Befriending the Fox

[Goku]

Om

 

So befriending the nine tailed fox here. Not gonna be easy. It’s normal to feel like I want to lock him away forever or just avoid him completely. But, I don’t see a life that works right with him completely gone.

Games are more or less part of my job at this point. I do enjoy them honestly. They aren’t fully good or bad like everything in this life.

 

I figure if I got back into guitar I could minimize game time to almost nothing. I’ve been enjoying marvel rivals. I read an interesting study stating attractive people game less because they have more social opportunities. Gaming doesn’t make one less attractive unless it’s taken to an extreme that reduces hygiene, sleep or nutrition etc.

 

That makes me want to get more attractive so I can make friends. I really want some good close relationships irl. Yes I’ll probably see A today and I can ask him when he wants to get together to play guitar perhaps. 
 

He also likes to play helldivers. I mean…..idk. Guitar could be a good replacement behavior for games tbh. Heh I tried handpan. But that thing was way more uncomfortable on my body to play than the guitar honestly.  Plus A said he could teach me to read music for guitar playing and I like singing which works a lot easier with guitar than handpan.

 

ommmmmm

 

So I have an agreement with my therapist which is to game or stay up no later than midnight on Friday Saturday. No later than 11pm Sunday through Thursday. I have a hard on for discipline and I often want to get up at 7am daily sleep at 1030pm daily. 365 days a year. Perfect disciplined routine

Ngl just reading that back to myself feels like it’s awesome and very militant. It just isn’t for me. I need a little fun. 
 

Om

I need help. I could quit games I could binge em. Moderating them feels really really daunting. I need this site for support. Even if it’s just posting my journal reading others and commenting or liking their post

Edited April 5 by Goku

[Goku]

Idk why but I want to post more here. I feel it’ll help me gain insight into the problem and the solution.

 

The problem: 

I don’t much know if I have any better alternatives to gaming for de stress and entertainment .

The problem is when I game or watch tv alone. I get this feeling like I’m dissolving into nothingness in a not so cute way. I feel I am vegetating and just some otaku person. It feels gross and lonely. I dun like it 😞 

 

Breathe ~

Games haven’t been out of control for me for a while thankfully and honestly that’s thanks to this site. 

Barriers to entry and replacement behaviors do help. 
 

The Solution:

I want to visualize the good life and how gaming is involved in it.

Ommmmmmm

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Singing and playing guitar or…..

Playing the handpan learning to keep a beat and improv off my tutorials. 

Crushing Japanese in duo lingo. When I’m getting the itch during alone time at home playing games! They’re a wonderful cure for loneliness I find when I really need em and I have no energy to go out to be around others.

 

Going to hangout at coffee shops and read while I’m there.

 

My current hangup is reading fiction novels….scary stuff for some reason for me. But I’m a wonderful writer and do believe it’ll be good for me to continue writing my novel. 
 

At least people have told me I am a good writer anyways. s2

 

Om 

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

Yeah jamming out handpan with Krillin would be dope he plays Cello. Ommmm yeah, like, idk what else. Oh yeah sleep by 1030 work nights and 1130 weekends.

 

I see myself not gaming when there is a social opportunity available or I have something else I wanna do like read write or play music. Getting comfortable with reading fantasy novels once more. There’s a good series on Dragons my partners reading. I’d like to check that out.

Im doing my best to excel at jiu jitsu. I wish I could handle doing 4 classes a week. That’d be really great. 
 

The schedule is building one week at the time to give my body enough space to ramp up. I’ve been steadily increasing my training every week up to the current point and I want to visualize what it’ll be like when it’s in its “Final Form” haha. Or just the next stage of super saiyan really

 

mon-Sunday 

 

Rest

Upper 

BJJ

Rest

Lower

BJJ + Upper

Swim 

 

Thats the current schedule set to go for next week. I do yoga and walk on rest days.

 

Its relatively light yoga but I do have to push myself to complete those 20 minutes sometimes.

 

Basically I would need to do BJJ on my upper lower days. So perhaps just hitting 3 classes a week is good enough for me. After I squat and deadlift I am absolutely a puddle that wants rest badly.

 

I could actually maintain two classes per week though

 

Swim Sundays my cardio it’s super helpful. It’s my staple cardio day. A little jogging on lower or upper day could happen tho just cause I like jogging. To do bench, Row, tricep ext, curl and leg raises. Then bjj….yeah that sounds really challenging. lol. That’d be my best possible limit at this point in my imagination. 
 

Why do I want to do so much bjj and win a tournament? 
 

All reasons aside it’s just what I want to do. I have a feeling, I see a dream. I want to pursue it. Make it real. There aren’t words that can be put to it to make sense. Honestly. It’s just a feeling that’s how it is. Sometimes you love someone or something. You can’t really say why and all the reasons only hint at the truth. It can’t be put into words perfectly, but suffice it to say. Two orbs of light see each other. They recognize that they are of the same cloth. They wish to be together. To become one such that will create wholeness. 
 

Greater together than the sum of their parts. They burn like the sun and glow like the moon. Effervescent together, forever. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry to tint the beauty of that writing with a bunch of practical reasons here. But each side of the Vinyl is equally important.

 

It’s for love and passion. It’s for the warrior in me that’s desired to be the strongest over and over again. That’s loved and worshipped martial arts from the time he was a little boy watching ninja turtles.

 

🐢 

 

It’s so I can feel alive to really feel like I’m living my life. Not just getting by but thriving. Taking in each breath fully, filling my lungs with confidence and vigor day after day. Going after it with the ferocity of a lion and the steadiness of a turtle.

 

Getting through my anxiety and depression. Working with my delusional disorder and paranoia. Feet in the ground and head in the clouds. Strong and gentle.

 

Like Goku. To be like my paragon. Even if it feels silly at times to chase after an anime character. To feel like being a super saiyan like Goku is my life. It’s been my fantasy my whole life as long as I can remember. So even if it sounds silly or foolish. I want to go for it anyways. Just to love myself. So, perhaps I’m trying to go super saiyan and win a tournament. Because it’s my way of loving myself. It’s for self love. Loving self isn’t vanity it’s sanity

 

Those who love themselves will do no harm 

 

To love self is to love everyone. When you love yourself well. It becomes natural to love everyone one as well. 

[Goku]

Please note if I’m saying positive things about myself here I’m not trying to be arrogant. I’m just trying to build up my confidence. If it makes for a more appeasing writing style I can instead just say “People have told me I’m a good writer or whatever.” 
 

But I’m into positive affirmations I really do my best to not be annoying about them. Or to go on about how great I think I am. My goal is to feel and think well of myself. While being humble, not bragging. Complimenting and building others self esteem up. To be confident but not boastful of that confidence. So, I mean. It’s a journal, it’s pretty anonymous. It’s halfway between private and public. So, I figure some positive affirmation mixed it will be healthy for me.

 

When you see me write a positive thing about myself. Think a positive thing about yourself too. You deserve it, you’ve earned that kindness just by staying alive this long. 
 

I am brave

I am working with my anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms

 

I can do anything I put my mind to

[Yan]

On 4/5/2025 at 1:54 PM, Goku said:

Om

 

So befriending the nine tailed fox here. Not gonna be easy. It’s normal to feel like I want to lock him away forever or just avoid him completely. But, I don’t see a life that works right with him completely gone.

Games are more or less part of my job at this point. I do enjoy them honestly. They aren’t fully good or bad like everything in this life.

 

No Idea what is the nine tailed fox
 

 

On 4/5/2025 at 1:54 PM, Goku said:

I figure if I got back into guitar I could minimize game time to almost nothing. I’ve been enjoying marvel rivals. I read an interesting study stating attractive people game less because they have more social opportunities. Gaming doesn’t make one less attractive unless it’s taken to an extreme that reduces hygiene, sleep or nutrition etc.

I think you're trying to justify why it's the world's fault that you're not attractive and that's why you have a worse lot in life and why you game, but truth is it is your choice 🙂 I don't know where you read this but it really doesn't matter. In any case, I think that for men at least being attractive is largely a thing of character, and if you're about in the category of 90% of men [jsut throwing a number here but I mean the majority] then it really depends on how you play out your cards and act. And also it really depends on the other person's taste.

This is a very partial reply, I'll try replying to your post bit by bit[no promises] since it's just a blob of text thrown on page which is fine if it hels you express yourself, but still a bit hard to read and reply to quickly. Keep at it, and congratulations on taking your first steps in fighting yourself on the gaming subject.