On 2/19/2026 at 3:01 PM, reader said:

Thanks @Yan Yes I successfully sold PS5.

Hurray!!!!!!!

On 2/19/2026 at 3:01 PM, reader said:

Thanks for backing up, when I saw your journal and how many days you are succeeding in so many commitments; I mean that's admirable

At the end of the day I'm in the same place as you are. It's either I'm going to succeed today or not.
Although I do have a history of some victories and I am grateful that I managed to do that.
Thanks for checking my journal out, and for the compliment.

On 2/19/2026 at 3:01 PM, reader said:

I wish I could be in that place someday. But currently I feel a deep emptiness after gaming, I don;t know how to properly fill it, I thought I knew, but...

When I stopped gaming for the first time I felt very much like you. It is like being reborn. You suddenly have freed out 90% of your time. It is super normal to feel a vacuum. Good new are, you can now choose who you want to become in the long term and go to work on achieving that vision, instead of using up your precious, currently irrestorable time(no time machines), on simply avoiding short term pain, without long term content.

We were born to work one way or the other, that's why we are so attracted to games... They fulfill our feeling of self fulfillment becvause we accomplish short term goals. You can use the same energy but to be productive and somehow contribute to society or do something you'll be proud of long term :)

On 2/19/2026 at 3:01 PM, reader said:

. I started to play chess quickly when I stopped gaming, but It quickly turned out that I am hooked again into something. In my head I started to replace this with gaming.... WAs looking for that chill. I stopped as quickly noticed that I need significantly amount of time for practise chess, and as long as I was good ( well 50% loses 50% victories :D ) I decided to stop before going deep there, as again I made some other commitments I want to stick to, like gym goals to bulk up and finish my simulation platform .

I do not believe your "gaming addiction" can truly be "gone". It was fulfilling specific needs for you, and you will optimally replace it with something that will fulfill the same needs(At least so it was for me out of my experience). For example I used to play MMO's and I could stick with 15 hours of play for months at a time just to get up and up on certain levels esentially doing the same thing over and over again, whil others were jumping from game to game... Eventually I'm doing the same thing today, just with other goals like workout and other long term visions. I think establishing a weekly time could really help you get a hold of your values. I think it's a key habit, to establish a weekly/daily schedule and then try to follow through with it.

Consider reading Stephen Coveys - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
and Nir Eyal - Indistractable
Maybe you'll get some ideas.

On 2/19/2026 at 3:01 PM, reader said:

So it's done, PS5 is gone. My current PC is a business pc, cannot play anything there, so If I would like to relapseI would need to try really hard. .

I'm super proud of you for that huge step. It's not in any way to be underestimated! It took me more than a year to erase all my long year gaming passwords (Although I did find them in another place eventually I really thought I erased them) and I believe I can understand how hard and painful it is to do something like that.

Now have an awesome day, I've got to go. Spent a lot of time on this entry today already. Peace!

Week 7

Projects:

Sim Platform: I am on the good progress in this week as well.
Gym: Having strong week with 6 trainigns days in a row, well maybe it's not the best as there was little time for muscle to rest, but just want to hit the cut phase right.

Summary of  Week 7

Did not think about gaming too much. Still I'm hiot with constant triggers, like certain tracks in my spotify list, taht remidns gaming or some books references to gaming. So I believe it will be constantly with me. However due to focus on gym and sim project, I did not had cravings much this week.

Dumbscrolling free: 8 weeks

On 2/28/2026 at 6:12 PM, reader said:

Week 7

Projects:

Sim Platform: I am on the good progress in this week as well.
Gym: Having strong week with 6 trainigns days in a row, well maybe it's not the best as there was little time for muscle to rest, but just want to hit the cut phase right.

Summary of  Week 7

Did not think about gaming too much. Still I'm hiot with constant triggers, like certain tracks in my spotify list, taht remidns gaming or some books references to gaming. So I believe it will be constantly with me. However due to focus on gym and sim project, I did not had cravings much this week.

Dumbscrolling free: 8 weeks

Yep, the triggers will be there, especially in the beginning, but again, in my opinion you took a huge step to help yourself, and which made your intentions clear to yourself by getting rid of your PS.

Remember that if you were to relapse you will, very quickly feel regret again. So why not avoid it from the start? Remember it's key to not even watch any video on the subject. Those are the things that start your craving juices. Just like a car salesman just gives you a test drive, which is what eventually sells the car. The drive might cost no money, but it fills your mind with thoughts about the particular car.

Avoiding that drive, if you know that you do not want a car, is important. Why would you do it to begin with if you know you don't want a car? Maybe only a moment of weakness could be the cause. But when you didn't take the drive, these moments pass fairly quickly, because your senses are not so occupied with the car. You don't even know how it feels. If you took the drive however, the moments will take much longer to pass.

Week 8

Projects:

Sim Platform: Progressing nicely
Gym: Hit 9 days in a row of gym+Cardio. Have solid plan for bulking

Summary of  Week 8

Cravings are less intense now. What helps a lot is my main focus on Gym goals and my Sim project. Bery busy week it was, a lot of pressure and stress at work. Nothing special to describe tbh.

Dumbscrolling free: 9 weeks

On 3/7/2026 at 10:31 PM, reader said:

Sim Platform: Progressing nicely

Do you have short-term goals to measure your progress?

As you might already know - Constant measurable progress is one of the 4 needs that gaming fullfills for us according to Cam.

So it might be worthwhile to set some of those short-term goals. Possibly and probably including very short-term daily and weekly ones.

11 hours ago, Yan said:

Do you have short-term goals to measure your progress?

As you might already know - Constant measurable progress is one of the 4 needs that gaming fullfills for us according to Cam.

So it might be worthwhile to set some of those short-term goals. Possibly and probably including very short-term daily and weekly ones.

Good point, Yes I have. The 1phase is considered finished, when I will be able to present the MVP of Sim to my Incident Managers- colleagues ( 3ppl I have that suffice) for initial feedback. I dont have ETA of taht to happen. But If I am calculating correctly it is at least 4 months from now. So 1st of August

So it might be worthwhile to set some of those short-term goals. Possibly and probably including very short-term daily and weekly ones.
That's the good option as well... Thanks

On 3/11/2026 at 1:44 PM, reader said:

So it might be worthwhile to set some of those short-term goals. Possibly and probably including very short-term daily and weekly ones.
That's the good option as well... Thanks

By the way did you read the long message I wrote as an answer to you in my journal? :)

Hey @Yan yes IU did read it! Sorry did not respond I have super busy time lately, this is onb my to do list to reply yopu fully. Thank you mate that you cared to reply, I really Appreciate taht!

Week 9

Projects:

Developing Projects: Progressing nicely
Gym: I hit regularity now.

Summary of  Week 9

I change Sim project to Developing Projects, as I am working on two acutally. Came uop with another nice idea. The new one is more realted to reading and how you can create belief system and map your mindset based on read content.

I barely was thinking about gaming this week. Was super busy with proejct and gym and family. This was first week where I felt normally sicen I quite gaming. With no anxiety and no fighting thougths about gaming.

Dumbscrolling free: 10 weeks

12 hours ago, reader said:

Hey @Yan yes IU did read it! Sorry did not respond I have super busy time lately, this is onb my to do list to reply yopu fully. Thank you mate that you cared to reply, I really Appreciate taht!

No problem at all. Replying is just optional, not a must. :) I just wanted to know whether you read it or not :)

Glad to hear you're having a busy time.

12 hours ago, reader said:

This was first week where I felt normally sicen I quite gaming. With no anxiety and no fighting thougths about gaming.

That is awesome my man. From my experience the amount of such weeks keeps increasing as you go. Although no matter how long you go, you're still not immune to occasional poisonous thoughts creeping in. Be on the alert for those, and avoid complying with the first "I'll just watch 1 video/Play 5 minutes" thought. This way it requires the least amount of willpower to avoid the demon of my experience, because every minute/second you give in to such thoughts, no matter even if it is reading some related info about a game, it reignites old thought patterns which makes it harder and harder to stop again.

At least so it is from my two relapse experiences. And so I believe. I am no doctor/professor/psychologist etc. etc. :)

Week 10

Projects:

Developing Projects: Claude Pro MAx helps to progress with code changes massively.
Gym: Alas, some bug got me, was off in a gym for whole week

Summary of  Week 10

So as long as last week was fine, this time cravings returned. I felt empty at some point, was seeking some distraction from projects and gym, and the first thing I was thinking was gaming. Some bad emotions appeared then. Also was staying at home sick... couldn't go outside much because of a viral throat infection I had. What helps to relax now is cosmic ambient music (no vocals). Anyway, today hit the gym and light training as still not feeling at full speed.

Thanks @Yan , I really appreciate it, especially that we never met and I feel huge support from you. This is encouraging to be more focused and persistent with my commitments. I still didn't have time to properly analyse your messages from a few weeks back, sorry about that.

My first quitting gaming ended with 8 weeks. My second ended with 47 weeks. Now I hit 10. I hope I will beat 47 that's the goal.. and then... I think just keep not gaming.

Dumbscrolling free: 11 weeks

On 3/22/2026 at 1:03 PM, reader said:

Week 10

Projects:

Developing Projects: Claude Pro MAx helps to progress with code changes massively.
Gym: Alas, some bug got me, was off in a gym for whole week

Summary of  Week 10

So as long as last week was fine, this time cravings returned. I felt empty at some point, was seeking some distraction from projects and gym, and the first thing I was thinking was gaming. Some bad emotions appeared then. Also was staying at home sick... couldn't go outside much because of a viral throat infection I had. What helps to relax now is cosmic ambient music (no vocals). Anyway, today hit the gym and light training as still not feeling at full speed.

Thanks @Yan , I really appreciate it, especially that we never met and I feel huge support from you. This is encouraging to be more focused and persistent with my commitments. I still didn't have time to properly analyse your messages from a few weeks back, sorry about that.

My first quitting gaming ended with 8 weeks. My second ended with 47 weeks. Now I hit 10. I hope I will beat 47 that's the goal.. and then... I think just keep not gaming.

Dumbscrolling free: 11 weeks

You're most welcome, it also helps me shape my thoughts with myself, not just you :)

Anyway it's most definitely not too late to get back at the horse. The poisons in your mind are still not that wide spread cut it out today, despite the million excuses you have in your brain that say, oh but I just want to finish this 1 mission, which I already started in the game...

No.

Cut it right in the middle and get back to the detox. This way it will get out of your brain the fastest.

The longer you go, the harder your brain is to clean up from the poisons (toxic thoughts) afterwards.
Ditch everything, the in-game currency you earned, and uninstall the game. That is what helped me last time I got relapsed.

I also set blocks on all the websites I visited during the relapse.
As I'm writing these lines, the app I was using - uBlock origin, is prohibited on Chrome store, so I found Stayfocusd(PLEASE READ P.P.S. before downloading). Apparently it is working now(PLEASE READ P.P.S. before downloading).

It is funny how it works, but when you're at a down time this simple block can help you turn back into the "reasonable area".

In any case here's the bottom line:

Ditch the game now, in the middle of progress!

There will always be a reason why to wait one more day, one more level, one more challenge, one more holiday. At a certain point it will have to be "today, right now" and the sooner you do it despite the excuses, the easier it will be to overcome the demon and clean-up your mind from poisons.

P.S. Thank you very much for being honest and open by sharing your current stumble, so that I may at the very least share my couple of cents of experience and opinion with you.

Best wishes, and cheers to your potential.

P.S.
Everything I write here is a result of my experiences and my opinion, I do not of course own the "absolute truth" and do not claim to be always right. Always feel free to disagree with anything I write. I might discover something new for myself of course and change my opinion. That said, I do attempt to write to the best of my knowledge at the moment.

P.P.S. Because I'm extra paranoid and I don't like to give apps permissions like "read and access all website data" I found a way to block websites in windows intrinsically, without downloading any extra apps. You can do it through your hosts file. Here's a link to my chat with ChatGPT which explains how to do it

Edited March 25Mar 25 by Yan
P.S. + P.P.S.

9 hours ago, Yan said:

Ditch the game now, in the middle of progress!

Yeah to be fully on the same page. I did not relapse. I jsut has huge gaming thoughts one day. Still feeling not myself without gaming, is all I am saying

2 hours ago, reader said:

Yeah to be fully on the same page. I did not relapse. I jsut has huge gaming thoughts one day. Still feeling not myself without gaming, is all I am saying

Just think what will happen if you had relapsed... You'll experience short term gratification, and then very quickly feel you're taking time away from your long term goals and emptiness, which will eventually bring you to quitting with more willpower needed, or continuous regret at a worse case scenario...

Just do this exercise: Where will you be if you spend 4 hours gaming every day for a year, vs. investing the same 4 hours in other activities?

A bunch of gaming articles, vs. closer to fulfilling your earthly potential (Possibly the year you necessarily need to eventually achieve your life goals, the year that will be missing at the finish line)

How would you feel laying on that deathbed, a few steps away from writing that book, inventing that light-bulb, bringing that invention to an end, but not having achieved it, and knowing that it was possibly because of these short term distractions? Just this one year... One month, half year...

Week 11

Projects:

Developing Projects: This week I struggled a bit with the design logic. I found a couple of gaps in the architecture and now I’m working on fixing them, this happened across both projects. It slowed things down, but it’s actually a good sign that I’m catching these issues early.
Gym: Going well. I’ve resumed a consistent workout cadence.I’m taking bulking slowly this time as the goal is to build proper muscle mass, not just gain weight. Ideal ratio I’m aiming for is around 70/30: 70% muscle and 30% fat so roughly per 1kg gain: 700g muscle, 300g fat. I know the real effects only show after a few months, but I’m tracking progress monthly (every 1st day). Started from 70kg

Summary of  Week 11

Right now I’m fully locked into the projects. I even had to upgrade my Claude plan because I was constantly hitting limits so the work intesivity is tremendous... The journey is actually fun, but also way harder than it might look from the outside. I’m not a traditional programmer actually more like a “vibe programmer.” I don’t write the code myself, but that doesn’t mean building something like this is easy. It’s actually quite the opposite, I’m constantly dealing with gaps, architectural issues, and figuring things out as I go. At the same time, I do understand how proper systems should look (CI/CD, structure, etc) from working with engineers daily. Plus with AI and access to knowledge, I can learn what’s needed along the way. I think people underestimate this whole “vibe programming” space. Yeah, it can look risky, because you’re trusting someone who doesn’t code traditionally. But I see it differently: People like me always had ideas but lacked the technical skills to build them. Now AI allows us to delegate execution and focus on design, product thinking, and vision essentially acting as product owner, designer, and strategist at once. Even if none of this ends up monetizing and I’m completely wrong it’s still valuable experience.

Also, one unexpected thing: I’ve been so engaged this week that I didn’t think about gaming at all.
Only realized it now while writing this.

Dumbscrolling free: 12 weeks

Week 12

Developing Projects: Going ok for now
Gym: March was very good month - I had 17 workouts - which is record of all time since I started to exercise( 2022)

Summary of  Week 12

The whole week went alright, with almost no cravings. I had a couple of interesting conversations about gaming addiction with friends without revealing my own struggle. To my surprise, they all agreed that the gaming industry is built to addict people. This helped with my struggle, as I no longer see people like myself as the problem, but partially as victims of the system.

Dumbscrolling free: 13 weeks

Edited April 7Apr 7 by reader

Week 13

Developing Projects: Significant progress I made. One of the projects is initially configured with AWS.
Gym: I had a little bit of a lazy week. I plan to go tomorrow and then start the week again with power.

Summary of  Week 13

I am currently - for weeks now actually - focused on my projects, gym and improving my realtionship with my spouse. I am trying to not think about anything else. The time flies and I feel better everyday. I am also closing to important moment for one ofthe projects - to do a prod version and stress-test, it likely will happen in ~2 months. That will be the milestone for me

Dumbscrolling free: 14 weeks

Edited April 11Apr 11 by reader

2 hours ago, reader said:

I am currently - for weeks now actually - focused on my projects, gym and improving my realtionship with my spouse. I am trying to not think about anything else. The time flies and I feel better everyday. I am also closing to important moment for one ofthe projects - to do a prod version and stress-test, it likely will happen in ~2 months. That will be the milestone for me

Sounds amazing, full speed ahead mate!

"Seasons come and go
But I will never change
And I'm on my way (Let's go!)"

Tinie Tempah, Written in The Stars

Week 14

Developing Projects: Both projects remain active and progressing. Staying focused.
Gym: Weaker week, had only 2 sessions instead of the usual 4. Plan to get back on track next week.

Summary of  Week 14

Cravings are still there. Not overwhelming, but present and gaming thoughts crosse my mind from time to time. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. What helps is that both projects keep me genuinely engaged and occupied. When I'm locked into building, the thoughts don't get much room to settle.
Gym was a disappointment this week as I had 2 sessions only. Not ideal, but I'm not dramatising it. Next week I reset and go again
The streak continues.

Dumbscrolling free: 15 weeks

20 hours ago, reader said:

Week 14

Developing Projects: Both projects remain active and progressing. Staying focused.
Gym: Weaker week, had only 2 sessions instead of the usual 4. Plan to get back on track next week.

Summary of  Week 14

Cravings are still there. Not overwhelming, but present and gaming thoughts crosse my mind from time to time. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. What helps is that both projects keep me genuinely engaged and occupied. When I'm locked into building, the thoughts don't get much room to settle.
Gym was a disappointment this week as I had 2 sessions only. Not ideal, but I'm not dramatising it. Next week I reset and go again
The streak continues.

Dumbscrolling free: 15 weeks

Almost forgot to document my own "web wondering" - reading about games yesterday. Thanks for the reminder. Keep up the good fight warrior!!! I feel your pain. But I also know that this is just an illusion that takes over my mind for a very brief period. It has no future... Even if I were to enter a game, I very quickly see that it doesn't give me the same drive as more ambitious achievements, for example "living life" and end up leaving it. These are just thought that are tied to hormones and some hardships that you're passing.
Today I had a long run planned and at 75% effort. I don't have new shoe inserts because I'd probably need to sell a kidney to get them. Well, not really... I have the money. But it's a lot of money.

So I just keep injuring myself when running, or reducing the speed. In either case feels a bit discouraging.

It is also tied to finishing dinner and getting the satiety hormones.

But it just comes and goes. As I said a sort of "Illusion" tied with hormones. Could aswell somehow dillute it into another "low-effort" activity. Albeit haven't still figured out which, and how exactly to do it.

Agree that it is an illusion, @Yan . I feel like I miss gaming, but on many occasions it's just a vague thought rather than a real feeling of missing something. For example, I enjoyed the RDR2 campaign, but it took me 200 hours to finish. And even while playing, I didn't actually enjoy grinding it to 100%. I had YouTube open constantly for cues because I didn't want to waste time searching myself. Same with AC Valhalla; literally every harder mission had YouTube running alongside it. So what was the point, really? I also realise I was doing it partly to brag to a gaming friend that I'd hit 100%. Not because I loved the game. Or take waiting for BF6. I joined both betas before the official release and came out genuinely disappointed whne game was officcialy released because I was terrible at it. That actually made me depressed for a few weeks. So I went back to BFV, the only game I was actually good at. I'm writing all of this because I want these thoughts in my brain. I'm fine with them being there. I don't want to pretend they don't exist... just I do miss that part a little. But remembering the full picture is exactly what keeps me away.

On 4/18/2026 at 7:37 PM, reader said:

Week 14

Developing Projects: Both projects remain active and progressing. Staying focused.
Gym: Weaker week, had only 2 sessions instead of the usual 4. Plan to get back on track next week.

Summary of  Week 14

Cravings are still there. Not overwhelming, but present and gaming thoughts crosse my mind from time to time. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. What helps is that both projects keep me genuinely engaged and occupied. When I'm locked into building, the thoughts don't get much room to settle.
Gym was a disappointment this week as I had 2 sessions only. Not ideal, but I'm not dramatising it. Next week I reset and go again
The streak continues.

Dumbscrolling free: 15 weeks

Awesome that you're still going,

And yes some weeks aren't going to be as productive as others, but don't be too hard on yourself. Just get back to 7 days per week at the gym and you'll be fine in no time!

Week 15

Developing Projects: Significant progress this week. Hit an important milestone on one of the projects, tests are now running on one of the most critical features. This is a meaningful checkpoint.
Gym: Even worse than last week I only run once - that's all, no other fitness this week. I feel bad about it, but not entirely. The time went somewhere real: deep into the projects. That's not an excuse, just context.

Summary of  Week 15

This week I've been thinking a lot about something that came up in therapy a while back and has now crystallised: I may be on the autism spectrum. I don't have an official diagnosis yet. I'm booking a full assessment and it will cost money, but I need to know. Not only for myself but I have a son, and if he inherited this, I want to understand it properly so I can help him in ways nobody helped me.
When I read about autism, I fall into almost every pattern. And for the first time, a lot of things make sense, things I always experienced but never had words for.
The hyperfocus. The all-or-nothing relationship with every interest I've ever had. The chronic discomfort in "normal" mode not calm, just understimulated. The way I've spent my life unconsciously copying other people's behaviour to appear normal, exhausting myself in the process. The way I process what someone said, not what they meant relationally. The few but deep relationships. All of it.
And then there's the addiction piece, which now looks completely different to me.
If this diagnosis is confirmed, the more accurate frame for gaming addiction or back 15y ago for marihuana+gaming is this: my brain structurally needs intensity and regulation that everyday life doesn't provide. Gaming delivered that. So did marijuana. Both destructively. The reason I could never moderate is because I wasn't using them recreationally, I was using them functionally. You can't have "a little" of something your nervous system is using as a coping mechanism.
What's striking is that my projects do the same thing, same neurological mechanism, different direction. The relief I feel right now isn't about having an excuse. It's about finally having an explanation.

Notwithstanding whether I have it or not - my thinking about gaming problems didn't change. I am still fully committed to being gaming free - I just realized that spectrum led to quicker addition since I did not treat it recreationally but functionally that's all - Still destructive as mentioned above, I just now understand myself better.

Dumbscrolling free: 16 weeks

Edited April 25Apr 25 by reader

5 hours ago, reader said:

Week 15

Developing Projects: Significant progress this week. Hit an important milestone on one of the projects, tests are now running on one of the most critical features. This is a meaningful checkpoint.
Gym: Even worse than last week I only run once - that's all, no other fitness this week. I feel bad about it, but not entirely. The time went somewhere real: deep into the projects. That's not an excuse, just context.

Summary of  Week 15

This week I've been thinking a lot about something that came up in therapy a while back and has now crystallised: I may be on the autism spectrum. I don't have an official diagnosis yet. I'm booking a full assessment and it will cost money, but I need to know. Not only for myself but I have a son, and if he inherited this, I want to understand it properly so I can help him in ways nobody helped me.
When I read about autism, I fall into almost every pattern. And for the first time, a lot of things make sense, things I always experienced but never had words for.
The hyperfocus. The all-or-nothing relationship with every interest I've ever had. The chronic discomfort in "normal" mode not calm, just understimulated. The way I've spent my life unconsciously copying other people's behaviour to appear normal, exhausting myself in the process. The way I process what someone said, not what they meant relationally. The few but deep relationships. All of it.
And then there's the addiction piece, which now looks completely different to me.
If this diagnosis is confirmed, the more accurate frame for gaming addiction or back 15y ago for marihuana+gaming is this: my brain structurally needs intensity and regulation that everyday life doesn't provide. Gaming delivered that. So did marijuana. Both destructively. The reason I could never moderate is because I wasn't using them recreationally, I was using them functionally. You can't have "a little" of something your nervous system is using as a coping mechanism.
What's striking is that my projects do the same thing, same neurological mechanism, different direction. The relief I feel right now isn't about having an excuse. It's about finally having an explanation.

Notwithstanding whether I have it or not - my thinking about gaming problems didn't change. I am still fully committed to being gaming free - I just realized that spectrum led to quicker addition since I did not treat it recreationally but functionally that's all - Still destructive as mentioned above, I just now understand myself better.

Dumbscrolling free: 16 weeks

Hey I tend to look with a semi-sceptic eye on all of these diagnoses. It's sometimes just very useful to put you in a box for the pharmaceutical industry. Because when you're feeling cold you have "Thermia" which sounds like a condition and then someone can prescribe you some medication. When your hands are dry you have "eczema" and basically every other thing can get a complicated name like this which then sounds like an illness. But truth is in most cases we just have symptoms which result of our routines and way of life, or at least the symptoms are intensified because of our routines and way of life. Granted some people may be more disposed to some symptoms. But even so you can make adjustments, that would not evoke those symptoms, or at least drastically reduce them.

Hey look That's just my unbased opinion. From what I've experienced.

Now it's time to go because my sleep deadline is up. Leaving you with this half-thought for now ;)

Hey @Yan I get the scepticism, and in general I agree with you as a lot of things get over-medicalised. But autism is a bit different. It's not a symptom from bad routines more it's neurodevelopmental, meaning it's wired in from birth for a person. There's actual brain imaging research behind it, Also I'm not self-diagnosing here. I'm doing a full assessment psychiatric consult, developmental history interview, personality testing, and ADOS-2 ( standard tool run by two clinicians at the same time). Also it's not about medication most autistic adults never get prescribed anything. For me it's simpler than that. I spent my whole life feeling like something was off but not knowing what. If there's a proper explanation for that, I want it. That's all.
But thanks again for insights!

Edited April 26Apr 26 by reader