You are not missing out on anything

[allanjchiang]

To those (like me) who feel jealous of other people relapsing or "playing some games for 30 minutes on the weekend". Don't worry. You are not missing out on anything. There are only marvelous gains to be had from continuing on this journey without gaming.

[wheatbiscuit]

You're absolutely right, to say that everyone who's worried about missing out while abstaining - especially during a first detox - shouldn't be. I can say that confessing all of my sporadic urges to play or daydream about playing during my 90 days off (which went on for 5 months, if I recall correctly) really worked, and were so rewarding that I couldn't put it into good enough words of gratitude or appreciation - not for lack of trying, either.

What happened to me personally was after 5 months off, I bravely attended a 'slumber party' (for grown boys 😄) and went out the following day to enjoy it. However, the two homies I was with forgot something essential about my social anxieties whilst out and I felt so let down that I resorted back to my problem game, with eventual gusto. It's even in my forum signature now (though it may not have been then) - 'HALTED' = Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired/Environmentally-stressed/Dehydrated - and I was all of them at the time. I don't know if I actually consciously decided to advance a gaming profile as far as I did, during the following week, but I certainly went home and thought so much about 'the good/better' times spent playing such that I ended up simply collapsing and embracing them once more. 

Much like re-reading the Harry Potter series for the 12th time, there has always been a way of improving the amount of 'data' and feedback from my problem game. What I've done in the last 24 hours has felt positively wholesome, but I know that it isn't. I'm just trying to find out what my real-world limits are again now, with a designated 'safe space'. One problem with that is that time shows no mercy unless we show it first, most likely.

Thanks for posting a discussion topic that's successfully guilted this addict.

[wheatbiscuit]

This is a bit of a risk, but I was reading and my brain hovered over something about sales tactics and general persuasion. If I've suggested sincerely, as my only piece of advice, that if a list of advantages is longer, outweighs or are substantially better than the list of disadvantages, a person should, or even must proceed - I still have doubts whether I could ever have meant it. Because there are needs I tend to have when it comes to convincing, like perhaps a well-and-fairly-fought battle being lost, in person, over a factsheet, in ordered company. I don't know, something like that. If it seems unfair, or to a lesser extent, inconsistent, I'm unlikely to properly participate.

I would have some regret if I knew for certain that AllanJC/OP (here) read one or more of my posts this year and thought, 'F this, red flags and small bits of advice don't work on this Matt/Wheatbiscuit character', but I don't know. It just seemed plausible. I also however desire caution against the 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' line, when it comes to various communities. It would surprise me if Allan was gaming right now, to be honest. Rather, there probably are a few other places where decent education and skills would do better. Have you ever seen The Simpsons' AA meeting, where a character keeps a liquor bottle inside his shaped bible interior? If I could clearly see myself in that way; 'Yikes', indeed. No, I tried a small cost-benefit list everyday before signing in, but just didn't write it down. The difference is using those lists for serious personal gain, and what is being weighed against. I don't have all of those answers, but no one individual does, I think. That's why I've posted here at the same time as playing that game.

Godspeed, all.

Edited July 9 by wheatbiscuit
grammar