On 4/26/2026 at 11:07 AM, reader said:

Hey @Yan I get the scepticism, and in general I agree with you as a lot of things get over-medicalised. But autism is a bit different. It's not a symptom from bad routines more it's neurodevelopmental, meaning it's wired in from birth for a person. There's actual brain imaging research behind it, Also I'm not self-diagnosing here. I'm doing a full assessment psychiatric consult, developmental history interview, personality testing, and ADOS-2 ( standard tool run by two clinicians at the same time). Also it's not about medication most autistic adults never get prescribed anything. For me it's simpler than that. I spent my whole life feeling like something was off but not knowing what. If there's a proper explanation for that, I want it. That's all.
But thanks again for insights!

It's always an important Idea to identify your problems objectively.
I think that if you focus more on the specific occurances that you'd rather overcome that could be more useful, rather than looking at a big word like "autism".

For example I have a relatively sensitive bladder (No medical diagnosis) I mean I need to go to the toilet pretty frequently, which I attribute to the high amount of running in relation to the average person as well as bike riding (bumps striking the bladder again and again).
That said, I just try different solutions with time. I try drinking less water before a run, I tried changing shoes, I tried changing the bike(Indeed paid about a 1000 Euros for this) experimenting with routines.

I do not need some dude or lady to tell me that I have "Sensitivebladdersyndrome" or "Senbladromia" just invented both terms in order to know what I am experiencing and take action to see if I may reduce the symptom long term, and maybe even reverse the effects if my body manages to heal.

You see, I just like to concentrate on what I have to do instead of keeping to put a name or a big picture or diagnose myself with a condition.

I can say the same about olive oil consumption, dates consumption.

I am very rigid, so I stick to eating the same things day after day for years, just as I did with running and biking. Which is why when I kept using olive oil day after day In big amounts I assume it did some sort of damage in the stomach. I don't know the exact medical explanation, but fact is that I start feeling eye dryness after olive oil, even if taken in small amount. I just kept testing again and again with A/B testing (So keeping everything else as closely as possible to the previous day apart from changing 1 single thing)
Of course no two days are ever identical, but I tried to reduce the effect of the difference in days through reducing this one single thing across few days.

So you see, the general Idea is just to focus on whatever I can do in relation to the symptoms. The condition is not really that important... All I know is: I use olive oil equals to sleepiness, eye dryness, eczema outburst. So I try to reduce it. I may also research possible causes of how exactly it happens, but that is only so that I knew better what to do, rather than have a particular diagnosis, which may as well change in a certain time.

Maybe that's exactly what you're doing... I don't know... But I'm just sharing the way I see it. Let me know if this makes somewhat sense to you. Cheers!!! Best wishes and keep it up with the good fight against painted hijackers of potential. :)

Week 16

Developing Projects: Main focus is on one project now, pushing toward launch. Progressing.
Gym: Lost motivation completely this week. One run with a friend, that's it. What's surprising is I don't feel that bad about it. It just stopped mattering as much. Not sure what to make of that yet.

Summary of  Week 16

Gaming thoughts, almost none. Today an ad for Farming Simulator popped up and I caught myself thinking about the good times with that game. Then I remembered I didn't even know why I was playing it. I remember the emptiness. Finished it, got 100%, felt nothing. The ad passed. So did the thought.
Work surprised me this week. Got a raise I didn't expect. Good timing.

On the autism front: I know it might sound like I'm making it a big thing. I'm not. I'm not claiming I have it. I just want a proper scientific answer, official tests, full assessment. And it's not only about me. I have a son. If he has it, I want to know how to spot the signs early and give him the right support. That's the whole reason.
Dumbscrolling free: 17 weeks

@Yan I get the point but I think bladder and olive oil are a bit different category than what I'm dealing with. Gaming addiction, weed, also poker - never moderating anything in my life, copying people's behaviour for 35 years just to seem normal, always feeling something was off but not knowing what. That's not one symptom I can A/B test. That's a pattern across my whole life I am experiencing.
Also, none of this changes my commitment to being game free. I'm not using autism as an explanation that lets me off the hook. Gaming was still destructive. I just now understand why moderation was never possible for me. That's actually useful information.

Subject 1: "I just now understand why moderation was never possible for me."

As far as I can remember, every single case of attempted "moderation" with gaming on this forum, ended up with the involved person stopping to journal here, probably going deeply under. I highly doubt that it is something unique to you, or that a specific medical/psychiatrical "condition" is needed for this to take place.

Cam says it in one of his own videos, you do not try to moderate, because every single thing in life gaming will win when you compare them. Doing homework vs. Gaming - Gaming wins, Even going out with friends vs. Gaming - Gaming wins, Taking up art class vs. Gaming - Gaming wins.

The examples are off, that is probably not what he said in the video, but I think you get the point.

On 5/2/2026 at 3:12 PM, reader said:

That's a pattern across my whole life I am experiencing.

Hey if I were to look at it like that I could find ways to identify with some big pattern, I could say I have OCD, because yes I tend to double, triple and quadruple check doors being locked. Aswell as in other areas sticking to my pre-set limits at "all costs" I could say I have extra fast metabolism and other such things that make sense across the board, and are probably also true. But although I do sometimes tend to identify them I have somewhat long forgot of them because whether I have them or not doens't really matter. In some place also this "OCD" in my opinion is just the wish for stability. And a result of repeating habits, which if I focus on I can correct. I think the same thing is true with you, almost every habit you have may be adjusted.

It is probably okay to know an overarching condition, but the problem is that once you let it dominate your thoughts and you keep defining yourself as "authist" the only solution is across the board - medications/outside psychiatric/psychologic treatments. Which is the reason the medical industry often makes such huge definitions which make sense across the board, becvause it doens't allow you to treat the single symptoms by yourself, and frames it in such a way that forces you to turn to outside sources. But then of course those outside sources don't really help, because you never build a building from nothing to completion in a "day" you make it brick by brick.

So if you have anything that bothers you, start by breaking it up one thing at a time and focusing on fixing this one thing.
Because that's the only way I'm aware of.

P.S.
Please do not interpret anything of what I say as an attempt to be a "smartass" I truly genuinely just am sharing with you the way I see the world and sharing with you my thoughts, according to the picture you are presenting to me as I would to myself. Of course I do not know all the details and may even misinterpret the details that you do present, so take everything with a grain of salt and feel absolutely more than free to disagree, correct and debate anything with me.

I might most definitely be wrong, and there is always place for improvement

Nonetheless I wanted to write something because I know you normally appear here on saturdays, so here are my thoughts a bit half baked :)

Have an awesome day/week/other period time ;)

P.P.S. I wrote a part of this text then set it in a metaphoric drawer for a while. But today I took it up again and sent it to you half-baked. Even though it is not thoroughly polished, I relied upon the fact that you'll understand that I'm just trying to give you advice to the best of my knowledge as a person who walks a similar path like yourself and won't get overdefensive. (I'd gladly of course go back an forth on any of the provided claims, but there surely was no intention of attacking anything you do. On the contrary, whatever action you take as a result of reflection is the best thing to do at the given moment according to your knowledge. Or anyones knowledge for that matter. If we get new knowledge of course, that is something that we can then use to improve, but nonetheless we took the best action we knew how, and that is what we also always do :) )

Edited May 9May 9 by Yan
P.P.S.

@Yan no offence taken, genuinely! And you're right that moderation doesn't work in gaming, for me or probably for most people here. I agree with that fully, that part isn't changing.
On the autism thing though, I think there's a small misunderstanding. I'm not looking for medication, there isn't one for autism anyway. I'm not planning to define myself by it or use it as a permanent excuse. I just want to understand how I'm wired so I can make better decisions going forward. Same reason I read books about habits, dopamine, addiction. Knowledge about myself helps me improve. Also I have a son. If there's a chance he has it too, I want to know early enough to actually help him. That's honestly the bigger reason.
Still fully committed to being game free. That hasn't moved. This is just a separate thing running in parallel.
PS: I really am actually glad that you cared to post here with so many analogies and reflecting on your own journey! That only proves you care to read my posts which is really amazing. I wish I could tell that about myself! As frankly recently I have little time here in this forum to read ppl posts. ( which is maybe just an excuse :( ) Anyway you made me think about autism a lot actually and I am trying to notice if my approach to life and gaming free changed: but not it did not. Which only proves it is just some discovery ( or not) that happened in my life, but my main purpose is still not changed: to be finally game free, happy man :. Have a good one!

Week 17

Developing Projects: Still progressing, but I started feeling the fatigue. Trying to find a better balance.
Gym: Lost motivation completely this week again. One run with a friend, that's it.

Summary of  Week 17

Almost no gaming thoughts this week. The struggle is still there in the background, I won't pretend otherwise. But it's quiet. I'm keeping the momentum.
What I'm noticing is project fatigue starting to creep in. I've been pushing hard for weeks and I can feel it. Working on finding a rhythm that includes more breathing room, walks, time with my son and wife. We're also planning a trip to Scotland. Flights are a mess right now because of the Iran/Israel situation, prices spiking and routes getting cancelled. Not sure yet how it plays out but we want to go.

So far so good.
Dumbscrolling free: 18 weeks

Glad to see everyone is still doing well.

A matter of perspective. :)
Thanks for being Glad for us in any case.
Perhaps you want to start / re-start your no-gaming days count in the Daily Diaries section?

If that resonates, one option to do that is just commit to posting a day count, for example No Gaming Day 1.
No Gaming day 2. etc.

I'd recommend aiming for 21 days at first. And then see if you want to go further or not. I'm sure you can do 21 days. Even if it may take you a few tries, which it did for me.

On top of your day count you could then add small or big entries, so long as you'd stick to a minimum of just writing the day count. @Pulse does that, I do that. Having a system and not having to thing what you have to write everyday helps stay consistent.

Everything above are just suggestions, feel free to do your own thing. Or just give it a go, after all it's just 21 days.
Im also 27 yr old by the way. I assume you must be around 28 by now, judging by your post of two years ago whee you wrote you were 26. So your not that old, and yes, change is possible. I strongly believe that. It hurts, but possible :)

So, see your topic in the Daily Diaries section?

P.S. Today both I and @Pulse have added a few streaks on top, but if you look at our first posts, you'll see that we were doing only that one thing. I also just looked back through @reader 's entries and I see he began the same way, although he quickly decided to do the days in bulk, and is now at weeks.

P.P.S. We all also wrote more than just day 1, day 2, at least in the beginning, but the counts remained constant.

P.P.P.S.
@Pulse is also between 30 and 35 years old if I'm not mistaken, so if we take our ages as an indication and if I am not mistaken, then you're definitely not too old :)

Edited May 13May 13 by Yan
All the P.P.P.P.P.S.'s :)

Week 18

Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beginnign of August
Gym: Lost motivation completely this week again. One run with a friend, that's it.

Summary of  Week 18

No gaming thoughts almost at all! I decided to set clear milestions for one of my project, as I realized I am trying to make it perfect - and when I do - it still not enough. I guess that's normal. I will go live in more than 2 months.

So far so good.
Dumbscrolling free: 1 9

Week 19

Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August
Gym: I am halting this activity for now

Summary of  Week 19

Second week in a row where I did not have any gaming thoughts!

Dumbscrolling free: 20 weeks

Edited May 24May 24 by reader

Didn't read your posts today, @reader. But I wish you a nice journaling/posting day, if you indeed post today :)

Week 20

Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August
Gym: Totally lost motivation, trying come back this week(actually I'm at gym right now as writing this post from phone )

Summary of  Week 20

This week was terrible . Like bomb suddenly gaming craves got me ! I was missing games so much, like never before since I dropped gaming on 11th January . I was so overwhelmed by this thought . I lost total motivation for gym, trying to build the motivation back again ,but it's really hard. I miss dumbscrolling as well.

All of it thst gave me injections of dopamine .

Maybe bc Iam under stress again, as my marriage is in bad state again. The project doesn't go well as well , I find myself fixing more and more bugs and time is running out for me with set ETA. Also at work we again are getting as there is uncertainty what happens with my team with this all AI taking our jobs topic...

But I hold myself out from gaming. It jsut everything in this week came surprising all at once. And my brain wanted I think to return to activities it knows best to get some dopamine, like gaming ...

Tbh if I didn't sell the PS5 I would turn it on and played ...

@Yan thanks for checking on me
Dumbscrolling free: 21 weeks

Edited June 1Jun 1 by reader

On 5/31/2026 at 12:04 PM, reader said:

This week was terrible . Like bomb suddenly gaming craves got me ! I was missing games so much, like never before since I dropped gaming on 11th January . I was so overwhelmed by this thought . I lost total motivation for gym, trying to build the motivation back again ,but it's really hard. I miss dumbscrolling as well.

Try surfing the urge... I also am getting a lot of those visions recently, but the truth is, I know I really am not interested in the gaming per se, instead I am interested in what gaming may give. For me it's a sense of recognition (Being the best in an MMORPG for example) so people respect you, you feel important. Then there's the temporary escape. For me for example, the farthermost event when these thoughts begin to come up is before a fast day, or after a heavy meal. So a fast day is just me feeding my thoughts with how hard something is and wanting to escape(the last time I fell in for gaming was also actually a day before fast day, in the winter, when my hands were very cracked from eczema). But again, I know that the moment I dive into the game I'll start feeling regret, because that just drives me away from my purpose.

As a younger me, I used to visualize myself as a gang leader in a server of 1000 players in San Andreas Multiplayer, but in the last time I fell for gaming about 500 days ago, I think I already brought myself to a position where I could possibly apply for the position. Then I would need to wait a few days or so before it got reviewed, and then even in the case it got approved I'd have to spend a minimum of two weeks at the position. At the moment I realized that every single day I spend there, not to speak of 2 weeks, is a day further away from my actual goals, and might mean me not achieving my self-defined, but what might also be my objective purposes before dying. I dropped it and deleted the game. I guess it is also what keeps me from coming back. Because again, for me most games were a long term thing with long term objects (MMO RPGs) not like a single player "Portal 2" or "Skyrim" or "Assasins creed" those I gave up after a short while, but with the MMO's I stuck for years. That is just my example... But think about what it is in your psyche that gaming fulfills, and look for ways to replace it. Remember REPLACE not "Eliminate" because we still need the things that it provided us with, otherwise we wouldn't be attracted to them in the first place...


Hey once more this is just a blob of info, but hope that it's understandable nonetheless. Let me know if this makes some sense or not and what you think on the matter :)

On 5/31/2026 at 12:04 PM, reader said:

Maybe bc Iam under stress again, as my marriage is in bad state again. The project doesn't go well as well , I find myself fixing more and more bugs and time is running out for me with set ETA. Also at work we again are getting as there is uncertainty what happens with my team with this all AI taking our jobs topic...

But I hold myself out from gaming. It jsut everything in this week came surprising all at once. And my brain wanted I think to return to activities it knows best to get some dopamine, like gaming ...

This also seems to make some sense, although from my experience it is hard to isolate the real cause, but we must keep asking the questions (Everything I wrote above is also just to the best of my understanding at the moment, it is learning in progress, and we discover new parts of ourselves everyday)

On 5/31/2026 at 12:04 PM, reader said:

But I hold myself out from gaming. It jsut everything in this week came surprising all at once. And my brain wanted I think to return to activities it knows best to get some dopamine, like gaming ...

Tbh if I didn't sell the PS5 I would turn it on and played ...

I hold myself too, for quite some time, but we must remember, yet again, to find a replacement. For example I started going up and down the stairs for 20 minutes or so after a heavy meal, I think it helps somewhat balance out the blood sugars, which then allows some blood to return to my brain, moreover I tell myself I'd do just 5 lessons of memrise (language learning app) and then I can read about games if I still want. The last few days it's been working for me.

Regarding the PS5 I do believe it was quite the fine move. Proud of you :)

Week 21

Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August
Gym: Trying to get with good regularity again

Summary of  Week 21

Less thought about gaming but they are still there!
All good now, I'm keeping myself out of stupid ideas like buying new more powerfull laptop that I need for project ( I don't) so it happens to be also architecturally well suited for gaming ;)
Still not feeling ok. Gym helped today... I am slowly returning to my normal operation, like working on project( not crazy time consumed like now lol), but not skipping gym at all in my free days! Do some reading in the evenings as well as now I am just reading some bulshit on chat gpt....

Dumbscrolling free: 22 weeks

Edited June 6Jun 6 by reader

Week 22

Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August
Gym: Trying to get with good regularity again

Summary of  Week 22

I am not good, cravings are happening on daily basis now :(. I cannot stop thinking about gaming now. I am so sad that it's 22 weeks and I am now having cravings like never before! I am tired really, ofc I am keeping myself out of gaming but it's so tiresome and really I would like to just sit comfortably and played, altho I know how it will end... I am actually thinking how much time it will have left after I figure out I want to play full term soon.
This is terrible thoughts I have. I am actually mad at myself that I have this addictive nature and cannot even enjoy my life. sry guys this entry is all with bad vibes... but I can no longer pretend the things are ok, they are not.
I am weak and cannot handle this, even if I'm not playing i feel so overwhelmed by this not-gaming venture that I jsut wnat to give up

Dumbscrolling free: 23 weeks

Edited Saturday at 12:02 PM3 days by reader

@reader Stay strong my man. Remember that it is just because you currently have some need not met, and keep looking how you can replace that need, so that you need to fight with your willpower only the shortest time necessary. You had a lot of time without cravings or even thoughts about gaming and you know it is possible. You just need to figure out what it is that is missing, and strive to get that need met.
Of course it will take a certain amount of time until you get it done, which is where a bit of will power comes in. But, you just need to remember that you will feel a boatload of regret the moment you take up the game, but then you will have made it harder for yourself to quit.
And if it won't be at the moment you take it up, then a few moments later. But life keeps going, and every day you have played is a day that won't come back (unless a time machine is invented, but I don't know how much progress there is in that area :D)

@Yan thanks buddy. I spent some time reading about addiction, just to remind myself where I am in the process. Worked a bit on the project, had some time with family. Told my wife how bad I'm feeling and she's supporting me. Small things but they help.

Last night I dreamed about playing BF V. Full multiplayer. Vivid as hell. My brain really doesn't want to let this go.

But I'm still here.

22 hours ago, reader said:

@Yan thanks buddy. I spent some time reading about addiction, just to remind myself where I am in the process. Worked a bit on the project, had some time with family. Told my wife how bad I'm feeling and she's supporting me. Small things but they help.

Last night I dreamed about playing BF V. Full multiplayer. Vivid as hell. My brain really doesn't want to let this go.

But I'm still here.

A few months ago when it was a lot colder, I used to have these thoughts more frequently. They appeared after a heavy meal at dinner mostly, which is why I tended to go to bed and allow myself to doze off for an hour or so, which is not healthy and there were probably healthier ways to go about it, but I guess I needed the "Escape", in any case long term I'd rather just sit in my bed and stare into space, rather than keep pushing myself to work and break. I just had to remember that every time I watch a related website, it gets these thoughts stronger.
That said, I am not trying to tell you not to think of it. Or myself for that matter. It is just like a meditation, it's not about being angry with yourself for thinking about something, rather it is just about calmly going back to the more productive thoughts, once you noticed you were off.

And regarding the Sleep as an escape, what I am saying is just that I allowed myself to "Chill" in another way, which is what my body required I guess. I think that is better than the alternative.

We go step by step you know, Rome wasn't built in a day, so I took this imperfect habit and applied it, a step higher than the watching of videocame related images or text.

Do you have some similar idea that could work for you? Or maybe the same one? just go to take a nap or something?

What do you think?
Would love to hear your opinion

Do you have some similar idea that could work for you? Or maybe the same one? just go to take a nap or something?
Now it is jsut reading scnetific staff or engaging in the project. This helps