Introductions

[wonderingChild]

Hi! I am a 23 year old University student in the United States. I recently committed to quitting video games and decided to join this program in order to have skin in the game (financially speaking). 
 

My whole life I played video games in a balanced way where school, family, and real life friends always came first. Then, because of covid an internship opportunity for the summer canceled. To fill my time that summer I started playing games for 8-15 hours a day. The next school year (my 3rd year) I couldn't focus on school and kept playing video games all day. I ended up dropping out of college to play games all day. I just started school up again but spent my whole first week just playing games. I knew that if I wanted to ever graduate I needed to quit gaming. 

I mostly play League of Legends. It is the only game where I feel like I have been addicted. That is to say I can't stop playing it even when I am not having fun. I have played this game for over 5 thousand hours in the last 1.5 years. Other games I like include Minecraft, Super Smash Bros, Pokemon, Teamfight Tactics, Tetris, and The Witcher, but I have never felt addicted to them. 
 

3 days ago I deleted league, started the process of permanently deleting my account, and destroyed my gaming mouse. I have not played since, although I have definately had withdrawal symptoms. At least 5 times a day I get a super strong feeling to play. I have been super bored and have had limited enjoyment of anything else I try to do. I have gone on a 1-2 hour walk every day which has helped distract me. I have also been watching Healthygamer videos on YouTube. I have also had to lose contact with a couple of my close friends that I mostly had contact with over in game voice chat. This is super hard. I feel empty inside all the time. I am hopeful about the future. 

[Pochatok]

Hi Wondering! Looking forward to hearing more from you in your journal, and congratulations on joining GQ! This is a big step in the right direction.

Be seeing you,

Po

[Pochatok]

On 9/7/2021 at 12:27 PM, wonderingChild said:

That is to say I can't stop playing it even when I am not having fun.

This caught my attention, because I totally felt the same way back when I was invested into playing similar MMO type of games, like War Thunder or Apex Legends. My question is, what do you feel like motivates you to do other things? For me, having a lack of access to/interest in other activities like making friends/dating/learning more about myself/doing therapy would cause my gaming habits to spiral out of control. Figuring out why I had or didn't have motivation for certain activities helped me understand what role gaming plays in my life, and what I needed to do to replace it. 

I know this is a difficult question, so please do not answer if you feel uncomfortable doing so! It helped me at some point during my recovery.

Po