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NEW VIDEO: Why You MUST Quit Gaming in 2025

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It's probably the right thing to do, acknowledging how I deleted my last journal. In my weird world, it would mean progress to me if someone else had deleted their own whilst upset - especially if upset with me. I would recognise the confusing feelings because I had them as well. It didn't help at the time that I had read twice the story of a depressed writer who saw his throwing away of his journal as a grievous act of self-destruction. I got over it because I've been in worse pain.

Anyway, my first wish is to change the feeling (or if correct (here online, specifically), the fact) that things are generally not improving in my day to day experience of life. The second is simply that I would prefer perhaps gentle teasing from everybody with regard to my RPG habits - instead of, say, all-out assault. This is because I truly don't grasp how bad or good my habits are. Maybe to re-state, I already have 2 disorders to deal with - not including gaming - and no matter how I spend my time, I end up blind to some or many things. It could help on this forum if the 'keener eyes' remembered that about me.

That said, I would love to be able to get lost in healthy discussion here if it didn't mean argumentativeness would appear in face to face or intimate texting settings involving me. Part of the reason I decided to type again is because ruminative anger was getting stuck in place and I wanted to prove to myself that I probably wouldn't actually say or do anything angry if I ordered my thoughts at home on the keyboard some more. I also mostly felt trapped following discussions whilst scrolling my phone - how could my smart little tablet carry over to me so much distress? So yes, I believed in one moment at least that things were slipping.

On any given day, one could even ask what I 'did' at play on my computer, and I would outline it - likely shame-facedly as well - because I know what is consequential for most, but for me, it's hard to predict. *I lasted 2 weeks with a medication adjustment recently and resumed that one subtracted pill so that I could at least feel order. That is one thing we could share still. Post away, post away, + PMs welcome. ❤️ 

~ Matt

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Posted
3 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

Anyway, my first wish is to change the feeling (or if correct (here online, specifically), the fact) that things are generally not improving in my day to day experience of life. The second is simply that I would prefer perhaps gentle teasing from everybody with regard to my RPG habits - instead of, say, all-out assault. This is because I truly don't grasp how bad or good my habits are. Maybe to re-state, I already have 2 disorders to deal with - not including gaming - and no matter how I spend my time, I end up blind to some or many things. It could help on this forum if the 'keener eyes' remembered that about me.

I can share what works for me, but always remember you're the boss of you. I think the first thing of importance is to become independent. How is the job hunt for you looking?

Posted (edited)

Jan 31

Today was a well-ish-tasked day: I went to my GP, psychologist and workwear store for pants I intend always to fit into. I bought some again-healthy-ish granola which is harder to measure/force down like I do with wheat biscuits and quick oats, so hopefully I'll be sensible the one or two times a day I eat it. 

The only time I pressured myself to game was for an hour admittedly, because I thought I noticed a relevant feature, which ended up disappointing me. I dodged a nap and might be just a little closer to stable feelings around meds. I still have the memory and vibes of those two recent weeks though. 

21 hours ago, Ikar said:

I can share what works for me, but always remember you're the boss of you. I think the first thing of importance is to become independent. How is the job hunt for you looking?

Independence as a feeling is something I've always sort of gone for, but in actuality is complex. I solo discount rent from family, and actually have worked a casual dozen or two full days total since the end of last year. The meds situation kept me from joining them for a couple of shifts, and stunningly my dad tried to call that the end of the position. I'd love to completely ignore that, but easier said than done. In order to achieve independence, both my condition and boundaries need work. Because of game chats, I'm honestly an efficient back-biter, but that's not what I want for any extended period. I could continue a cycle of withdrawing-then-fixing ties with everyone I value, or resume some long, explanatory-but-civil texts which just don't seem to get much across in the end - or start doing and saying what would seem out of character for me but actually isn't; the internet-using me. It had reign after high school, and was basically trouble. Above all, I don't want what I experience as trouble with practically everyone simply for independence. *shrug* 

Edited by wheatbiscuit
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Posted
3 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

Independence as a feeling is something I've always sort of gone for, but in actuality is complex. I solo discount rent from family, and actually have worked a casual dozen or two full days total since the end of last year. The meds situation kept me from joining them for a couple of shifts, and stunningly my dad tried to call that the end of the position. I'd love to completely ignore that, but easier said than done. In order to achieve independence, both my condition and boundaries need work. Because of game chats, I'm honestly an efficient back-biter, but that's not what I want for any extended period. I could continue a cycle of withdrawing-then-fixing ties with everyone I value, or resume some long, explanatory-but-civil texts which just don't seem to get much across in the end - or start doing and saying what would seem out of character for me but actually isn't; the internet-using me. It had reign after high school, and was basically trouble. Above all, I don't want what I experience as trouble with practically everyone simply for independence. *shrug* 

Even part-time work is good. I've been self-employed for a few years. I took up more work quite naturally as I grew more efficient with using my time and got into basic habits. Hope the meds situation gets better.

Honestly, it's possible that there are people in your life who try to usurp your independence (and boundaries). Ironically, when I was quitting, I think the fact I didn't know a lot of people and had really just a few connections helped me in fact. I didn't have to renegotiate so many relationships. I had more conflicts with my father after I quit gaming, rather than before. Parents in particular will still see you as their child if they pay for any of your needs. I think it's always a good idea to break that "financial" parental umbilical cord using any means necessary, apart from crime 😄 

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