George's Daily Journal

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Cheers guys, been feeling a bit low recently hence the lack of activity on this forum @jailbreaker. @DanielG

Edited May 20 by LordFederickRamsay

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Day #22

Been feeling pretty low recently. Still don't want to type too much. Hope everyone is well! 

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Day #24

Missed a day! Going strong. Will try to reply to @jailbreaker.'s journal when I can. @Zoe you haven't disappeared on us, have you!? 

[Zoe 129]

18 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

Day #24

Missed a day! Going strong. Will try to reply to @jailbreaker.'s journal when I can. @Zoe you haven't disappeared on us, have you!? 

No! Just had friends visiting from out of town. Will be journaling soon.

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Day #25

Just checking in. Will update my Facebook listings soon to increase the chance they're sold. I have neglected selling my gaming setup because of a lack of offers and also, I've lost a desire to play, watch or think about computer games. However, the moment I grow complacent, I have thoughts about starting to game again or keep my gaming PC for film editing which would most likely result in me playing computer games. I don't really want this to happen because playing computer games doesn't make me feel good about myself, and affects my mood negatively.  

[Zoe 129]

6 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

I don't really want this to happen because playing computer games doesn't make me feel good about myself, and affects my mood negatively.  

I have this urge just to tell you that I am proud of you. You have been so dedicated to this process and it really motivates me. 

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Day #28

I really want to sell my gaming setup now. I've been putting it off because I've had other things on my mind. But it definitely is having an affect on me. For example, at the back of my mind, I start having thoughts like 'maybe I should keep it so I can use it for film editing? I'll be able to prevent myself from using it to game' but I know this is just not really true. In other news, I'm doing a lot of research into what I'm going to do with my life. I'm fortunate enough to have parents that will pay for a year of additional study so I'm researching what I'd like to spend that year doing. I'm looking at film schools and acting schools. The latter terrifies me. The former terrifies me but not so much. I just wonder if in the long run, I'd be more satisfied pursuing acting. I've had loads of negative experiences with it, and the idea of creating films is nerve-racking but also a nice feeling of comfort is attached to this idea so maybe that's what I should do. What puts me off about pursuing acting is that you're a cog in the machine of someone else's creative project. Of course that's a crude metaphor but I essentially want to be creating and well as acting. Maybe I need to do what some people in the industry are doing these days which is write, direct and act in their work. However, the issue with this is that it isn't really facilitated by any of the courses I'm looking at. I'm sure you could probably get this out of the film degrees in directing I've been looking at but they'd find it a bit unusual. 

I've forgotten how much I enjoy journalling here. I will try to catch up with everyone's journals @jailbreaker. (my OG), @Ikar and @ZoeDefinitely been a bit inactive of late! But this is definitely a good project for me to continue. Thanks for the responses to my journal in spite of my inactivity and unresponsiveness to your own journals. 

George

[Zoe 129]

1 hour ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

continue. Thanks for the responses to my journal in spite of my inactivity and unresponsiveness to your own journals. 

YW. Glad to see you come back

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Warning: Contains References To Sexual Violence And Things People Might Find Triggering (Especially People Who Have Experienced Sexual Assault)

I was at a party recently with some friends I went to school with. One of the members of this friendship group, let's call them O, had been accused of raping someone else we went to school with, let's call them C. I was friends with O in Years 8 and 9 but then he outgrew me so to speak. He became more popular than I and started hanging out with people from the year above. It definitely hurt me because I was sensitive when I was younger. I am sensitive now, imagine how sensitive I was when I was 13/14. I always looked up to him. He went through puberty quite early on and people referred to him as a man even though we were teenage boys. He was popular: sporty, funny, flirty, indifferent. The qualities one needs to climb the rungs of the social ladder. If it sounds like I'm bitter or jealous, it's probably because I am. There's no shame in admitting this. We're all self-interested and shallow, and have to process the hand we're dealt. Some process it well...others don't. 

Anyway, after we finished school, he must've remained in contact with a lot of people in our year. It always surprised me how many people he was affiliated with. People who didn't seem like they'd connect. In other words, he was friends with people of all different stripes and colours, and amassed a considerable amount of social capital as a consequence. I went to the 21st birthday party of H and N, people I had gone to school with. During this party, C, who I had always been fond of (and had fancied) came up to me crying. O had also attended this party, and was the center of attention. Something I'm undoubtedly jealous of on some primal level. I tried so hard to be funny in school but I fell flat on my face. I guess I just don't have the constitution to do so. At the party, he was the at the center of some drama. I can't remember what it was about but people were drunkenly following him around. I remember one person in particular, J (not to be confused with the J I have referenced in earlier journal entries). She was drunk, attractive and loud. Obnoxiously so. She was also a Psychology student. Anyway, C came up to me crying and unprompted told me she had been raped by O. Apparently he had come to visit her at the university she studied at, and they had gone out for drinks. She had gotten very drunk and he had lied to her friends that she had told O that he could stay in her bed. After she told me this, I was not really that surprised. She came back to my house with my friend S, and she recounted what had happened to her. She told us that he had climbed on her, that he wasn't drunk, and that he had raped her. She told us that she kept coming in and out of consciousness...

Strangely enough, after she had told us about what he had done to her, and was about to leave (she had been at mine for hours at this point - it must've been 5 in the morning), she kissed me. I think what had happened was that C has always viewed me as someone she can trust. I'm speculating here. I could be very wrong so reader, please be aware of that possibility. We were drunk and she felt comfortable. I would be lying if the way she hopped in my Uber hadn't suggested interest in me as it was unexpected. My friend S, god bless him, overlooked this and clumsily got in the Uber with us. He then insisted he wanted to come inside and I didn't object (he lives on my road). I could have said no but find it hard to say no to people. Especially my friend and people I admire like S. So yeah, they both came inside and we sat at my kitchen table and listened to C as she told us what O had done to her. We listened closely. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel deeply uncomfortable and not mature enough to comprehend / process what was being said to me. I remember...resisting the urge to smile / laugh. I get this some times...when I feel deeply uncomfortable and the last thing I want to do is smile or laugh...I smile or laugh and it embitters me so. 

Long story cut short, C confronted O. O somehow manipulated C into backtracking on her allegation. C convinced herself that I had used the word 'rape' and had thus convinced her she was raped by O. Everyone found out about the allegation but his friends refused to believe it. They stood by him and for all I know C and O have a friendship / relationship on some level. Anyway, why I felt compelled to share this is because...as I referenced self-interest earlier...after I had taken a stance with my former friendship group, claiming I didn't want to be involved with them anymore because of their refusal to address the allegation (I'm not sure this was the right course of action), I folded and saw them on New Year's Eve 2022. Nothing had changed. But O was there. I was in the worst / more insecure place of uncertainty I had been in a while (this was when I was coming off my antidepressants) and I just pretended like the past had not happened. I smiled and tried to engage in conversation with him. I asked him questions and in some distorted way was look for some sort of validation from him / acceptance / interest in me or my life. Very strange, I know. He didn't provide any such interest / validation which is his prerogative and also...quite understandable given the circumstances. I hate how I acted this night. It was spineless and cowardly and desperately insecure. And when we were in the living room, ready to watch the fireworks on the television, J2...different from J1 who was the first J I wrote of...someone I'm unashamed of saying I fancy. We slept together once. She actually took my virginity. She's gorgeous, lively (probably on coke), attractive but also harsh, conservative...human...it's an odd thing to address but O is attractive to lots of women. He's manly, funny, cheeky, well endowed (he showed me a picture once!) Probably inappropriate to mention given the context of this post but...it's the truth. I don't care if it's insensitive. So...we're watching the fireworks and all night he's been observing me trying to flirt with J2. He's wily this guy. So wily. Psychologically smart, unemotional...etc. He was looking right through me so to speak. I really aspire not to be like I was on this night: fake, unprincipled, spineless. She fancies him. They have a better connection than I ever would have with them combined. Anyway, he sees me looking at her a couple of times, and then finally, when we're watching the fireworks on the TV, he comes in and sees me try my usual antics again. I once watched a video that's critique of 'nice guys' can be simplified to: they're just using a different technique to get what they want: sex. That resonated with me. I hate to admit it but it does. I don't really want to be like that though. Any suggestions how to act without feeling like I'm doing this would be greatly appreciated. Anyway, O says 'look at that ass' to J and me. She's wearing these tight jeans and she has a nice bum. I'm attracted to her, okay!? (Haha). He looks me dead in the eye and goes 'G knows what I'm talking about' and grabs her ass and she bends over and he laughs and I stand there with this dumb smile on my face. It felt like a scene from a movie and I was the guy no one wants to be. 

So, why did I recount this? I don't know. I just don't want to be in that position again. I want to do everything in my power to avoid participating in interactions like the one above. 

 

[DanielG 219]

Sounds like a shitty experiences, both with the 'allegations' being backtracked and the encounter with O and J. It sounds like you felt a lot of shame, humiliation from it. Those are pretty rough emotions to go through. Though, that's just me guessing. Shame and humiliation are good candidates for 'emotions I don't want to feel, ever'. However, only you would really know how you feel about the situation.

It sounds like putting distance between you and O was a good way of reducing how much you compare yourself to him. I suspect that just avoiding people who make you feel inadequate isn't really a long-term solution, though.

3 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

I once watched a video that's critique of 'nice guys' can be simplified to: they're just using a different technique to get what they want: sex. That resonated with me. I hate to admit it but it does. I don't really want to be like that though. Any suggestions how to act without feeling like I'm doing this would be greatly appreciated.

Well, a suggestion would be to not act in the way that makes you feel like you're being disingenuous. Being upfront if your intentions are simply just to sleep with someone. Sometimes we can take on things that aren't true, though. It could just be insecurity latching onto something, "Hey, I know I'm a piece of shit, this video is describing how I am one." Based on what your journals are like, you seem like an insightful, genuine kind of guy, so maybe that's it. I don't know. Again, it's really up to you to see what fits and resonates with you. Which, if you're anything like me, can be hard to see at times.

3 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

We're all self-interested and shallow, and have to process the hand we're dealt. Some process it well...others don't. 

I disagree with the first half of this. To me, it comes off as a way to dismiss a lot of human experience, maybe de-humanize people so it's easier to write them off and not seek to understand who they are, or where they've come from. And that would definitely, with emphasis, include yourself.

Take my words with a hefty grain of salt, though. Like one of those chunky boys at fancy restaurants. I am just a (mostly) stranger on the internet.

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

@DanielG I think I meant to write that those are parts of being human but do not make up the whole of being human. That is an awkwardly phrased sentence but I hope it makes sense. I really value your response to my journal entry. I think you're right about quite a few things. 

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

Day #29

Last night, I spent two-hours watching Fortnite videos on Youtube. It was a binge of sorts. I watched MrSavage break the world record for eliminations in arena (a competitive mode within Fortnite), Reishub discuss Queasy and Veno's partnership, a duo cash cup with MrSavage and Vadeal and more. It's the game I can't spend 90 days without playing or watching. If I somehow prevented myself from watching videos of Fortnite, I'd probably end up listening to a podcast about it. The point is I can't seem to break the hold this game has over me. 

I've been feeling a bit better lately. That's the strange thing. Whenever I feel more like myself, I tend to end up reverting to old habits. The truth is, I feel quite secure at the moment. I'm aware it fluctuates aggressively. But I feel as if I've come to a deeper understanding of my emotional state, and have developed a willingness to accept it, and try not to do what I've done in the past which is become embroiled in obsession (OCD). I see things a bit more clearly and realise how stark my vulnerabilities are when objectified. In other words, I refuse to give these moments of vulnerability any more power or meaning. It's going to be really hard. I get triggered very easily. By a variety of things. But I've also realised I'm smart, sharp, curious, and aware. The more aware you are, the more painful life is? I'm not sure I believe that. I was always capable of doing well at school, I was always capable of competing at a competitive level in Fortnite, I was always capable of connecting with people and having a meaningful and satisfying romantic relationship with someone, I was always capable of keeping up with my brothers, I was always capable of acting well (although dramatic acting is hard...), I was always capable of learning...okay. I'm capable of living with stable mental health. I'm capable of getting on with my brothers, I'm capable of becoming a film director...you get the idea if you've made it this far. 

One of the conditions of my 90-day detox was no watching Fortnite videos. In other words, the moment I watched those Fortnite videos, I broke the conditions of my 90-day detox. But...I don't necessarily want to be perfectionistic about this...or prescriptive. In other words, I don't feel that bad that I watched some Fortnite videos. I don't feel that bad about the time I've spent gaming. Gaming is fun. It's exciting and engaging and competitive. I'm not going to restart my 90-day detox because I watched some Fortnite videos. It's true that since doing so, I've had a strong urge to play. To set up my gaming set up, to not sell it, and to game! To play Fortnite. They just introduced a ranked system. It's...that's...what should of happened a long time ago...now Fortnite will be around forever. That's like just the healthiest thing they could have done for their competitive scene. 

There is so much I haven't done with my life. With my time. So many experiences I have sacrificed. I came here today to work out my thoughts on this. The truth is that...this will sound harsh...Cam Adair isn't someone I aspire to be like. It makes me doubt him as a source of wisdom. Some of his videos are the reason behind this. Especially his one 'WTF Happened To Men!?' If that's the consequence of quitting games...then I'll pass. 

I know he becomes defensive at the notion of moderation. Lot's of people do. I have become defensive about it in the past. Gaming disorder is recognised by the WHO. So...only a small percentage of people suffer from it. It's clear to me why games appealed to me. I want to move on. But I don't think it's the end of the world if you play them...I really just don't like the culture of prescriptive advice that oozes from his content. Quit porn. Quit social media. Quit this. Quit that. It's so black and white and that IS what's being pushed. I mean look at the thumbnails and video titles. So yeah, I'm being a bit risky with this post because I don't want to lose the respect of this community. I value it. And I want to find something to replace gaming and 'try' at life. But the truth is I have nothing to do here. I don't have a social life. There's so much I could say about this. It's no wonder gaming starts appealing to me again. You can see the backward and forward debate here. 

What could I do...what to do...what to do...I'm going to finish the 90-day detox. And I will do my best to not watching Fortnite videos because they trigger strong urges to play. But if I did play, it really wouldn't be the end of the world. I really hate shaming people for gaming. It's so dumb. And it's everywhere. It doesn't help. People should play confidently. 

Anyway, I'm going to stop it there. 

George

P.S: Not feeling so good after messaging Jet, are we? 

Edited May 27 by LordFederickRamsay

[wheatbiscuit 217]

6 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

If I somehow prevented myself from watching videos of Fortnite, I'd probably end up listening to a podcast about it. The point is I can't seem to break the hold this game has over me. 

~ Maybe talking about the specifics of how you played would help 😮 I've never played Fortnite, though my game imitated it months after its released - I didn't try that either lol

I've been feeling a bit better lately. That's the strange thing. Whenever I feel more like myself, I tend to end up reverting to old habits.

~ I've been getting that too. But I'm only on my second week; had less of that feeling total. I can only hope to trust time on this one atm.

It's going to be really hard. I get triggered very easily. By a variety of things. But I've also realised I'm smart, sharp, curious, and aware.

~ I'm a bit off-beat, and ruminating often helps me solve problems for awhile, at random almost. I was happiest when I stopped doing that and became busy, but people later told me words akin to 'you were too much.' So I dunno. The few forums I've been on have helped, being here has made me remember. Day 29? I read your second last entry and I reckon your journey is still yours to win back.

I was always capable of learning.

~ (y) 😛

I'm not going to restart my 90-day detox because I watched some Fortnite videos.

~ Are you into spiritual stuff? I hadn't really watched videos of my old game in years anyway (I should have remembered that fact before I came back in 2019 after 2 years 'clean'), but I was listening to interviews and lectures even while I played in the last year. As long as you're not solely focused on improvement within a game/completely neglecting that outside it, I wouldn't be too worried if I were you - your call, for sure.

Fortnite will be around forever. 

~ I don't envy you there. Mine has been going down imo - lost most desire to try and save it too. I've watched some Fortnite and a copycat model of it on what I played. It caters, but to your benefit, I wouldn't have said there was much of a journey aside from through strategy and how to just 'win'.

There is so much I haven't done with my life. With my time. So many experiences I have sacrificed. 

~ It's funny, but I don't think I would have had the courage and drive to do a lot of things alongside gaming, proving to myself I still had 'a life'. Time, yeah, we might not get that all back, but you wouldn't be here as you are without it. I never regretted not being on the 'IRL' social scene, but when I think about what it must be like to live in some other people I've been aware of's shoes, if I could arrive at a place where I felt at peace AND supported, I would consider going back and trying again. The fact that you've got your entries up here which I'm reading is an enormous help to me. I dunno; we mightn't need to feel as sorry as that.

Gaming disorder is recognised by the WHO. So...only a small percentage of people suffer from it. It's clear to me why games appealed to me. I want to move on. But I don't think it's the end of the world if you play them...

~ If you can play anything without it becoming a real 'escapist crutch' and enjoy it, especially with friends, and when it's time out or night called, you can forget about it for weeks but remember it just as it was - a bit of fun -, I wouldn't be disappointed either. You could even set boundaries with those friends about it. As for 90 days' detoxing, well, I'm still curious about that specific length of time. 

Quit porn. Quit social media. Quit this. Quit that. It's so black and white.

~ I'm not sure I personally should be touching on those ones. Basically, whatever practices enable me to behave decently with other people should be okay, for me. I know I have previous fallbacks like reading and exercise to fall back on, things (like reading, especially) I was really good at before I ever found online gaming - so 'cold turkey', especially at my juncture, wasn't such a big deal - though the brain changes seem to be already. Maybe one detox at a time? Heh

I want to find something to replace gaming and 'try' at life. But the truth is I have nothing to do here. I don't have a social life. 

~ I'm confused about this too. Too many people have torn me down from good places in the past, making me hesitant to try and really succeed at anything. Gaming gave me that outlet for several years, and competency there suggested there could be competency elsewhere; like cheering people up at the same time - which, I'm sorry if it seems otherwise, is what I want to do with this reply - choice in playing recorded music for background noise and support enabled this. Now I go into the gym and exercise mostly without my own favourite music in my ears because I have all those memories to back me up.

I really hate shaming people for gaming. It's so dumb. And it's everywhere. It doesn't help. People should play confidently. 

~ If I could, I would - with people on here, too. But I don't think we should be making fools of ourselves online and gaming anymore. Or at least I shouldn't. I've seen way better gamers than me 'lose it' online, despite what appears in their uploaded videos. 

~ Sorry again if this all seems completely wrong.

~ Matt

p.s. This morning's fuel was wheatbiscuits, yet again.

 

[jailbreaker. 55]

On 5/26/2023 at 11:05 AM, LordFederickRamsay said:

So, why did I recount this? I don't know. I just don't want to be in that position again. I want to do everything in my power to avoid participating in interactions like the one above. 

Whoa! That was intimate! I appreciate you sharing that, man. Facing those difficult memories, emotions, and that uncertainty... Talking about things that are hard to talk about openly... Sharing what you're feeling in the moment and accepting it... I really commend you, my friend!

Reminds me of that one quote I shared before,

"Even should I scar my work with doubt, hesitation, chaos... certainly, that's a beauty all its own.

Your life is no worse for its own scars. Your truest beauty lies in them, and I hope you tell me their stories someday."

- Yusuke (from Persona 5)

 

Your stories are beautiful, dude. I know I sound like a hippy, but I truly mean it when I say it. Again, thank you for sharing this.

 

14 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

It's clear to me why games appealed to me. I want to move on. But I don't think it's the end of the world if you play them...I really just don't like the culture of prescriptive advice that oozes from his content. Quit porn. Quit social media. Quit this. Quit that. It's so black and white and that IS what's being pushed. I mean look at the thumbnails and video titles. So yeah, I'm being a bit risky with this post because I don't want to lose the respect of this community. I value it. And I want to find something to replace gaming and 'try' at life. But the truth is I have nothing to do here. I don't have a social life. There's so much I could say about this. It's no wonder gaming starts appealing to me again. You can see the backward and forward debate here. 

What could I do...what to do...what to do...I'm going to finish the 90-day detox. And I will do my best to not watching Fortnite videos because they trigger strong urges to play. But if I did play, it really wouldn't be the end of the world. I really hate shaming people for gaming. It's so dumb. And it's everywhere. It doesn't help. People should play confidently. 

First of all, I completely agree that there are shades of grey that Cam doesn't adequately address in his videos. Even the main process of quitting gaming altogether in his book seems like a recipe for disaster for addicted gamers, in my opinion. Going cold turkey is an extreme experience for anyone with an addiction, whether it's about gaming or a substance, or anything else. Without a good support system, which many people who struggle with addiction don't have, it seems damn near impossible. I was lucky to have my friends and family supporting me. But even so, I  probably would have relapsed if I hadn't gotten to the end of that Fire Emblems game before I quit, too. It gave me a sense of finality to gaming, kinda like turning the page to a new chapter.

With endlessly repayable, competitive, strategic, semi-social, action-packed games, though, like Fortnite, and for me Smash Bros., it's designed not to have any end in sight. In other words, I get why you ended up watching that video about Fortnite, and didn't feel bad about it.

I could watch a Smash video and still feel that rush from playing, my brain working out the strategies, admiring the skill, wanting so badly to be that good, almost like I had never quit at all.

Now that I don't have my Switch, though, I can't play Smash anymore, and I inevitably have to do something else. Your gaming PC is like my Switch, I think. Just seeing my Switch gave me a little tweak in my brain, like a meth addict seeing a bunch of crystals on display for them. Drove me nuts.

 

If it's anything like this for you, I really hope you can get rid of your gaming PC. Maybe just sell it to a hardware store for parts if you can't find anyone to buy it? Or sell it for cheap to a friend of yours, like I did with my Switch?

 

It's your decision, and of course you don't have to sell it. After all, it does have the specs for video editing, and other powerful software, it seems. Will you realistically be using that software if you don't have anyone else to use it with, though?

 

If you're on the fence about selling it, I know it hurts!! You built it yourself, and have spent so much time on it. But it's an unhealthy relationship, right? If it's controlling your life, ya just gotta break up with it. That part Cam is right about, at the very least.

 

Another thing he may be right about is socializing. Makin' friends in person, who you can hang out with and enjoy that time with. Maybe it's just one or two friends at first, but sometimes that's all a person needs! Someone to hang out with; who we can be ourselves around. When you meet 'em, you just know.

 

I also recommend having solid friendships before going out and trying to date, too. People you can fall back on if your dating doesn't go well. I say this, because I was in a position like yours once, with very few good, reliable friends. When I broke up with my ex, it felt like the only ones I had in my corner were my cat and my mom, at times. I was in such a state of emotional turmoil... and of course gaming was my only solace, apart from maybe movies and shows. All very solo activities.

 

I can say with certainty that if I hadn't been excessively gaming back then, I would have made more of an effort to make close friends.

 

I wish I had known these ways of making good friends, which I know now. Based on my experience with coming out of my anti-social shell, here are a few suggestions that I give from my own life experience (and feel free to completely ignore them if you want, no pressure):

 

Option 1:

1. Try to find a common goal/interest that you both have, and talk about it a bit.

 

For instance, I think we both like writing! And, in our writing, we both pursue the goals of exploring our memories and finding our way in life; breaking out of our videogame prisons; finding the grey areas in an uncertain world; trying to express what we're feeling in a way that makes sense; finding release in just accepting our thoughts as they play out in the writing.

 

1a. You can ask them what they're interested in, or what they like to do in their spare time, or what they like to do for fun?

Even if your interests don't exactly align, people love it when you express a genuine interest in what they like, and maybe you'll end up bonding over something else!

 

2. Share contact info, and schedule a normal time to get together and bond over it!

 

We both share our stories with each other, and have formed a bond through that. Just imagine if there were people you could share your stories, thoughts, etc with in person! In this freestyle format, or with poetry, or via whatever medium you wanna use.

 

2a. If there's a club you can join, in this case, a creative writing club, poetry club, etc feel free to join it and encourage that other person to join too (if they're not already in it)!

 

This is just one example of any number of possible interests you have.

 

For me in high school, my "shared goal/interest" group was band/marching band. We all wanted to make music and having fun. Got me through so much, even if I wasn't super close with everyone. In college, I found friends who were all interested in the environment and social justice in some way.

 

Now, I find that group with my D&D friends and my work colleagues. At a theme park, everyone there wants to have a good time and enjoy themselves, even the employees. Talking about what we do for fun is therefore just a natural topic for us.

 

At the pub where you work, maybe you can ask about a favorite drink or a crazy night someone had when they were drunk. Or, maybe you can find that shared interest in acting, or something else entirely.

 

Option 2:

 

1. Make an observation about them.

"I notice..."

With you, I notice you write really eloquently.

 

2. Maybe ask them about it.

"I wonder..."

 

Is there a certain way you wanna feel when you're writing? What's it like to put yourself in the audience's shoes when you read through and edit it? What's your ideal writing soundtrack, if you have one?

 

3. If it reminds you of something, make that connection and tell them about it!

"It reminds me of..."

 

Your raw, authentic storytelling reminds me of Toni Morrison, the author of one of my favorite books.

 

I learned this strategy from, oddly enough, one of my environmental studies-focused classes. They're called the "John Muir Laws," "three prompts for deeper nature observation." (Muir was the guy who convinced Teddy Roosevelt to institute the national park system in America.)

 

Whether it's a little detail, or something more general, a lot of people appreciate it when you express your awareness of them.

Recognition! Very applicable word there. "Getting-to-know-again." Respect! "Look-back-at." Thoughtful people like yourself often second-guess themselves. Don't worry, that's your brain trying to tell you something. I notice...(thought/feeling) I wonder...(why think/feel that?) It reminds me of... (Aha, it might be because of ABC factors).

 

Option 3:

 

1. Make a fair deal with them. Not in a superficial way, but in a way that's more like, "Hey, I'll help you with something you find really important/fun, and maybe you could help me out with XYZ thing."

 

This method can be a solid follow-up once you know a common goal.

 

Whewww, wrote a lot there. Hope it was helpful, but hey, don't worry if you forget it, or didn't read it all.

The answers are within you, if you ever want to find them. All you gotta do is listen to your mind and your feelings, ask why, and thank your brain for providing that important (usually coded/puzzle-like) message to you.

 

Alright, g'night.

Edited May 28 by jailbreaker.

[LordFederickRamsay 107]

I think once you become a bit more secure, you become more defensive and resistant to the influence of other people, for better or for worse. 

@jailbreaker. I'll respond to your invaluable reply to my journal entry soon. Thanks for paying so close attention and providing so much valuable advice. 

Just a thought - the 90 day detox should be clearly advertised in the 'Introduce Yourself' section of the forum. I think people don't really know what to do after they've made an introductory post and this would help a lot of them from probably reverting back to gaming and giving up on the idea to quit. 

Edited May 28 by LordFederickRamsay

[Zoe 129]

On 5/26/2023 at 1:05 PM, LordFederickRamsay said:

h. Any suggestions how to act without feeling like I'm doing this would be greatly appreciated.

You’re human. We all have “antics” for getting the attention we want from someone we are attracted to. Try hard to get out of your head a bit and just be you.  If you want to sleep with someone…it’s normal. If you are being savvy “nice guy flirting”… guess what? There are plenty of people who will love that and find it attractive. I guess what I’m trying to say is be a little easier on yourself.

I have to address O…what a narcissistic piece of sh….I just felt disgusted while reading  that narcissistic web he was weaving. 

….I was going to write more but @jailbreaker said it all and said it beautifully. 

My brain is fixated on something a dear friend said to me once. I just kept hearing it when I was reading your last 2 entries…but more about the one with J, J1, O, S and the whole lot of them…

I am trying to stop letting insecurity and self doubt keep me from saying what’s in my mind so…

What my friend said was “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” I was in an obsessive rumination of self doubt and just had a lot of thoughts in my head that made me feel like such a monster. I hope that statement makes sense and it doesn’t seem weird. Just feel very compelled to say it. 

Edited May 28 by Zoe
added

[Ikar 1,985]

On 5/26/2023 at 8:05 PM, LordFederickRamsay said:

Warning: Contains References To Sexual Violence And Things People Might Find Triggering (Especially People Who Have Experienced Sexual Assault)

 

 

On 5/26/2023 at 1:25 PM, LordFederickRamsay said:

My job still sucks. Basically, I went for drinks with my work colleagues (all people my age - diverse) at the start of my job in January, and it sucked. I was so in my head, socially anxious, having all these horrible thoughts, and was also seriously feeling the affects/effects (never know which one is the right one) of drinking too much. Then, about a week ago, I went for drinks with my work colleagues about 4 months after this occasion, thinking times had changed, I had changed, and that it'd be really fun and I had the EXACTLY same experience and it just left me feeling bitter, frustrated and upset.

First off, those were some very sound and detailed writings by @DanielG and @jailbreaker. , I went through it myself and here's my take:

I took the liberty and quoted both of these occasions. I remembered the saying that if you can only see and meet your friends when you drink, then you don't have friends, you have an alcohol problem. It doesn't seem to me you meet either group too often, but I'm putting it here for future reference. I don't have the full context, but I'd really stay away from people who drink often and too much. Let alone use harder drugs on a regular basis.

I can't begin to count how many times excessive alcohol got me into weird situations, such as yours, mainly with women. Definitely more than I can count with my hands. Based on these, I started taking everything that happens under the influence of more than two beers/three shots with a heavy grain of salt. 

The main idea here is not whether he is a predatory piece of shit rapist or whether she is a lying manipulative bitch (who may be using your sexual attraction to her for her own ends to get back at the hypothetical rapist for whatever reason). Unless you literally have a tape of the rape happening (and perhaps even of the prior context between them), you know nothing and there's little point in getting involved.

The main idea is to meet people who can have meaningful interactions together while sober. Saves a lot of drama. My friends and girlfriends got a lot better once I started meeting them outside wild drinkfests. If the hypothetical victim is your close friend, then you have to wonder who makes friends with the type of person she is. Maybe there could be something to learn from your relationship with her and also the relationship she has with the hypothetical rapist.

On 5/27/2023 at 8:21 PM, LordFederickRamsay said:

I really just don't like the culture of prescriptive advice that oozes from his content. Quit porn. Quit social media. Quit this. Quit that. It's so black and white and that IS what's being pushed. I mean look at the thumbnails and video titles. So yeah, I'm being a bit risky with this post because I don't want to lose the respect of this community. I value it. And I want to find something to replace gaming and 'try' at life. But the truth is I have nothing to do here. I don't have a social life. There's so much I could say about this. It's no wonder gaming starts appealing to me again. You can see the backward and forward debate here.

I don't think you are losing respect, it just shows you have some critical thinking and are willing to use it, so that's good 😄

But overall, if you say you have no social life, spend a lot time writing here and Cam tells you to spend less time on the internet, I think he has a point 😛

[Cam Adair 5,108]

On 5/15/2023 at 6:39 PM, Zoe said:

I'm getting a little frustrated with every video on the training module referring to "guys, men, etc."  I know the gaming world doesn't have a lot of women...but come on...at least try to be include @Cam Adair.

Hi @Zoe, unfortunately the video modules were recorded many years ago when the community was just guys so that was the language being used. There's been a change in many ways since then, such as the newsletters no longer starting with "hey guys", etc. I've got plans to re-record the respawn modules and will be less hey guys in those as well. Stay tuned!

[Zoe 129]

38 minutes ago, Cam Adair said:

Hi @Zoe, unfortunately the video modules were recorded many years ago when the community was just guys so that was the language being used. There's been a change in many ways since then, such as the newsletters no longer starting with "hey guys", etc. I've got plans to re-record the respawn modules and will be less hey guys in those as well. Stay tuned!

Appreciate the insight.😀