Don't think of Moderation as the End Goal; Think of Sobriety as the End Goal

[D_Cozy]

Hi GQ,

This post is in regards to all the other conversations I've seen here, in r/stopGaming, along with other discussion groups, about achieving moderation. I wanted to speak to this topic because, as someone who has been successfully sticking to important things first for 30+ days now, while having kept casual gaming as a hobby for several years now, I do feel a sense of responsibility to not give the wrong impression.

I do personally believe that we can do anything we want and set our mind to. But I do also want to point out that, in my experience, moderation by itself isn't what helps me; rather, it's Sobriety which lets me maintain a balanced lifestyle. Sobriety is what I would say we want to achieve and maintain, and I think it is much more helpful to think of that as the end goal. Sobriety is what lets us truly be clear of mind and aware, letting us do and work on the things which matter most to us.

We are all different. Maybe it's only a few types of games that are addictive for you, maybe it's a majority of them. Or we all may even have other addictions we aren't even aware of yet. Maybe it's just gaming for you, or maybe you could also addicted to gambling, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, social media, overeating, overworking yourself, and so forth. You have to be willing to explore yourself and discover these things.

If you want a good resource for finding out what your Sobriety is like, I suggest you check out the Discovering Your Sobriety Worksheet from Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous (ITAA).

For me, gaming isn't as a whole addictive; but I do recognize that gaming can be triggering for me still, as it can cause me to crave other much more destructive and addictive behaviors. For example, some games can make me want to hop on social media to look for more stuff about that game. Often times this is what has turned a seemingly innocent 1h game session into an 8h doomscrolling session. This is an example of a middle line for me, a trigger. I would say that gaming, majority wise, is a middle line for me too; there are other handfuls of games that I can still play and stick to limits with, but it's definitely not necessary or a priority that I play them.

That said, there are also some games which I am way too compulsive with, so much so that the effort to try "moderating" those just isn't a good use of my time; it's simply too much effort and it's just not worth it. Mobile games are particularly bad for me; I don't have a single game on my phone for that reason. They are bottom lines for me. Similarly, the majority of social media is also a bottom line, because I am way too compulsive with my use; jumping from subs in Reddit, to different channels on Discord, to endless reels on Instagram, to doomscrolling for Tweets. It is just too much effort for me to try moderating it, for what is very little benefit in comparison to the effort required.

Think of bottom lines as deep dark swamps you get sucked into, very hard to get out of; we abstain from even getting close to them. So, even if you can achieve moderation, it may not be with the games you're hoping with now; be honest and ready to cut out those which you are too compulsive with, those which are too much effort to stay balanced with. Personally, I do not see myself ever moderating Empires & Puzzles; this is a game which I was way too addicted to in the past, failed too many times to moderate it, and thus is too much mental effort for me to get to that state for very little benefit. I abstain fully from it instead because it's a much more productive use of my energy, I can instead focus my energy into things that bring me more fulfillment rather than on sticking to a schedule I can hardly maintain with that and similar games.

To maintain your Sobriety, you want to lean into your top lines; activities and behaviors you identified that allow you to live a healthier and positive life, and which get you closer to being the person you want to be. This can involve minimal, healthy, positive technology use too. One example I can think of for myself in regards to video games is playing an online Scrabble game with my grandmother who lives far away from me. Intention is the key thing here; in this case, the intention is to foster and grow relationships with people I care about. The game is simply the environment we meet in to accomplish that. But again, this looks different for everyone.

In summary, it's not about moderating; it's not even about whether cold turkey vs moderation is better necessarily. Instead, it's more helpful to think of achieving and maintaining Sobriety as the end goal. This is a state that looks different for everyone, and that is why I am sharing that worksheet; I really recommend doing the exercise yourself to discover what your Sobriety looks like.

Edited November 8 by D_Cozy
grammar, adding an e.g. to top lines

[Ikar]

Thanks for sharing the link! 🙂