Regular Robert

You know, every tiny step counts. Even if you only spend 10 horrible minutes on your task. Since you are on day 4, you are still getting used to your new schedule. Just take every step, no matter how tiny it might be. And never forget that there will be a new day and you will be able to try again. Trust me, there will come a time during the detox, where you almost feel like having wings, once you get used to your new "lifestyle".

I can totally second what giblets said about the detox. When I went through my detox, I was overwhelmed by how much time I have and how I spend it all of the sudden. So many projects I worked on. After my relapse, I still had a lot of the structure I build up during the detox, which was great, but nearly no real project got finished. Once you realize how much time and energy gaming actually consumes, it is world shifting. Also, the fact that you see yourself and ask "why do I neglect the important things in my life" shows that your mind already changed. The rest simply has to catch up.

That is a great story of change you share with us and honestly, I love it. You have a great and interesting way to write and I believe, you also have something to say. Regarding the topic about obese people and attractiveness, I believe I can understand what you feel. Generally spoken: I don't find obese people attractive either. But it is not really the body fat that drives me away, but rather the fact that to get to a point, where you have so much volume that it actually hurts you in many ways, one has to close his or her eyes to many things. Being obese does, in most cases, not just happen. Nobody wakes up one morning and suddenly, he or she looks in the mirror and sees a completely different person. One has to let it happen. And that is what drives me away. That a human person just closes his or her eyes and lets the downfall happen. You on the other hand, you express a lot of spirit. Your current weight does not reflect your current mindset, but the continuous loss of weight and the continuous change shows that to are willing to take care of yourself. You do not let happen, you do to make change. And that is an attitude I really love. Anyway, Phil, keep up the awesome work, stay strong, keep your focus and concentration and do what you feel you need to do! You got this under control.

So, I decided to somewhat use all my years of gaming to make some kind of my own game. It is not really a game, but it a creative project. I always wanted to make a movie, but with limited funds, no cast and no experience in video editing that movie would not be too hot. However, since I have basic coding know how, know how to use photoshop, have a good camera and such, I can probably make my own graphic novel. That is not really a game, I know, but if you imagine having choices at some points in the story, that could be like a game while at the same time, it is not the typical kind of game where you invest your whole life. It is a story, told in pictures, text and voice. Today, I tried to take photos. All alone. Hard work. I cannot set the focus, I cannot see how the pose looks like. So I had to invest hours of my life into learning how to take photos that I can use for my little project. Since I have talked about it so much now, here is a little example. Bare in mind, this is the result of hour 0. 0 Knowledge, 0 team and 0 polishing. It is just a test to see how a possible graphic novel could look.

Of course. After the completion of my detox, I felt a little lost, because my main goal, to finish the detox - at that time my main drive - was gone. I managed to readjust my goals and created a new "track", working on my stuff. The moment I thought I was safe and got everything together, I took a shower, came out and had the fever. All of the sudden. I was sick for about 16 days. During that time I wasn't able to do much, because I was weak and like I said, had the fever. And one thing, that did not turn up during the detox, stood in the room all of the sudden. "What shall I do while being sick? How to pass time without going crazy?" That might sound a little dramatic, but I came from "Wow, I finished my detox and I try to find a new higher goal, a new direction while staying productive" to "I cannot do anything at all". So I fought the urge to pick up the notebook, for many days until I could not stand my condition anymore and I relapsed. I played games to pass the time while having to stay in bed. After that, I felt like crap. I felt lost again and I understood, that I wasn't prepared. Or not enough. So, I told myself, that if I am lost and don't know where to go from there, I just reset. I felt that I wanted another detox. You know, learn from doing stuff again and again. This time, with more knowledge. And that is why I started a new detox. Ever since then, my productivity went up again and my feelings found a balance. Yeah, that's basically it. I hope that you are well, pal and I see you are expanding on all of your projects. I love to see that. I really do. Keep up everything you do and keep being awesome.

Day 2 Life is getting back on track. I made good progress today. Even though I did not get a lot of sleep and got wakened up by hammering noises, I was pretty active today. I found a Red Bull in the fridge and drank it. I haven't had a single energy drink in years. Boy, was I electrified. I did not feel too well while being active 'cause I could feel that my chemical balance got a kick in the side but it still was useful to approach my tasks. Ever since I was sick, I struggled to see any hope. I felt lost and thought that even though I managed to abstain from games for 3 months, I was a failure and would always fail. But that is not true. In fact, neither is the opposite. There is no truth in how you see yourself. If you think you are a failure, you will fail. If you think you can handle it, you will handle it. Right now, I am back in the business handling my shit. And I am getting shit done, which is great. Aside from all the routines, I managed to write 3 pages again. And I liked it. That is extremely important. I liked it. A week ago, everything seemed to be so pointless. But now I can enjoy stuff again. Except for one thing, I managed to complete all my daily tasks plus 3 additional. And I would be able to finish the last one as well, I just don't like to do it now, because I will have to do it again in a couple of days. When I apply another layer of paint to my wall. That is a thing I really look forward to. When I am done, I will post photos so that I can visually remember the event if I ever read my old entries again. All in all, today has been a good day. I was productive and I enjoyed it. I can only hope that I can keep that spirit up.

Day 1 I decided to begin from scratch and today was the first day of my second detox. I had trouble getting out of bed due to the use of sleeping medication. That stuff does seem to help getting sleep but getting up is a total different thing. Anyway, I prepared a nice, grand breakfast. But the salad sauce seems to have turned. The result was that I spent half the day in the bathroom. A great start so far. But I did not want to let the negativity in my head win the battle. So I tried writing. I had a good idea to write about and I used Word online to do so. I am currently trying to optimize my writing process by connecting all my devices to the Microsoft Cloud. I wrote 3 pages, but a plugin must have died during the process so that only half a page was actually saved. I probably should not have listened to music on YouTube at the same time. Well, anyways, I had to rewrite the missing parts. That was not too great. But I still managed to recreate the bigger part of the article. Still, a shame. The rest of the day was spent feeling sick, doing banal housework stuff and such. To be honest, even though some things went wrong, I still liked the day. I feel that I am getting back on track to my lost habits. I feel very happy about my new cloud and such. I am always very worried when it comes to my written stuff. What happens if my PC dies? Or the apartment burns down. Stuff like that worries me. Now it is saved in the cloud and I can access it from everywhere. Kind of a relief. The breakfast was a nice way to celebrate the first day of my second detox. Even if the result was not too great, the ritual in itself was good. That's it for today. I will try to improve tomorrow and raise my productivity. There are so many unfinished tasks and projects. I want to make some progress again.

Sometimes ... ... I can't remember what I like aside from sitting in front of the computer screen. I feel I should remind myself of what I like to do in my life. Things, activities, that I really like and should do more often. Music. I like to listen to music. I have a small collection of vinyls and used to listen to them with a glass of red wine. I always loved that. I loved to feel the emotions, to hear the stories, to follow the melody. The last time that I truly did that was a long time ago.Drawing. I like drawing, painting. I wanted to buy a Wacom tablet to draw more often and be able to upload some stuff to my website. But I am not sure about that. Fact is, I like drawing. But I need to be calm and relaxed in order to do that.Photographs. I like to take photographs. When I was sick for the last weeks, I often thought: "I have a brand new camera and I love it, but it sucks that I have to stay in bed and cannot take pictures". Now, that I am okay again, I do not use my time to take pictures. I want to do it again.Writing. The thing I like the most became a burden somehow. Because I often wanted to write, but my head was littered with mental trash and I could not write a damn thing. I want it to be a beloved activity again. I want to write to be free again.Talking. I like to talk to people. I loved those conversations, that filled whole nights and nobody wanted them to end. But they did and everyone who was there remembers them as great moments. I do not know how I can make this idea real. I do not have such people anymore. People to talk to forever. But I want to remind myself that I like it and that, if there is the chance, I shall take it and make it come true.My environment. I like to live in an environment that I like. Sounds dumb, I know. But there is a deep and important truth in this phrase. You cannot be happy if you live in an environment you do not like. You can only try to sit it out and wait for changes. Or, if you have the power, you can change your environment. I started to paint a wall. I did not even asked my girlfriend, because last time I wanted to paint the kitchen, she stopped me from doing it. Now, I took this wall and made it my own. I like it and I can feel that I can improve this space even further. I want to make it mine. I want to see my reflection in the space I live in. For years I have lived like ... "on the go", always knowing I would only stay for a year or so. I want to enjoy my space. So, I have to make it enjoyable.These are some of the things I like. I will remember more and will than, remind myself that there is more. But for now, this list shall do just fine. I can already feel that this helps me. I felt lost and now I feel I can at least see the track again.

I want to do it again. The detox. I want to do the detox again. Recently, everything went wrong. Extremely wrong and I feel I need to make this post in order to reset or reboot. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Day 0! I feel that it only makes sense if I begin completely from scratch. I feel like I need that process. But let me begin at day -X. Sounds weird, but the recent past is very important. So, what happened after Day 90? I felt like crap. Why? Because everything suddenly disappeared. You know, when I was on my detox, I had daily goals and one maaaajor goal: To complete the detox. I did not, at any time, plan beyond the detox. And when is was through, I was left with nothing. A huge empty feeling. So I tried to do what I did before, set daily goals and such. And it worked for a good amount of time. Until a) my girlfriend got sick and b) I got sick. You see, my girlfriend got the flu, quite some time ago. And she had to stay at home for 16 days. When my girlfriend is home, all my work progress stops. I cannot write or do creative work when someone is on the couch, binging TV series. I just cant. It might be my problem, but I just cannot do it. So I tried to do other stuff. I wanted to paint a wall, but did not want to make that mess when she is home. So I tried to just get by. Do daily stuff. Walk the dog, do the dishes and so on. I hated every single day. I just did and I feel now, right now, deep inside, that I have to be entirely honest. I hated every fucking day of my life. Because every day was filled with banal routines and nothing else. It was a waiting game. I counted the minutes until I was home alone again. After 16 days, I was. But one thing was strange: I did not get the flu, although I was surrounded by it every day. I got a itchy throat and I felt strange, but that was it. And at some point, every symptom vanished. Suspicious. 2 Weeks later: I was home alone, I prepared everything to paint the wall and I did it. I moved all the furniture, covered everything that should not be painted and I painted the fucking wall. I was so frigging happy. For weeks I had waited. Sadly, one coat of "rouge" wasn't enough. So, I said to myself, I will apply another layer the next day. Boy, was I wrong. After cleaning up the whole paint mess before my girlfriend would be home, I felt weird. I felt really weird. Kind of nauseous. I took a shower and when I left the show, the feeling was so intense that I measured my temperature only to find out that suddenly, I had a fever. 39.7° Celsius / 103.64 Fahrenheit. Out of nowhere, I had the flu, weeks after I had contact to it. And that really dragged me down. It really did. The following days, I wasn't able to do anything. I stayed in bed for days before I took my notebook and started to play some games to pass the time. Horrible mistake. It was out of the boredom and the annoyance to not being able to follow my actual goals that I wanted to dive into something different. I was frustrated and could not do anything about it. After 12 days of being sick, my girlfriend felt bad as well. So she stayed home again and I started to literally go insane. I felt like losing my mind. I completed my detox, felt lost, tried to progress and move forward, got blocked by a sickness, tried to not go insane and waited for the moment that I was able to work on my goals again but then got blocked because I had to go back to banal routines in order to help my girlfriend get healthy again. I had no chance to live the life I chose to live and that drove me mad. Mad Robert. I turned to playing games to not think of my anger and frustration and I would say I had a full blown relapse. For days I have been playing while hating it. Literally. I installed a game, played it, hated it because that was not what I wanted to do and uninstalled it. But I did not manage to get back on my old track. And since I feel I am in a huge mess right now - a mess that I cannot repair - I will try to calm down and start from scratch. I feel that I need it. Too many things went wrong and I did not know how to handle them. I mean, that is a good thing. I learned lessons. I found out where I NEED to improve. Where I need to create some mechanisms in order to stay on my track. Some of my construction sites are: What if I cannot follow my goals? Like, what if I get sick, break an arm or such. I need activities that fill the gap when there is one. I usually am not sick, but this time it really showed me that I am lost if I cannot do what I feel necessary to do.What can I do when I am home with my girlfriend and she binges a TV series? That is what she does. After work, she wants to turn off her head, so she watches TV series. I kind of ... grew to hate it. I need to get it out now. I hate it. Whenever I am home and she binges a show, frustration grows inside of me.What can I do when I feel the need to talk to somebody? I don't have friends anymore. I had gamer friends, but you all know it: When you stop gaming, the connection, the link between you and your gaming friends is lost. And suddenly you realize, you never were friends. You were strangers, junkies that shared a common addiction.What do I do after I finish my detox? That is so extremely important that I feel I should plan it every day. The detox becomes the main goal during the detox. And when the main goal is gone, one can truly feel lost.So what I will do now is start all over again. I do not feel like repairing what is broken right now. I'd rather apply a new layer of color. What comes next? I need to care for my journal again. On a daily basis. I need my own format, since I struggled with most of the others. I will begin tomorrow. Well, I kind of began now. But the real deal begins tomorrow.I need to set new daily goals. I will do that on paper in real life. That helped me the most.I need to sort this whole "working at home thing" out.Yeah, that is what happened to Robert. Not sure what to say anymore. I feel that writing it down helped a lot. Now I have to rethink and apply. That is what I will do next.

Well, since I have been sick for a while now, I had to spent a lot of time in bed. The woman has to work and comes home at about 10pm/22 o' clock and I can not do much. So I tried to play some games to pass the time. But it did not work. I mean it. It did not work. Every game I played bored me to the point that I had to shut down the PC after half an hour and stared blankly at my wall. Because that was what I really wanted to do. The day I got the fever was a very busy day. I applied a new color to one of my walls because I wanted to "personalize" my working area a bit. It still needs a second layer of paint and I can't wait to do that. It is really strange, but ever since I finished the detox, games feel like a waste of life, time and energy to me. To add a little more: I bought a new PC, because my old notebook could not handle video editing without crashing. I could now play any modern game that I could not play before. But ... like I said ... boring. I'd rather create a game myself than be a slave to an entertainment system. The only counter-example is when I play with my girlfriend. And that is probably because we talk a lot and I enjoy when she has fun and all. When she has fun playing a video game, I have fun as well. So that will probably be the only video game time left in my life. With my woman. Aside from that, I am looking forward to do so many things that I cannot do right now because I feel like being burned alive.

Just in case anybody is wondering: Robert is not gone, just really, really sick. The fever keeps getting better but I will prioritize rest over anything else. So, expect me to be back in the near future.

I am late but I would still like to add one point: Since we are in the winter time right now, you might see a doctor and talk about a winter depression. I read that many people suffer from it without knowing they do. The lack of sunlight and warmth always pulls me down. Might be the case for you as well. So, this is just an idea you could try. Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck and the greatest success.

Day 90! Summary: So, the day has come. Day 90 of 90 days of a personal gaming detox. What do I have to say? Well for starters, I am not sure. It has been a tough ride. First of all, I want to show my gratitude to Cam, who created this site and ignited a spark in many fellows. In a time, where we are supposed to consume, where it is so easy and comfortable to just fade away in a virtual world, without leaving any proof of our existence, he showed me and many others, that the predetermined way is not the only option. So, thank you Cam. You might know the story of the Pied Piper, who came to town and led away all the children with his stilling tune, leading them all into oblivion. Well, every story, even the ancient ones, have at least two points of view. While the people of the town witnessed the Piper, pulling away the youth, they labeled him the evil in this world. But halt, there is more to this. The view of the young people who have been pulled away is quite different. In a world, where everything is focused on consumption, a soul needs a safe place to expand. The Piper, with no bad intentions, led away the youngsters and showed them a world that grants exactly what they needed. A space, large as necessary, to unfold. Pretty dramatic, right? I know. But if you think about it; if you remember the reactions of your fellow internet folks, you will notice, that they smiled at you in contempt, when you left the world you once loved so much. What seems to be pure evil and idiocy to one, might be redemption to others. When I googled "how to stop gaming" on that lonely night, I took my own life. Figuratively. I pulled the plug on my life, because I knew, it will pull the plug on me. Before I quit gaming, I felt lost, exhausted, always tired, mildly happy and heavily forsaken. I grew up with a computer in my room, which turned into my best friend at some point. Where real people were complicated, my computer would always be there to serve me. But in the long run, I began to serve it. I miss the words to express my eternal gratitude for what Cam has done. Only by lighting up a path that I was unable to see, he saved me. And even if I return to playing all day and all night; even if I give up my chances, my life and my future, I would have to do it entirely conscious. Because now I know what was cloaked. If I give up my life, this time, I know what I do. But as long as there is any energy left, I will try to go my own path. Not the predetermined path. And with the 90 days of detox, I feel prepared for this path. The detox was highs and lows. It was enthusiasm and depression. I felt like conquering the world and in the next moment I thought I was falling down a 50 stories building. It is tough to not compare my old life to the matrix. Because it is so close to the matrix. Being connected to a device that pretends to show me choices and options, while it silently pre-programmed my decision. An waste of life. That is what I was. A entire waste of life. We do not have to be Christians to understand that life is a one time thing. This makes it precious beyond words. Sitting in front of a screen, drooling, like a machine is a waste of this precious gift. I believe that in any fellow game quitter lies a potential so great that nobody can summarize it. I believe, that we all are special, creative, smart, gifted. But we wont be able to unfold our specialty as long as we waste away in a fluorescent light, that will make our eyes go blind and turn our skin into greasy dough. Don't get me wrong. I still continue to work in front of a screen. But today, steam, origin, bigfish... none of that really interests me. I feel disgust when I think about how I wasted years and did not commit myself to any goal, any progress or any measurable sign of life at all. Life happens offline, away from the screen. I know that. I feel that. And now I feel able to fight my way through this harsh environment that is this society. Now I see chances and will not be stopped until I reached them. And even if I fail, I will not go back to benumbing my inner desires. My true desires. Because let us be real for a moment: You do not desire to reach level 30 in a world that will disappear once a guy pulls the plug. You do not desire to be "somebody" in a virtual world, where everybody can be what he wants to be without any need of work. In a world, where being special is handed out to anybody, nobody is special. You will be anybody; anybody will be you. There are no heroes in this world, no interesting people. There are no people in this world. Only souls that slowly dance to a tune nobody can hear anymore because everybody is numbed by the drug they all took in order to get into the dance hall. Nobody desires to be numb all the time. That is like waiting for death without the annoying annoyance of waiting without purpose. I do not desire to be that person and I believe, neither do you. This place, this forum, is not redemption city. You know that. I know that. You don't sign up and feel relieved of all your bad decisions. We know that. We sign up for the tough work. If this was a game, it would be a survival game. But you know, most survival games out there have one major thing in common: they do not have a goal. Your only goal is to survive. Imagin this: When you signed up, you were this one guy or girl, brave enough to raise his or her hand when the old leader asked if somebody is willing to venture forth to find a place to settle and to recreate society. You were the one human that said: "I am not satisfied with surviving day by day, only to wait for my demise. I will not dwell in this limbo until my soul perishes. I will head out and I will fight my way through this mess that you people are afraid of. I will conquer back what is truly mine and when I disappear, I will leave a legacy behind." That person, my friend, is you. You and me. We took this step. We spoke the truth. We honestly admitted that were are guilty of the highest sin: Wasting our life. And we decided to change. The 90 day detox is the first step. Now you are prepared. You took all the classes, finished all the lessons and trust me, when you thought this is it, the real stuff only begins. Be brave. Be great. Be honest. Be noble. Be conscious. Be you. You, my friend, have this under control. This is your life. Your choice. Your consequence. Even if you go out and fail once, twice, three times, everything is better than being numb and never trying. And rest assured, we are in this together! Sincerely yours, Robert

Welcome! Glad you took this step to change your life for good. If you really want to "force" yourself to avoid browsing the internet, try to block your computer in your router/modem settings. Open a time frame of 4 hours per day and if necessary, let somebody else set the password. However, if that is not necessary, go for the soft version: Create a sturdy schedule. Keep yourself busy and try to avoid using the web or the PC for as long as possible. Also, remember: One day at a time. Slow but steady progress is the key. Try to make tiny steps, but make them count. For example: Do you live in a nice and neat environment? If not, set daily tasks to change your environment to a healthy, practical and nicely looking state. Do you know how to care for yourself? Like, do you know how to cook? If the answer is "meeeh", learn a new recipe every week. Do you have the habit to hoard things you do not need? Set tasks to sort out your stuff. Do you get at least 30 minutes of fresh air every day? If not, set a task to take a walk. Is there any kind of unfinished business at the back of your mind, that can be implemented in a daily schedule, do so. But do not overburden yourself. One step at a time. Do not set a task to build a plane, even if you would love to do that. Tiny steps. Also, create a journal in the journal section to keep track of your goals and progress. The place where you live is a reflection of your mental and emotional state. If you want a clean mental state, create a clean environment. Last but not least: Tap your own shoulder, because you are an awesome guy for choosing the tough road to conquer back what matters most: your own life. You got this under control, mate.

It might help you to successfully live day by day. Like, try to focus on the actual day. If you remember times from a month ago, it might make you sad, because in your memory, everything seems like it has been a great time. You most likely had some issues there as well, but your mind keeps fooling you by showing only the things that have been "better". On the other hand, if make your mind move to the future by visualizing a dark, hopeless time, you will feel hopeless right now, because your image of your future is dark and hopeless. That leaves you on your current day with the feeling that things have been better and that your future does not look too bright. So the solution is to try and focus on what you do right now. If you feel bad right now, try to find an activity that will put you in a different mood. If you feel like a loser tell yourself that this is day X on your journey and that you already managed to withstand from gaming for a while. Also, when I remember the beginning of my detox, it was like this: First week, I felt uber-awesome. I had a new goal, a new mindset and I thought that I am working on something big. Second week, I felt like crap and wanted to throw the towel. Just like Reno said, your brain is used to hyper-stimulation and it takes time to find a balance. Try to focus on the current day. Set goals that you can actually achieve. Small, daily goals. Make clear goals to see clear progress and reward yourself for what you accomplish. A last thing: Do not overburden yourself in the beginning. You might feel bad right now, but putting a huge load of goals on your shoulders will not change your feeling. Rather try to minimize your goals and cut them into tiny goals. I am just saying this because if you do not achieve a goal you have set, you might feel bad about. So, if you really sign up for the gym, set tiny goals. Every step you take is good. Just don't try to make a huge leap in the beginning. Lastly, you are not a loser and you know that. Otherwise, you would not even try to make a change in your life. So, try to see yourself as a valuable being. You got this under control!

Day 89 Short summary: This is the last day before I finish my 90 day detox. I feel strange. Due to the fact that my girlfriend and I were sick for about 2 weeks, parts of my procrastinational(?) behaviour came back. If you do not do it on a regular basis, it will always be tough work. That is what I learned. The day itself was nice. I got to meet a new neighbor (we have like 2 new parties in the house now) and she has a dog. Our dogs seem to like each other, that is really cool since my little Hiro often has trouble finding new friends. It is nice to know that the new people in the house are friendly human beings. If you read my journal, you will notice that I tend to have a hard time with some of my neighbors. While I feel like I am a little behind on my schedule for my writings, I have made great progress today. I wrote one complete article that I will have to edit, format and record. I always feel kind of mentally refreshed whenever I finish an article. The feeling of finishing something is great in itself. That leads to another topic: I have to go through my projects again and sort them out. I tend to have many, many, many new ideas which is good, but not if you begin every idea and cannot finish a single one. So I have to rearrange my current goals to be more productive. It seems to be a traditional habit, though. Because 2 weeks ago, the city construction workers teared up a huge part of the sidewalk and ever since, nothing happened. It is a construction side that could have been finished within 2 days but now ... it is just an obstacle for people. I feel the same way when it comes to my work. Business I cannot finish is an obstacle in my head and on my desk. Regarding this last day of my detox, I feel very strange. I mean ... 3 months ... it sure does not feel like 3 months. And deep down inside, I know that this episode has a "to be continued" at the end of it. I already know that I have to continue doing this. I know that I have to continue improving. This detox was what it was: A detox. The prelude for the actual play. It seems like now is the time, when the real thing starts. Not sure if any of this makes any sense, but I will try to recap my detox in a video I am working on. I am grateful for: My mindMy lifeMy girlfriendMy dogPeace, which is more than just the absence of warWhat went well today: I wrote a new article for my blogGot to know the neighbor and her dogWitness the fitness: Nothing yet but the day isn't over until it is overWhat I could have done to make my day better: Less YouTubing. More focused work. Less breaks between the working times.Weekly goals and progress: Write a screenplay for the "Dear Mr. Baffi" trailer [0/1]Complete 15 translated pages of the "Respawn" script [0/15]Was no initial goal but should have been: Write 1 new article [1/1]Monthly goals and progress: Create 1 audio files for the YouTube channel [01]Write 4 new scripts for new content [2/4]Paint the notebook [0/1]Translate the entire "Respawn" script [0/1]Translated pages [15/68]Spend 3 days in the city among the regular people [0/3]

Also, I changed some of my avatars. I believe that I should stop hiding behind images that do not show me, but instead be proud of who I am. When I quit gaming, I stopped following a predetermined, lineal path. A path that leads to a fixed, fake ending. I choose my own path. I live my own life. I am the one that creates, picks up and finishes the quests. This is my life and I will not take a compromised version of it. I choose. I am. I live! Edit: Okay. Just for the record: I am not trying to copy Cam. I really like suits. That's all there is to say.

Day 87 Short summary: So, where to begin? Well, it seems that I sell original soviet cereals now, right? Kinda. Let me explain: I could not sleep for two days. This fact alone turns me into a lunatic, I guess. But there is more. I purchased a special kind of software a few weeks ago. Final Draft, the screenwriting software. I wrote a lot. But the last two nights, my mind was occupied with a project I started months ago. "Mr. Baffi". "Baffi" translates into "mustache". In short words: It is a short movie. I wrote a script for a short movie. A soft, german comedy. "Russian cereals" is a gimmick that I need for the movie. I am currently planning on making a trailer for the movie. My plan is to create a fake virtual identity for my movie. I will create a trailer and will share it on YouTube. It will look like a regular movie trailer, when I am done. And I will pretend that it is an existing movie trailer. If it gets the attention that I need, I will suggest it to a few german film studios and see if they like it. Okay, so I had a couple glasses o' wine. Who cares? What matters to me is that I wanted to make a living with my writing, so why not implement screenwriting as well? I spent the whole day writing scenes and creating images for my storyboard. "Russian cereals" is one of those. My protagonist will find a gimmick inside a "russian cereals" cardboard box. A fake mustache. This will make him create an alter ego. And from there, the movie unfolds. Even if I fail, it won't matter. Because I am focusing on expansion. I want to learn, get used to and understand. I want to get one step further. And even if my initial goal will be a failure, I will get my step. I will learn how to plan a movie scene. I will get used to writing every day. I will understand how to create a movie scene. THIS is my actual goal. One step at a time. That is how we learn. We learn to ride a bicycle by doing it and by failing. One step at a time. And I will create this thing even if it turns out to be a total bag of I am grateful for: WineCam did not know what spark he created when he said that getting tipsy is the first step to doing something that has not been done before!What went well today: Planning. I painted multiple scenes for my storyboard.Writing. I wrote multiple yadda yadda.Witness the fitness: I danced to russian polka. Does not seem to be a fitness program but it should!What I could have done to make my day better: I Should get out of bed way earlier. But lately, I have massive trouble sleeping. Might be my f*$%§ing neighbors again. I can hear them f$&% every f&$%§%ing night.Weekly goals and progress: Write a screenplay for the "Dear Mr. Baffi" trailer [0/1]Complete 15 translated pages of the "Respawn" script [0/15]Monthly goals and progress: Create 1 audio files for the YouTube channel [01]Write 4 new scripts for new content [1/4]Paint the notebook [0/1]Translate the entire "Respawn" script [0/1]Translated pages [15/68]Spend 3 days in the city among the regular people [0/3]

☭Russian Cereals!☭ Now with authentic mustache! Explanation will follow shortly.

Do you have a room I could rent? I'd love to live in that area.

Sorry. I know, I am late. But I feel like I should stress what Reno said. Value yourself! Right now, people will use you because you listen, which is nice. People who listen are nice people, I would say. But the problem is the part about being used. You are a nice guy. You want people to be happy and you kind of - and that might be an issue - measure yourself and your happiness on the basis of how people react to you. You were happy when she talked to you but now that she avoids you, you are sad. Like I said, all is good. But you have to start respecting yourself. If a person enjoys your company as long as he or she can use you to express feelings but suddenly avoids you when you become "work", you should look in the mirror and say "no". "No, I do not let people use me and drop me". There will always be people that take for granted what you are willing to give. But at some point, you have to surround yourself with people who talk, when you listen and who listen when you talk. Respect is not just handed out it is earned. This girl does not deserve your respect if you ask me. And the best thing you can do now is to stop thinking about what you might have done wrong or whatever. Stop thinking about why she acts like an ignorant person towards you. Start thinking about what you will do about it. Will you be sad and question everything you did or will you stand up and focus on finding people that actually value your time and effort? You are a valuable person. But if you do not treat yourself as valuable person, nobody will. Keep moving. You have this under control.

Day 83 Short summary: Getting better day by day. I finished my first little E-Book today. A summary of a few essays about "The Screen". It feels good to be done with it for now, so that I can commit myself to other projects. The thing will be published tomorrow. That is basically it. I worked all day to figure out how to create a decent E-Book and such. Can't wait until winter ends. I feel way better in the summer. I love the sun and the smell of fresh, warm dirt, grass and so on. Also, I decided to go with what Cam said. You know, in the old days, I would have bought me a new game or PC hardware. Now I am going to treat myself with a new camera. That is good, because I will use it for other things than gaming. Like film-making. I am really into short films and stories. So a camera that can actually record videos will be a great tool to expand in those fields of "work". Although the package will most likely arrive a couple of days before I hit the 90 days mark, I will wait and not open it until this detox is through. In addition to that, I believe I should mention that I thought about how I could implement a slight dose of gaming into my daily live. Like gaming on Sunday for 2 hours. But I feel that deep inside me, there is a feeling that keeps growing. And that feeling is ... well ... the more I live without games, the less I feel attracted to them. Even though I thought about implementing them again, I don't feel like I will do that. Without any pressure. It is like ... I don't need them anymore. I like that. I really do like that. I am grateful for: Physical health.75% mental health.My life.My Dog.My girlfriend.My friends.Wine.You. (This list is not sorted by value or importance. You are seriously my favorite and you know it!)What went well today: Creating the E-Book and adding it to my website.My injury keeps getting better day by day.Witness the fitness: No fitness program while being sick.What I could have done to make my day better: I should communicate more and in a better way. I told my girlfriend that her desire to clean the floor annoys me. That was not nice. It was honest, but not nice. It happened while I was working and she used the broom to clean up around me. Everybody who is sensitive while working knows that this is a deal-breaker. I need silence, peace and light to work. If any of these is corrupted by anything, I will turn into a horrible person. So I should have told her not to break my silence in a more ... civilized way.Weekly goals and progress: Additional blog posts [1/1]Completion of the e-book "Der Schirm" [1/1]Cooked dinners / Prepared meals [2/3]Made veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs. Yummy!Complete 15 translated pages of the "Respawn" script [0/15]Monthly goals and progress: Create 4 audio files for the YouTube channel [0/4]Write 4 new scripts for new content [1/4]Paint the notebook [0/1]Translate the entire "Respawn" script [0/1]Translated pages [15/68]Spend 3 days in the city among the regular people [0/3]

Day 81 Short summary: Well, my back injury keeps getting better, as well as my flu. I am still sick, but I am on a good path. My day was really nice. The weather was pretty gloomy, which was fine. Staying inside can be nice and relaxing and since my girlfriend and I bought a board game, we had a lot of fun. We listened to classical music and played "Carcassonne". The hours just went by and I liked that, since we talked the whole time. It was way more ... completing than gaming. Aside from that, I am working on my stuff and my website. I am still unsure about whether I want to add a Vlog or not. I am not really into vlogging, but I like the idea of talking to people, even though I am not really talking to anybody. Like I said, still unsure about it. Also, I am planning on "rewarding myself" when I hit the 90 days mark. I thought about buying a new camera, but that is another thing I am unsure about. Because, not gaming and investing time in other things and actually seeing progress is a great reward itself. But I feel that after 90 days of struggle, cravings, ups and downs, I might make myself a gift. Anybody any ideas on that topic? I am grateful for: My life in general. I feel that life can be grand at times.What went well today: Boardgaming!My injury keeps getting better day by day.Witness the fitness: No fitness program while being sick.What I could have done to make my day better: Not smoke. I smoked like 3 cigarettes today. After many days of not smoking. I will work on that!Weekly goals and progress: Additional blog posts [0/1]Completion of the e-book "Der Schirm" [0/1]Completion of the chapters [4/6]Cooked dinners / Prepared meals [1/3]Complete 15 translated pages of the "Respawn" script [0/15]It is not a real goal, but I wish to get better soon. Monthly goals and progress: Create 4 audio files for the YouTube channel [0/4]Write 4 new scripts for new content [1/4]Paint the notebook [0/1]Translate the entire "Respawn" script [0/1]Translated pages [15/68]Spend 3 days in the city among the regular people [0/3]

Welcome, Brian!

Du hast total recht. Der einzige Grund, warum ich es so nenne ist, weil ich versuche authentisch zu bleiben. Und ich schreibe so, wie ich rede. ^.^ Deswegen hab ich es so genannt. Weil ich auch so darüber rede. Aber ich werde darüber nachdenken, denn irgendwo hast du halt wirklich recht. Und danke für die netten Komplimente! Ich freue mich immer über Feedback jeglicher Art. @Cam Adair Thanks, bro. I really appreciate any kind of feedback. (: