TheRealRick

Day 2, I actually decided that I won't do journaling online but rather in my Self Improvement Journal because I feel more at ease that way and don't want to have to do screens first thing in the morning. Peace

Day 1. Went to bed at 3AM last night (well today if it counts) and I feel like shit today. Brain fog, head hurts, low motivation. But nonetheless I want to change. I'm tired of chasing this "high" and I realized that weed is not really the problem for me, but gaming is my true addiction. Weed does amplify the experience and makes the whole gaming habit more addictive, but there are times where I smoke with others and do great stuff and I feel like I gain more from that than if I just smoke alone and play video games and eat junk food. Today I'm going to remake my resume, apply for at least 5 jobs, study about 2-3 hours for my final exam coming up tomorrow and just do a shit ton of good habits. Im an intense person, it feels like I can't avoid being all in or all out. But this time I choose all in. I choose to be present for others in my life. I choose to acknowledge that everything is temporary and that I need to enjoy the time I spend with my parents who are getting older, with my dog who is already 4 years old and with my amazing girlfriend, because even though it is getting clearer to me that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, you never know what could happen so its important to tell these people how much they mean to you and just fucking do shit in life. Fuck gaming, fuck porn, fuck shitty junk foods and fuck enhancing these things with weed. Instead, go deep connections, go purpose, go self improvement, go greater self awareness and go enhancing all of these with weed. Rick, out

Hey guys, My name is Rick and last night at 3AM, after having played all day (probably close to 14 hours WTF!) I decided that enough is enough and it's time for a change, so I bought the respawn program. I'm from Canada and I'm a person who is very passionate about healing sicknesses through food and good habits and trying to get people around me to be genuinely happy. The reason I named myself TheRealRick is because I want it to be a reminder of who I really am. I hate myself when I go on binge gaming periods where I play Starcraft 2 arcade games (zealot defense or eras zombie invasion mostly) and often I will smoke a lot of weed just so I can enhance the experience, kill out my emotions and try to forget my real feelings about gaming. I then go to bed late, hate myself and tell myself that there will be a change tomorrow, and often fall back into the same habits on and off. The real me is a person who wakes up early in the morning, does a morning routine (MR= meditation, gratitude list and max rep of pushups), does a little workout, takes cold showers, reads at night and meditates before going to bed, listens to podcast on self improvement, is present with the people I meet and the ones I love (friends, family, GF, dog). I am also a truth seeker. I question everything I learn in school about nutrition (btw most of what we know is bullshit and has no good science to prove it) and I am a very curious person in life, which is what keeps me going and makes me strive for greater purpose and deeper connections. I hope I will be able to find a new community, one which is not toxic (unlike most gaming communities IMO) and that I will also be able to help others later on once I have regained control and am able to do my good habits regularly. I will therefore start a daily journal on this forum (I'm kinda shy though, hope it goes well!) Peace! Rick