goal of dealing at least 4 hours each day with music, most of the days I did 6-9 hours. Every day I started working at 12:00pm (at the latest), defining that as a hard rule made it much easier to be productive. It felt very good, wasn't very hard and I can actually notice the results of that practice already. Now today I'm in a bit of a slump because on Saturday and Sunday I pretty much didn't work or make music at all (because of time constraints), and today I'm having a hard time getting into that productive mindset again.

On Thursday I was at a musician meetup, where I forced myself to talk to 2 different strangers and get to know them.

On Saturday I was on a whole day trip to the ocean with 4 friends, which was awesome. I felt pretty confident and OK with myself, so I didn't stress out as much as I usually do when around multiple people. Interestingly that led to me being unusually talkative.

After reading some r/selfimprovement I found an amazing concept, which I want to use to build a habit. It's about creating a calendar, setting up a daily goal and marking each day you achieve that goal with a red X. You can read about it here. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/theXeffect/

 

That's all, Thanks for reading

Edited by asquerade

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Journal Week 10

social struggles

 

I forgot to write my diary on monday, but here it is now with a delay.

I managed to get into my productive mindset again, but it was interesting to see that 2 days off were enough to stop the routine. After my short struggle I managed to be very productive again, making fast learning progress. Additionally I reached out to an old contact, a party organizer for whose parties I used to DJ, telling him that I'm back in business and want to DJ again.

Social wise I think I want to get more active again, I'm setting up challenges for myself, which I didn't do. I'm still heavily invested in others opinions and have a plan to lift that a bit. Music is a bit more important to me right now, but I also wanna try to make a bit more time for social activities.

A part that I definitely improved in, is telling people about myself more openly. For example I'm doing a no sugar diet and 6 months ago I maybe wouldn't have told people about it, because they might think it's weird. Now I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone for these things and just tell people. I also lifted a pretty big "secret" of mine which was a awesome: Back when I was in school I made 2 friends, that were considered nerds and uncool. So I tried to hide that they were my buddies, even my other closest friends  didn't know about this. Because I don't want to feel ashamed for that anymore I invited the 2 nerds and one of the unknowing friends to my house for some board games, so now he knows.

A step I will take today is cancel a trip I was considering to make with friends. It's difficult for me, because we already made some plans and I feel like I'm letting them down. It is my decision though and I don't want to do the trip just because someone else expects me to.

Edited by asquerade

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Hello again!

I see that assertiveness is something you really need in a situation with friends and trip. You're not letting them down by rejecting they're proposition. sometimes refusing is the best way if we have too much to do and we can't handle it.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist.

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Journal Week 11

Inspiration

 

 

As stated in previous entries I am putting a lot of time and work into music right now. While I am trying to focus on the progress and getting better it is a bit frustrating right now, that my immediate results seem to be a bit lacking. About 4 months ago it started, that I wasn't really inspired to produce new tracks. Right now I just don't really get new ideas for sounds or songs, I sit down and produce anyway, because I want to get better, but coming up with the different melodies and sounds to use it a very difficult process for me atm. Drum/Rythm production is the exception as it is more technical and needs less inspiration, so maybe I should just focus on that until the melodies start coming again.

My Soundcloud account if anyone want's to listen btw is https://soundcloud.com/timschaufert

 

My personal growth and social challenges were pretty good this week. I'm really starting to feel more comfortable with myself, allowing myself to be imperfect and being a bit less invested in others opinions. Over the week (and the last weeks) I connected with quite a few musicians and it's been fun and surprisingly easy. My social circle in 73 days of not-gaming has expanded way more than I thought. Existing friendships were strengthened, a ton of new ones were formed, I get more invitations from people to do stuff.

Edited by asquerade

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My social circle in 73 days of not-gaming has expanded way more than I thought. Existing friendships were strengthened, a ton of new ones were formed, I get more invitations from people to do stuff. 

So awesome! 

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Journal Week 12

Girls

 

I learned some interesting lessons this week.

On Saturday I went to a nightclub alone, because I wanted to talk with the owner about DJing there in the future. The conversation went really well and I am now creating the concept for a live show with a saxophonist. At the end of my conversation with the owner, a girl that knew him joined us and as he left, me and the girl continued conversation. I found her attractive but our lifestyles were drastically different so it couldn't have resulted in anything serious. That being said I tried to do advances, because something like making out that night would've been ok with me. We ended up talking for nearly 3 hours straight and I was pretty passive sexually (a bit less than usual), still not sure if she wanted me to do more or not. Regardless the conversation was fun and I didn't even expect to stay in the club for more than 1 hour.

On my drive home in the train, me and a different woman sat down next to each other. It was so late in the night and we were coming from the same party district, that initiating conversation felt pretty natural and so I asked "where did you hang out tonight?". Turns out she lives close to my home and we had to exit at the same station, which was 45 minutes of driving.  We talked pretty much the whole time and at the end I asked for her number, which she gave me. She even checked if it was correct. I was excited, because as opposed to the girl at the club, this one matched pretty well with my personality.

On the next day I texted her but sadly, now, more than 24 hours later she still has not replied. This in all honesty drags me down more than I would like to, because I thought we liked each other. I guess that doesn't necessarily mean physical attraction though. I was pretty confident she would respond, but my experience with women is very limited, so my perception is most likely not accurate.

Initially I planned to leave the last part, where she didn't respond, out in this journal, mostly because after the train ride I sent an excited text to my accountability partner Jeremias about getting her number. It's painful to then formulate "but she didn't respond", but in the end it's more important that I tried and can grow from the experience.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Edited by asquerade

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Hey nice job on talking with woman and asking even for a number! I guess that stretched your comfort zone which is awesome. I would just call her next day or so. Texts are always a little akward. Doesn't hurt to be ali ttle persistent. Often time girls find that charming and if she evades you at the telephone or it gets akward you haven't lost anything.

Always remember that it doesn't necessarly has to do anything with you, if she isn't interested. Sometimes it just isn't a fit. This is more often unlucky circumstance then anything else.

If you want to read something about dating or relationship I can recommend Modells by Mark Manson, awesome and honest book. I enjoyed it very much.

Edited by WorkInProgress

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 I would just call her next day or so. Texts are always a little akward. Doesn't hurt to be ali ttle persistent.

 

If you want to read something about dating or relationship I can recommend Modells by Mark Manson, awesome and honest book. I enjoyed it very much.

Good idea, I'll see if she responds today, otherwise I'll call her tomorrow. I can see that having better chances than sending a second text.

 

The day I quit I started reading models and it's one of my favorite books. I'm reading it for a second time right now actually.

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Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. But it's not personal. There could be a million reasons why it didn't work out. Important to remember that how you approach the conversation was right and you did your best, and she had a good time that night for sure. Doesn't mean it needs to go anywhere else and/or that by it not going anywhere else that it takes away from the time you had. :)

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Journal Week 13

small steps

 

This week was all about the small steps. I didn't do the big social challenges like @usernameforworldpeace! (I was planning to do so), instead in a lot of daily situations where I felt slightly uncomfortable, I leaned into it and pushed through the feeling. I like to hide parts of my personality, that others in that situation might not approve of.

As an example, usually when I'm at the supermarket checkout, I tend to pack up my stuff very quick to make sure I don't anger someone. This week I took my time and leaned in to the uncomfortable feeling of people waiting for me. Not that it's a good thing lorn term to take ages at the supermarket, but it was important for me to do it once.

Another example was the final game of the Euro, Portugal vs France. I passed by a local restaurant which was broadcasting the game and the final minute was running. I wanted to see that final minute but had to lean in from the outside to see the screen. The small crowd was tight knit and me leaning in might've looked a bit weird, so my past self probably wouldve just went away. But I wanted to see the final minute of the game, and so I did.

 

A big success and awesome moment happened at a nightclub. The bouncers here in Berlin are very strict, you get dismissed a lot. So I come up to this guy after waiting in line a bit, we exchange 1-2 sentences and he goes "you are real quiet", to which I responded "Yep, that's all me" (or that's just how i roll).. He grinned and let me in. And this wasn't a conscious effort to "fake it until you make it" or say the right thing. It came from within, I was feeling confident and OK to be the quiet kind.

Edited by asquerade

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