Revising course materials today to pass the exam.

 

Day 1 of limiting talk shows and nba league.

Edited July 19, 2025Jul 19 by Amphibian220

I feel like i passed the test, will wait to see the results. I feel fatigued but am not certain if I need counseling. I heard that counseling can make it worse if their approach is wrong.

This is it for today and I actually did something positive towards my goals. But my goals are hampered without a true community. I don't like jobs where im a stranger to people.

I know this is extremely condensed but I may get more strength to write tomorrow.

I hope all the frank members on thia forum dont succumb to laziness. wishing everyone well.

Edited July 19, 2025Jul 19 by Amphibian220

Work didn't go so well today. I had difficulty focusing. I exercise on a daily basis, look after my clothes, but need help in the way of communication.

Nba league will not replace communication for me.

Who's your fav NBA team?

@Cam Adair

Thanks for bringing the forum back on line, it was very tough going without the diary and support here. I don't have a favourite player, i watch it just to pass the time.

I still cant understand the pattern of failure 4 years on. I got into a challenging job, i was pushing my limits, but then my health got worse. Two years into that job, I wasn’t sure i wanted to carry on with it and wanted something different. I went after many iterations, making proposals to businesses, but so far nothing has come of it.

There was far more energy when i was starting the first detox. I relapsed into things like tv shows, sports and comedy. 

I am past detoxes. I scan the forum to see people recovering and do things that appear impossible to me.

Edited August 10, 2025Aug 10 by Amphibian220

I’ve run out of steam, barely sustaining work. I will try doing memorization for my next exam, but i dont know if i will have the necessary strength to pass it . In the past passing was a matter of putting in the time, but now i am balancing health, work and education. 

I am grateful for this journal, but I would want members on this forum to run to my help and give me a hand or hug me, but that is impossible because they aren’t here. They all have their jobs and families to look after. @Cam Adair

I look like a very tired guy trying to improve career prospects. Interviewers seem to be shaking their heads when they see me. skills that I learned two years ago have devalued. I had to invest money and time in new skills and I haven’t done that.

Edited August 19, 2025Aug 19 by Amphibian220

 

1 hour ago, Amphibian220 said:

I’ve run out of steam, barely sustaining work. I will try doing memorization for my next exam, but i dont know if i will have the necessary strength to pass it . In the past passing was a matter of putting in the time, but now i am balancing health, work and education. 

I am grateful for this journal, but I would want members on this forum to run to my help and give me a hand or hug me, but that is impossible because they aren’t here. They all have their jobs and families to look after. @Cam Adair

I look like a very tired guy trying to improve career prospects. Interviewers seem to be shaking their heads when they see me. skills that I learned two years ago have devalued. I had to invest money and time in new skills and I haven’t done that.

I took health and exercise courses for ~12 months a few years back now, and felt ready to take on any practical role at a gym, but it was as though I was meant to be receptive to indoctrination, or positively leaping (even more than I was mentally) to serve everyone I could see, posthaste. Another gym wanted at least 6 months of relevant experience - then I would be considered. One outgoing young man I remember was laughing nervously that he bluffed his way into an interview early in his studies, and then couldn't really back himself up. The two of us should have already been a study team is what I thought.

Your summaries are among the best here, dude. I know you said that you won't believe that anyone is 'lost', but there's the good kind of loss/immersion as well. I actually doubt if I could personally provide deliberate instruction for you to do anything, compared to everyone else here who has a busy life.

My most recent gym session involved 100 total repetitions of 3 exercises at a moderate-heavy weight. I just wanted to burn those movements into my brain. Memorisation indeed - my Dad often claimed to have learned by repetition, but still regards resistance training semi-seriously as 'torture'. You've got to feel at least something about the journey, as well as think and remember it, IMO.

I spent some time a couple weeks of this year reading 'Surrounded by Idiots', with those 4 DISC personality colours. You know, I always imagined you fitting the Red/Dominant type. Maybe that's just an enduring ideal for a lot of males who've experienced some driven work before. People can change/revert to natural tendencies; I eventually did. 

You mentioned shooter games and watching sport; I was never much good at either, but maybe you could join debating groups or work on sporting event commentary. I dunno. If you're out of steam, or even ideas in general, there has to be a change or allowance made, right?

Happy mid-week Amph. 

Edited August 20, 2025Aug 20 by wheatbiscuit
spelling

Thanks, when i stop communicating, the worst thing happens. Anger or worries start to fill up my mind. The crap is just automatic, so i need to constantly talk to people throughout the day.

I need to switch jobs but i don't know how. As i finish my tasks and get home, i watch documentaries and sports.

I go for the cheapest stuff. The excitement and morale that i got years back from reading self help books and embarking upon recovery subsided and i got demoralized. I cant be upbeat anymore. Perpetual worrying fatigue.

I want to join a charitable cause and help people, but that will have to be a part time thing on the weekends. It doesnt work online, i need to create a real self help group in my locale so that men can support each other and return to being strong.

Edited November 8, 2025Nov 8 by Amphibian220

Obsessive thinking about games has shifted to thinking about regrets, politics and other subjects. This thinking can only be controlled with something like a cause about which i feel passionate.

I will assemble a list of two dozen techniques in which i can help local videogamers and try to follow it. I try to increase my workout daily and to sleep more.

It all came crashing down with no growth at work and OCD the nemesis.

On 11/8/2025 at 2:39 PM, Amphibian220 said:

I need to switch jobs but i don't know how. As i finish my tasks and get home, i watch documentaries and sports.

I'm in the same boat. I don't need to change jobs, but I'd really like to. But the only job I'd like (and love) to do might be unrealistic. You're right at the end, though, you absolutely need to spend any free time working towards that new job goal. Unfortunately, people who spend their time not working on getting a new job in a completely different field will struggle to realise their dreams.

@Pulse my idea is I will try to allocate time outside of work to get my important research done on video games and films and how they are engineered to subvert the youth.

What makes you think your dream job is unrealistic?

Edited November 17, 2025Nov 17 by Amphibian220

On 11/17/2025 at 5:59 PM, Amphibian220 said:

@Pulse my idea is I will try to allocate time outside of work to get my important research done on video games and films and how they are engineered to subvert the youth.

What makes you think your dream job is unrealistic?

That's very commendable.

I'd like to develop my own app ideas, or become a software developer focusing more on AI. I guess the latter isn't too out-there but maybe the first is.

A mediocre job can send a recovering person into a second crisis.

The low skilled job means I cant settle my bills. But another problem is that the easy nature of the job tanked my energy levels.

I am no longer able to work at the same level like before. I will continue working on my project and put myself in more conflict scenarios.

My PE teacher would tell me “you have to get inside and exchange some blows with him”.

Edited December 1, 2025Dec 1 by Amphibian220

C

Edited December 24, 2025Dec 24 by Amphibian220

On 8/19/2025 at 6:57 PM, Amphibian220 said:

I look like a very tired guy trying to improve career prospects. Interviewers seem to be shaking their heads when they see me. skills that I learned two years ago have devalued. I had to invest money and time in new skills and I haven’t done that.

All I can say right now is I feel your struggle. Keep at it. The job market is rough right now and AI in the hiring process is not making things any better. But you deserve better. Don't let interviewers get you down. Your worth is not reflected in the work you do or the way you interview.

Hey, does your nick name stand for Frank Delano Roosevelt? My university professor used to refer to him during the lectures.

I lack the charm needed to win job interviews, because I approach work without an element of communication with my peers. I got knocked out for this passivity and I have outgrown my work field. The work is a piece of cake but here are managing directors annoyed that I want to take too much work from them. There are far too many unemployed lawyers today. I was visiting a library and a retired electrical engineer offered me his books as a gift.

I have to go into the most ridiculous fight tomorrow. I need to find investors for my business idea, but I have to refine my plan to make it workable. I also have to risk more, the current legal job market is earning me below my target level.

Edited January 6Jan 6 by Amphibian220

Day 2. Woke up feeling weak because i listened to news podcasts until midnight.

The more perfectionist I act, the more my mind wanders on to trauma. I have to cause trouble and challenge people in order to move on. Managers seem to be people who can have fights and take risks. I want to have my first tandem chute jump this season.

Edited January 7Jan 7 by Amphibian220

Day 3

Will attend basketball training today. Our basketball coach has returned and this is going to help the morale.

Edited January 10Jan 10 by Amphibian220

Day 4

No screens

Edited January 10Jan 10 by Amphibian220

Day 5

Researching resistance cinema. Will have a 3 mile jog today.

Edited January 11Jan 11 by Amphibian220

I took two bad injuries in my basketball training and I am going to spend some time in recovery. Sticking to Calisthenics.

Hey man reading up the latest from your journal. Sorry for stupid question as that was clarified before but the basketball thing, can you elaborate more for me on that topic? Are yuo trainer or or assistant or manager of the team? Glad to see another day on your commitment completed.

Im not a trainer, just an amateur player. I badly sprained my ankle and it put me off from playing for many months. I hope to get back into the game this year but I cannot play as competitively as before.

@Amphibian220 aa thanks for clarifying. I hope yopu will get better and better every day. Will keep my fingers crossed for you buddy.