Day 1 Recovery and Honesty

[erfan]

I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place, but hi I'm a new member and my name is Erfan.

I have been addicted to Dota on and off for 13 years, wow thats crazy to think about since in 27, nearly half my life. It became a real REAL issue for me in my second year of university, where i discovered that at the University Computer Club (UCC), people would regularly go there to game with friends. That room became my escape from reality for my second and third year of university. I would go and play Dota from 8am-8pm and come home to sleep, just to go back the next day and continue. I was a pretty good student, but after starting to visit this room, everything else in my life took a backseat and I gave up on uni, failing about half of my units. This room was a secret from my family but my friends knew I would go there, but at the end of my 3rd year of uni, my family found out what I'd been doing and helped me find a therapist who diagnosed me with ADD and put me on medication. The medication allowed me to concentrate for the first time, and I made a promise to "prove to myself" that I'm not failing uni because I'm dumb, I just got hooked on a game and wasn't trying. And I honestly turned my life around, getting distinctions and high distinctions the next semester and showing myself that i can live a good life if i commit. 

I worked for a few years and life was pretty good, but a year ago I came back to university, where once again I was tempted to visit UCC. And to a shock to absolutely nobody, I became addicted. But this time nobody knows, I couldn't tell my friends or family that I'd relapsed, they thought I'd beaten my addiction and turned my life around. I've been barely getting by at university this year and keeping this secret has been wearing at me mentally to an extent I'm not sure I acknowledge. I've become extremely anxious, even though I've always been confident and self assured. The gaming is an issue, don't get me wrong, but the lying and secrecy is complete poison. Thats why I'm creating this post, and vouching to come back for 75 days and write about my experience. At the moment I still don't have the courage to tell my friends or family about my predicament, so whoever is reading this will have to do for now. 

My goals by the end of the 75 days are pretty simple:

1) Don't play or watch dota for 75 days

2) Build up the courage to tell a friend or family member about what I've been hiding

3) Report here every day for 75 days

 

Thank you for reading, and leave me a message letting me know I'm not the only one, or weak and crazy. 

[allanjchiang]

I hate competitive games haha

Good luck! You won't need it.