Pierce

Day 48 Excellence... it's still that fourth virtue of Excellence I struggle with. I want to embody it every day, but it is so easy to fall into old habits. Let's see about tomorrow.

Day 47 I almost pushed this post off for tomorrow because I'm so tired. As for school work: the guest lecturer in my cell bio class was excellent, and I studied some organic chemistry with friends in the afternoon; still not a lot of work done, but Fridays are meant to be laid back as I said yesterday. The main thing I did today was manning a booth selling cookies for our ballroom club, which was mainly dancing with various partners out in front of it and having a great time. It's good to have a social group like them. We had ballroom practice that evening and I forwent going out to a local dance studio that night. It was very much a bummer to not go out and have fun with my friends, but again as I said yesterday, I need to sacrifice for my goals if they are so important to me. One last thing: one of the girls I was dancing with used to be a bodybuilder and offered to help me train arms and chest in weight lifting twice a week. That's a deal I can't pass down since I don't have experience in weight training other the plan I've been doing off of the internet for the past year. I guess this means I need to start breaking out my homemade protein powder and making a regular go of it.

Day 46 I'm climbing higher and my speed is faster. I had a lot of work to get done in a small period of time today since I had three classes and a four hour lab. As I began to get distracted I asked myself the question: how much are you willing to sacrifice towards your goals? My goal of becoming a doctor is everything to me because its a goal that is about something higher than myself: helping those in dire situations. The answer is, from best I can tell, I'm willing to sacrifice everything (within the parameters of virtue). This is on a mental level though, so to turn it into physical action I must remind myself this in every moment when I need to do work that I don't necessarily enjoy or see the purpose of. I base my life around four virtues: Truth, Love, Honor and Excellence, and when I am being honest with myself I am incredibly lacking in the fourth one. This is something I seriously want to remedy. In that vein, I have a lot of fun activities planned tomorrow (I use Friday afternoons and Saturday mornings as my time to relax), but I also have more time than usual planned in there. I'm hoping I can get even further tomorrow towards building a good work ethic.

Day 45 The ascent out of this pit is growing difficult, but my arms are still strong. I have a week or so until my next barrage of tests, and for three of my four classes I'm becoming more and more prepared (on the other hand, organic chemistry is not a happy situation right now). Still, I can't complain about today; I've been trying out a new technique of consciously writing down three things each day, and I know I'll plenty today. I practiced ballroom technique, lifted weights, and had lunch and dinner with friends. I had lots of social interaction, which made for a very emotionally positive day, but at the same time it came at the cost of productivity. I've cracked open Robert Greene's book Mastery and I've already started gleaning tips from it on how to be more efficient. Time to climb further tomorrow.

Day 44 Not too much to say other than that I got a good bit of work done and it was a solid day. Just as in the last couple of weeks my momentum was slipping and I was falling into the abyss, I feel my stride getting stronger as I climb my way back up. My momentum is now positive, and I know that now is the time where I need to press even harder. Complacency is my greatest enemy, because I'm far from where I want to be; I'm far from even breaking neutral.Top three goals: 1. Lose the confusion with organic chemistry and actually learn enough reagents to know what you're doing. 2. Mentally lock down DNA and RNA synthesis really well. 3. Ensure that thoughts are continually redirected from weakness to productivity, and really focus on mindfulness and a regular practice of meditation every day.

@Cam Adair I just bookmarked one of the interviews for later and put Jocko's book in my read later list. Thanks for the recommendation! Day 43 Back on track. I can see the pattern looking at most posts, and my stumbling around in my electronic entertainment quitting goals is largely due to two things, from best I can tell: 1. The loss of the beginning of semester motivation. 2. The barrage of tests that came at me recently. In other words my success in my game quitting goal is closely tied into my overall motivation and time-management (so that I can study more efficiently). I've gotten quite a bit of studying done today on DNA and RNA synthesis, and I plan to do more tomorrow. Some other tasks I've worked towards: maxed out my squats again while weight lifting, read a chapter in my book on Bushido, and shadowed my volunteer coordinator at the hospital I'm helping out at once a week. Tomorrow I want to continue my advance in studying so that I can regain momentum and retake control of this semester. Working towards building mental toughness and just getting things done is proving to be really enjoyable. If I can keep this mindset for the next year I know I'll have incredible results.

@Piotr I wish we were few in number, but I think this type of procrastination is the dreaded killer of dreams that plagues us all. If you find any strategies that work, please let me know; I'll try to do the same. As for the day, I fell down in the mud again, but I want to talk about it for a bit. It's funny, actually doing my work isn't all that painful, but it's almost as if I go to youtube out of absent minded habit. It's sad how powerful such a small voice in my head is; I really need to make a concerted effort to resist that natural state. Here are three proactive thoughts on the matter: 1. Whenever I ask guys that were formerly in the military how they built discipline their response is usually quite disheartening: just do it. I guess that's it. No fancy techniques or mystic knowledge, just stop thinking about it/waiting until you feel motivated and just take action. 2. Another useful mentality is: if my death was imminent what would I be doing? Obviously one must still include mundane tasks in this mindset such as hygiene, rest, nutrition, and smaller tasks that get us closer to our larger goals, but this is otherwise highly useful. 3. Inflation counts for time as well, meaning that procrastinating will only make life harder later on. The payoff for completing the task will be diminished and the cost to accomplish it will have increased. To give an example, yesterday morning I felt as if I had all the time in the world and could waste as much of it as I wanted, but now I feel that I would sacrifice an outrageous amount to be able to repeat this weekend. I know that time is by far one's most valuable resource, but in the moment I treat it as highly expendable. It is the most frustrating contradiction, and I know that overcoming it will likely be the greatest accomplishment of my life. That is not an overstatement, I mean it. Obviously I should be trying a lot harder. One last thing: life is a lot harder than a video game. In a game you can restart from a checkpoint, or even in the most brutal games you can at the very least create a new character; life is quite different. In life you must live with your mistakes and you only have a limited amount of time in general. Video games are a crappy facsimile of life, and that's why life is so much more important and needs to be treated with much more care. Where does this conclusion lead me? I don't know, it's kind of open-ended at the moment, but I know that I want to start living more and stop spending so much time in front of a screen, whether it's a video game or not.

It's really good to hear from you again Moe, especially that you're doing so well. You may be tired, but it's the fatigue of a man that has labored towards worthy goals, and there are few feelings better in the world than that. I commend you brother.

I'm not counting today, because I wasted a lot of time, but I'm retroactively posting for yesterday since I was so busy I didn't have a good opportunity to do so then. Day 42 It was a decent day, with negligible wasting of time, and after my cell bio class I even got a good amount of studying done on the RNA transcription and translation process. I maxed out in squats during my workout and am slowly getting back to the peak strength point I was at in the summer. I also co-taught a ballroom class later on and then went out dancing that night, which was a lot of fun. I'm starting to realize that I may want to divvy out my time more so that I try out new activities instead of dedicating so much of my free time to dance. I also definitely want to read more, because the more I get in the habit of reading the more I enjoy it and leading to less time wasted on the internet. As for addressing today, I'm so tired of giving in to moments of weakness where I don't want to do my work. The life philosophy I want to have is: I will do what I believe is right, no matter how I feel in the moment. It's frustrating to catch myself slacking in very large ways, give myself a giant mental pep-talk, and then go back to slacking again. I guess I'm just not motivated by my goals enough, which is strange because I feel as I am willing to sacrifice much for them. It goes back to the fact that it is much harder to make many long-term, small sacrifices than one quick, large sacrifice. I'm always game for experimentation, so here's my goal for the next week (starting tomorrow, Sunday): 1. To set specific study goals for each day and make it a priority to meet them, even if it means skipping other activities. 2. To avoid using youtube completely, and minimize all non-school related internet use as much as possible. 3. To meditate twice a day for 20 minutes (when I wake up and before I go to bed), every day. 4. To read more from my chosen personal reading books during study breaks (I want to start using the Pomodoro technique more, so after every two 30 minute intervals). There are some other goals I can think of off of the top of my head, but they are much less important so I really want to stick with these four for now.

Day 41 Great day today! It was chalk full of classes, but I got a decent amount done. Getting my momentum back as far as my studies go is my main priority right now. My experiment for organic chemistry lab ended two hours earlier than most, so I had time to go down to the latin cultural event that was happening in the middle of my campus. I feel pretty good about being the only white guy out there dancing in the line dances, like the Wobble, and with a partner. I only know the basic step of Salsa and Meringue, and I learned a dance called Gumbia (don't know how it's spelled), but through confidence and throwing in some swing moves I was able to hold my own in foreign waters. I've started planning a field trip to a latin club with my ballroom group on account of this. I want to continue to push myself towards new and uncomfortable experiences, all for the sake of growth. There will be a lot more dancing tomorrow, but I'll deeply disappointed if I don't throw an even greater amount of effort towards school work during that day.

Day 40 I got a lot done today, but more along the lines of administrative tasks and less with studying. It's easy to do the former, but the latter is a struggle. Looking at my grades throughout previous semesters it's almost certain that I'm going to need to take additional years of school past my undergrad to even have a chance of getting accepted to med school. That doesn't bother me so much if I knew that I would make the grades I need to get in then, but there's no certainty that I'll have that habit anytime soon. I'm trying to fire all engines in that direction so that I'll have the right skill set when the time comes. In the mean-time I'm enjoying some of the other habits I've been building, such how I got to read more today and really focused in on meditating. I'm really tired now, but I'm aiming towards getting a lot of studying done tomorrow so I can blow off steam and read a lot and go out dancing on Friday.

@tirEdOrange Wow... It's hard to follow up an act like that, haha, but I know I need to respond somehow. First off, I want to sincerely thank you for sharing such an important quote from your life. I couldn't agree more. I've seen many other pre-meds that are much better at school (chemistry, physics, biology, math, etc.) than me and have much more impressive resumes have given up on their dreams of becoming a doctor when times got tough and things didn't go their way. I'm glad you quoted Eric Thomas, because he really inspires me as well. In one of his videos he talks about how he succeeded where other more talented people failed because he had heart, and heart was enough. I fail over and over and over, but I've chosen a path where failure isn't an option and that's why I have the tenacity to continue on. I'm also glad you use the word Hero, because I enjoy that word as well. From what I can tell, you work to excel in sports and your own self development so that you can better help others; that's what being heroic is. We have dreams that are bigger than ourselves, and that's why while others are resting on their talents we will be pouring out our energy to, "sacrifice the person that we are for the person that we want to become" -Eric Thomas. Thank you for your encouragement, my friend, and for sharing those nuggets of wisdom you have collected. They are both sincerely appreciated Day 39 Paused. That's what life is when we give into old habits that only bring us down. There's a reason for why I haven't posted in the past two days. I chose to escape the pain of studying by watching youtube for hours on end. My problems didn't go away, they were merely.... paused. The thing about that choice is that it's not like my life is in stasis. I only have a certain amount of seconds in my life before I die, and my greatest fear is of wasting them. I can never get them back if I do, and dreams that could have come to pass are just gone. That's not what's going to happen here though. Even if you break my legs I'm still going to get back into that saddle; I'll just have to put more elbow grease into it this time to get back up there. I'd be a liar to say I've broken free by today, because I still spent some time falling down, but my most prominent desire is to become free and that is enough. I've found three more parts to the solution: 1. Turn on StayFocusd when I want to block youtube and just get work done (something I should have thought of a long time ago). 2. Read more. I enjoy reading and want to get through my accumulating pile. Why waste time when I can gain life altering knowledge and whittle away at that pile? 3. Become a lot more diligent with my meditation regimen, and put more free time towards that. Meditation lessens the amount of swaying we do to the winds of pleasure and pain, and after partially relapsing I'm really sensitive to both right now. I feel optimistic about tomorrow and am curious to see what happens.

Day 38 There was a giant, mandatory summit for all student organizations today. I'm trying to live by the philosophy, "if you aren't early, you're late", and my getting there right on time was shamelessly rewarded with finding out that the time they told us to get there was 15 minutes before it began, so I ended up waiting around, haha. The three hour presentation was chalk full of information I already knew; still, I studied some organic chemistry and spent some time with the other ballroom people that came with me, who are very much like a second family. We got out almost an hour early, which was nice, and I was feeling very good at the amount of work I got done. From 1pm onward I struggled to get much of any productive work accomplished. I feel quite positive that it's Parkinson's Law, "work expands to fill the time available for its completion." When I know that I only have around an hour to do a task, and working on it is the best thing I can be doing in that moment (and I use the word "best" loosely, because sometimes my emotions tell me it is "best" to mindlessly surf on youtube), I can sprint through my work. In light of P's Law, my goal is to work smarter and not harder. I might even have time to start reading through the ever growing pile of personal reading books I have. Robert Greene's book, Mastery, just arrived on my library's hold shelf for me and I'm feeling a bit guilty by the fact that I still haven't finished the other two books I checked out. There's a lot I plan on getting done over the next decade, and I can do it if I can pair the tenacity I have with a love of excellence. I'll end this post with a cool example I found out about today. Think of a shield wall. In the heat of battle there are hundreds of foes that want to kill you on the other side of your shield, but they are not the imminent danger. Your comrades protect you from those that are on your left and your right, and the rest of your enemies of farther back within their own ranks. It's only the man in front of you that you need to worry about. He deserves all of your focus and ferocity. Then the next one and the next one, until you have either died or fought your way to survive for another day. That's the way to live life. Quoting Teddy Roosevelt, "The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Thanks for the encouragement guys, it means a lot. I'm back in the saddle. Day 36 I'm posting this a day late because I was in a lab until around 9pm. I was tempted all day with my positive momentum having collapsed and my negative momentum beginning to gain way in the other direction. The previous day (Wednesday) I had spoken with two friends on the how they remained productive. The first said he viewed his life in the scope of the big picture, and with that view he was able to put great importance on even the smallest of tasks. The second friend had a saying for when he needed to get something done, "this is necessary"; after saying that, boom, he gets it done no matter what. With those two pieces of advice I was able to grind back into a mode of filling my time with useful tasks rather than avoiding them. Day 37 Momentum is on my side now. Granted, Fridays are usually easier than most days because I spend the day mainly on social and administrative activities, but I've gotten my self-confidence back and that's what matters. I've spent a half decade trying to quit video games and wasting time on the internet, and my lack of success is likely because my mind has been rebelling against the constant challenges I have set before myself. In this half decade I have: chosen to follow a dream that for years I was too afraid of committing to (becoming a doctor), tackled courses that are completely out of the scope of my natural talents, had an exponential leap in my social skills and confidence, and have become stronger and had a healthier diet than I ever have before in life.There are really only two areas in which I am dissatisfied in my life: the amount of time I waste and my grades, with both being interconnected. I have a great inclination for the humanities, but am very weak in math and science. In the past two years I have learned an immense amount of biology and chemistry that has changed my view of the world, and I don't plan on stopping here. It has been completely worth it to choose a major in something that is very foreign to me, and I know I can do more than just survive in these classes; I believe that the time is coming soon where I will excel in them. It is for this reason that this must be the year where I gain control over my use of electronics. If I have accomplished so much in the past, why can't I achieve this? I can and I will, and I will do so much more. I dream almost every day of the moment when I don the white coat and stethoscope of a doctor, and of what it will be like to be like to go to places in the world where my trade saves lives and makes a difference. Staying within the boundaries of virtue, I would give anything to reach both of those milestones, and unless death or sudden calamity takes me, I surely will.

I've definitely backslidden. No, I haven't played any video games, but starting last Sunday night I started watching gaming related videos on youtube. I was watching them because I was procrastinating from studying for the two tests I've had this week. Really I don't have any excuses, and while I don't want to start over because I know that will lead to discouragement and maybe relapse, I also don't want to just pretend that nothing has happened. I'm not going to count the last three days, and am going to start with day 36 tomorrow, because, yes, I will have quit watching them by then. This goal is too important to back down now, too much is at stake.

@WorkInProgress I like that quote! Focus seems to be the key to turn anyone from an average person to a success. Day 35 To start with the negatives: I didn't get nearly enough work done today as I wanted. There was open lab for invertebrate zoology, but the building was locked for the weekend so I will need to accomplish the tasks I set for today, tomorrow. I tried to study at the library in that time, but was drenched from the rain and was otherwise unfocused (again, focus is the key). If quitting video games could be likened to finally breaching the walls of a castle after a prolonged siege, getting tasks done that I'm not naturally inclined to do is like coming up against the elite horde of defenders that outnumber your troops 2 to 1. I like those odds, and am not daunted by them, but I have delusions about how hard I'm going to have to fight to get to the level of productivity needed to achieve my goals. Take the Stairs has been giving me a lot of good suggestions, but I'm already getting nervous that I'm losing momentum for this semester. On the bright side: ever since I quit video games I have been able to have much greater control over negative habits. I won't go into too much detail on this because I'm getting pretty tired, but I've seen giant leaps of improvement in having control over impulses, such as what I eat, when I choose to rest, and being able to resist against activities that would waste my time, such as mindlessly surfing the internet.

Day 33 I'm posting this a day late because yesterday afternoon and evening were very hectic. Excluding the myriad of every day events, it was the day of our ballroom club's first orientation, and as VP of the club I had a lot of prep work to do with the president. The turnout was incredible, with the amount of new members being half of the number of returning members, bringing our club to a record number of membership. Those that want to be a part of the club have to show a decent level of commitment to even join, so this increase definitely meant something. After orientation we went out dancing and I ended up staying out until 1pm, which is incredibly late for me since I follow the Benjamin Franklin sleep schedule ("early to wake, early to rise," etc.). A very positive day overall. Day 34 Due to my late night shenanigans I woke up much later than usual. I did some meditation, studied a little bit of the Krebs Cycle for cell bio, and then was off to the second and final orientation for the club. It went off without a hitch, and I proceeded with some administrative tasks with the club's president. I want to talk about him for a moment, because there is a very important lesson to be learned from him: making use of every second. He works three part-time jobs, is interning at a local sheriff's department, spends a ton of time running both the ballroom club and a marksmanship and survival organization, spends a lot of time with his fiancee, still has the time to make good grades in his coursework, and on top of all this he is able to do it all with a debilitating neurological condition that would make most people want to stay in bed all day. Minus the stress and frequent forgoing of food, water, and sleep, I have been trying to learn his secrets for productivity. As we worked on the aforementioned task together, I noticed that he is laser-focused on whatever the job at hand is, and he breaks it down into one small chunk at a time. Watching him work could be likened to watching a skilled marksman take down one target after another as they pop up, swiftly and deftly, and do it all with a sense of poise. On top of this, he plans out every single part of his day, not only specifying what he will do in that block of time, but also knowing exactly how he will do it. If I am going to achieve my goal of getting into medical school, I definitely need to learn how to be productive on this kind of level. I've read many books, listened to many podcasts, and experimented with many efficiency techniques, and yet I still have difficulty in making my days count on the level that I would like for them to. Tomorrow is wide open, and I'm curious to see what I can do with it.

One month... that's what I'm talking about man! I'm glad that you're seeing large results already. I now know what I'm going to be doing Tuesday nights, haha. I'm excited to hear about your future dancing exploits, and it seems like you had the right attitude for the first time. As you go along you'll notice the benefits to your confidence both on the dance floor and off. As for sweaty palms: just wipe your hands on the sides of your pants real quick in between songs, but other than that don't worry about it. It's good that you're checking out other clubs and branching out your friend group as well, really awesome to see.

@WorkInProgress It's the best problem one can possibly have . @tirEdOrange Preach man, and thanks for the encouragement. I definitely feel the same as I read about how you hone your ability in sports and relationships to become quite a formidable person; you've come a far way, and pumped to see who you become by day 90. Yeah, ballroom's the best; you might want to try out some of the less traditional stuff someday (i.e. swing, salsa, chacha, etc.), because you might enjoy that even more. Day 32 Long day, and I want to go to bed ASAP after writing this. I had my first test in genetics, and even though I studied for it, it was still very difficult. Other than that, just lots of classes and a long lab. The main thing I'm noticing is that the difficulty of the classes I've been taking over the past few semesters has been progressively building both a better work ethic in my life and the ability to become proficient at subjects that I don't have a lot of experience in (math and science in this case). Anyway, I want to get to that sleep, but it's good to be alive and to see the good in the world that is still worth fighting for.

As always, thanks for the encouragement Cam. As for you question, Moe, I find discipline to be much more difficult to foster. Confidence is actually something I've had an incredible amount of improvement in, but it's something I always want to get better at. Confidence, both internally and externally, can be built up through simply choosing to feel/act confidently and through building up necessary skills. If you want, I would be more than happy to share some of my secrets in a different post on how I have gotten better at this skill, and as I have said before dancing has played a huge role in this area. Day 31 I've been pretty exhausted the last few days, and I don't see that letting up anytime soon. Still, it's a good kind of tired, because I got a lot done today. One of the main tasks I completed was going through a three hour training session at the hospital for my volunteer program. I was very distracted for a lot of the time there, because I was the only male volunteer in a room full of beautiful occupational therapy students who were also part of my group, haha. I think I convinced at least one of them to check out the ballroom club I'm in, so that's a positive. Other than that I lifted weights, got a little bit of studying done for my test tomorrow (there's still a lot more I want to get done), and attended a meeting for all student organizations with a friend from aforementioned ballroom club. I'm about to go to bed, but as I reflect on my day I can only be incredibly grateful to be alive and to have all of the blessings that I do; I hope someday, and even in the stage I'm at now, I'll have a chance to repay all of the kindness that has been shown to me by life.

Day 30 There are two topics I want to touch on that I've been thinking about today: discipline and confidence. In the former I've realized that resisting bad habits has been a lot easier over the past month, which is an incredibly encouraging sign. In the latter, I've been in much better moods ever since I started making a conscious effort towards this goal. Discipline: I’ve started reading Rory Vaden’s Take the Stairs and it has been hard to put down. I found out about this book through The Art of Manliness (my third favorite website after Actualized.org and Game Quitters) and its focus on self-discipline peaked my interest. In the first chapter Mr. Vaden has already established that the key to success is having a love for/daily habit of taking on difficult tasks that propel you towards your goal, and having a willingness to make great sacrifices and endure great pains to get there. Confidence: from best I can tell, the truly confident person is someone who doesn't care about how others view him/her, but is rooted in his/her own code of values and self-perception. As I said previously, I have been making a concerted effort to act as the most confident person in my vicinity, and even more recently I have been trying to have an internal locus of control on how I view myself, rather than external one. When done correctly, this has resulted in more authentic behavior and has led to a much more joyful life. On that note, here's a poignant quote that I think of quite often when I think of the subject of confidence, “No one’s ever given us respect. So what? Who cares as long as we respect ourselves?” -Gan Xing, Red Cliff.

@Cam Adair I need to try that tactic sometime, sounds interesting. Day 29 Much better today. I got one step further towards volunteering at the hospital, caught up with a friend over lunch who introduced me to one of her friends, and got a moderate amount of work done. There's still so much more I want to accomplish as far as studying, but I'm gaining momentum. Here are two large positives that occurred: 1. I met with my pre-med adviser and she told me I'm right on track. I've had so many nay-sayers on this journey, myself included probably as the biggest one, because of my grades, but just hearing that made my day. I looked myself in the eye in a mirror after the meeting, and thought to myself, "You're really going to do it, you're going to be a doctor someday." The thought of that makes me giddy even now, and even though there are still some monolithic challenges to overcome, I can say with complete honesty that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that dream happen; even if it takes me a decade longer than everyone else (I know it won't) I've chosen this as my rite of passage into becoming a man, and only death can stop me. 2. I went to the gym on my own and really pushed myself. I'm starting to get my strength back, and I can envision myself squatting, benching, and dead-lifting weights one day well beyond what I have set my sights on. Over the next decade I really want to commit as my #3 or #4 most important life goal to become as strong/fit as I possibly can. Even though I'm still at relatively low weights right now, it was a good feeling to know that I gave everything in the hour I put in there. I have a good chunk of open time tomorrow, so here's hoping I can really give a good effort at studying for my test Thursday.

@TheBroMoe I get the feeling that you might be like me in this regard, in which being hard on yourself is a way of beating apathy and getting results done. The litmus test would be whether doing so motivates you to do better next time or whether you are just getting demoralized. You're progressing in so many different areas, its only natural to slip up in some of them occasionally. Looking forward to hearing more about the results of your efforts.

@Piotr I have, but this journal is doing an exceptional job on its own. I can only speak for myself, but I've learned that whatever habit I'm trying to develop won't be sustainable if I don't learn to become accountable to myself about it. Thanks for the suggestion. Day 28 I primarily got chores done today, which isn't great, but it's something. A lot of unproductivity came from trying to force myself to do work. It took my until the end of the day to discover this, but what works much better is to meditate for a minute or so if I'm distracted, then ground myself in the work at hand. Once I am fully engaged in the chosen task I become less prone to mentally wander. This means I'm still fairly behind, but I am optimistic about tomorrow.

Thanks @WorkInProgress, I didn't think about it, but I am nearing that milestone. @Cam Adair It definitely will be. As an undergrad that may very well be the closest I come to experiencing what practicing medicine is actually like, so getting my feet wet will be very nice. Day 27 Strange day. Throughout the day I had an incredibly heightened sense of lucidity, one that could be likened to what it is like to be suddenly woken up from a deep sleep. The experience was so powerful that it was hard to focus on studying, because my mind kept on wandering. For a little while I had reason to wonder if I had fallen into a state of anhedonia, or difficulty with deriving pleasure from life (which would result in a lack of motivation to study), but I found that not to be the case. The litmus test was when I went to help instruct a beginner ballroom class for newcomers to the club, and my pensive mood gave way to a more extroverted and exuberant one. After that was over, I began to reflect again as I tried to study (key word is tried). I began to realize that the state was more positive than negative, from best as I could see it, but it had its drawbacks (i.e. the lack of focus). The closest parallel I can give is the ancient greek virtue of euthymia, or peace of mind as Seneca calls it. I felt completely at peace with myself, in a very serotonin-driven/Zen-like way. The down side of this frame of mind was that since I had not mastered it I was still very much prone to distractions. I am excited about this breakthrough, because it has led to caring less about how others perceive me and more on acting authentically. I'm trying to figure out whether the cart or the ox came first, because I don't know if the euthymia has caused the newfound self-assurance, whether it is the other way around, or whether it is a synergistic effect. I lean towards the third option currently, and here's why: the mental side comes from a mixture of meditation and lessening my dependence on external reward mechanisms (quitting video games, focusing less on women, minimizing my sugar intake, and hopefully cutting the unproductive use of youtube/TV out of my life completely as well soon), and boosting my confidence by making a point of acting as the most confident person in the room wherever I go and through dance. My hope is that this feeling will continue over throughout the next few days and I'll be able to find more answers. Lastly, for accountability purposes, my goal is to be able to post here tomorrow that I studied really hard for both Genetics and Organic Chemistry 2. It's getting to the point in the school year where I'm already feeling behind, and knowing that I have a test next week compounds upon that urgency.