nils

Thanks for your lovely reply, Seneca123! I make sure to keep you updated 😉 Btw, I am looking forward to read other people`s journals (including yours) in order to get some inspiration, hope and to gain new insight into the topic. Atm I dont have much time for that due to learning. But whenever I have some minutes left I try to read at least one entry in this forum. I find it more fulfilling than watching YT nonsense 🙂

Thanks for the tips! I have never heard of an RSS reader tbh, I make sure to read up to that and see if it helps me with my goals and daily habits. Concerning DF Youtube, I activated all possible options: no feed and recommendations, no comments below videos, no sidebars. Its a complete black screen with only a search bar when I open it. And I dont have a YT account, never had one. Also no Facebook and instagram or snapchat, so social media isnt a big deal for me fortunately. 😄

Thanks a lot, dear @Seneca123 ! Escapism might be one of the major reasons for a lot of people why they are gaming, I think. Writing all of these thoughts and reasons down has helped me already. It helped me visualizing the things and problems I need to address. Since you have also just joined the community, I want to wish you the best of luck and great success on your journey, too. 🙂 I can also relate to the things you wrote in your own journal, especially the aspect of feeling shame. But the fact we both are aware of our problems shows that we have at least some insight and understanding what is going on in our lifes right now, and that is a good thing because realizing the problem is the first step to improvement and taking action. 🙂 I am sure you will become a great teacher! Lets keep our journals updated and stay positive!

@Amphibian220Thanks for your kind reply! A little praise and encouragement is what I need at the moment 🙂 update: Made a time schedule yesterday and almost did everything I wanted to do for today. Started the day by getting out of bed early. Studied 1 hour after breakfast, then had a video meeting and some appointments in the town. My sister finished her exams today so we celebrated with some of her friends. I sometimes feel uncomfortable in these kind of situations because I am not really good with smalltalk and sometimes find it hard to relax and be myself. But it was also nice to be around people. Learned almost 2,5 hours in the evening, so around 3 hours in total which is a good result for today. I am looking forward to increase study time the next days. In the afternoon I had a weak point. Wanted to study at 4 p.m. but started almost 2 hours later because of procrastination. At least I spent my time listening to some nice classical music on Youtube, not any nonsense. No further time in front of the PC today (besides writing this update now). Today is day 20 of gaming detox. I recently read Atomic Habits by James Clear and some of the ideas in this great book were eye-opening for me. One idea I integrated into my daily routine is habit tracking: I have a calendar where I tick a box for every day of not gaming so my progress becomes visible. When my LoL account gets deleted it will be day 34 or 35 I guess. But my goal is to not stop there. I missed the 90 day detox two times, each time by barely 2 weeks. This time I wanna reach the 90 days. At the same time I try to not focus on that too much because I do not want the 90 days to see as a finish line. Its more like a stopover on my long journey. And as James Clear says, it is about the system, your daily habits, not about your goals. So I have to design my environment in a way that doing uncomfortable tasks is as easy as possible whereas unhealthy habits arent supported. Thats it for today. Good night!

Hello goodvibes, thanks for your reply and support! I know triggers are a big issue. I only have one own room in my shared flat so its both my working and hobby room. I cant fully get around my PC and the internet because I need it for work too. One thing I do atm is to do study lessons in the clinic where I worked recently. I look for an empty room there and sit down in order to go through my notes. This way I am away from my own PC. I also uninstalled LoL and my Riot account is in deletion progress. A learning partner really helps but I moved to a new city recently and dont have many ppl around me that are also having the exam in May. Do you have any further tips for how to avoid Youtube sessions where I sometimes feel the urge to search LoL content up? I already installed DF Youtube as I mentioned above and I deleted all memory tabs that lead to Youtube and every LoL related content in my browser search menu. I just finished my first journal entry. 🙂 I am looking to write on a consistent basis, thanks for the advise. Accountability really is a big thing!

My introduction: Alright, here I am trying to write down my thoughts on my first day of journaling. I am not quite sure how often I will be able to write. Since I have to learn for my exam until May, I perhaps wont write on a daily basis but I try to be consistent at least. Today was one of the worse days. I stood up at 10 am (too late). Having consistent sleep rhythms is something I really struggle at since I am more an owl than a lark concerning my "inner clock". So I rarely fall asleep before 12 p.m. But the day started just fine. I stood up and made some posture exercises in order to activate my muscles. I went to the supermarket, bought some rolls and made breakfast. I had a nice talk with one of my roommates (I live with 2 other ppl in a flat share). Then I started my PC and answered some mails. I then heard some classical music on Youtube. I guess I should have learned one hour or so but I often need to feel some pressure in order to study well (in this case the upcoming exam). Atm I just dont feel it and so I took a slower approach for starting my day. I then had an appointment and had to drive 1 hour with the car. Afterwards I drove home, bought some cake and visited my sister who was writing an important exam today, also medicine. She really put a lot of effort in learning and has much more medicinal knowledge than me already though I am ahead 1,5 years. She also has a boyfriend who is one of the best medical students in his cohort and who is learning for the same exam I have to face in a month. This is something that makes me really sad, seeing how much I am behind in studies and seeing how other students make progress while I am kinda on a standstill. I know it is important to not compare myself with others. The better option is to compare my current self with my "old me". But it is still a thing that preys on my mind and makes me sad. Dont get me wrong I am NOT envious of my sister because I know she did the work and her success is the result of that. I guess I see in her a better version of me, a person I once have been before my League of Legends addiction. In the afternoon the feeling of sadness persisted. I am hating the kind of person I am right now. I was thinking about League today too, but didnt feel any cravings. One thought that kept my mind busy today, was my music on Spotify. The songs I often hear when I am outside or doing fitness are EDM songs that I know from some LoL montages on Youtube. I really like them and they dont let me think about LoL all the time but I wonder whether they are a trigger for my addiction and whether I should delete them since they are kind of a bond to my memories of playing LoL. I then went out to a book shop in the evening and bought a book I want to work with during my study sessions. I felt sad all the time and still feel this way. But I remind me that I can do it, that I can get rid of the addiction! I will now try to do some fitness. Fitness is a big resource for me at the moment. I am a little overweight (not much but still ... ) and always have been an "emotianal eater". Sugar is my weakness, especially in the form of ice cream 😅 And I eat sugary food when I feel sad from time to time - but not today which is a little achievement 😉 Yesterday I allowed myself a Ben & Jerry`s because I felt a hard craving for LoL but resisted the urge of downloading the game again. I hope you allow me this little sin if it helps fighting my addiction, at least in the real dark moments where I am to relapse. But today I felt no cravings, thank god. Nevertheless, my goal is to lose a few pounds of weight and to get in a good shape. Next week I am planning to go out bouldering again (this week I still need to be careful because of the surgery I had a few weeks ago). My big goals for the next weeks are: passing this stupid exam 😁 doing sports on a regular basis again (2-3 times a week at least) eating healthy plant-based foods staying strong when it comes to my last LoL account --> it gets deleted somewhere near the 22nd or 23rd of April. I could undo the deletion by a few clicks, but I know I mustnt. Thats it for now. Doing some fitness now, afterwards I try to read some pages in my new study book. And then its time for bed! 🙂 Thanks for reading and stay strong and focused everyone! 😄 Edit: I remembered I still had an old file with saved outplays on my computer. Just deleted it after my workout session so now there is really no LoL content that could trigger me on my PC by any chance, unless I search for it on purpose.

I remember some more things that I did in order to fight my addiction: I found the courage to visit an information center and had two meetings where I talked with a social worker about my addiction but I didnt take much advise from there. I installed the Firefox-AddOn "DF YouTube", which helps me spending less time browsing mindlessly I am currently reading the "Respawn" Guide from Cam 🙂 In 1 month I will have my 3rd and final exam, then I am hopefully a doctor. From my experience during internships I guess I wont find much time to play video games as a fulltime doctor anyway. But since I got deep into LoL and went through years of overstimulation I somehow lost my energetic spirit, my "old me" that had no problems getting ready for homework or doing uncomfortable things that needed to be done. And I do not just want to be able to "resist" gaming, but truly overcome it! Can someone relate to this?

Hi fellow gamers and ex-gamers, my name is Nils. I am a 26 year old medicine student from Germany having a problem with League of Legends (LoL). I finally decided to join the forum and am looking forward to some new perspectives and tips concerning video game addiction. I tried to quit several times, also relapsed several times. Longest period without LoL unfortunately only were 72 days. I created several LoL accounts and deleted them again after a while. Today I only have 1 account which gets deleted at 22th of april 2022. I am not playing since 18 days the moment I write this. In the following I will write notes rather than a long text with lots of sentences so you can easily read it. I have analyzed my behaviour quite a lot in the past and maybe my thoughts are helpful for you who are reading this right now 🙂 my problem? addicted to League of Legends since when do I play? Season 1/2 (2009/2010). started at age 14 when did it get out of control? 2017/2018, in my 5th semester after I passed a big medicine exam. I needed a break from learning at that time and due to a lot of reasons (see below) I played slowly more and more LoL. why do I play? 1) I like the game design and mechanisms. 2) I like playing competitively / outplaying other players. 3) I get social approval from other players / a feeling of power and success (being good at the game, being better than others = above average). I also have the feeling of being useful to others. 4) I use LoL as a distraction from real life problems such as parents`divorce, feeling lonely, learning for exams, being discontent with social relationships, ... (LoL is like a narcotic, it makes u numb to real life issues) 5) The game doesnt cost anything and is always available. 6) I "function" at the game (feeling of being efficient, working in a flow) 7) It has become a HABIT. It means I play cause thats what I did in the past years in my free time. Its like an automatism when Im feeling bored. reasons to quit? 1) My gaming behaviour caused health issues such as: - bad posture (nerd neck / forward head posture / tightened and shortened muscles) - back pain - skin complaints (I got a Sinus pilonidalis from too much sitting and had to go through surgery) - not doing sports anymore / too little movement - lack of sleep / disturbance of circadian rhythm 2) Gaming doesnt help me dealing with my real life problems. Problems are not solved but delayed. 3) Gaming causes a narrowing of interests. I neglected former hobbies such as: composing classical music, being outside, reading, doing sports, playing guitar and piano, ... 4) Gaming leads to a neglect of social relationships. My social skills became worse over time. I feel lonely from time to time. 5) The game itself (LoL) is frustrating due to the scaling system (playing from behind feels awful) and toxicity. I know this but STILL play (sign of addiction)! 6) I am unable to control the amount of time spent playing LoL. LoL turns me into an undisciplined person. 7) I neglect the easiest every day tasks like cleaning, eating on steady times of day, going to bed early, showering, brushing teeth etc. 8 ) LoL has a negative impact on my studies and the chance to become a good doctor that is helping other people with his skills and knowledge. 9) LoL has a negative impact on my self confidence (long-term). It is only rewarding short-term. 10) It has become hard to enjoy "normal" activities due to the constant overstimulation LoL and platforms like YouTube provide. 11) LoL has become such a big part in my life that I think about the game even in random situations when not gaming. It controls my thinking processes. how does my addiction look like? 1) uncontrolled consumption of League of Legends 2) gaming despite health and mental issues 3) narrowing of interests 4) I get cravings from time to time when I watch or interact with LoL content (montages on YouTube, Twitch streams, watching professional LoL tournaments). This caused several relapses. 5) I DONT have any abstinence phenomenons like getting nervous / angry or anxiety. I can have long periods of time without playing LoL and its not a problem for me, but when I get confrontedwith triggers I find it hard to resist the craving. my triggers? being on the internet / sitting in front of the PC, trigger Nr. 1 is YouTube (watching LoL montages and streams). I know its a trigger but from time to time I cannot resist searching them up on purpose though I shouldnt, negative emotions: boredom / sadness / loneliness (was a big issue in the past) / lack of self-confidence, being confronted with a big task (LoL = procrastination device), just thinking about the game can also be a trigger for me. my goals? quitting LoL for good because I am unable to play this game in moderation. what do I do in order to reach my goal? deleting all my accounts, taking notes on self-improvement / my behaviour, reading books about the topic, interacting with new people / making new friends that share my healthier interests, trying out new/old hobbies: I got into bouldering lately and really like it, I also play more music like I did in the past. I even started learning a new instrument and took 6 music lessons (e guitar). Thats it for now! 🙂 Maybe my thoughts are beneficial to you too. I appreciate everyone`s thoughts on the topic, and if u have some advice for me, I would be really grateful. Thank you for your reading this! Kind regards, Nils