Relapse...Starting Detox

[Enigma777]

Hey Gamequitters team,

I'm new around here. Only discovered Cam's videos a short while ago.

I have been gaming since childhood and grew up in a gaming household. Earliest gaming experience that really sucked me in was Zelda: Ocarina of Time. During my teens, I played Diablo 2, Morrowind, EverQuest 2, Flyff, Rappelz, and countless other games I cannot even remember to be honest. In my 20s I gamed a lot on newer titles, especially, Guild Wars 2, Diablo 3, Path of Exile, and Grim Dawn. I threw in WoW and Heroes of the Storm (MOBA) for good measure. Somehow, I managed to work full-time, go to school full-time, and stay somewhat involved at church and social events, while keeping my marriage together. It meant every bit of free time was gaming, with late nights and long weekends all too often.

When I turned 30 and started my master's degree I was smart enough to put the PC up for good. Apart from a 2-week relapse into Hearthstone, I didn't game at all for 6.5 - 7 years. I still spent time on the phone and watching TV shows, but the game-brain was gone for the most part.

Somehow, amid the stress of life and in the middle of a second master's degree, I stumbled into Diablo Immortal and downloaded it. It just felt good to do the old loot grind again. A few binges on that, and I quickly remembered that they had remastered Diablo 2. This was a craving for me even back when they first released it, but now my guards were down all the way. So, I bought a PC rig I couldn't afford just to play Diablo 2: Resurrected. Got a hardcore necro up to 86, died before I beat Act 5 Hell. Started another necro and made it all the way through. I felt accomplished and loved the rush of nostalgia attached to that game. I relived the old times. Then I went to see if my old stuff was still on Heroes of the Storm. Yep, all my characters, especially Illidan, were just waiting for me to play them. I did, and man, it was so much fun! However, I started pulling 8-hour sessions when I only planned on 2-3 hour sessions. That's when even the wife was like, "Man, you're playing a lot again, remember, that stuff can be addictive for you." 

That stung a bit, but it got me to realize it. Not long after that, I had my Blizzard BattleNet account deleted for the first time ever, all gone now. So I haven't done any more gaming since then (that was like 2 weeks ago). However, I still find myself scrolling, YouTubing random stuff, putting off work on my thesis, and feeling that "other stuff is boring" feeling again. I still have the PC I bought, and I find myself planning what I am gonna play once I get some real time on my hands again (winter/summer). I know however, that this will just suck me in to a pure gaming mindset, no matter how many times I promise to play a game "just to experience it once" (looking at you Skyrim). These games are designed to make you want to come back to them over and over. Even when you get truly bored with a game, hundreds are being marketed in your face, just waiting for you to take the bait.

I decided today to do a real detox (90 days at least), not just from games, but from scrolling, needless TV, YouTube, and all the other digital mind-numbing stuff that is just a click away. I'm hopeful.

Thanks for listening!

[wheatbiscuit]

Yep, and the guilt of planning for just 2-3 hours (or even less) and lost motivation for things that might be super beneficial to one's life, family and world can leave a horrible, almost unnameable empty feeling.

Welcome and godspeed.

[WilderDaze]

Peace of mind, that is what I strive for. And I didn't know what it actually was until I quit gaming. You will eventually learn to prioritize those calm moments of doing almost nothing, but it will take time. I'm looking forward to seeing your journey. Welcome!

[Enigma777]

Thanks for the encouragement!

I have had times (and years) where I could appreciate the little stuff and quiet times. Crazy how quickly you can lose that ability by immersing into games again. Still going strong with the detox, but got a ways to go still.

Blessings to you both!