Schwing

@Fagus Yes porridge is part of my routine. Lots of nutrition.

I relapsed to porn twice in a row these pasty two days. This is getting out of hand. Not literally speaking of course....

Detox day: 81 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1 Today I left my comfort zone by: Nothing!!!!!!!!!!Routine: Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- NoCold shower- NoBioenergetics- NoPorridge- noMeditation- yesGoals from yesterday done?: Thoughts and Feelings: My routine is fucked. I hit rock bottom these past two daysI have had two close exposures to games today and I was completely unphased. One kid was playing CSGO at school. I also listened to the HAWKEN soundtrack.There is this one kid who is always passive aggressive with me. Or perhaps he just pokes my fear of intimacy and my social paranoia and I end up annoying him. He is always putting me down. Or maybe I am just too sensitive? There is also a long term friend of mine who doesn't really like me.Nailed physics testStudied shitloadsFINISHED A SKETCHBOOK. YEEEEEEEEEEE BBBBBBBBBOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDid some metal vocals. I thought about leaving my comfort zone today by singing cleanly and loudly but i couldn't do it! The result was my brain rationalising that I should just quit. I had depressive thoughts today but I bounced back.Tasks and Achievements: Physical: metal vocalsMental: art 4 pages, studying, test, readingSpiritual: nooooooooothhhhhhhhhhhhingWhat I am grateful for: MetalRelapsing twice in a rowMy fear of intimacySocial anxietyRealising my problemsNice conversations with people I likeWhat I have learnt from today: I need a countermeasure for when I am stressed or depressedRoutine is essentialUp 6:30 bed 22:30Prepare in advance more. Plan.Time to start selecting my friends and start fresh. Ignore people I don't like.Stay grounded alwaysI must break down my fear of intimacyTomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Talking to everyone on 1000 days and being openGoals for tomorrow: Study a lotFind ways of reinforcing no fapMake sketchbook tour video

"Life is just a game"

No post yesterday. I was too tired so i went to bed. After a string of failures that day, my experiences were too much to handle for my conscience so I relapse to porn! But I WILL be porn free.

@Fagus Yes of course. I like this site a lot because there are so many germans. I haven't began the process of learning quite yet though so I wont start doing any german for some time. I have been thinking about posting here in german. I have not bought that one yet. But i will check it out.

@destoroyah There are so many fucking metalheads on this site it's insane! Entombed rules. Unfortunately I cannot blast death metal in the morning as my parents would pile up all my CDs in the back garden and burn them. Swedish death metal is cool. I like bloodbath quite a bit. Indeed. Death metal takes a lot of open mindedness to understand and a special kind of appreciation. Everybody has a certain kind of appreciation for music: relaxing, energetic, complex, bigs up an ego they have (looking at you jazz and classical musicians). For death metal I think it is pushing the boundaries and curiosity. Death metal is a genre where you can write about almost anything and it will work! As the gorguts frontman once said he chose it as his preferred form of music as it has the broadest spectrum of lyrical themes. And I disagree as some death metal bands are very serious about the whole satan spiel: morbid angel for example. Satanic philosophy is something very prominent in their lyricism. if you like existential nihilism here is an album actually called being and nothingness. It's thrash but I'm sure you will like it. My favourite metal bands: The Black Dahlia murder, Skeletonwitch, Death, Cannibal corpse, Psycroptic, Immolation, Inferi, Vektor, In Flames A lot of the time I am expanding my musical horizons so I don't stick with bands a lot My favourite non metal bands are: Converge, Hail the Sun, My chemical romance, Alexisonfire, The Fall of Troy, Ludwig van beethoven

Detox day: 79 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 5 Today I left my comfort zone by: Nothing!!!!!!!!!!Routine: Get up 6:30- NoCold shower- yesBioenergetics- yesPorridge- noMeditation- noGoals from yesterday done?: Got way too lateNo hobby activitesStudied a lot but didn't use kanbanflowThoughts and Feelings: I got up veeeeerry late.I didn't post yesterday because I was too tired and couldn't be botheredI was incredibly tired at school. I was drowsing off in lessons. But then I listened to some death metal and was instantly revitalized. Awesome.Towards the latter half of today I was much more confident and expressive.Won an art competition. NoiceCame home and got studying with no bullshit. Which was a change.Watched a video on approaching women. Very informative.Tasks and Achievements: Physical: runningMental: art comp., studyingSpiritual: bioenergetics, cold showerWhat I am grateful for: MetalBeing very tiredGetting back on trackConstantly expanding myself and learningDEAAAAAAAATHHH FUCCCCKINNNNNNGGG MEEEEEEETAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!What I have learnt from today: Everything in the videoI work better when I feel meaning in a task. I have a creative mind therefore I am naturally inclined to be more focused in more practically applied situations. Therefore most boring shit I do like maths gets done very slowly. So I should try and make studying more exciting.Breaking routine is dangerous. Need to solidify routine and never break it.Don't pussy out. Just do it.My goals must not be my routine. These must be separate. Goals must be focus based.Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Randomly approaching a girlGoals for tomorrow: Study a littleFind way of breaking study monotonyPlan out german learning

If you like peanut butter and bananas; put some in porridge in the morning- that's what I always do. I think a good way to approach your new healthier sleeping habits is to have a morning and evening ritual. Remember this is about more than just quitting games. This is about being the best version of yourself. So don't focus on not playing games; focus on doing what you need to do. Also. If you want to expand yourself, a nice rule I make is to leave my comfort zone in one new way each day. Naturally you start small, but then your confidence grows and you start doing more and more crazy shit! As for mindlessly browsing. A good strategy is to warp your bad habits into good ones. Before you begin browsing, have a set topic to research. If you stray from this topic go back.

Detox day: 77 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3 Today I left my comfort zone by: Being active in teaching lessonBeing active in courseGoals from yesterday done?: Got an hour lateDoneDidn't use pommodoro but I revised a load of physics for test tomorrowNopeNopeThoughts and Feelings: I got up veeeeerry late.At school I felt very drowsy. I think it have something to do with my medicationCold is goneI did part of a course in "confidence and social skills" which my school provided. I thought it was useful and satisfying. I nailed it. I was super calm and collected as I have been of late. I was paired up with a girl as well. So that was good. I couldn't help but compare myself this time- there were some really socially retarded/ immature guys there. It was like looking through a window to my past self.Came in and I had a cold shower. Felt like I was going to die but I enjoyed it nonetheless.I dicked about a bit after that though. I had a massive surge of testosterone I think.Realised I had physics to do. Crammed a load of revision in. I work very well under pressure.Tasks and Achievements: Physical: nothingMental: skills course, studyingSpiritual: bioenergetics, cold showerWhat I am grateful for: MetalBeing shit at managing my timeBeing awesome and socially adeptNot giving a fuck!What I have learnt from today: Everything on the courseSome people are way too socially dependent of one another. They leech of each other's presence like parasites.I should let girls talk more when I speak to them because they don't tend to talk much and I don't want to be a dick.Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Wearing a my chemical romance shirt to the climbing centreGoals for tomorrow: Get up at 8:30BioenergeticsStudy 4

@WorkInProgress Haha yes! I thought that was the wrong word. And also- two of the books on physics I bought are by feynman. The character of physical law and QED. Here is the list:

Detox day: 76 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 2 Today I left my comfort zone by: Helping chopping woodGoals from yesterday done?: Got up on timeFinished it. Amazing bookNo I did 4.Sketched a bitNo not at allThoughts and Feelings: I got up and made some porridge today. Very fillingRead a lot of this article on relationships.Tried a bit of studying but I didn't get an awful lot done. When I hit brick walls with work my mind tends to wander a bitA lot of what I did today was my mind wandering. I don't think it was unproductive. I like thinking.Chopped some wood with my step dad. Great guy.Finished the entirety of the silmarillion! Time to read the book on tibetan art.Bought a load of physics books. Should be painful to read.Tomorrow I have to teach a lesson at cadets. I will nail itI looked at a lot of books by sigmund freud and willhelm reich on psychology today. It would be interesting to read them at some pointTasks and Achievements: Physical: chopping woodMental: personal development stuff, studying(4), art, readingSpiritual: bioenergeticsWhat I am grateful for: MetalMy step dad for chopping wood with meJ.R.R. tolkien for making his booksNot being able to focus when studying today. Now I know what it is that ails me exactlyWhat I have learnt from today: Must find a way of counteracting my bad focus habitsstudying is a HUGE vent for time because I never focus at home. Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Being very active in teaching lessonGoals for tomorrow: Get up at 8:30BioenergeticsStudy 4Sketch one pagePlan German learning methodology

@Robin @hycniejsy knows his shit! A very wise man.

Seems like you have a good vision. You also have experience with nofap which is great. Don't forget to break down your vision into clear, realistic and measurable goals. Good luck, friend.

@LilChenChen Thank you. I am making progress towards this.

Thank you for this post @ananabanana There is a lot to address here so I shall try and be brief but probably fail knowing me. I believe people are right about you- you are a bright individual and just because you made this post shows your potential to thrive. You just have to start believing it. I feel rather inclined to bombard you with self help resources but I think it is important for you to just make the first step- and that is journalling on this site. Journal every day. Track your progress. Find meaning in your life. Develop habits and never break them. When you have the self reflection and connective attributes of this site on your side you beat the shit out of your problems; one by one until you reach the big boss. You have said you tend to 'rationalise' that there is no use in self improvement as your other problems will only overshadow your progress. This isn't how shit works. Every time you beat something you get stronger- that's what videogames made us feel within ourselves but we didn't see it in real life. Be grateful for your pain; be grateful for shit because, my friend, suffering is here for a reason- to make you stronger. There is a big boss in your life. It hinders you on your path. Crush it. And if you cant crush little things and then come back and crush it. My father was a huge part in my pain. I contacted him just last week (around 70 days without gaming). Just last week my perspective has almost completely shifted. This is about so much more than just quitting games. Nothing comes about instantaneously. You seem to think you aren't good enough for other people. That is a lie. Your friend cares for you because he sees something in you- he doesn't just do it for his ego's sake. I am speaking to you because I care about you. Because I have been through the same shit and I give a fuck about you. Every single person on this site cares about you even if they don't reply to your posts. Immerse yourself in this site. Open yourself up to new ideas. Start small and keep at it and then BOOM. Now my rant is almost over. What I said here may seem just like text to you. You need to start feeling ideas within yourself and most importantly- understand yourself. Do not be at the whim of your negative emotion. Here is one thing I found some time ago that helped me tremendously. You will find many more things like this on your path. Good luck, friend. https://www.youtube.com/user/elliottsaidwhat

@WorkInProgress Ja er ist sehr hilfsbereit. Forgot to post my drawings from yesterday. One is a practice of shading from reference and the other is a practice of an arm musculature.

Detox day: 75 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1 Today I left my comfort zone by: Helping with cookingGoals from yesterday done?: Got up an hour later. Not bad for weekend though stillDid 6 but I wasn't fully focussed. I just let myself be unfocused because I am sick of spending all my time studyingNot two full pages but I did a lot nonetheless.DoneRipped one. Played around with flac a bit. Not much difference IMO.Thoughts and Feelings: I usually break my routine at weekends but I forced myself not to today and I benefited well from it. Breaking routine causes depression in me I find.Sweated out some drawings after studying. Proud of myself and I have a clear learning direction.Helped out with all the cooking. I actually learnt a lot so I'll do it more often.Watched a movie. Only halfway though. It's called Mary and Max and it's this depressing quirky black comedy plastacine animationFound a guide on relationships by this guy called mark mansonTasks and Achievements: Physical: noneMental: personal development stuff, studying(6), art, CDs, cookingSpiritual: bioenergeticsWhat I am grateful for: MetalMy mum for being awesome at teaching me how to cook. This site! This is the best thing that has ever happened to mePorridge with banana and peanut butterWhat I have learnt from today: Calm waters for now. But bad times will come so don't slack off. Or perhaps if I maintain mastery of my life I will sail rough seas like swimming in the kiddy pool.Cooking is fun.Stick to something and do it. Enjoyment only lasts so long until you hit the long grind. Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Helping my step dad with something.Goals for tomorrow: Get up at 8:30Finish silmarillionStudy 6Sketch one pagePlan German learning methodology

@Csaba_Bekesi Thanks for the insight man. I may sound like a complete autistic here but I am just trying to expand myself. First hand experience is always the best way.

So my whole life I have had this 'thing' (and I use the term thing as I am not ascertained as to what it is exactly just yet). I am always finding myself in social situations that I have a notion of pissing the other party off. Lately I have noticed my social habits have changed. This 'thing' is popping up again. To hypothesise, I have started giving less shits about the way I act and have become more animated by my will. Therefore my rather expressive behaviours may be too much to handle for some people and my intuition has picked up on it. Or, I still bear relics of my social paranoia. Or, I'm just a cunt and people cant stand me. Whether it's the former or the latter; I would benefit from some advice on how to be more charismatic and socially pleasant in general. You guys know a lot of stuff so I would be grateful to hear from you. Am I a twat? Do you notice any dickish behaviour coming from me? Please tell em if so. I am not easily offended; especially in this context.

@WorkInProgress Thank you for your reply. Yes I do believe that he called it the satanic 'bible' as more of a gimmick in a mocking sense than anything else. But it's quite ironic how so many would take his word for the only truth which is the exact nature of the christian bible and other religious texts for so many. I would encourage you read the book and see for yourself as my interpretations aren't everything. And yes exactly. In today's western society it is social oppression that is the problem. Too many people are caught up in materialism and led by their ego. Sitting in starbucks, slaving away at some desk job and scrolling through facebook in their spare time. I do not believe in a 'normal' life. Too many follow a path laid out before them by one who would only waylay them. I will do what I feel like doing and cast off psychological trappings. Still not quite there yet though . I think many would share the same ideas as me just in a different format which is totally cool. And yes. Your way of describing humans in regards to their animal nature is a sound definition. Interesting is all we can really say about our multiple and complex states of consciousness.

Detox day: 74 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0 Today I left my comfort zone by: Sneezing really loudly whenever I could Goals from yesterday done?: Got up way too late 8:00No work. Too illNo hobbies todayYes I looked into a lot of stuffNo I lost the listThoughts and Feelings: Typical school day. I felt really sick. Strangely today I didn't give many fucks about the way I was acting. Probably just because I felt ill. Now I understand social mechanisms better I feel less pressured by negative social circumstances. Someone was ignoring me today whos company I enjoy. So I just let him. I realised it was a simple matter of ego and mine was conflicting with his. Today I looked into doing g bodyweight fitness. I felt a strange excitement which reminded me of starting a new videogame My mum also helpede fork out a load of books on Tibet. I found one on Tibetan art and the moment I saw the cover image I started getting goosebumps. It looked so amazing. Relapsed on no fap again! No porn. Or imagination this time. Felt reeeaaallly good. I don't think masturbation is bad anymore. Sex is not only intimate but physically gratifying. But I want the self control and to be able to harness my sexual energy rather than give into urges whenever. Tasks and Achievements: Physical: noneMental: workout plan , reading, found booksSpiritual: bioenergetics, exercising social manipulationWhat I am grateful for: MetalBad coldGuy ignoring meMy mum helping me with the booksWhat I have learnt from today: Same shit as always.I need to plan my no fapTomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Helping with the cooking off my own accord Goals for tomorrow: Get up at 8:30Study 6 pommodros (apparently pommodro sucks)Sketch figures from reference fill 2 pagesEmail teacher about required reading. Rip cds

@WorkInProgress The main philosophy behind LaVey's work is that one must pursue their desires and true knowledge to seek fulfillment in life. It portrays an idea that man is animal in nature and measures must be taken to satisfy this nature. Satan is also seen as a mere symbol for the collection of ideas. The book also is highly critical of so called 'mainstream religion' . Something along the lines of that. Also he details something he calls magic. Which is basically a term for empowering your will through social manipulation and ritualistic expression. I haven't visited the book in a while, but what struck me was that I missed the point. At the time I didn't understand that their was a difference between innermost desire and petty compulsions. What I also didn't understand was that I only absorbed his ideas in my head and they were immediately diluted as I did not embody these ideas and feel them within myself. I agreed with the shit but I couldn't bring myself to become it. Either I had these misconceptions because I was not wise enough or LaVey did not express his ideas in enough depth. To hypothesise, lately I have been engaging in exercises to open up myself to my will and become more animated by it. Now I am strangely drawing parallels with my behaviour and the ideas in the book. I am also more aware of how humans are very similar to animals, just that we possess a social ego which too many of us allow ourselves to be consumed by. Perhaps the book is similar to how I truly feel as a person or perhaps I have simply tapped in to a layer of consciousness that everyone possesses. Fascinating stuff. Edit: thank you for the article. I believe you already sent me the same one a while back but it was useful to refresh!

Detox day: 73 NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 10 Today I left my comfort zone by: Wearing really dark gothy clothes. Expressing myself a bit and not being a paranoid conformist pussy just for the sake of pushing my boundaries.Sang on the bus back from school tripGoals from yesterday done?: Even better. 5:30!!!Yes cold showerNo but I did other stuffNope dittoThoughts and Feelings: Got up super super early. But I had toToday I went to bletchley park where they cracked the enigma code. Very interesting. I got to play with a genuine enigma encryption machine.I have cold so no cold showers for nowI find myself confronted with this other kid who is on my shit list when we talk sometimes. We will have a seemingly normal conversation but my instinct tells me he is imposing his ego on me. The way he looks me in the eyes is a giveaway.There is another kid at school who does quite the opposite. He gives in to my ego. He is a bit of an outcast in terms of fitting in. I try and distance myself because I don't want to have people attached to me in that way. He is not a desirable person to me anyway.We played we are number one remix memes on the bus back. Top kek.I have been going through strange changes lately. As I have deepened my understanding of the mechanisms of the human psyche I find I am much more in touch with something. I read the satanic bible a while back and I agreed with it just that I failed to embody it because I didn't feel them within myself because of my psychological restrictions. My ego driven conscious mind passed the idea of the book off but now these ideas are resurfacing in my unconscious action. Perhaps this is what I truly desire. Or perhaps this is a dumb teenage phase! Who knows?Forked out a load of my mum's old classical music CDs. Will rip the mp3s at weekend.Tasks and Achievements: Physical: noneMental: personal dev. videosSpiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, exercising social manipulation, deep thinking with some awesome musicWhat I am grateful for: MetalCold waterThe confrontational kid for helping me exercise my aggression/yieldingThe other one for helping me realise how to deal with his kindMy teachers for taking me and everyone out on that awesome tripWhat I have learnt from today: Maintain the balance of your aggression and tenderness always. Meditate on this. Speak softly and carry a big stick. Show no fear.Don't give in to your own ego. Be kind and strong and control your ego with your true desire.I'm not doing my full bioeneergetics routine properly! Never jump the gun. Always take in information fully.I have a very strong sex drive right now! No fap is paying off. Balls are still intact.My path is my own. My path is no lesser or greater than the next man's. My ideas are to be shared and not taught.Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Physically expressing my emotion in front of someoneGoals for tomorrow: Get up at 6:30Work1 hobby activityPlan the fucking workouts alreadySort out required reading for physics. Buy the books.

@hycniejsy Ah ok I understand now. My minyan accountability is amazing as always. Because he is you!