Mhyrion

I can recommend also sharing this journal with your loved one, if she's ready for it and willing. My hubby reads my journal and it's really helping him understand what I'm going through, how I'm willing to change, what's on my mind, etc. Sometimes I write down things that I do not automatically share with him, or I assume he knows, which is not always the case.

Welcome and good job on starting your journal! You can socialize at the gym I suppose? Also, sticking with something becomes easier with a goal in mind.

Entry 16 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 21 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was off to a slow start this morning. I snoozed... ...for 2 and half hours. At least I was very well rested after that and my headache was gone. I had a lot of vivid dreams as well last night, just like the night before. They seem to be pretty happy and wacky dreams, full with brightly coloured animals and delicious food. After the snoozing, I felt guilty and started to work without breakfast, and it didn't even went that bad. I made some mistakes today, but didn't give up. I contacted the academy about my further delay and asked for permission to keep the borrowed equipment for another two weeks. That should also give me a nice deadline to work for. While working I noticed that I have trouble concentrating for more than one hour at a time. I am practicing to make that number increase. The longest I concentrated in one go today was 80 minutes. I'd like to focus for longer periods of time because small breaks tend to become very long breaks, and not all activities can be broken into little pieces. 5 minute coffee breaks often turn into 45 minute coffee-and-a-lot-of-other-stuff-breaks. Also, with the amount of breaks I need now, I can hardly work 8 hours a day. But I can slowly work up to that. I'm noticing that I have less urges for games now, although seeing games on my hubby's laptop still triggers me a lot. He tries to hide it, lel. Silly thing is I also have encouraged him to play more games, because I thought writing code all day must also have it downsides and he should relax his brain every once in a while. Oh well. Good thing he almost only plays games I didn't play that much. However, my urge to mindlessly browse the internet for new content is very strong. I am not even interested in the things I click anymore, I just do it. A good thing is that mindless browsing feels a lot less purposeful then gaming, so after a while I get bored out of my mind and think about what I really want to do with my time. In a way I replaced one drug with another, less harmful one. But I don't like this new drug either. Lately, I've been thinking how strange my view of my own addiction is. How I have trouble taking it serious like any other addiction. I felt the urge to watch some streams a few days back, but then I thought: let's see what we're really doing. Let's compare this with a 'real' addiction. So, if I was an alcoholic, and I’m clean for almost 3 weeks now, watching a stream would be the equivalent of looking at other people drinking and having a good time. What do I expect for the end result? Not much good. (not that other people cannot have fun gaming or drinking of course :P) So I should say no beforehand. No gaming streams. Perhaps I should also investigate if I can block content on YouTube specifically about games. I do not want to tempt myself when my willpower is lacking. I should be prepared. My LoL account will be deleted on 20/01/2017. I never thought that this would fill my heart with such pleasure. My WoW account is another matter, they want an official picture, which I don't want to be in their system. I am thinking of giving the account control to my hubby, but then it's still not gone. My 'empire' is still waiting for me, just out of reach. Let's compare to the alcoholic again. Clean for almost 3 weeks, but there's a bottle of vodka in the safe and you only have to get the key. I don't think the bottle is safe. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for: -a good mood -my desk -the purring sound of the cat -a clean room -happy dreams

Entry 15 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 18 & 19 & 20 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 18 Today I had a lot of trouble focusing on my work. My best work hours where sub optimal to say the least. My father-in-law visited and had visitors to view the house. He's very present so it makes it hard to focus, also having strangers in the house is distracting. Instead of working for my study, I did some household work until the house was peaceful again. I have very high demands for peace and quiet it seems. I tried to compensate the study hours by working in the midday, but I could not get anything out of my hands. I forced myself to work for some more hours, but made a mistake right at the start which cost a lot of time. The hours weren't very fruitful and after making another mistake, I gave up. I almost got to 5.5 hours in the end, but I feel not satisfied about it. I was thinking of setting a deadline for my study, because 'finish somewhere before June' will probably end up in finishing the project on the last moment anyway. If I finish earlier then that, I can look for a job(any) and earn some money, or work on other things. The prospect of making a bit of money next to my husbands salary is very appealing. --- Day 19 When I woke up this morning, there was snow. This is pretty special, so I decided to go outside immediately and took a walk in the fresh snow. It was nice. Then rest of the day was pretty relaxed together with my hubby. We played monopoly, enjoyed dinner together, watched some episodes, etc. Nothing stressful or demanding. But I felt like a void the entire day. Everything seemed so dreadful and grey. I don´t even know if 'boring' would apply, I just didn´t feel like doing any of the things I was doing. --- Day 20 Yesterday I went to bed with a slight headache; when I woke up today it was much worse. All the snow is gone today though, so I'm pretty happy that I went outside yesterday to enjoy it. I'm going to see if my headache wears of, otherwise I probably just take it easy today. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for: -white chocolate & banana yogurt -soft and comfy bed -ibuprofen -contact with my family -my husband

Sounds like you can put in a lot of time and dedication in this!

Entry 14 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 17 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- @phpsmith Thanks for the reply and suggestion. I don't have to do overly difficult things for editing, but convenience I am a fan of. -30°C! Wow! It's like -2 here. I don't think I ever experienced -30. I wouldn't go out of the house with temperatures like that either, ha. @Stevec2283 Thanks for your reply! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I kept track of my activities the past 4 days. I worked for my study 6 1/2, 4, 4 and 6 1/2 hours. I want and need to improve on that. I've already learned a lot. What I see from my activities is: -I am very able to work in the mornings. I get shit done in the morning. -After lunch, I get distracted and lose focus. I hardly do anything in the middays So, what's distracting me? How can I keep focus? -To keep focus, I need a better plan for the day and a plan for the week. I need to know what steps I want to take and what steps are next. -Internet is distracting me, especially Youtube. I should use my laptop only when needed. -Household work is distracting me, this can be anything. Although it can be a nice break, I should keep it short. I can also do household work that can potentially distract me in the evening beforehand. Like washing the dishes and throw away trash. -Emotions are distracting me. I can take a break when I'm emotionally stressed, but I need to improve of snapping out of my moods. This will take practice, but I can become the master of my emotions. Starting and ending the day positive have already proven to help with this. New goal: The next week I want to work for my study at least 5.5 hours per workday. I can build up from there towards a 40 hour workweek. --- Today I almost reinstalled League. The setup files where still lurking in my downloads. But I stopped myself because firstly, I didn't even know why I wanted to play and secondly, I didn't want to ruin my progress in real life. Instead of installing a game, I wrote a ticket to Riot to delete my account. Then I also wrote a ticket to Blizzard to remove that account, because I always seem to come back to WoW too. Once I've deleted these accounts, there's not really something to come back to. Leveling up again takes ages and is very boring, so the game will be much less appealing. Being back on the battle.net really made me nostalgic, but it felt much less intense then before. It was more of a 'I had really fun moments in this game' kind of feeling as compared to a 'I need to get back, I want this game now' kind of feeling I was having before. I was also thinking how incredibly organized I was in WoW. For raids you need to prepare and organize a lot, but that always worked. I also planned a lot, like efficient gathering routes. If I can adapt these abilities for real life, it would bring great results. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for: -the cat -the lovely weather -the equipment I borrowed from the academy -being less nostalgic than before -taking action towards deleting game accounts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lurking in the shadows....

Great positivity! Keep it up!

Good job! What kind of scale models do you make? A suggestion: It's really handy if you keep your journal in one big topic. That way everyone can read up on your journal easily and you can keep track of it yourself too. You can just make a comment on your own topic. But do what makes you happy.

Good going man! Time is irretrievable and perhaps you should not consider it all lost, but rather a learning experience. You can focus on what you can achieve and do now; which is exactly what you are doing! PS: Sounds like your dog has great taste

Great step! Even if she was not a random stranger, it's still courageous to open up like that.

Entry 13 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 15 and 16 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same day, different page. You've set quite some goals for yourself. Truly mad. I have indeed established a morning routine by now, and it's really helpful. I'm working of making good habits out of it now, it would be wonderful to be able to do things on auto-pilot. Well, it's not my first detox, so I push this one to the limits! Everyone is different here, but sometimes we have something in similar. Trust me, that establishing a morning routine is in most cases win-or-lose the day. And if you established it, then you're a winner. Btw. I really like the landscape. How it's possible that in Poland it's snowing and in the landscape it isn't? Greetings, Mad Pharmacist @hycniejsy You're totally right about the morning routine. I found out again today. About the landscape: we don't have real winters in the Netherlands. We just have very lengthy autumns @Cam Adair You're right. I'm not really good at putting me first. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 15 I couldn't focus today. I guess not going to bed on time yesterday is really biting me in the but. Today was a very unproductive and negative day. I saw Is It Normal To Have Dreams and Nightmares About Gaming?, and I thought that I should indeed start my day more positive. Writing down things I'm grateful for at the end of the day is really having a good effect. How I wake up and start the day seems to be have a pretty big impact on the rest of the day, so I should focus on starting positive. So one more thing to add to the morning routine. Day 16 Up up up we go in the emotional rollercoaster! WOOOO! Today was amazing. Yesterday I ended the day positive, today I started the day positive. I made a to-do list for today, and things didn't take as much time as I thought this time around. I am still keeping track of how much time everything takes. I hope 3 days will be enough to make some sort of an assessment, it's annoying to keep track of every minute of the day. Today I worked on my stop-motion animation, which will be part of my graduation. I made a small test today, and I need to make a lot of improvements for the lighting. I also found out the D90 Nikon cannot shoot in a 16:9 format, which is a bit cumbersome. Maybe I borrowed a different camera from the academy the last time because I didn’t have this problem before. I relearned how to edit images in batch in Photoshop, which made me happy. After that I made a few seconds of animation today to see how it will look, and it's very promising. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How my goals are coming along: -I read a chapter of my books almost all days. -I took decent care of myself. Took breaks, went outside every day. Ate a lot of junkfood though, that might be a good next point to work on. -I started bike rides, went almost all days. -I've cleaned and organized a lot. There's still a lot to do. I can take my time on this -I have worked on my study, but would like to put in more hours. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New goals: -keep doing bike rides everyday -keep cleaning and organizing -keep reading -track how I spend my time and evaluate and improve -no more soda or other sugary drinks -respond to other journals more -write shorter, more to the point journals

Good job on your gymiversary! And welcome!

Welcome!

Entry 12 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 13 and 14 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- @phpsmith Thanks for your reply and suggestion. I'm going to look if Pandemic it's something for us too. We played Monopoly and Set on NYE, but liked the latter the most. We're looking for more fast paced games. It's really great how playing these board games provide an platform to really connect with each other. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 13 I decided to cut myself some slack today and slept till 9.00, then went to study. Everything I planned takes way more time then I had thought. I decided to take a glance at my to-do list, seeing how much I had done this past 2 weeks, and how much I still need to do. I realized I can't make the deadline at the end of January. I was really sad about this, failing is never fun. Failing a second time in a row really sucks. I wanted to take a break, go outside for a bit, but I could not find my phone. I woke up my hubby while looking for my phone not so patiently nor quietly. He asked what was up, clearly I was very upset. I cried a river. So we talked about my study, and how it is likely I will fail graduation again. He looked at the to-do list and agreed it is indeed optimistic to think I can complete all that in just 3 weeks. Maybe it was foolish to think I could still save my study in a month, but I would've likely done nothing at all if I already gave up a month ago. Right now, I've made a lot of progress, just not fast enough. So today, I decided to not graduate this January. This will make the new deadline somewhere in June. At least now I have a lot of time to get my life together, set good routines and habits and -gloriously- succeed my study in the end. I'm worried how I'm going to tell my family about the further delay, they really don't understand anymore. It's not like I'm studying maths, how hard can it really be? Also, of course I told them that I would succeed the second time. I didn't know why not. I did not see the error in my ways yet at the time. So I've been giving them updates about how all was going well for the past months, while that was not the case. It will not be really surprising if they're surprised about this outcome. I don't know If I should tell them about my gaming detox. I don't think they're stupid, but I'm not sure whether they understand how you can get caught up in games so badly. Does anyone have experience with telling their parents or other family? I'm really unsure how to proceed in this. Besides all this, I still had a pretty great day. I guess I felt relieved that I do not have to do battle with an ever more doom spelling deadline. I really connected great with my hubby today also. We decided that I will organize his stuff. I guess the pressure of his father wanting to sell the house has set in. He had a room of 6m2 that was full of stuff; old, new, rubbish and valuables, all together and untouched for months. All in all, I've spend about 5 hours or so trying to make a system of all my hubby's stuff. The room is almost clear now, and that really feels great. I've strayed a bit from my good routines I set up for myself the past week. Tomorrow I want to pick them up again. Day 14 Waking up early sure is easy when your hubby's alarm clock is set at 5:45. I'm a morning person, so after 30 minutes or so, I was wide awake. My mind is really active today, I also dreamed a lot last night. Mostly it was LoL again, playing my favourite champion. It looked really fun. A voice-over got stuck in my head, something along the lines of 'This is but a battle, I've already won the war'. I'm sure it's derived from a famous quote of a well known thinker/warrior. Whatever the case, I was hearing this in my head over and over again. At one point I decided to just go along with it and think about it. In League, in theory, all you have to do to progress is win 51% of all your 'battles'. Then you will in the end win the 'war'. If I consider this for my life, I have also only have to win 51% of my real life battles to consider myself the victor of life. I can easily do 51% percent, and a lot more then that too. It also means that it is okay to lose one battle. I do not have to start all over again if I fail one day, one morning routine, one whatever. I can just carry on winning the rest of the day or week. I realized I have troubles with losing just one battle. I'm easily discouraged. Things along the lines of: Well, I didn't manage to go to the academy before 10, so I might as well not go at all, today is lost. It's really silly if I now think about it, but this happened so often. Today I decided that study is now my number one priority. I of course had gnawing doubt today. Is this really the right decision? Is there no way you're going to make it? I had to convince myself again with my to-do list. In theory, if I work like a machine everyday the next 3 weeks, I might perhaps make it. I'm not a machine, I will make mistakes, so the slight chance of making it is therefore zero. But, I'm not going to sit still now that I have plenty of time. If I have time left, I can get a job in the meantime, or do something else that's useful. Right now I need a clear goal and something to spend the vast majority of my time on. I still don't know how to plan though, so I kept record of how I spend my time today. I will do this a couple of days, in the end I will have a decent understanding on what activity costs how much time. I can then also determine if I like the way I spend my time now and if I can improve on it. I started reading a new book today, 'What are You Looking At?: The Surprising, Shocking, and Sometimes Strange Story of 150 Years of Modern Art'. The title in Dutch is way more entertaining, loosely translated to: 'My little sister could make that: Why modern art is art'. It started out really fun and entertaining written like a novel, explaining Marcel Duchamp's artwork named Fountain. With Fountain, Duchamp questioned why art is considered art, what the role of the artist is (or should be) and introduced the idea that not the material but the concept should be the starting point of art. The latter is mainstream now, and it's very hard to image the art and design world without it. Of course, with art history we've talked about all this, but reading it like this is far more memorable. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things that made me happy: -my supporting husband -the sun -my bike -the cat -the Dutch landscape -decision making -a clean room -peace and quiet

Entry 11 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 12 Was way too tired to reply to your replies yesterday, and lazy in replying the other days, so here we are: @Robert Arctor You write true words. I do recognize the 'void' you mention, the laptop screen can really suck you up. Thanks for your positivity. I went and looked at the clean floor after reading your post and felt very accomplished, haha. @hycniejsy Same day, different page. You've set quite some goals for yourself. Truly mad. I have indeed established a morning routine by now, and it's really helpful. I'm working of making good habits out of it now, it would be wonderful to be able to do things on auto-pilot. @phpsmith Thanks for your reply. It's amazing what a little exercise can accomplish indeed. I enjoy reading your journal as well. @Cam Adair Thanks for keeping tabs. I enjoy your youtube videos, they are very insightful. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today was thankfully quite uneventful. The firework noise and music are enough to deal with today. Worked hard again. Tonight my hubby and I planned to see the documentary Earth, play board games and enjoy a glass of wine and some brie and blue cheese. Really looking forward to that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things that I'm grateful for today: -these forums and the great people that make it work -my fun and supportive husband -the spacious living room I can use for my study

Welcome!

Welcome!

Entry 10 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 11 Today was…. interesting. I woke up and had to really force myself to get into a good mood and out of bed. But I conquered my morning moodiness. Trouble came with my father-in-law. He was here today to get some things done in and around the house. He also wanted to take pictures of the house because he wants to sell it. No problem for me. But my hubby and his father, they often clash. Especially about the state in which my hubby leaves rooms, which is one big mess. And so they were quarreling for hours. I could hardly work like that. My hubby was rampaging through the house at one point and was becoming scary, so I decided to get out of the house before I got overwhelmed by the situation and my emotions. Bike rides seem like a great thing to clear my mind. Everything outside was covered in a tiny layer of frost and a thick mist, it was amazing. I came home much calmer, and my hubby and father-in-law seemed to be somewhat tired of quarreling. In the end, my hubby cleaned some of his stuff out, and my father-in-law took a lot of his stuff home as well, so there was a positive outcome. Peace has now returned. This evening I had a skype date with my two friends. It was awesome. I told them about the detox, they did not know I gamed that much. They are really supportive. I have not done nearly as much as I would've wanted to do for my study this week. Which troubles me a bit. Then again, I still did a lot, so I just have to work towards being fully productive again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things I'm grateful for today: -Nature is beautiful -Dinner was very tasty -The house got cleaner -I have amazing friends

Welcome!

Great going! I love the quotes. Perhaps talking with other dog owners while walking Ula could be another way to socialize as well?

Entry 9 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 10 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for the replies! You are all amazing. I appreciate all the effort you are making to reply. Consistency, consciousness and positivity will benefit my life greatly, so I will pursue it. I will make a gratitude list from now on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nothing really special happened today. But I did a lot, and felt pretty okay. I'm in a rollercoaster going up one day and down the other. I enjoyed the up today. Yesterday evening I made a box full with handwritten notes to my future self with positive things on it. Somewhere between very cheesy lines and semi-philosophical quotes from great people in our history. I can grab one when I'm feeling bad or when I want a positive start of the day. I'm making a bit of a routine for myself. I woke up around 7:30, 8:00 almost every day the past week, which seems to work very well. I didn't skip any breakfast, which is a good habit as well. Right now, I take breaks whenever I am starting to feel hungry. In my breaks I eat, drink and relax with drawing, colouring, petting the cat, talking with my hubby or browsing. I want to take one active break each day, in which I can cycle or walk. Today I cycled around 15:00, which was nice because I was starting to get a bit tired but felt better afterwards. The evenings consist of a lot of browsing still, but for now it's okay. I want to first get this routine going. I noticed that my hubby and I still talk a lot about games. It usually comes up once every day. He is playing Planetside in the evenings now, because it is his holiday. But that made me think. We do not have any common interests outside of games. We are day and night as it comes to hobbies and interests. It would be positive if we could also find something to do together besides watching series. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things that made me happy today: -The sun was shining -I enjoyed nature when I was cycling, it was beautiful -The cat was very affectionate during my lunch break -I made plans with my husband for things to do during New Years Eve

Entry 8 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 9 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for the replies! @phpsmith Thanks for sharing! Sounds like a good system, but not for me. My problem is not that I drink a lot every day. But when I do open a bottle of wine, I will drink it in a very short amount of time. I also drink for wrong reasons, like feeling depressed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I couldn't sleep again last night. I watched the documentary from Louis Theroux about Scientology, to kill the time. It made me feel glad that at least I am not making such bad decisions and my life is not that much in ruins compared to those people in the doc. I'm sure it's totally wrong to feel superior like this. Decided to watch some YouTube vids after that. Came across LoL footage. I felt triggered. I had an adrenaline rush of some sorts, felt very excited. I paused the video. Then let it play again. It made me annoyed and unsettled. My chest felt like being pressed together like a ball and then getting ripped apart again. This morning I was really moody, cranky and irrational. I got so grumpy that even I didn't want to be around myself anymore. Every little noise, every smell, every task seemed so completely overwhelming and at the same time annoying and/or futile. One of my housemates was making tea or something in the kitchen, I was in the room next to it. The sound of the boiling water, her slippers scratching on the stone floor, every noise was so loud and annoying. I couldn't focus on doing the tasks I planned for myself today. I let things fall out of my hands, got distracted. I decided I had to snap out of my bad mood. So I took my bicycle and angrily started cycling. My husband offered to go with me, but I declined. If I can't be friendly to myself, I sure as hell won't be a pleasure to be around for others. I tried to enjoy nature during my ride, but I was so agitated. I saw some birds though, which oddly enough soothed me just a bit. Halfway on my route I felt like if I could just lay down and die, that would be fine. When I got home I was a bit more calm. I tried hugging the cat, but he is stressed out from all the fireworks (and perhaps the neighbours dog that will not stop barking all day when it's alone), so that really didn't work out. Then I sat down with my husband for lunch. My husband has to clean and organize his stuff or there'll be trouble with his father, also the owner of the house. My hubby occupied a room which we do not rent (it's complicated), but his stuff needs to go now. I don't know what went wrong with my hubby and cleaning and organizing, but he has 0 skill for it and has developed none since I married him. I tried helping him, got some boxes, labels, made categories. Through the years I've patiently sat beside him for hours while he was organizing, because otherwise he will just not do it. He will get distracted by everything, and for example start reading some old notes he made, and not continue organizing afterwards. I do feel like I can organize and clean pretty well, if I get to it (and I'm not too busy gaming for months and ignoring my life). I don't understand his struggle. He also can not throw anything away. I throw things away very easily, I might even end up regretting or having to rebuy things. He really likes to hoard things. To be honest, sometimes stuff he kept for years did come in handy. But for me it's just not worth it to have it lying around for all that time, occupying precious space. It's hard to get on the same page because of it. So when I set down with my husband, after the cycling, I was still cranky. We started a conversation. It got to the subject of cleaning and organizing. A fight happened. I am not too subtle normally, let alone in the state of mind I was in. Although we made our apologies shortly after, it still left a bitter taste in my mouth. I chased it away with chocolate. I feel like there should be a short animated intermezzo here, with dancing cheerleaders with pompons, and then in the middle shiny lights and confetti and the following text: 'Another healthy habit in the life of Mhyrion!' I want to pursue a more positive attitude, but I'm not sure how to make a decent goal out of it. 'Go be more positive' is not really a concrete thing to work on. Normally, on a day like today, I would've played the shit out of games. I'm glad I didn't, I can still work on some of my tasks and actually have just completed task 1 out of 8 of my to-do list for my study for this week. As for my other goals; I tried to look for something to exercise, or at least a more active activity. I have no money for any sport right now, so this makes things a bit harder. I think archery and rock climbing look pretty bad ass. I might go for that when I'm in a bit of a better financial position. I always liked climbing things and getting to the top of the wall/rock. I once got the opportunity to try out shooting with a airgun(?) too, that was really fun as well. Right now, I'll have to do with the means at my disposal. I could cycle more, I can use my skipping rope, I can go for walks.

Welcome!

Entry 7 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 8 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The longer I'm in this detox, the more I think I should've started this a long, long time ago. 90 days are not very much compared with a habit of 10 years of gaming. I really hope I can reset my brain. I'm not sure if I ever should play games again though. I never played in moderation. Every game that got my interest I've played for hours and days and weeks. I was talking with my husband a few days ago, and almost every game I played, he recommended. So I should listen to my hubby less, lol. Anyway, let's first do the 90 days and think ahead by then. I was very tired throughout the whole day. I worked all day anyway, which made me a bit proud. I'm really glad I have a big deadline for my study after the these holidays, it helps keeping me busy. I had some random nostalgic thoughts of games today, but overall I was too busy with other stuff to really think about it. I also spend more time on my study then on cleaning and organizing, which is a good thing. My father-in-law was here today to dig out a tree to replant, that was a nice distraction. I know now that a pear tree fits into a horse trailer if you try hard enough. I'm really wondering if the tree survives though, it was not exactly handled with care.

Entry 6 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 7 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for the replies! @hycniejsy I already take some vitamins. But like most things in my life right now, I'm not really consistent with them. @WorkInProgress Thanks for the tip. I like watching Ted talks myself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today I woke up with a headache. I have caught the cold my husband has had for a week. I felt sorry for myself but decided that would get me nowhere. So I worked from 8 to 18. I spend the morning on my study, the midday on cleaning. I forgot to take breaks and drinks after lunch, I only noticed when I felt really fatigued. Dinner solved that. In the evening I supervised my husband so he would organize his stuff as well. We now have clear sight of the floor again. We celebrated this and the fact that I am now 1 week game free with a bottle of wine. I wonder how I will feel when I have no more goals with this very visible kind of progress. Right now I can literally count how much floor space we cleared and how much stuff I could throw away/sell/donate. Perhaps that's also what's so appealing about reading a chapter of a book a day. I was very emotional throughout the whole day. I had to switch of the radio at some point because there was a sad song playing. I cried when I watched a Star Trek episode during dinner. It was not really an dramatic episode. I'm not sure what to think of this, I feel weird about it. I decided to read over my goals just now, and I've done all of them except the more long term ones. So I need new goals. Goals: -read a chapter a day till I'm through the two books I have -take good care of myself: -take breakfast, lunch and dinner -take sensible breaks -go outside everyday -clean out and organize all of my closets and boxes with stuff -complete the first 8 points of my to-do list for my study before Saturday -search for an appealing sport/exercises