Start Stopping

[mrombach88]

So it's my wife's birthday soon. I was making her present today, and working on my studies.

Every so often I played Smash Bros again. Yesterday I played it too. The day before that I played Mortal Kombat. The day before that I played Borderlands. The day before that I played Marvel vs Capcom 2. The day before that I played Borderlands. The day before that I played Marvel vs Capcom 2.

So... today I stuck gaming addiction into Google. I did 3 tests.

Then I did what I've done several times over the years. I deleted all my games on my computer and hid my Switch. Which before was a playstation vita, or a playstation 4. Or an xbox 360. I love games but I should be able to stop right? But the last time I just installed steam again, bought a console again. Started playing every day, again.

I'm an adult, I should be able to control myself right? I'm not a teenager, right?

Ugh. Embarrassing.

So this is Day 1 for me. Congratulations to everyone here for being strong enough to do something about this. I guess it's my time too.

You are swamped with gaming stuff on Youtube. Games are so accessible now it's crazy. You can download them on your phone whenever you want, and they design them to press your dopamine buttons harder than any time before.

It's okay that this is hard.

I say to you. And I say to myself.

 

[mrombach88]

Days without games: 1.

I had a panic attack today. But everything came out to my wife, who was empathetic. She'd seen everything, and wasn't surprised by me getting my diagnosis from the quizzes. But the panic attack came more from my job search, studying code, dealing with birthday gifts and having wasted so much time on gaming during the process.

My head feels clearer though. Describing myself as having 'a gaming addiction' feels like a natural response. It all seems to make sense, and takes one segment from my mind out that makes everything else seem clearer.

I'm still thinking about a hypothetical situation where i could play games again with friends though. A thought I've had for a good 4 or 5 years, but never acted on because I left my home country. Along with this image of impressing them with a powerful character on a fighting game. I've always been the only one to play them to my level. Fighting level 8s and 9s on smash, fighting SF4 on hardest etc etc. Yet I'm a pussy in a real fight. At least I was. I hope the intense weight burpees and hanging on a pull up bar might change that, I can already carry my wife around easier anyway.

Exercise is key to this. Home workouts are fine, but I found strength gives you the best buzz. Focus on your forearms and use a pull up bar, and you'll see the best difference. Spent too long pissing around with bicep stuff wondering why I'm not getting stronger. But either way exercise gives that buzz when you get results. To speak like a nerdy gamer, why level up a character when you level up yourself?

Also they say you should replace gaming with a dopamine hit, so I've chosen Disney +. My brother has let me use his account, eventually I'll get my own. TV scratches an itch, whilst at the same time not growing a Futurama brainslag on my head like gaming.

Seriously gaming is a brainslug. Watch futurama, think of it like that. It helps 😅

The hypothetical gaming thoughts are still here, that's a big factor. Taking a shower and running through in my head the new ways to make games interesting. I kept justifying my habit by being frugal. But just because you don't waste money doesn't mean you aren't addicted. I liked creating characters, customisation. Lately Mii Swordfighter filled that, finding new characters to build in. It was annoying to see pro gamers with such shitty Miis, anime girls and retarded looking joke miis, when mine were variants on real characters. But then... I'm still the one ruining my relationship. At least those boys are getting paid for gaming.

I remember when I was on a South Korean Facebook group, I was asking around about Tekken. I posted about how I sold my PS4 when I moved house. Some troll gave me shit, saying I was a simp because I did that. It's easy to poke holes. Then there was another girl who gave a big laughing face and said 'Yeah! Simp! My PS4 is the best!' Both of them started a weird little conversation, and by the end of it, I felt better than them. The girl had lost a marriage because she played too much PS4, she admitted, saying 'The PS4 is still here but he isn't. I'm very happy!' No one else in the thread gave her a thought.

Living alone in South Korea, teaching English to school kids, playing PS4 on your own. Good luck not getting depressed with that.

Meanwhile I'm building up towards a house, having trained myself enough in programming to potentially earn double her wage. I've got a super hot wife and an apartment 4 times the size of hers. But maybe I should just accept that the simp joke was funny, it was.

When me and my wife talked, she complained I haven't been there, completely. That's the key to this. If you aren't an addict, your partner will be more present in your mind. Gaming will be one of the things you do. But for me, every day, I say I'm taking a break. That break means gaming. PC gaming, switch gaming, mobile gaming. Whatever. If you're alone you don't have anyone to disappear on, but the difference is that life passes you by while you're in front of the screen. I didn't travel in Europe, I didn't save. I smoked cigarettes and gamed. Now I'm cigarette free for 4 years. Game free for 1 day.

Honestly gaming seems way harder to quit. Because it was so easy to quit, but I know I can convince myself to play again. Cigarettes it was physical but gaming is all 'harmless' justification, no physical consequences. Just a lot of lost time that should have been spent on the people you care about.

Wow day 1 and I'm ranting.

Okay. That's how I feel. Let's see if I'm full of shit or capable of doing this. Bring on day 2.

 

 

 

[NesteaDrinker]

Are you still there? Hope you are going well.

[mrombach88]

Quote

NesteaDrinker: Are you still there? Hope you are going well.

Hey Nestea Drinker, I'm still going 🙂

Gonna do my post now.

Day 7, no games. Applying for a job, spent the weekend on an assignment for it. Code is tough, but I'm learning more and more as I go.

Thinking about smash a lot though. Thinking about playing with my brother in England more than playing on my own though, my urges are strange, built around hypothetical gaming sessions with other people. I want gaming to fit that part of my life, but here in South Korea I know one guy who plays PC more than anything. I haven't told him about my addiction or my quitting, but then we don't talk that much so i don't have to. 

I want to let myself play on my birthday and Christmas for some reason. But I don't know if these hypothetical scenarios and special rules are a way of starting the bullshit over again. Birthday and Christmas becomes once a month, once a month becomes once a week, once a week becomes every day and so on.

I tried this stuff before. 4 hours a week, only on weekends, only with my wife or only with my friends. I break my own rules all the time, and before I know it I'm back on everyday. 2 days a year seems like an excuse to break the rule, where 2 days can become 3, 4, 5, once a month, once a week etc. 

My birthday is in June, so let's see where my head's at then. I really want to do a year off and see what it does for my head. At the same time, playing smash on birthdays and christmas is such a comfortable move. But maybe it's an excuse, a way of holding on to my addiction, my cigarette if you will.

It's all so annoying. It's been my favorite hobby, but if I have kids, I don't want them to be like me. I don't want them to act like this with games.

Anyway. I can keep going. I'm a bit grumpy, and I think about games a lot, but I can do this easy enough. It's all self control.

Edited March 7, 2022 by mrombach88

[WildRiftQuitter]

On 3/7/2022 at 2:29 AM, mrombach88 said:

I want to let myself play on my birthday and Christmas for some reason.

Hi hope your doing well

I strongly advice you not to relapse even if it's one day because it's gonna ruin all of your progress and you will experience intense cravings once you decide to quit again 

I did this mistake and relapsed after like 3 weeks for 3 days and then I have quit again but the 2nd time was way harder for me to endure than the first one because it kinda reignited my dependance to gaming 

planning to return to your game will only make things harder and moreover your birthday and Christmas are both events that only happen once a year and deserve to be savored with family or friends and not passed alone Infront of a screen

Just keep pushing yourself through it indefinitely , this is how you can conquer your self and truly get over gaming

good luck

 

[goodvibes]

On 2/28/2022 at 5:07 AM, mrombach88 said:

Then I did what I've done several times over the years. I deleted all my games on my computer

I'm right there with you. Did a full 90+ detox a few years back but still relapsed. I think it's all a learning experience though and we can accomplish anything still if we set our mind to it!