sirjk

Terrible sleep last night. From dreaming about playing Counter Strike to waking up around 3 times because of my sore throat and earaches. Went to bed around 11pm, and woke up at 8.30am. Tried to sleep in for another hour but my head killed too much so I just got up haha. I didn't really do much in the morning, I finalised some CSS work in some web development project I set myself , after that, I watched 2 episodes of Mr Robot before heading to the post office. I bought myself a gaming mouse pad a few weeks back before I even considered quitting. But it was a good excuse to leave the house so I'm fine with that. I had to park around 250 metres away on a Monday midday. Not that mad but so many people live in the City now. I've never really noticed it before until now. An hour later, I got back for home. I replaced the gaming mouse pad since the old one looked out of place with all the green and had bubbles in it. Reflecting now, I should've visited something, do something different, Because, the last 3 hours were incredibly boring. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I watched some gaming things on Youtube. It made me feel, angry, or something. I don't know, I clicked off it after 20 minutes after I realise what I was doing. The next 2 hours I tried to fix my VPN and Firewall conflict, which I think is impossible to fix. Did some house work then finally watched some Quran videos. I'm agnostic but I've been meaning to gain knowledge for ages. For now on, I'm going to make a checklist of plans. Tomorrow, I need to see a doctor and then have a haircut, later that night, I'm going to play Trivia with my group. I sense improvement already, I am very happy with myself Short Term Goal(s) -- Haircut -- Doctors -- Trivia -- Long Term Goal(s) -- Gain more knowledge on the Quran --

I have no idea man, anything other than playing video games right now. I want to learn more CSS and web development but it's really draining. I want to go out more, find new places but I hate talking to people haha. The real reasoning is I just don't want to waste my life. I was meant to go to a good friends birthday party last night, I completely lied and said I couldn't come. And to be honest with you, I have no idea why. Now I feel like crap. Anyways, Ill post later tonight for my journal, thanks for the reply

Decided to sleep in, since it was Sunday and all. Only by half an hour, but whatever , its better than waking up at 2pm or even worse. 9am feels like a good time to be waking up, but my final goal will be 7am. Headed to help my brother at the house again, got there about 10.30am , luckily that I did a lot yesterday than usual, I didn't have much to do today which I'm proud of. I tend to sit down and dope off, think about new games and who to play Counter Strike with. But, the last 2 days, other than the cravings, I didn't stop working unless for a legitimate break. I don't know if I'm improving because of no gaming or I've been telling myself 'good job" every time I complete something. I suffer from Social Anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. One of the reasons why I'm opening a new chapter in my life. Cringey as it sounds, I call these sad feelings and thoughts metaphorically "Freddy Krueger" as he only gets you when you're at your lowest. The only reason he exists is because we allow him to exist in our memory. In a metaphor of cause. Ended up finishing around 2.30, did the final clean up before my brother travels West for a week holiday with his friend. He came over since he asked us to leave his tools here since it's safe here. We chilled out for a few hours until it got dark and left. It's good because I've been active for the last few days always had something to do. But since he's going away and everyone is back to work tomorrow, I am nervous. I've been so lucky with people having things for me to do. Now I've completed the plans I had, I'm not so sure what to do now. I could go find a job or a study, I really feel that I'm not well enough for it yet. I have shocking planning and I say a lot of things, doesn't mean I do them. The last few days have been hard, not a full week yet and all I can think about is Skyrim. It is my favourite game of all time but it's a game that if you play it too much, you get bored of it when you get into it again. All I want to do is taste it, but I'm doing well, my life is already improving. I'm going on a cruise with my family just below a month. Even though I'm going for 90 days detox, I'm going to be stoked when aboard the ship and have no care in the world for video games. But right now, I just need to deal with my snappy mood swings, and replace cravings with other things, I'm going to post this, watch this podcast of the Drunken Peasants, watch a few episodes of Mr Robots new season, then go to bed. Another good day for me

Finally, woke up early. Nearly 4 days in without gaming, and somehow made my sleeping pattern worse. Woke up at 9am, thank god it was only Saturday. Six hours sleep is livable but it reminds me of all the days of school last year when teachers were kind enough to let me "rest my eyes" in what some call "free" period, even if it forces you to attend a random class. I don't know if they felt sorry for me, or they presumed I studied all night, which I think I never did. I would rather hit clips until 2am in the morning, than study for tests in the last year of school. They would snap at me if I had my phone out, but somehow blind eyed me sleeping in class. I mean resting my eyes of cause Anyways, got to my brothers much earlier than usual, around 10am. I'm helping him rebuild the house. I'm an IT tech so I have no idea of simple things about building, I just help him around with small things. I've been doing this just below a year now. Hopefully, I can move out here and move in with my brother. Speaking anything negative in the household I'm living in currently with my father's "new" girlfriend causes a lot of drama, immaturity and uncalled name calling. My ultimate goal is to move away from this sh*t hole. Sorry for the language. I helped around with my brother until around 2.30pm. I got a lot of work done, even with a lack of sleep, I felt a little more motivated and seemed to do work much quicker. I haven't felt happy since I've quit gaming, actually, I feel a lot worse. Ever since I've stopped, my world is getting bigger. But I haven't felt excitement since I've stopped gaming, maybe glimpse but nothing noticeable. But, since my world is getting bigger, I'm learning a lot of new things. Reading more news than usual and watching IT and Science related videos on Youtube that I'm using to replace gaming. I usually do this anyways, but I've learnt more things in 4 days than I would in a whole week. Not much difference between 4 and 7 days, haha but you see the point ;p I got home at 3pm, then finished off the first season of Mr Robot. Awesome show btw, especially if you enjoy the IT tech/hacking scene. I'm getting back to date with the Drunken Peasants podcast while writing here. I hope tomorrow will be better than today, but yesterday was worse so it seems like it's getting better

Hello everyone. I'm terrible with introductions lmfao, I'll try not make this thread too insipid haha. My name is SirJK, one of my many aliases on the Internet. I enjoy playing trivia with my grandfather (versing other teams), and I love listening to debates on podcast or Youtube. My favourite movie is the Terminator 2. I am usually always listening to music, Trance, Indie Folk, Metalcore and some other subgenres of metal. It's crazy how music will manifest the genres on how you're feeling at that moment. To me, Trance is when I'm feeling chill, happy and relaxing. Indie Folk is neutral for me. You're neither sad or happy. Metalcore and some other metal is a go-focus and get up genre. I would most likely play Metalcore when playing Online games. And the infamous Technical death metal. ft Rings of Saturn , and Infant Annihilator; many more. Look, I'm not talking badly about this genre of music, I have only sat down and listened to albums like Infant when I'm on the verge of just wanting to disappear from Earth. For a year or so, I haven't been there. For me, my goal is not to head towards that path again. Anyways, about Video Games. I have been playing video games since as long as I remember. I do remember playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas at least 3-4 hours a day after school or weekends. I was in habit with excessive gaming at least since 2004. I was seven years old at the time. Over about 2 months now, I wanted to quit, but "I'll do it later" doesn't work in real life, why would it work with this?I am currently 19, unemployed and playing Video Games all night and going to bed when my dad is waking up to go to work. I have a lack of social skills and have low self-esteem. My irl friends are moving on with jobs and non-gaming stuff and I don't want to regret not changing myself. I'm nearly 4 days without video games and after a few days of watching Cam's videos, I decided to sign up here. See what people are doing and read some similar experiences. It's nice to be somewhere people can relate to me somewhat. If you made it this far, thank you for reading this thread, I might see you around the forum in the future take care bros.