Not doing well emotionally. Need some mental/emotional reprieve

[Vorsicon]

I quit games a couple weeks ago and my Steam accounts are in the process of being deleted. EGS account is already deleted.

I am currently separated from my family and in the next few days I may end up having a lot of time on my hands. I hope to be back home in the next few weeks or months. Gaming could be a good escape to help destress and recoup, but im worried that if I start down that road that I'll be consumed for a while to numb the pain, as was my previous lifestyle.

I started learning FL Studio but havent had much time to work on it lately and fear that the learning curve will deter me from continuing.

I have been watching more senseless YT lately too that needs to be curbed. FL Studio tutorials have been helpful to keep me learning.

I have been reading a lot more which is good- to an extent. It's also another form of escape and distraction for me, though it does encourage me to write- which I avoid at all costs cuz I'm terrified of writing and that what i will write will be no good. I know it doesnt matter and i need to just WRITE but I have difficulty moving past that.

Im writing this journal entry so i dont look for some escape right now, or maybe it is a form of escape cuz i dont want to pray right now. I dont have my laptop atm so gaming isn't really an option, but i'll have it later today.

I can go to an Anytime Fitness gym if i want to for the next couple days while i have the car, which i think i might do. Ive been going with a friend for a couple momths. I'll have to go by myself but i think i can manage that. I did that a couple weeks ago.

Im staying at a friends for a couple days and gaming has always been a go-to for us. So im not sure if he will want to and/or if i should. I kind of need a distraction right now. Ive prayed for a bit but im losing strength presently and when my friend and I will be home together later today we might want to play something. Idk. I just kind of need a distraction... i know i should keep going to Jesus but Im feeling pretty worn out.

Vors, signing off.

Edited July 1, 2022 by Vorsicon

[BooksandTrees]

On 7/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Vorsicon said:

I quit games a couple weeks ago and my Steam accounts are in the process of being deleted. EGS account is already deleted.

I am currently separated from my family and in the next few days I may end up having a lot of time on my hands. I hope to be back home in the next few weeks or months. Gaming could be a good escape to help destress and recoup, but im worried that if I start down that road that I'll be consumed for a while to numb the pain, as was my previous lifestyle.

I started learning FL Studio but havent had much time to work on it lately and fear that the learning curve will deter me from continuing.

I have been watching more senseless YT lately too that needs to be curbed. FL Studio tutorials have been helpful to keep me learning.

I have been reading a lot more which is good- to an extent. It's also another form of escape and distraction for me, though it does encourage me to write- which I avoid at all costs cuz I'm terrified of writing and that what i will write will be no good. I know it doesnt matter and i need to just WRITE but I have difficulty moving past that.

Im writing this journal entry so i dont look for some escape right now, or maybe it is a form of escape cuz i dont want to pray right now. I dont have my laptop atm so gaming isn't really an option, but i'll have it later today.

I can go to an Anytime Fitness gym if i want to for the next couple days while i have the car, which i think i might do. Ive been going with a friend for a couple momths. I'll have to go by myself but i think i can manage that. I did that a couple weeks ago.

Im staying at a friends for a couple days and gaming has always been a go-to for us. So im not sure if he will want to and/or if i should. I kind of need a distraction right now. Ive prayed for a bit but im losing strength presently and when my friend and I will be home together later today we might want to play something. Idk. I just kind of need a distraction... i know i should keep going to Jesus but Im feeling pretty worn out.

Vors, signing off.

Welcome to the forums. You're doing a great job and the first thing I need you to do is take a few deep breaths and be in the moment. There's a lot of anxiety and potential panic tones coming from your writing. That's ok. You're doing a good job. You've got this. 

I suggest writing about your cravings and what's causing you to panic. One of the toughest parts is dealing with boredom. It's ok to be bored. It's very restorative to the mind during periods of burnout and stress. 

I wrote a long piece in the celebrations forum called 500 days without gaming. I recommend reading that. 

Be your own friend. You've got this. 

[LostRiver]

Hi Vors, 

@BooksandTrees's tips are really good. Also from my experience, stay far away from Youtube, Tiktok or any stimulating activities on electronics because you can get addicted to those as well. Their suggestion algorithms are somewhat predatory, always trying to get you to spend more time watching.

About writing, check out this advice from Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott: basically when it comes to writing, everybody's stuffs suck at first. You will only get better by trying again and learning to accept that your stuff sucks. I will give you the exert at the end of my comment here. It is also a good book if you like writing.

As a fellow gamequitter, I really hope you make it out clean after this period when you have a lot of free time. You can do it.

 

Here's the exert about shitty first drafs:

Very few writers really know what they are doing until they’ve done it. Nor do they go about their business feeling dewy and thrilled. They do not type a few stiff warm-up sentences and then find themselves bounding along like huskies across the snow. One writer I know tells me that he sits down every morning and says to himself nicely, "It’s not like you don’t have a choice, because you do— you can either type or kill yourself." We all often feel like we are pulling teeth, even those writers whose prose ends up being the most natural and fluid. The right words and sentences just do not come pouring out like ticker tape most of the time.