90 Days no social media

[Earth_is_beautiful]

Hello everyone

This is my first post, and I'm here because I'm tired of spending hours rotting in my bed because of doomscrolling. I used social media, especially YouTube and Discord as a replacement for gaming, but I also used them because I struggle with socializing in real life. Those apps allowed me to "connect" with people and have "friends" without much effort. 

In reality though these connections are shallow. They can never be as fulfilling as real life friendships. Additionally, a lot of those friendships, or friends of my friends on Discord, would show toxic behavior. And they would get upset over the minor inconvenience. When I was addicted, I thought that behavior was normal. I now realize it isn't. 
 

I want to break free from the grasp Discord and YouTube have had on me. I want to be more confident in my abilities, be more social, and overall just try random things. I want to have diverse experiences I can talk about when I'm older, and staying online will not allow that. That is why I'm shutting down social media for 90 days 
 

 

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I so badly wanted to watch YouTube today. My brain was saying "oh one video can't hurt" the reality is it can and it will. 
 

mostly spent the day packing for a trip. I've been reading atomic habits too, and it's been inspiring and has helped me rethink how to approach my habits and lifestyle. Amazing book. Through it I have found a love for reading

[Ameissen]

Great job Earth.

Yes, that "one video can't hurt" thought is a lie as you recognized. Good job navigating into doing something else.

This all gets easier as time goes on, though never let your guard down. Better, just keep being proactive, posting on here and educating yourself with something to inspire you to continue your 90 days of no social media everyday. That is what I'd recommend, as it is what I've found is especially helpful after over a decade of addiction recovery efforts.

I'm glad you're enjoying Atomic Habits. Reading is quite awesome. Your social skills will improve further as your dopamine recovers, and so will the pleasure and love you feel for reading increase as you progress on this recovery path.

Andrew

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I relapsed. I noticed my reason for relapsing was because of my want to see what drama is happening. In terms of a toxic discord server I was in. I noticed my brain would say "ooh what are they complaining about today?" It did this cause I kept wanting to show myself I was better for leaving and for knowing how toxic the environment was. 
 

That's ego talk. The reality is no one is superior to anyone. We are all going at our own paces. Just because they don't realize yet, doesn't mean they're dumber. I don't have to focus on the drama. It really only keeps social media's grasp on me, as social media is filled with drama. I can find out what people are up to through the old fashioned way of socializing. 
 

Filling my time with hobbies and goals will preoccupy my mind so my ego doesn't search for someone to look better than. There is no one life that's better or ahead, we're all going at different speeds.

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I've been praying more frequently to God, and reading the Bible, and I think my religion has been helping me in terms of not giving in to my temptations. 
 

Ive also been getting into exercise which has been helping too. It's scary to know how much of it I ignored by staring at my screen all day. 
 

Still use my phone a lot, which is not ideal, but it's where my Bible app is so I think it's okay. I want to make other non-phone goals as well. I'm thinking of writing a short-story about my experience with social media, Discord specifically, but it could apply to all social media. I want to fictionalize my experience, and have separate characters for it. 
 

In terms of career goals, I am looking for jobs, but in the meantime I also want to learn HTML to code my own website (learned Python earlier this year and I enjoy learning programming). I also want to be able to speak Spanish, which will be helpful in my career. If anyone has any resources to learn Spanish, please share with me!

[allanjchiang]

Well done on starting to exercise. It makes you happier. I would recommend starting small. The easier it is, the less motivation you need. Maybe just 3 knee push ups a day to start with. The most important part is building the habit. When you feel like it, you can do more but set an easy goal to start with. 

As for Spanish, I would highly recommend this Spanish anki deck: https://ankiweb.net/shared/info/638411848

Make sure you read the manual too.

I can really appreciate the amount of time and effort you put into writing these journals and self development. Keep it up. You got this.

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I hate how everything is digitized now. I don't use instagram but when I did even my irl friends their only form of communication with me when we didn't see each other was sending me Instagram memes. 
 

this doesn't mean they're bad friends or I have to get rid of them, or they're not socially available that couldn't be farther from the truth. they're honestly some of my best friends. But it just goes to show how normalized spending hours on social media has become. Even for people who aren't addicted and spend 24/7 on it.

 

Like my parents and those real life friends I mentioned. They're not addicted to social media. They'd rather do anything else. They like not being on their phones all the time. But they still spend 1-2 hours a day scrolling and looking for memes to send people. 
 

 

it's disgusting how much these fake platforms have grabbed us, even if we're not addicted or ignoring other parts of our life. I wish I could say this so loud everyone could hear it and change their ways. But I know that's not how it works.

[Earth_is_beautiful]

Since I'm off social media, I essentially need to train my brain to accept and want challenges / adversity / long term dopamine again. With video games, social media, or tv, after a while we crave that instant gratification and forget what it's like to have long term gratification. We think it's disgusting because it requires us to put in effort.

Something I realized is I couldn't answer a question of why I'm not using social media anymore. I can list the downsides of it sure, but the downsides are just facts. What do I want to achieve in my life that social media would prohibit? Why do I want to sacrifice social media? These are the questions I feel I need to answer. To give me a solid ground to base my choices around. And to remind me why I quit in the first place.

 

Once I figure that out I can start crafting a schedule to make progress to my life goals one step at a time.

[wheatbiscuit]

1 hour ago, Earth_is_beautiful said:

Since I'm off social media, I essentially need to train my brain to accept and want challenges / adversity / long term dopamine again. With video games, social media, or tv, after a while we crave that instant gratification and forget what it's like to have long term gratification. We think it's disgusting because it requires us to put in effort.

Some people I know have needed repetition to learn: writing, speaking, acting. I think that can create a kind of strain on the 'genuine'.

In high school, I again learned that even middle-level maths was satisfying because it, unlike strong, verbal reasoning, could be worked with abstractly. I did my best cardio (though before getting a gym membership) when I was thinking of math homework and catchy music.

Another forum member here, who I hope just happens to stumble upon this (😛) recommended a book whose writer said he liked to 'start taking souls' - passing by other joggers/swimmers/reasoned arguments with 'better' effort. Well, if it keeps you going, and doesn't do direct harm to others.. 

All forms of social media/entertaining videos are tough for me to talk about as a whole - I actually started to depend so much on my problem game that I mostly stopped bothering with them, in favour of 'real time' play. I reasoned that it was good for focus/concentration. 

One phrase I sometimes hear when putting something down is 'I'm not in love with' X/Y/Z as a habit/etc. What wouldn't you say that about?

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I discovered the answers to the questions I asked in my previous journal.

What do I want to achieve in my life that social media would prohibit?

- I want to be able to fully spend time with my family, God, friends, and anyone else I come across in this world. I want to genuinely listen to them and be present with them in every moment I can. God, family and friends are what I value higher than anything else. I learned that in the past I would have conversations with friends or family members, but I'd also be looking at my phone. I see this behavior as disrespectful now because they're choosing to tell me something and I'm not giving my full attention to them. Full connections with people is something social media would prohibit.

 

- Along similar lines, I want to have a positive impact on the people around me. Whether that's a family member, or a stranger. I recognize that it isn't my job to go out and try to improve everyone's lives. But if I can make someone's day a little bit better by helping out, and being able to provide, that's what I want. I want to grow my finances, I want to help out my body and be a productive contributing member of society. While doing so, I want to help my mom with chores as long as I still live with her and I want to help out in my community, especially since a lot of people near our house are in their 70s, 80s, and even 90s. I just want to do a good turn a day, and be a positive source of energy, which I wasn't in the past. I think by doing good, I will feel better and more confident. And social media would prohibit this.

 

Why do I want to sacrifice social media?

Quite simply. It's not fulfilling me in the same ways as it was anymore. It's just draining. It makes me a screen hog instead of being the person I want to be. Which is a productive, helpful, well-rounded, friendly, kind, confident, active and creative person. I don't exhibit any efforts using social media, nor do I attempt to problem solve (in my experience and from what I've seen social media just makes you complain about problems rather than finding solutions for them). Additionally relationships are hollow there, and does not provide me with an outlet to reach any of my goals. By sacrificing social media, I feel I can improve in the areas I've always wanted to improve, but at the time of using social media, had no idea how to. Doing this will make me a happier person. 
 

Today I am going to break down the person I want to be into achievable steps and figure out how exactly I can help others and be creative and productive and confident.

 

Post-Note: I relapsed again yesterday morning so I reset my timer. Today officially marks one day off social media. I downloaded a timer app and made it a widget on my phone, so if I went to my phone, I would see it and be reminded. 
 

 

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I wish smart phones weren't invented. They're all so garbage. Everything associated with smart phones are garbage. If we need to access the internet, computers, that's what people did when computers first started appearing. If you wanted to call a friend to hang out you would use a landline or a flip phone. 
 

now everyone is obsessed with smartphones and smart everything because it's the coolest shit ever and what would we do without them. We have full grown adults now, who grew up without phones and social media being attached to it, then calling you a jerk for saying they have an addiction. Even my mom who doesn't like social media spends 1-2 hours a day on it just scrolling. And when I told her today i wasn't gonna use it for 90 days she tried showing me a video on Facebook via her phone (I was sitting right next to her on the couch), then logged into YouTube on our family room tv to watch her YouTube premium show. I left when she did this but to both she said "oh I thought if it was through my phone it would be fine." And "it's not even YouTube it's a show on YouTube." I tried explaining that she still had to go to YouTube to even watch it so yes it is still YouTube but she didn't understand.

GOD WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING BRAIN DEAD AND SO FUCKING STUPID. "OH ITS MY PHONE SO YOURE NOT RELAPSING"

THAT IS THE DUMBEST LOGIC I'VE HEARD. 

I don't hate my mom, I do love her, and I have a fairly good relationship with her. But I hate the fact that she, like everyone else has lost any sense of sense and common integrity and lost all their fucking brain cells because of this stupid ass garbage screen bullshit. No one fucking thinks anymore. No one has any fucking common sense because "oooh screen bright screen fun, no effort for me." 
 

it's all fucking garbage and humanity is genuinely devolving because of this shit. 
I'm so fucking sick that so many people believe it's cool to not think anymore or to even attempt to do things with their life. I want to see everything social media related disappear forever. Because the worst part is, literally no one else besides a select minority recognizes it's as bad as a problem as it is. A majority understands social media has problems, but they haven't ever seen its long lasting impacts on anyone so they keep using it 

 

I tried getting my anger out by writing the prologue of my fictionalized social media story based on my experience. Which helped but not enough 

 

I'm going to bed now

[Earth_is_beautiful]

2 days of no social media. I've quickly noticed that I enjoy learning and just sitting in quiet or doing things much more than constantly bombarding myself with content.

I do want to fully appreciate every moment I have of doing everything. I want to appreciate every experience, but that's not happening. I enjoy the hobbies I do, and I do notice the long term satisfaction, but when times get tough I notice I still get upset. In the same way I would get upset over every little thing or every appearance of adversity when I was online. I am getting better at calming down almost instantly, but some things still shake me up here and there. I don't feel as though I'm ever fully in the present moment, appreciating everything around me. Whether good or bad.

It bothers me

Edited May 25 by Earth_is_beautiful

[Earth_is_beautiful]

3 days without social media. 
 

Though it's been a short time I'm already noticing the benefits being without it. I got some work done as well. 
 

My mom, dad, uncle and I all visited our summer home, and finish some more work so it's a welcoming space for summer use. It's an old house built in the 1800s, so we have to maintain it pretty frequently so it functions well. 
 

It's not too exhausting of work to maintain it. Even if it was it would pay off because it's in a beautiful area, and is right next to a beautiful lake. Anyway we worked on scraping and cleaning the roof as moss was overrunning it, and it was good honest work. There are other projects too which I helped my mom with yesterday. 
 

I notice the difference between being present and active in the real world compared to being on a screen. And it's so much better, this world is so beautiful, just the nature. I'm sad I didn't spend as much time as I should have when I was younger. I'm glad i get to experience it now.

[Earth_is_beautiful]

4 days without social media. I still view it as not a good space for dealing with emotions, and I haven't had any cravings for it. 
 

I learned this morning however that even without social media, I haven't learned what my emotions really are or what I feel. I think it's why I've been confused on any relationships I've had and stuff because I'm not sure how to express myself. Situations in my life have led to this and I need to take time to figure everything out 

journals will be less frequent because of it but also because I'm not sure what to say day after day 

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I learned I have a lot of anxiety. My anxiety is can be categorized into 3 different worries. These 3 worries is when my mind makes a catastrophe out of one small action. For example if I leave a charging cord plugged in overnight. I know it won't cause the house to burn down or start a fire, as I've kept my phone charging overnight multiple times. But my brain creates this huge what if scenario of the house burning down because I left my charger in. My brain will explicitly show me in my room with the house on fire as I try to escape.

 

My brain does this with two other sections too, that being health and if I'm going to get in trouble / disappointing people.

 

I have no idea where I picked up this anxiety because I've always believed people who make catastrophes out of small actions or small situations to be toxic attention seekers. I'm not that, but through learning this about myself, I notice how much work I still need to do in regards to thinking about others. I've never been egocentric, I've always cared about others. But I think being on social media as much as I have has silently influenced me to only worry about what will happen to me, or what others will think. Even though I've always thought that behavior was detestable and the people doing it were toxic and egocentric. 
 

The reality is, no one in the real world has to care what I think. Most of the population doesn't care what I do or what I think. The reason it seems otherwise is because social media blows up about people's thoughts and how it's not the same as theirs. The other reality is, in terms of my three fears, all of them are rare. Me doing every day things is not going to cause them. 
 

im so tired and I hate so much that i picked up this gross way of thinking. The thinking that one small thing will ruin my day. I honestly hate myself for it. And I hate how much I have been complaining and focusing on negativity and the flaws of others without realizing it. 
 

I want to worry less, focus on the positives and think about others rather than worrying what's going to happen to me. Most of the time stuff doesn't happen to you personally. I again picked up the way of thinking from social media who will complain how one consequence of an action, or one situation will ruin their entire life.

 

im so sick of it

[Earth_is_beautiful]

Imagining scenarios you could be in is stupid and a waste of time. That's what social media does it makes you imagine where you could be by looking at influencers and people with all these mansions and money at the beach. They do that so you either feel like shit or you just keep imagining what that would be like without putting in the actual work to get there. Cause work and effort sucks. That's the main message of social media and gaming. We don't want to face the hardships of life so we turn to screens.

 

i am done with it I am so done with it. 
from now on im going to journal weekly with a list of accomplishments i got done based on what my actual goals and aspirations are (which i still have to map out). This way i can steer clear of screens as much as possible. 
 

Fuck gaming, fuck social media

[Earth_is_beautiful]

Tired of failing myself. Tired of being addicted and destroying my life. 
 

I turn to social media because it's easy. I'm also afraid of doing something new and not being good at it instantly even though that's part of the process 

 

I know what I have to do, I'm just not applying it.

 

New bedtime is going to be 9:30-10:00pm and I'm going to get 8-9 hours of sleep a night. Sleep is the first thing I want to address. Productive members of society go to bed at a normal time 

 

Going to journal my progress here every day again 

[Earth_is_beautiful]

I've discovered what it is I want to do

it could change in the future 

but as of now...

I want to be active, i want to help / connect with people, and i want to play a musical instrument.

 

my whole life I've loved sports. And i want to do marketing, but specifically i want to do sports marketing. I realized my love for sports is what I've been wanting to do this whole time is be my own athlete at whatever. I've always found the sports community to be helpful and inspiring. 
 

the athletic hobbies i want to take part in are surfing, rock climbing, running, weightlifting, cycling, martial arts, and snowboarding. These are a lot of sports and I can't say I will do all of them, but I right now I'm in an experiment stage, and I want to try all of them.

 

helping and connecting with others. I realized the reason I struggled to make friends is because I had no clue where to start looking. My parents never really encouraged us to connect with others outside our hometown, which is understandable, but i never really got practice knowing how to make friends myself and seek possible friends out. 
 

I downloaded the app meetup, and I am using it to find events happening around my area that I can easily sign up for that has people my age to hang out with. Just registered for a board game night at a neighboring towns public library. Kinda nervous, but should be fun and I know this will boost my confidence. Besides this, I'm also planning on learning other languages so I can communicate with even more people. Specifically Spanish and Chinese, which should be beneficial for me as I'm entering the business world.

 

I want to learn a musical instrument just because I think it's a good skill to have and I'd love to create my own music or just play something, rather than sit and listen to music.

Things are finally looking bright 

[Earth_is_beautiful]

It's been hard for me to quit social media because i have no one really to talk about my day to day life with. I know they're not actually friends and everyone on social media only posts to show off how much fun they're having for likes, but not really having anyone to talk to about my day to day makes it difficult. I've been trying to meet people in real life, and the event I found through the Meetup app is happening tomorrow, so that will be good. But, I only really have myself. I do have my parents and my brother, but my brother has always been ignorant, and not too pleasant to talk to, and my parents kind of think their way is the best way. So my day to day social situation isn't really helped all that much.

[Earth_is_beautiful]

Day 1 

 

made it to day one today. I managed to apply to 5 jobs, wrote a cover letter template after always dreading them. Completed a good leg and ab workout, and had a nice dinner with my family. After this journal, im going to read or listen to music. 
 

I kind of feel weird because i feel like a robot and not satisfied. I realize now that that's because im shifting to a new life, away from the 24/7 no effort stimulation that took over my life. My brain and body are not used to doing tasks different from that. As of now, my brain is thinking "oh I have to do this, this is why im doing it." Which is fine starting out. It's like we all know, anything that's actually rewarding provides delayed gratification. Gratification that only builds up over time, or only happens after months or years of consistent effort. We have to journey through the tough beginning. It's not instant dopamine like social media gives. 
 

additionally, the hobbies I did today are peaceful. My goal in leaving social media was to get more of a peace of mind, be less angry, judge less, focus more on the positives, worry less. My brain is not used to this quiet yet. It's used to all the yelling and screaming on social media. That's why I feel weird or autonomous right now. Time has to be given for my brain and my body to adjust. I can't say when that will happen, but it will, and being patient right now, is the most important thing I can do.