Dulac

Hey my name's Lance, I've been addicted to gaming for over half my life now. I remember being about 11 and seeing my cousin playing the auction house on world of Warcraft, I remember it just blew my mind that there were people all over the world that were buying these items and placing them on there. I got a new pc I saved up all my money for and remember being excited the entire day knowing I'd be buying it that evening. Boy if I could go back in time. To be honest I'm not sure if I would change things because I always had an amazing time playing, that's the worst part about it, there is literally nothing that is this satisfying and consistently fun as gaming. But I don't doubt there was some potential wasted in the process. To make matters worse I was abused at home and this made me flee into the virtual world even more, despite my bad habits, I got admitted to a gymnasium which is the highest level of high school education in the Netherlands, however exactly due to these habits I would never do homework and often call in sick just to play WoW at home. I ended up changing schools 4 times. I went from the highest level back to the lowest. At some point I got so angry and frustrated with myself, knowing I could do better, at 19 after getting kicked off my last school I self-studied for my exams and passed every single one, this included 2 extra courses I took on top. I was still gaming but I proved to myself what I was capable of when I did the work. I did the entrance exams for college and got in, after 3 years I got a near 4.0 GPA working hard, though now I am being held back a year to finish a project that I couldn't find the motivation to do last year. It's starting to dawn on me in the most painful way that I am squandering the talent I have, the future I have, completely for fast and easy pleasure. So today I say no more. I want to be more social, to have the energy and the reserve dopamine to spend towards meaningful connections, I want to have peace and not this crazed desire to always be entertained, I want to be bored and find what solutions my mind will try and formulate to add meaning and purpose to my life, I want to become someone my parents and my childhood self could be proud of, I want to love to live and am not using every opportunity to escape it, I want to be exhilarated by uncertainty because I bet on myself. I want to need success like I need air. Most of all, I want to work on the me I didn't dare to be. Long f*ing read and if ur still here with me ur defo a champ. I'll be posting my daily updates here daily. Peace& love -Lance