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PJ's Journey


songpj12

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Day 1 of 90:

Hello everyone thank you for visiting this post!

This is the first time I've tried committing to a journal during this kind of process. However this isn't my first attempt to try and cut back on gaming, in general, I always felt that I was addicted or that I could have been doing more with my life. It wasn't until my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me this weekend that made me feel the reality and humility of this addiction, so I really want to change. Thankfully we've both made it clear that we don't want to cut each other off completely but we definitely aren't together romantically. I apologies if the way I'm wording this is strange or does not make sense, but this is my journal entry and I'm just typing what I'm experiencing right now.

Right now I'm feeling pretty confused, helpless, but optimistic. with everything that has happened to me so far I'm not sure about a lot of things about myself but thankfully I still have some great friends and they've given me some great advice and are willing to stick with me through this turbulent time. I also can't help but think about her and our relationship but that's a whole another post...

But either way this is first step to changing and coping with who i am, just know that I'm going to be cutting this off cold turkey and start focus on my goals that I've set up for myself - like playing piano, reconnecting with friends, start to work out, find new hobbies, etc. WISH ME LUCK PLEASE and HELP ME BE ACCOUNTABLE THANK YOU!!!!

Edited by songpj12
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Day 2 of 90

I decided to write my second journal entry before my lunch since I'm technically still at work. Even though it's only been a day I've realized how much time I actually would spend playing games throughout my work day (i work from home for context). Before I would usually play a couple of minutes, sometimes hours, through out the day doing only the bare minimum of work which would cause me to stress about my problems and work later in the evenings rather then using that time to better myself. 

Right now I'm just struggling with filling that void and focusing on the work that I have to do, thankfully I've come up with some ideas and ways to refocus myself but I can't do that during work, unfortunately lol. It's just scary how sudden these feelings set in especially since it's only the second day but I'm still planning on sticking with this and just push through while consolidating these feelings of mine. 

 

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Day 3 of 90

This will be a shorter entry but I'll try to keep it focus. Last night was really tough since I've decided that I would stop playing games to focus on my life while also dealing with loss so combined it just hits a lot harder. I find my thoughts going towards playing games or times that I played games, but thanks to making the barrier to entry for gaming harder i was able to go against that urge. I've also came up with some activities that could help me occupy my time. I guess I'm just struggling to find the motivation to take the first step towards these new activities, however I have been going out more and contacting my friends which has helped. Will see by tomorrow how this turns out, but we're still pushing through and thats what matters. I appreciate the likes and messages from the community as well so thank you everyone. 

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Day 4 of 90

I must say this day has been a bit more confusing for me. I still haven't given up on this challenge and I have the action plan set up but at the same time with everything that has been happening to me I feel the need to just process my emotions and heal before I truly commit to this lifestyle. Don't get me wrong I want to make the change and honestly the cravings come and go with me but I'm starting to realize that I need to be in a better mental place and learn to accept and move on with what's been going on in my life. thankfully this upcoming week I'll be hanging out with my friends, I've started to get more involved with learning about design, and I'm trying to go on more daily walks. It's a slow process but at the very least I feel like this is progress. 

(Apologies if this entry seemed confusing or redundant didn't have too much time to flesh this one out)

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Day 5 - 10 of 90

Oh man it's only been five days and I wasn't able to keep this journal consistent but I assure you it was for a good cause. This past weekend I was taking some time for myself, hanging out with my friends as a way to distract myself and to come to terms with everything; I have to say it was much needed. It definitely helped me come to terms with my feelings as well as not play games, I was able to tell them about this 90 day purge of video games and they gave me my support which is always nice to hear. But overall it's been an interesting couple of days and I've realized a lot of things, but I'm feeling more optimistic because I actually started actively working on my goals which felt pretty good, I think right now I just need to keep focusing on myself and take things a bit easy right now.

We're getting there guys it just takes time and patience, and I just have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end. 

Edited by songpj12
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