dandielionous

Day 11 6:37 AM It is cold this morning and I am sneezing. It was beautiful yesterday. A cold front came in through the night. Thank God I have some propane. I have decided to write in my journal on my desktop before pasting in Game Quitters Journal. The reason for that has to do with creativity. This gives me the five seconds I need before I stick my foot totally in my mouth. I am pleased with the way things are going on the Game Quitters forums except I think I talk too much. (*sigh) I like to talk! I feel it's good to let others know that I acknowledge they are alive. I like them to acknowledge that I am alive too. Writing…. Upon writing… Well one thing I hope my computer don't crap out cause the fan is making a noise. I will have to take it apart later today. I think part of that noise is my computer struggling to keep up with my internet connection. I just shut off the internet while I am writing this. Okay writing. When I was a little girl we used to write letters. Handwritten, real letters. We would walk over to the Post Office, buy a stamp for three cents and mail them. Mail came twice a day and seven days a week. I think the mail only came once on Sunday. I have had people dispute me about mail coming on Sunday but it seems like I remember that it did. Anway, Mom sit us girls down when we were very little and started us writng a letter to Grandma Ruby, Grandma Jessie, cousins, Aunts, etc. Mom used to say that Aunt Gayles wrote just like she talked. Lol Aunt Gayles always had a cigarette hanging from her mouth. She would cook with this cigarette hanging from her mouth. The ash never fell off. We used to watch her while she cooked waiting for this ash to fall off. Lol She talked consistently in her thick southern accent all while she cooked, but never once did we see the ash fall off lol. Us kids used to joke and say she had a needle stuck down inside her cigarettes so the ask wouldn't fall off. Grandma Ruby always started her letters, “Hello how are you? The weather is fine. How is your weather?” We were taught to take a letter and lay it down beside us when we were answering a letter. We would re-read the letter. As questions came up we would answer them, adding in questions of our own as we wrote. Mom had a friend Ruby Norris that was close to her age. The two families were friends. Norris's didn't have children. Ruby would write letters to Mom in a fun way. She would write letters starting in a spiral in the center of the paper until the words covered the entire page. Another favorite way for them to write letters to each other was backwards. Lol Each letter was printed backwards from right to left. You had to look at it through a mirror to see what it said. They had a lot of fun writing each other. Each letter was anxiously awaited. All sorts of strategies were used to get a person to answer you quickly. We figured if we made our letters interesting enough the other person would be more anxious to write right back. We sprayed out letters with perfume. Sealed them with a kiss (SWAK) on the back as we got older and had boyfriends. Tried to get the mail before our mothers so they wouldn't read our mail. IMHO something has been lost in the art of letter writing. I believe it was good early training for me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My recovery. I need to move away from this computer more. It is hard today because it is cold outside. I am visiting my neighbors, going to the store. I am not gaming.

Really... Are you talking about when you're trying to date someone? Or just making friends? I think a good way to start a conversation with some is to give them a compliment. Just one. A sincere compliment. Ex: "Oh, I like your shirt!" Then let them start talking. Most people will and if they don't... Maybe they're just busy.

8:36 PM My style when game playing is to not talk on the forums, the uni chat, any chat as little as possible other than like a tell or some on guild chat. I learned this style from talking on uni, in the forums, and other chats because most the time I played I never had a guild. I never talked smack before or after. I ganked and would kill afk if you had your tags on. I still would. I was the most hated character in the game. I had every faction, non-faction and Customer Service Rep against me. I cultivated this image. When I walked in a room I wanted people to be afraid of me. I also had an alt. In an enemy faction that did nothing but dig and craft all day, was in a guild and had lots of friends. I am a little scared here. You are people who would have probably been my enemy in the game. You are the people I count on for my recovery.

Well this is one thing that gets me... If I logged back into the game (My Game) I would have to spend all this time grinding to get my character more developed than what it is. Now I don't know about you but to only play one hour and grind all that time doesn't sound like much fun to me. Especially when I consider everything I would be losing from my good feelings of not playing Honestly, I had a craving today too. We never know which one of us will slip. I could have slipped as easily as you. I know I'm probably spending more time than I should in these forums. But this is what I am clinging too right now and I know it will get better. What we do here is share our experience, strength and hope. If these forums are the only safe place for me than that is where I will keep coming back to. @SuperSaiyanGod All I have to do is get through today.

@StereotypicalNeckBeard Welcome!

If you can take or leave gaming then why do you want to go back to it?

@Simon E

Woot! Congratz! 5 day!

Day 10 11:10 AM I went to bed early last night. I woke up at 1:20 AM. I read the @Robert Arctor Journal. Went back to sleep at approximately 5:32 AM. Neighbor came and woke me up for breakfast and a move. I am trying to get a regular sleep schedule back. Yesterday was pretty non-productive except for not gaming. I was worn out from my big adventure the day before. I have started working on my book some. Only a few paragraphs but I think I've found a different approach to it. I shut off the grammer/spell checker and that made the flow of my thoughts easier. (should have done that years ago) My book has a working title of The Gamer. I do part of it in the real world and part of it in the fantasy world Ryzom. I suppose eventually I will have to change to name to protect the innocent. (me) Part of what has stifled/stumbled me in the story is writing about Ryzom. I don't want to write about every key stroke in a battle. I don't want to make the story exactly chronological. I don't want it to feel like a game. I want it to feel as though you are in another world. So maybe what I am really writing is a fantasy alternate reality kind of story?.... Also I don't particularly want to trigger myself into going back into gaming. I started getting a flow I kind of liked. Well, I don't think I'm giving away too much by posting the beginning paragraphs of the Ryzom part to show you what I am talking about. I watched the animals for hours trying to learn their habits. I noticed they seemed to have territories. At least some of the animals had territories. Others seemed to have migration paths. At first when I was watching the animals it seemed as though there were no way for me to get through them to the places I wanted to go. After a while I noticed there were ways around them. If I just took my time and was observant. My emotions swung wildly. I still was in a state of constant alert. Coming from the Old Lands to the relative safety of the New Lands had been a difficult journey. Watching some Bodocs start their migration to the south I felt tears come to my eyes for no reason. I don't know what had happened. Suddenly, we had been attacked from deep within the center of the planet by some huge creatures I later found out were called Kitins. Creatures with four to eight legs, an exoskeleton and vicious claws that stabbed and ripped out the insides of their victims. I was sitting on top of a waterfall above a small island that seemed inhabited by many creatures. It was a good place to observe their habits. This new land we had come to was more water than land. Birds of every description, palms waving, ferns taller than my head, a large lizard type of creature they called Najabs, Bodocs a type of cattle, and more. Some of the plants would attack me. I had to be careful. I am not used to plants that attack me. Apparently, they were part of an experiment from a former civilization that had tried to breed plants that would attack the kitins. The experiments had apparently backfired because the plants would attack everyone. I couldn't get over the incredible beauty of the place. The water so clear I could see all the brightly colored plants beneath the surface. Little fish darting in and out among the reeds. The breeze smelled sweet. I drifted off to sleep.

@Robert Arctor I have made it a goal to read one journal a day! At least to catch up on the active ones Or the ones who pay attention to me! lol So... DING, DING, DING! You are today's grand prize winner! I have read your journal! Wow verbose man! lol I am with you that I feel a journal is a place that we should be able to write anything we want. Post anything we want. (like those pictures) Thanks for being supportive of me in my recovery. I am not alone.

@Schwing The way I learned about a gratitude list is to try and be thankful for three things each day. Wow I remember in new sobriety how I would talk to people in newer sobriety that just couldn't think of anything to be grateful for. There is a book wrote by a Dutch Author (female I think). It's a story of this family in Holland if I remember correctly. When I think back on the book I think of canals, tulips and stone buildings. Anyway, eventually they end up having to go to a concentration camp. The girl's mother told her to always be grateful for even the bad things. The prisoners had a few scraps of paper they had wrote the bible out on. Maybe even parts of the bible I forget. But they would pass them back and forth among themselves, hiding them under the mattresses of their bunks, in order to gain what small comfort they could from these. If they were caught with these it would have meant their death. Their barracks was the only barracks that was not searched. Their barracks had a horrible problem with fleas. The prisoners came to understand that the guards did not come in to search their barracks because of the fleas. So they learned to thank God even for the fleas. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I also learned that when depressed one good therapy is to start a gratitude list and keep writing until you feel better. If you have to fill a whole notebook... keep writing. I am thankful for the food I have today, I am warm, I have propane, the rain, my computer, I have electricity, gamequitters, and you.

Welcome

Welcome Johebe

Welcome @kingstravy

FiReWoRkssssss Gratz on 90 days!!!!!

90 posts in 90 days = a new habit

Hey Privacy! How you doing?

@Piotr I have made it a personal goal to read on journal a day! DING, DING,DING today you have been the grand prize winner! I have read your journal! I did notice the two times you slipped was after you started trying really hard against procrastination. I wonder if procrastination isn't your soul's way of trying to listen to God. Is it procrastination if you sit outside, look at the sky, smell the earth, listen to the voice of God on the wind and commune with a tree? Gratz on 91 days :))))) oh and I respect you for restarting your timer when you slip

@Tatu92 Are there really 91 other Tatus? lol I have made it a goal to read one journal a day. I realize you were the first one I read when I started to re-read it. I have only read three so far But I made the comment gj instead of explaining why I said that lol. It looked a little out of place. So Ding, Ding, Ding you have been a grand prize winner! I have read your journal. Congratz on all the progress, Duuuuude You are my hero! 53 days! @.@

11:24 AM Emotions When trying to quit an addiction our emotions are like a pendulum. They swing violently from High to Low because they don't know how to act anymore. As time goes by the swings become smaller and smaller until we have once again gained our balance. *sigh

I was trying to find my journal on my computer. I didn't find it. I did find some writings I had been working on a long time ago before getting involved with Ryzom. One of those writings was an article I had started working on for Grieving. I thought these points might interest others as they are very similar to the grieving we are doing over the game. Please feel free to add your points too Things not to do after a loved one has passed away. 1. Listen to a recording of their voice or watch a video of them over and over. 2. Read old letters, notes, lists over and over. 3. Keep their possessions lying around. 4. Fall into a habit of using drugs or getting drunk. 5. Feel guilty over telling everyone you meet that they are gone. 6. Isolate. 7. Take anti-depressants. 8. Escape into video games. 9. Blame someone for their death. 10. Forget them or stop loving them.

Welcome Jin

@Piotr Distrowatch GnuLinux CommonLinuxCommands I would suggest starting with Linux Mint. On distrowatch look at the right hand side, down a little it lists the top 100 distros for linux. There are over 500 distros of Linux. You can click on the links and get more information about each one. Enjoy

Day 9 4:57 AM I awake at 3:15 AM. My old gaming time. I enjoy waking in the early hours and playing. The world is quiet outside. It seems as though there is less guilt about gaming at that time of the morning. Yesterday as I was ending my epic journey, I started thinking of how I could have beat more people pvping if I just had a little faster computer. This is one thing I was seriously thinking of doing when I was gaming is upgrading my computer. Now I make $344 a month on retirement. But I earmarked $24 to pay for two subs each month. Somehow I was going to find money to upgrade RAM... I guess that would be doing without electricity or something. Maybe sell food stamps and go hungry all month so I could upgrade my computer. I AM A WARRIOR! How dare these people beat me just cause their puter is faster I keep being reminded of the saying they have in AA. The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don't know if that's the definition of insanity. I do see myself doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I just see what dangerous territory I was getting in yesterday. I was once again thinking of just one more time.... I sneak in the marauder camp. I could put myself in pvp gear all the time and just log into the mara camp and then kill someone (or try) and then log off. This would be under my hour limit that some people say, "I will only play an hour." Be kind of cool they would never see me coming. lol Then the hate I started planning the most hateful things I could do to them. Then analyzing again "Why, why, why!!!???" I don't want to feel that way. The punishment those people deserve they are getting because they are still in the game. Can I seriously think of anything crueler to do to them than just letting them stay there? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hollow Point Wicked funny Action move