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Mark1520

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Hi there,

My name is Mark, I'm 22 years old and I live in The Netherlands. I think I've been a game addict for over 10 years. Since I was bullied in school and my parents were arguing, kind of a lot (which resulted in a divorce later on), gaming was my safe-zone. My go-to place where I could escape reality and be happy. I was a pretty good student but the bullying held me back. In 1st year of secondary school my grades where as high as they go, but I didn't fit in at all. I was constantly being picked on and I wasn't happy. I loved learning new things but I started to hate school. 

The Social Aspect

After a while I started to focus more on the social aspect, trying to fit in. This kind of worked but my school work suffered. About 2 years later I did absolutely nothing. I was constantly worrying about my social life and how I could try to fit in. At this point the only things I did was going to school, gaming and sometimes going out with some 'friends' I managed to make. The amount of time I spent at school started to decrease as I felt more and more uncomfortable. At one point I just hated everything to do with school. And I skipped classes so I could stay at home and play games all day. Now my grades still weren't that bad. Kind of average, really. Somehow I still managed to pass tests so nobody really noticed how bad I was feeling. 

At this point, I didn't even know how to study properly anymore. I hadn't done it for a few years. So by the time I had my finals. I just COULDN'T study. I wanted to, but I COULDN'T. All I did was gaming 10+ hours a day and I felt really bad about it. Luckily, I still managed to pass my exams.. Kind of a miracle, really.

So after my exams I had to move on to go to college. People expected me to.. And then the shit happened. I couldn't study, I still didn't fit in and felt uncomfortable at school, so often I pretended to go to school so I could stay home at play games for 10-16 hours a day. This went on for years.. I felt so miserable.. When my parents finally got a divorce, I pretended that it was all their fault. And I kept going. Pretending to go to school but staying at home, playing games.

I Needed Help..

Then after my 3rd failure at finishing a year in college, I was sick of it. I needed help.. When I went for my 4th attempt (already wasted 3 years) I knew that I needed someone to help me out with this. To help me get on my way and help to stay focussed. I made an appointment with a study coach. Someone who could help you with any troubles you might have with schoolwork etc. It provided me with some sort of outlet as well.. 

Minas Tirith Has Fallen

I was always very introvert. Never really said much about personal things. Kept it to myself, behind a nice big set of walls. It was like freaking Minas Tirith in my head. Kept everything from everyone. I realized the city had to fall though. It had to if I were to move on in life.. And so I besieged it.. I tore down every single wall, and started to open op. I had some immense breakdowns along the way, where I couldn't control my emotions. But I showed myself to the world. Just the study coach at first. Then later to my parents. They were shocked, ofcourse. Told them things (bullying, hating school, divorce stuff, gaming all day) they never knew. At the same time I was in some sort of psychology treatment program, which helped a lot! I felt so much better! But even in my 4th attempt: no succes.. I still couldn't study and I was still just playing games in my spare time.. Everything else I tried just felt boring to me. I wanted to read books, but all I thought was: "but gaming is so much more fun". Wanted to play guitar.. "but gaming..." Wanted to exercise more "but gaming.." Wanted to set up my own business "but.. gaming". I tried everything.. Positive psychology to start with. Told myself I could do anything I set my mind to. And still, no succes. Subconscious messages flashing across my pc screen: Nope. Meditation in the morning: Nope. 

Even though I felt much more aware of what was really going on in my head and how my thoughts affected my actions, I still had a really hard time focussing on schoolwork. I also had some awesome ideas about how to make money and what I wanted to do in life. I just had so many struggles with actually DOING all those things. And after a while, I decreased the time I went to college again and.. you guessed it.. went back to playing video games 12+ hours a day even though I knew I would NEVER make progress this way. I needed to stop.. I wanted to stop.

And how about now?

I recently saw Cam's video's on YouTube and was like: "Omg, I'm not alone.. I'm not alone.." so many things he said in those videos.. It matched EXACTLY with how I was feeling.. I wanted to stop playing video games but I just couldn't.. I wanted to set up my own business, but I just couldn't put in the work.. I wanted to work hard for college stuff, but I just couldn't.. I wanted to do something worthwhile, but I couldn't.. I wanted to progress in life, but I couldn't.. 

Now I'm doing the 90-day detox program and I'm currently on day 4 (yay). It's been pretty hard but I've got an awesome person backing me up and it's going great! I'm sure I will succeed and live the life I've always wanted to live.. I'm sure of it. I feel better already!

I'm sorry for the very long post, I just needed to get it off my chest and share it with you guys. 

Stay strong!

- Mark

Edited by Mark1520
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Hey Mark! It's great to have you join us here. There are other members from The Netherlands as well. Thank you for sharing your story, it's powerful to open up in this way and there are so many aspects of your story that are very similar to mine. Congrats on day 4 so far. The 90 day detox is the right step for you. We're here for you. :)

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Hello Mark

Welcome to the community. We have all have had very similar problems. I really respect the way you opened up to your parents because I found this to be very very hard but well done for doing that. Congratulation on you progress so far. I was abstinent for 45 days then relapsed to playing games for 30 days and so this is my second attempt, so far 3 days clean... no games, streams, internet time wasting and my diet/gym is going great to.  

So dont worry man, good things will your way. Keep us updated on your progress or lack of! Either way, I am confident that you will succeed because it seems that 1) you have a strong DESIRE to quite and 2) you seem DETERMINED to do it

Hope to hear from you soon

Theo

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Thank you Cam! I think that's the strength of GameQuitters. We can all relate to each other's story. I've always thought I was alone in this, and now I know I'm not. And that motivates me to finally move on from gaming and succeed in life instead. 

Thanks Theo! It really wasn't easy. I told them to be quiet and not interrupt me beforehand so it would be easier for me to keep talking, so that kind of helped. Day 5 and counting! I've wasted some time looking at useless stuff on the internet yesterday, but I picked myself up afterwards. Good to hear it's going great. Our journeys won't be easy, but atleast we can support each other to make things a bit easier. I will keep you updated! Might start a daily journal. Thanks for your kind words! And yes, I definitely WANT to quit. It's been years of almost no progress.. This has to end. This will end! 

Wish you all the best!

- Mark

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Hi Mark and welcome ☺

I want to thank you for giving me the oppertunity to read your story, I believe life have been unfair to you but you are very strong and your post is a proof of that.

It takes guts and strenght to open up like you did and share your life with others, I am impressed and I wish I could be more like you ☺.

I will follow your journal with great interest and hope to find inspiration for my detox journey I am making now aswell, thank you for being awesome!

Edited by Danielk
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Hi Mark and welcome ☺

I want to thank you for giving me the oppertunity to read your story, I believe life have been unfair to you but you are very strong and your post is a proof of that.

It takes guts and strenght to open up like you did and share your life with others, I am impressed and I wish I could be more like you ☺.

I will follow your journal with great interest and hope to find inspiration for my detox journey I am making now aswell, thank you for being awesome!

Hi Daniel,

Thank you! Your words mean a lot to me. I used to be very closed and introvert. But I realized I wasn't happy that way and sharing my thoughts with others has proved much better, for myself, but also for the people around me. It wasn't easy to change like that though. But I'm glad I did.

I look forward to seeing your progress in the 90-day detox! I will follow your progress. We'll get there. We can do it :)

Stay strong. Stay motivated!

- Mark

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