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AJ_Manley

The English Gentlemen Journal

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                                       (    Prepare for pointless photos :)    )

skull_top_hat_gentleman_orange_postcard.

 



Hi everyone :) First off I am not an English Gentleman! 
What do I mean by the phrase 'An English Gentleman'?   

Well for me it brings up a few different things in my head. The first is a picture like this 

 

Singing_in_the_Rain.thumb.gif.b7277337a4
 
and the second is this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d27gTrPPAyk

Now to be clear I haven't seen even seen Singin' in the Rain nor am I a big Sting fan but to me an English Gentleman is an ideal. Something I can work towards.

Why? 

Well I am 24 and I live in Bedfordshire, a county in England that I have lived in most of my life.
You probably haven't heard of it and don't worry your not missing out massively! Though you may know the closest town to my house which is Luton.

I have always admired men and women who (at least on the surface) have lots of confidence, energy and care for others around them. The local businessman, the independent writer, the powerhouse musician, we all have different images in our heads but one of the greatest mistakes I every made was to believe that confidence especially is is something your born with. 


You_my_friend_talk_bollocks.thumb.jpg.fb


Oh indeed its bollocks. 

So if your not just born with it then how do you get it? 

Well I'm not sure yet... but I am damn excited to find out! 


Hey I am Alex. If you have read through this far thank you, it does mean a lot and as you have probably noticed I talk very randomly sometimes so if you want me to explain something with a bit less memes let me know :).

Some quick facts about me.
I am 24 years old, I will be 25 on the 4th March 2016. 
I love music, politics, funny memes, comedy shows, war stories, psychology and travelling.

I love these things, but I have never developed a PASSION involving them. I mean that I have never concentrated on one thing I love long enough to use it to further my life or my experiences in any major way. 

I simply haven't achieved much in my life. I have 'lived' my life in games, and the majority of the time playing games that aren't even online or 'social'. 

This has meant that I have had largely the same friends I have always had from school, and when I have met new people or groups I have found it difficult to stick with them. The majority of the time because I haven't engaged with them about what they love and what they do in their lives. 

This week I stopped gaming. Full stop. 

I want to exercise more. I want to meet more people and have interesting conversations. I want to see places instead of just looking them up on the internet and I want to make my life happier. 

The best thing I know right now. At this second as I am typing is this..  is that if I am happy I can make the ones I love happier too.

I cant think of much of a better incentive than that. 




This is the first time I have every really written anything about myself and I don't really know at the moment how many times I will update this journal but was fun writing it. Might even become something I update regularly to just write down ideas or get out how I am feeling but will figure that out as I go.

Gonna jump back into the forums now but feel free to leave a message if you like, link me any books to read, music to listen to etc...  or even just show me a silly meme you found :)  

Have a great day everyone !


56bdf7c94b561_Ok_Im_done_Bye.thumb.jpg.6

 

Edited by AJ_Manley

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gentleman1.thumb.jpeg.538ac5dfb6a6e0d7d5 Journal 2nd Page, 5th Day 15/02/2016

This last week has been a... well not crazy but certainly different.

I started it thinking I wanted a change and as the days have gone on I have only added to the changes I want. I remembered countless conversations I have had with friends and family talking about how if you can change one thing and stick with it then you can change many things. So my first thing was to stop gaming. A feat I only truly accomplished on Thursday (11.02.16). So that is 4 full days of no video games at all and while I do look at that as a good thing, there is a thought in my mind that stays with me. The thought that I should be looking forward to try and find that fork in the road so I make sure I make the right choice and don't go driving off a cliff.


fork-in-the-road-what-now.thumb.jpg.d937


Well one I thing I have started to do is make a mental list of the things that I HAVE to do during the week and changing how I do them. Then doing the same for things I WANT to do.

Then I can try to find ways to combine the HAVE's and the WANT's
For instance shopping for food. I live a ten minute walk from a big supermarket but I always drive to it. I would say that its too cold, too dark or will take too long to walk etc. I also realised I was far more likely to drive or put off going to the shops all together at night time. So now I have a rule that if I need a big shop I do it on line and if I want something small I walk for it. Exercise is something I want to do more, not only because of my health but also because I know from personal experience that the more I energy I have the more awake and assertive I will become.

Another thing I have been doing is replying to emails and texts straight away. 
I have always taken ages to reply to messages regardless of who they are from and this has meant I have either missed out on opportunities or I simply haven't seem interested enough for the person to bother messaging again. 

This is something I can remember doing since getting my first phone.

bitch_reply_to_my_text.thumb.jpg.543a4f8



Just implementing these 2 rules has made a big difference for me so far.
Instead of sitting on Facebook and staring at my phone but not actually messaging anyone I have managed to organise 2 cinema trips and a lunch at a local pub with an old mate I haven't seen in over a year.

These plans were made by engaging properly with friends already around me.  It didn't even require me to be the first person to text or call, (something I have always found a challenge) but simply to realise that their messages are important and that if I don't see them as that I will continue to run the risk of becoming too isolated.

I need to stop typing so I get out of the house for a bit but here is a quote I found today I really like. I have linked in an article by the same guy and definitely think I will read more of them in the future.


''Call me crazy, but I believe that changing and improving your life requires destroying a part of yourself and replacing it with a newer, better part of yourself. It is therefore, by definition, a painful process full of resistance and anxiety. You can’t grow muscle without challenging it with greater weight. You can’t build emotional resilience without forging through hardship and loss. And you can’t build a better mind without challenging your own beliefs and assumptions.'' Mark Manson

http://markmanson.net/procrastination#.lgjsc0:vCJq

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tux_hat_cane_gentleman_sticker.thumb.jpgJournal 3rd Page (01/03/16)

I finally started a new job yesterday and I have gone from roughly 20 hours a week over 5 or 6 days to 40 hours a week over the same time period. 

This is bound to create two instances. The first is that I will have much less time to game, especially during the day. The second however is that I run the risk of gaming a lot more in the evenings when I am tired. 

So my task for this week is to come up with more things to do away from the laptop or the house, because if I am now making more money, I should use the little time I have free to spend some of it :) 

It is my birthday later on this week and of course I haven't organised anything. At least if I can see a few mates for a few hours I can have a few beers. 

14409648575374-ah8fa.thumb.jpg.7622e668f


Another thing I think I need to do is post on here more. Even if its just that I make sure I am updating the journal once a week, getting into a good habit will only help.

 

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Hi Alex!
Keeping yourself occupied with work or other activities is a great way to deal with gaming. I find myself having less interest in gaming after a day of work, because I replaced it by other activities like playing guitar or reading. Avoid boredom at all costs and you will find it easier to refrain from gaming.

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Hi Alex!
Keeping yourself occupied with work or other activities is a great way to deal with gaming. I find myself having less interest in gaming after a day of work, because I replaced it by other activities like playing guitar or reading. Avoid boredom at all costs and you will find it easier to refrain from gaming.

Your_so_right.thumb.jpg.d6323ea1baab1578

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Gentleman.thumb.png.1ca78816828ffab68225 Journal 4th Page (14/03/16)  Standards, Must's and a Crappy 25th Birthday

Raise your standards !

and

Change all the  " should's to "must's"

 

These are two new rules I am using right now.
I have been upset with many parts of my life for a long time. I haven't chased any dreams and let others make major decisions for me.
With starting my new job I decided I would be myself. I wouldn't be quiet and keep to myself. I wouldn't refrain from saying what I think of the job and the people I work with, good or bad. I would make a conscious effort to engage with people to find out more about them instead of sitting on the sidelines. 
I have only been with the new job for a little over two weeks and doing this has made a world of difference. Not only am I getting along with everyone I work with but I also feel like I am part of a real team effort and that I can much more easily bring up concerns than previously. 
It may not be the greatest paid job or the most exciting by any stretch but I can honestly say that I learn something new everyday about the people I work with, and that makes the work itself far more enjoyable. 

I have struggled with contacting friends for as long as I can remember. If others didn't arrange nights out and events for me then they wouldn't happen. Even just staying in touch with distant friends slowly became so difficult that I now only keep in touch with a few friends at all. 
My facebook for example has over 400 "friends" but I maybe speak to only 10 of those people. 

Now while I still find it hard to initiate contact with friends I have decided to change those "should's to must's". So if I think of a mate and wonder how they are doing and think "Hey I should text them soon and find out" then I have to do it straight away and not just pretend I will do it later.

This year I turned 25 years old. For my birthday I went out for dinner with my girlfriend..

That is all I did. 

I didn't see friends, I didn't make memories, I didn't even see my parents. 
It was seriously one of the worse birthdays I can remember, when its meant to be one of the best. 
Why? Because I made no effort to do anything. I let it slip past and I pretended I wasn't bothered my mates did nothing with me.

In fact I was bothered. I was disappointed and I am very angry with myself for letting my life get to a point where my birthday means so little. 
I know I deserve better and the people around me deserve a better person than I have been to them. 

So the job is going well, what now?

Well now I need to use that wonderful thing called a calender. I have heard it helps to make plans further than a week in advance, something I am truly terrible at. 
I am meeting up with a new band this Friday so might be joining a band again which would be great (I play bass guitar, trumpet and piano).
Then more exercise. I stood on some scales a couple of days ago and I have never been heavier. Looking into local fitness groups in my area instead of just joining the gym as I want to keep improving my social skills at the same time and it can't hurt to get to know people near where I live. 

Everyday_Im_Shufflin_Calendar.thumb.jpg.



 

Edited by AJ_Manley

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I haven't chased any dreams and let others make major decisions for me.

I can definitely relate to this. I've never chased dreams either. I hardly know what my dreams are because I haven't done anything else besides play videogames my entire life. I'm hoping to change that. I imagine you are too. We'll do it together. 

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I haven't chased any dreams and let others make major decisions for me.

I can definitely relate to this. I've never chased dreams either. I hardly know what my dreams are because I haven't done anything else besides play videogames my entire life. I'm hoping to change that. I imagine you are too. We'll do it together. 

Sounds great to me :) , wish me luck!

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                                       (    Prepare for pointless photos :)    )

skull_top_hat_gentleman_orange_postcard.

 



Hi everyone :) First off I am not an English Gentleman! 
What do I mean by the phrase 'An English Gentleman'?   

Well for me it brings up a few different things in my head. The first is a picture like this 

 

Singing_in_the_Rain.thumb.gif.b7277337a4
 
and the second is this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d27gTrPPAyk

Now to be clear I haven't seen even seen Singin' in the Rain nor am I a big Sting fan but to me an English Gentleman is an ideal. Something I can work towards.

Why? 

Well I am 24 and I live in Bedfordshire, a county in England that I have lived in most of my life.
You probably haven't heard of it and don't worry your not missing out massively! Though you may know the closest town to my house which is Luton.

I have always admired men and women who (at least on the surface) have lots of confidence, energy and care for others around them. The local businessman, the independent writer, the powerhouse musician, we all have different images in our heads but one of the greatest mistakes I every made was to believe that confidence especially is is something your born with. 


You_my_friend_talk_bollocks.thumb.jpg.fb


Oh indeed its bollocks. 

So if your not just born with it then how do you get it? 

Well I'm not sure yet... but I am damn excited to find out! 


Hey I am Alex. If you have read through this far thank you, it does mean a lot and as you have probably noticed I talk very randomly sometimes so if you want me to explain something with a bit less memes let me know :).

Some quick facts about me.
I am 24 years old, I will be 25 on the 4th March 2016. 
I love music, politics, funny memes, comedy shows, war stories, psychology and travelling.

I love these things, but I have never developed a PASSION involving them. I mean that I have never concentrated on one thing I love long enough to use it to further my life or my experiences in any major way. 

I simply haven't achieved much in my life. I have 'lived' my life in games, and the majority of the time playing games that aren't even online or 'social'. 

This has meant that I have had largely the same friends I have always had from school, and when I have met new people or groups I have found it difficult to stick with them. The majority of the time because I haven't engaged with them about what they love and what they do in their lives. 

This week I stopped gaming. Full stop. 

I want to exercise more. I want to meet more people and have interesting conversations. I want to see places instead of just looking them up on the internet and I want to make my life happier. 

The best thing I know right now. At this second as I am typing is this..  is that if I am happy I can make the ones I love happier too.

I cant think of much of a better incentive than that. 




This is the first time I have every really written anything about myself and I don't really know at the moment how many times I will update this journal but was fun writing it. Might even become something I update regularly to just write down ideas or get out how I am feeling but will figure that out as I go.

Gonna jump back into the forums now but feel free to leave a message if you like, link me any books to read, music to listen to etc...  or even just show me a silly meme you found :)  

Have a great day everyone !


56bdf7c94b561_Ok_Im_done_Bye.thumb.jpg.6

 

DUDE I'm from Houghton Regis! :D Where abouts you from? Are you still on the gaming detox?

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@Falky I don't know if you know this but you can delete parts of the quoted session if you want to. If you knew and jsut want to quote the whole section jsut ignore this ;)

Yeh I know, but I'm just efficient (lazy) and prefer to quote it all xD

 

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DUDE I'm from Houghton Regis! :D Where abouts you from? Are you still on the gaming detox?

Hey Damn that is close to me !! :D

I am in Bedfordshire, in Flitwick if you know it, basically between Bedford and Luton. 

I haven't been doing the gaming detox, mainly just been been cutting down the hours of gaming I do per week atm but might start the detox in the future if need be :)

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Hey Damn that is close to me !! :D


I am in Bedfordshire, in Flitwick if you know it, basically between Bedford and Luton. 

I haven't been doing the gaming detox, mainly just been been cutting down the hours of gaming I do per week atm but might start the detox in the future if need be

:)

Yeah yeah I know it, have some family there :), what a small world ^^.

N yeah I'm coming up to a month's detox I may start again moderately to see how it goes.

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Gentleman5.thumb.jpg.67eee99828d7dcdb7dd Journal 5th Page (23/03/16)

The new job is going well so far, looking forward to getting paid finally! Get on with everyone at work really well which helps.
Chatting with new musicians in hopes of starting a new band which will be awesome (I play bass, piano and trumpet).

Looking forward to saving up money over the summer and deciding where I want to go on holiday next summer or next March (for my birthday).
happy_Birthday_you_dirty_pirate_hooker.t                                        Reykyavik.thumb.jpg.d0551d307ed8652f938c

At the moment the top of the list goes to Reykjavik.  Husky / reindeer sledging, hot springs and the Northern lights sound pretty sweet to me :D !

So as the job is going well and I am assuming it will continue to the next challenges are 
1. Get fitter. I got on the scales last week and I have never wieghted more so that needs to change big time. So gonna look into fitness groups around Bedfordshire as well as do more workouts at home.

2. Decide whether I am happy living with my girlfriend or not. Now this one is a bit trickier because at the moment I am experiencing depression and anxiety and obviously don't want to walk away from something good if that is the reason for the problem. I am taking counselling and going through the motions through but am starting to get mentally prepared to leave if I need to. Think I would be quite happy living alone and I know my family and friends would be supportive so that helps.

I_should_go.thumb.jpg.49b05d121df56a83f1

So that is me up to date anyway, let's see what the next few weeks bring :)

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Hey Damn that is close to me !! :D


I am in Bedfordshire, in Flitwick if you know it, basically between Bedford and Luton. 

I haven't been doing the gaming detox, mainly just been been cutting down the hours of gaming I do per week atm but might start the detox in the future if need be

:)

Yeah yeah I know it, have some family there :), what a small world ^^.

N yeah I'm coming up to a month's detox I may start again moderately to see how it goes.

Yeah well definitely let me know how it goes for you. I have just decided today to start the detox and see how I go. Haven't got anything to lose that is for sure ! :)

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gentleman1.thumb.jpeg.948055c61d2c03cfb1 Journal 6th Page (30/03/16) DETOX TIME Day 2 

Decided to completely stop gaming again. I have been playing a bit on lots of different games and consoles over the last few weeks and while I haven't spent a lot of time on each one I I don't want to get drawn into spending money or indeed any more time on something I am definitely not enjoying as much as I once did.

So with that in mind today I uninstalled Steam. Something which took my laptop a long time considering how many games I have installed ! 
Next I have given myself a deadline of the end of May to get rid of my Xbox 1 and 360. Been mentioning it to friends and my girlfriend the last few days too so that should help with accountability! Time to find out if going cold turkey and doing the detox will help. It sure can't make things worse :P 

Taking extra shifts at work so while that won't leave me a lot of spare time in the next couple of weeks it will at least help get me out the small debt hole I have. 
Finally got in contact with a few fitness group around my area too so can start getting a bit healthier too, just walking more and eating a healthier isn't enough.

Only thing I need to do before going to work now is decide a good way to celebrate once I get to 90 days without gaming!
Got to keep the positive thoughts coming and come up with more goals to put on the calendar too :D


fuckyeah.thumb.jpg.75c0eb72ba543dc793458

Favourite Lyrics at the moment :D 

"How young are you gonna be when you die?
I guess I've never really thought about that
You're dying when you start thinking like that
All I know is time is undefeated so far"

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It looks like you are using your willpower exactly right. It is important to create an environment where it is easy to fullfill your goals. Starting positive habbits like a morning routine are in the same category. They enable you to have more energy for the things that matter to you. Good luck just ask if you need any input or ahve problems.

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It looks like you are using your willpower exactly right. It is important to create an environment where it is easy to fullfill your goals. Starting positive habbits like a morning routine are in the same category. They enable you to have more energy for the things that matter to you. Good luck just ask if you need any input or ahve problems.

Much appreciated thanks :D

Definitely need to get a good morning routine worked out ! 

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