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NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened

Creating a life I'm proud of


Celgost

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Hey, I'm Brice, 26, been a competitive FPS player for a long time.

Reasons for quitting now are:

- I want to follow the Buddhist path, and competitive FPS games give you a sense of pride and "being better" than everyone, "demolishing" lobbies that are unhealthy and against Buddhist principles. Too much ego. And even if I try to not think about it, the competitive nature of it brings me back to it.

- The time when playing games goes so fast I feel like I never have time to do shit anymore with work and studies. Things also don't feel as pleasurable as video games and I want to change this "minimal pleasure" threshold. I also don't cook much anymore.

- Eroding my relationship with my girlfriend way too much. It might save my couple if I stop.

- Want to do something valuable to real people in the real world. Create rather than consume.

- I am a very creative guy (music, programming, art, etc) and I'm not doing any of those anymore.

- Impacts my ability to study to get a fucking great job in the future. 

- I also spend some money on it that I would rather spend elsewhere.

As of day 1, my feelings are hopefulness and a bit of worry. I already tried to quit in the past with some success and it always has been a positive experience. Now I want to definitely quit and actually live the life I dreamed of. 

What I wrote so far is: 

-I feel hopeful about me having more time. I feel a bit worried about boredom.
-I feel a bit worried that I won't have fun anymore in my life.

-I feel also a bit worried about watching tv shows and stuff. Seems like a similar kind
of distraction.

-I'm not sure if I'll suceed also.

 

See you tomorrow guys. Don't have time today so this is very rough sorry.

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Hey there,

So yesterday no games, I did my 10-hour work shift and then studied Buddhism again. This was very enlightening as usual and I felt very peaceful.

I didn't feel the need to play. I think I'm now more prepared than I ever was to quit games. I have a relatively cool job, a relationship to work on, hobbies, things to read, as well as friends.

The hardest part is going to be next week when I'm studying. I'll have to be focused and transform "the grind" of repetitive practice into something enjoyable.

I feel the need to read a book on Game Design. I want to apply Game Design principles to everything I do so it is funnier to do.

A friend invited me to a party tonight, I'll try to be moderate in my alcohol consumption as I need to hit the gym tomorrow (and it's lower day ffs)

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Godspeed. There are gonna be some ups and downs here.Ii's okay. Just remember your why during the hard times 🙂
and I think you have some written here as an aid 🙂 

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Posted (edited)
Quote

A friend invited me to a party tonight, I'll try to be moderate in my alcohol consumption as I need to hit the gym tomorrow (and it's lower day ffs)

 
 

Well, guys, I didn't drink in moderation. This has been a while since I didn't party and this time... Wow fuck. Where to begin?

First, I rejected many girls who wanted me in the first club. (like, we started booty dancing, and I said I'm locked into a relationship). It was the beginning of the night. I was still conscious of a lot of things.

But then, we went to this LGBTQ+ friendly bar, and I met this trans girl. I was so drunk, and we ended up kissing. Not just once but a lot. I've had experiences in the past. But this was completely electrified. I never felt something like this. She stopped kissing when she saw I had a girlfriend on my home screen.

I still took her number. Then, I went home, and couldn't sleep through the guilt the whole night. I told my girlfriend first thing in the morning when she woke up.

We broke up. 

She went to a friend the whole day. I continued texting with the other girl because now I felt like a terrible person. So I better go all the way and commit to it. 

Then yesterday I worked 11 hours + gym in the morning before work. It was a horrible day; I felt terrible. I am lucky to work somewhere where my coworkers were very supportive of my situation.

But when I took my break, I looked at my phone. We got into a discussion with my girlfriend. I crumbled into tears. 

Since it happened, I felt anguish and guilt the whole time. I've never felt so bad in my whole life in that way.

I have been through major depression and suicidal ideation.

But this is completely different. Inflicting pain on others is an even worse pain. It is so different. It's not comparable. I just don't know how, why. I've never been this kind of person.

My brain is still fuzzy, I don't have the words. 

When I got back from work, we talked for a long time with my girlfriend. We live together. We decided to get back together if I deleted the number of the girl. I did. But I discovered also a part of me I didn't know at the party.

And I'm just really lost with all. 

I decided to keep on living a life devoid of sin from now on. To keep on studying buddhism, to try to make myself an even better person, to keep my studies straight, my gym workout serious, my diet good.

I never thought I would be capable of what I've done. I even idealized going to a monastery because of all of this shit. Abandoning everything I've done so far to never do shit like this again.

But it's not the solution. The solution is working through it.

My girlfriend convinced me we will go over this. She is wonderful and I don't know how she found the strength to not only forgive me, but also believe we still should be together, and in the process convince me that we must continue.

What happened there is crazy. There are forces at play. I don't believe in God. But... Wow, what happened? What is this chaos? What is this?

Why now? How?

I don't understand. I just need to keep on working, even if I'm exhausted. That's the only solution.

 

 

The discernable good thing about all this is... I didn't play, and I didn't feel any need to.

Edited by Celgost
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11 hours ago, Celgost said:

Well, guys, I didn't drink in moderation. This has been a while since I didn't party and this time... Wow fuck. Where to begin?

First, I rejected many girls who wanted me in the first club. (like, we started booty dancing, and I said I'm locked into a relationship). It was the beginning of the night. I was still conscious of a lot of things.

But then, we went to this LGBTQ+ friendly bar, and I met this trans girl. I was so drunk, and we ended up kissing. Not just once but a lot. I've had experiences in the past. But this was completely electrified. I never felt something like this. She stopped kissing when she saw I had a girlfriend on my home screen.

I still took her number. Then, I went home, and couldn't sleep through the guilt the whole night. I told my girlfriend first thing in the morning when she woke up.

We broke up. 

She went to a friend the whole day. I continued texting with the other girl because now I felt like a terrible person. So I better go all the way and commit to it. 

Then yesterday I worked 11 hours + gym in the morning before work. It was a horrible day; I felt terrible. I am lucky to work somewhere where my coworkers were very supportive of my situation.

But when I took my break, I looked at my phone. We got into a discussion with my girlfriend. I crumbled into tears. 

Since it happened, I felt anguish and guilt the whole time. I've never felt so bad in my whole life in that way.

I have been through major depression and suicidal ideation.

But this is completely different. Inflicting pain on others is an even worse pain. It is so different. It's not comparable. I just don't know how, why. I've never been this kind of person.

My brain is still fuzzy, I don't have the words. 

When I got back from work, we talked for a long time with my girlfriend. We live together. We decided to get back together if I deleted the number of the girl. I did. But I discovered also a part of me I didn't know at the party.

And I'm just really lost with all. 

I decided to keep on living a life devoid of sin from now on. To keep on studying buddhism, to try to make myself an even better person, to keep my studies straight, my gym workout serious, my diet good.

I never thought I would be capable of what I've done. I even idealized going to a monastery because of all of this shit. Abandoning everything I've done so far to never do shit like this again.

But it's not the solution. The solution is working through it.

My girlfriend convinced me we will go over this. She is wonderful and I don't know how she found the strength to not only forgive me, but also believe we still should be together, and in the process convince me that we must continue.

What happened there is crazy. There are forces at play. I don't believe in God. But... Wow, what happened? What is this chaos? What is this?

Why now? How?

I don't understand. I just need to keep on working, even if I'm exhausted. That's the only solution.

 

 

The discernable good thing about all this is... I didn't play, and I didn't feel any need to.

Don't judge yourself to much. Just think how you could improve for the next time 🙂 You're doing your best. 1 thing that comes to mind to me is to avoid alcohol because it reduces control over yourself. But its just a thought

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Hey guys!

Just a heads up, still didn't touch a game! It's been 12 days so far. I do have a small itch sometimes but nothing serious. I have so much things to do right now.

I was sick all last week so I didn't have the energy to come here, give a bit of news, or studying or doing anything productive for that matter.

With my girlfriend everything has smoothed out, we're back in love. It was something like 6 months our relationship had stalled and we just got a kick again. Finally. It was so hard for months, thought it would never end and we would just break up.

Maybe it's summer, maybe it's what I just did, maybe it's me not playing anymore, maybe it's me having a good job... or maybe a mix of all of the above.

Still have trouble studying and such, but everything will get better with time I think.

See you guys

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15 days! And don’t feel the need to! I have a small itch but also a big reluctance.

I’m like « ok I’m bored, I kinda want to play. But if i was to play what would i even play? Any competitive FPS is just so boring and useless… I’m so tired of the gameplay loop. I hate any other multiplayer game. And singleplayer games are also too boring anyways. It is not going to solve my boredom problem right now anyways… Lets find something else»

I also have too much to do. It’s just so useless to play games nowadays.
 

It’s been the easiest 15 days without gaming Ive done so far. I already tried stopping games in the past 3 times. But this time I am busy working and studying as well as in a relationship, so I dont have a lot of time for it anyways…

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Getting close to the 3 weeks mark already time goes so fast! 
 

Ive been exhausted today because of a very charged workweek. Because of this I had an itch to game.
 

But I remembered that it was only because i was tired. I also recalled all the bad things gaming had brought into my life. 
 

So no relapse! Yeeha!

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Funny how this is the easiest I’ve been stopping games. Like really. I think its in part because everyone arounds me understands and supports me in that decision, even gamer friends, who are more than just gamer friends actually!

 

I have structure also, a lot of things to do and look forward to, I’m not perfect and not disciplined enough so I still engage with some entertainment but it doesn’t feel bad. I see it as a relaxing activity. People praise me at work, I feel very valued. 
 

But it’s crazy to see how far ive gone compared to 1, 2, 3 years before. It’s just so easy now.

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On 6/29/2024 at 8:58 AM, Celgost said:

15 days! And don’t feel the need to! I have a small itch but also a big reluctance.

I’m like « ok I’m bored, I kinda want to play. But if i was to play what would i even play? Any competitive FPS is just so boring and useless… I’m so tired of the gameplay loop. I hate any other multiplayer game. And singleplayer games are also too boring anyways. It is not going to solve my boredom problem right now anyways… Lets find something else»

I also have too much to do. It’s just so useless to play games nowadays.
 

It’s been the easiest 15 days without gaming Ive done so far. I already tried stopping games in the past 3 times. But this time I am busy working and studying as well as in a relationship, so I dont have a lot of time for it anyways…

 

On 7/2/2024 at 11:05 PM, Celgost said:

Funny how this is the easiest I’ve been stopping games. Like really. I think its in part because everyone arounds me understands and supports me in that decision, even gamer friends, who are more than just gamer friends actually!

 

I have structure also, a lot of things to do and look forward to, I’m not perfect and not disciplined enough so I still engage with some entertainment but it doesn’t feel bad. I see it as a relaxing activity. People praise me at work, I feel very valued. 
 

But it’s crazy to see how far ive gone compared to 1, 2, 3 years before. It’s just so easy now.

Good job! I think that quitting any addiction is relatively easy as long as there is little time for it. As for entertainment, there are more and less healthy way to relax, but it just depends on how much you do them (i.e. not exercising at all is bad, but exercising five hours a day is probably equally bad).

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