Go agane.

[Hmmge 672]

2023 Post-New Year's

The holidays are finally over and it's time to proverbially and literally, get back to work. It starts off with a bit of delay because I caught a nice heavy stomach flu accompanied by fever but after 2 days of just trying to survive I feel healthier now. I do have a broken sleep schedule due to the illness but nothing I can't fix in a couple of days. Felt nice to hang with lots of friends again on new years and spend some time with family, but now that I'm getting healthier, I'm excited to just be home and work. Work on my career, work on the side hustle I am planning, work on my guitar skills, work on music, self development, mindfulness, and towards the end of this month perhaps even a relationship. That includes of course journaling here, I kind of just free-form it for now but once my sleep schedule is back on track I might start tracking some statistics like I used to as well. 

I kinda fucked around during holidays because of traveling multiple times, spending time with people often in an inefficient manner, alcohol etc, but now I am excited to just sit down, square up, and execute. I have an overall plan laid out for the next 6 months and it's going to be EPIC! Let's go!

Edited January 3 by Hmmge

[Hmmge 672]

Can you spot the Zenos quote?

Took a lot out of me to reverse that scuffed sleep schedule due to illness, but I finally got there(as long as I am able to fall asleep normally tonight ). Getting into the rythm takes some time and I accept that. I wish I could just straight up jump in and be incredible from day 1 but as the great wise one says - "It is what it is".

Comfort zone. My enemy, my friend. It is so, so difficult to get out of it when there is no immediate external need, I am truly playing the game of mind on hard mode. Good news is, I feel like after years and years of learning, I'm finally starting to get the upper hand. I am no longer being washed away into huge 'relapses' and huge anxiety swings, because I don't fight my emotions anymore, I don't judge them, I don't reject them as a part of me that doesn't belong, instead I accept, observe, and understand them. That way their power is greatly reduced.

People usually feel like the emotions are 'them', or the thoughts are coming from 'them', or they are not aware of them at all and simply get ruled by them completely. Fascinating is how the vast majority of people actually function this way because their subconsciouss programming is pushing them into stuff like making money and getting laid. Survival instincts. This makes people survive in society and seemingly 'have a normal life', but this approach is entirely devoid of consciousness growth and leads to tremendous suffering. I've blessed myself as well as cursed myself pretty early on, by uncovering that it's all a bit of a charade. Arbitrary processes that surve no purpose, they are vestigial. And in the grand scheme of things, prevent true growth. And at the same time, I have to put in a mountain of work in order to do certain things that others take for granted. It's an interesting trade-off and I hope I'm coming onto a tipping point where the pay-off is going to be outweighing the struggle. 

We will see.