LordFederickRamsay 106 Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 (edited) Hello! Day #1 Today I'm grateful for: My friend Sam who gives good advice and support me. My mum who although can be overbearing at times, is self-sacrificing and helps me with lots of different things. My therapist R, who decided to help people as a living. The house I live in. It is big and spacious and I'm very lucky to have this. I think this template wants me to do my journal at the end of the day. I also don't really know what to write for most of these prompts. So I'm just going to start here without a template. I'm considering this the first day of my 90-day detox. I want to take this as seriously as possible this time. I feel always a sense of loss when I come on to this forum and do my hour of Respawn Elite a day because it makes me feel nostalgic for the times I had when I gamed (or feeling like I'm doing something I don't really want to do and then lots of justifications/rationalizations for gaming come into my head i.e. you can game in moderation - you're not addicted). Like I'm giving something up that is fun. So I feel a bit nostalgic. I'm a bit worried of relapsing so that's on my mind. I'm writing this journal entry and I do my Respawn Elite on a £2700 gaming set up for playing Fortnite so it's triggering and makes me have an urge to play but I don't really see any way around it. I'd like to think it's not really necessary to get rid of the computer because it's so smooth and I can use it for other stuff. But I'll have to see because I really do not want to game again. I want to move on from it permanently. At the moment, I'm focused on doing things that make me feel good. I feel almost like a wobbly structure and doing stuff that I don't really want to do but makes me feel a sense of accomplishment at the end acts as a sort of scaffolding for this structure. At the moment I'm feeling cravings and urges to game. I've been struggling with this for a few weeks now. It really isn't in my best interest. Just want to add before I sign off for the day that I just watched Cam's video on making it harder to game by selling whatever device you play that game on. I'm really worried about this. This has made me feel as if I'm about to cry because the PC that I'm currently on is so beautiful. I built it and paid for it. But it was explicitly made to play Fortnite. I've been using it to do other stuff like video editing but whenever I'm on it, the urges and cravings to play are off the charts. I think I'd legit cry if I sold it because I think it represents more to me than an expensive gaming PC. What do you guys think? I want to take this seriously and follow Cam's instructions. This one will be really hard to follow and do. So that's what I'm going to do but it's going to be so hard. At the same time, I think it'd feel like taking a weight off my chest. It's easy to indulge in the negative feelings and thoughts. I'll have to avoid gaming in the interim between selling it and waiting for it to be picked up/waiting for it to be sold on eBay. That would be pretty justified but also unhelpful and I will try my best to avoid this. One amazing thing that happened/I did today: I started my daily journal and my 90-day detox from gaming. Workout/run: I didn't do any exercise today because I've got shin splints. Meditation: I used to try meditation but I always found it difficult and I had a million questions about whether I was doing it correctly which is a self-fulfilling prophecy in that you aren't focussed on your breath, but whether you're doing it correctly. Visualisation: I've never tried this. Quite sceptical of this. Daily affirmation: Reading + taking notes: Does this mean reading a non-fiction book and taking notes? Getting to bed before 9pm: I work part-time at a pub. I can't go to bed before 9PM because I am at work. Weekly Goal(s): Get through the week without gaming. Post in your daily journal every day. Do an hour of Respawn Elite every day. Monthly Goal: 3 Month Goal: Complete the 90 day detox. What went well today: I made my bed, I brushed my teeth, I cleared out the cat-lit tray, refilled their water bowls and cleaned their food bowls. Then I did an hour of Respawn Elite, a part of which involved posting this daily journal. My day isn't over yet so hopefully I can continue doing stuff that makes me feel good. What I could have done to make my day better: What I will do differently tomorrow: Edited April 29 by LordFederickRamsay 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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