Caged Bliss

Entry 25 Put a quick update in before I go to sleep. Have had some stuff going on, university has been busy, been stressing out about it even though it's only 3 weeks in. I talked a bit in my study group last week, didn't feel too socially inept. Also scored half our teams points in our first social basketball game (8/13) which I think says more about our teams offense haha. But it was alright, meeting new people and all that, it made people scoring more of a big deal. I think our team enjoyed it enough, we didn't get mega-thrashed so am looking forward to the next game on the weekend.

Entry 24 Went for my 15km weekend run, legs feel super beaten up. Was good to prove to myself that I could backup from the 15k's on Wednesday night though. Also joined a study group for one of my Math papers as a way to meet some people from my class. I ordered "How to Win Friends and Influence People" a while ago but it hasn't arrived from the UK yet, getting a little worried that it might have been lost in transit. Hope everyone is doing well - Caged

Entry 23 I have been having some trouble with the speed my courses are going at, since I haven't studied the 1st year material in 2.5-3 years. Will have to dedicate weekend time to catching up. I run ~15km right now. I am going to try 1 mid-week run of 10-12km and then a "long" run in the weekend which will start at 15km and I'll try add 1km each weekend. I should at some point add a 3rd run per week, maybe make it a trail rather than road run. I have been very inconsistent with my workouts lately, this is a real issue I need to fix. They make me feel better about myself and I enjoy getting a good sweat on, so I want to get back into the routine alongside my University work. I also inquired (enquired?) about the NZ thing on reddit, I don't know how many NZers are on there but I would at least be interested to see the final piece they film. Is cool to see they are even considering it as a topic to discuss. - Caged

Entry 22 University has started back up, been interacting with that just fine. Signed up for social basketball on Monday, the admin guy took ages to realise I was signing up as an individual (rather than a whole team) which makes me wonder how many people register solo. I have been to a few running meetups, but I think running might just be something I prefer doing by myself. I don't like talking while running much, but it's good that I explored that avenue at least. I am writing this straight after a night time run in Wellington where it was stormy weather. I think I saw some people roaming for pokemon along the waterfront which seems pretty crazy to me haha. I'm hoping to do half marathon end of September if I'm healthy and have no University stuff on at that time. - Caged

Entry 21 I haven't been as productive over the last few days as I would have liked. Organised all my books and reading material for new semester starting next week. Read some of my library book, although it was a bunch of financial analysis essays so it wasn't something I could really get "into". Been working on basketball and guitar, but I haven't made much progress with the Excel stuff. I have a bunch of tutorials saved for it so I'm going to focus on that tomorrow. Have had some minor urges over the last 2 days to play some wc3, first cravings I have had in awhile. Also had it out with my father for the final time after he assumed I had been gaming all day, I had just got back from 3 hours at the basketball court and yelled at him. Cooled off for 5 minutes then calmly told him he is entitled to put the "gamer/failure" label on me in his head, but that I no longer respect/care about his opinions and wanted to keep contact at a minimum until something changed. On a positive note, I am now 80 days game free. or 0.37% of remaining expected lifetime - Caged

Entry 20 I made a quick list of 9 things I want to work on during my holiday (Weights, Reading, MS Excel, Guitar, Basketball, Cooking + few others). This has been good, keeping me focused and giving me a variety of things to do. I cut my leg running on loose gravel which kind of sucks, didn't need stitches thankfully. I also just got an exam result back. I got a B- which I am happy with, given I missed 30% of that course, it feels more like a A+ in terms of proportion passed:attempted. I am sure there is no way I could have achieved this if I was still gaming. Maybe my family will take this as a singal that I am growing - Caged Edit: I also want to add that I emailed to thank the lecturers who gave me a second chance/advice. That is something I have learnt from this forum, to be more thankful and appreciative, as someone who would probably be described as cold and cynical, this is something I definitely would not have done prior to joining game quitters, so thanks to the people reading this too!

I really appreciate your inputs guys, I took some time to try to understand and have come to the conclusion that my parents views don't reflect the truth within me. That is, I am about 2.5 months game free and feel great but until this new found productivity manifests itself in a clear way to my family, they have no tangible marker of my growth/improvement. Which isn't necessarily undermining the progress I feel I have made, which is where I was going wrong before (viewing it as an attack on me). Entry 19 Alright so I went running and borrowed some books from the library as planned. I also had a few ex-high school friends over to watch some sport last night which was nice. I took some inspiration from here (not sure if it was on the forum or in one of Cam's Videos) about taking the initiative if you want to set a social event up. Sidenote: I wish I had seen that video ~5 years ago because our group of guys in high school was so shit at setting up and communicating events, we just needed someone to say "Alright we are going paintballing at place X at time Y, if you don't show scientists have shown you will be a lady's blouse." I also suggested another catch up in a few days time which they seemed keen on. These are people who I see maybe twice a year, so it isn't quite on the scale of total stranger interaction but it is definitely improving my social skills. Hope the summer is treating the Northerners well - Caged

Entry 18 Yesterday I was a driver for a school trip at my old high school which was pretty interesting. Was an easy social experience since I was "higher status" by being older (the students were 17-18) and so I felt more relaxed talking to them. Also at the basketball court there are a group of guys I have started to join in pick-up games with (after seeing them around multiple times). They are a bit of a mix of ethnicity/age/background so that is a decent social setting too. Going to get some books from the library tomorrow and get running now that I have repaired my running shoes. I have encountered an unexpected issue; my family having zero belief in my self-control. On 3-4 occasions they accuse me of gaming and my father has been saying "You were a gamer, you will always be a gamer." I think they may be pulling me down because they haven't changed aspects of their lives that they have told me they are unhappy with (Weight, Job satisfaction etc). I thought this might be a problem with my gamer friends, but not my family . If anyone has advice or maybe some experience with something similar I would like to hear it. Have a good one - Caged

Entry 17 Exams have finished and I think I have done well (although it is the last time I will tell my parents, I can't please them, so I am done trying). I stopped posting because when I study I go pretty NATO on it and try to remove everything else for the exam period. I have kept to my workout routine for the most part. I have also been getting out to practice basketball whenever the weather has allowed. I have been feeling very in-control during this period, as in I haven't been mindlessly procrastinating or getting distracted from my task at hand. I think now might be when my challenge really begins. When I quit gaming I was easily able to substitute that time towards studying/running/basketball. Now that I have two weeks off, it's like my last excuse for not actively improving my social ability is gone. I will try post often again, the journal process is definitely powerful.

Entry 16 Alright so I'm going to draft out a routine for my days since today was not as productive as I would have liked. I mean I learnt "True Facts About Animal X" but that isn't too relevant. Get up by 7.45, read and try to understand/actively think about the business section of news during breakfast, then study till lunch (noon-ish). After lunch will be time for exercise for that day (either basketball or short run / weight training). Study till dinner. Post dinner is either watch a documentary, general movie or some cross-study (so just general knowledge/interest learning). Cross study can be books or videos/articles. Exceptions for: NBA games, watching 1 rugby friday/saturday night. Also any unexpected social events I should try to attend to work on social skills. I'm okay with not trying to create them myself right now because its exam time, after exams I can focus more energy towards social activities. - Caged

Entry 15 Alright classes are done, study time begins. Got some results back and am hitting the 95%+ goal I have for myself to get an okay-ish passing grade, given I did not attend the first half of the semester. I am going to fill in some of this spare time created from not having a University routine to get books out of the library, watch business documentaries and read financial articles. I'm excited about what I have been learning, which is a big difference compared to the Engineering degree I was originally doing. This is what I have planned for my (NZ winter) break so far, and letting the tear in my knee heal properly. Some things to work on: My eating lately has not been very healthy, not eating enough basically. Also I will do the exercises tomorrow that don't strain my knee since I have missed 2 days of the routine. - Caged

Entry 14 Running Meetup was pretty good, ended up running quite a bit further than I had intended by joining the "speed" group instead of the "chill" group haha (I mean they both start from the same place at the same time, I can't be the only one who has made that mistake). Knee is getting a bit sore now, think I will go get a doctor to check it out when I can. My goodness did it feel amazing to be out running again though, have really been missing it. We ran 15km tonight, so once I'm back to 100% fitness I am going to try push for that elusive half marathon distance. Maybe a full marathon one day, but for now just going to focus on a small goal ahead in the future. Two more days of classes HYPE! - Caged

Wow @SpiNips your post really hit me. That seemed like exactly the advice I was needing. Sometimes it feels like my parents want to push my siblings and I into university courses and make sure we get these "successful" professions. But that pursuing your own goals and focusing on self improvement, that is what I am trying to do, thanks man Entry 13 Alright so I overdid the basketball (was at the court for around 3 hours) until my knee started getting sore. That meant I am missing the workout today as that also puts strain on my knee, and I want my knee to be good for my run tomorrow with the meetup group. Uni work happened, am aiming to finish my last assignment tomorrow to hand in by Friday. Been thinking about my counselling session which is coming up soon, and how much my situation has changed since booking it. I'm sure they will still have good insight on ways to escape addiction. I'm also wary of exam time maybe being a high risk time, since my university routine will be gone and I'll have a lot of "spare time". Hopefully I will continue to find more new activities to fill some of this time. Good chance and luck - Caged

Entry 12 Been doing the Uni thing mostly, final week of classes and then have exams mid-June. Got a headlight so I can go to runs organised by the meetup group which start after 6pm. Workout and basketball in the morning planned for tomorrow. I watched some Kripp gaming youtube videos while eating dinner tonight. I don't know what to think of this, I didn't play the games he does, I guess I more watch them for Kripp than the game. But either way probably not wise, should just put some music on next time. Or something I don't have to concentrate/listen much to while I am eating. Good luck to everyone with their personal development - Caged

Entry 11 I have spent some time with my brother (5 1/2 years older). Now I used to look up to him, we were really similar and I wanted to be like him. He got married earlier in the year, and now today I see that we are no longer a-like at all. He is the son who "made it", who is hitting his potential, that our parents feel proud of. My family and I just don't get each other anymore. And my brother doesn't relate to the problems I have. This hasn't been a particularly pleasant post, but it is the situation so think it might be good to get it down. Am going to take a break from visiting my family for a while, maybe I'll see them in July after exams. Positives: Have been keeping to my exercise routine and have not felt urge to game despite not very good mental space lately. - Caged

Entry 10 Damn getting slack at journal entries, okay so table tennis wasn't very successful, just not a very beginner friendly group. Runners group looks more promising, has a more mixed ability, gender and age setup. Been sticking to the ever other day workout, am going to add in a stretching routine (has some yoga stuff in it) to do on the off days and maybe more frequently if I have time. Aim of this is to become at least reasonably flexible and prevent future injuries. Been keeping up with the Uni work, that is mostly what I have planned for the weekend, going to see my brother too although am feeling a bit over my family right now. Have a good one - Caged

Entry 9 Alright forgot about posting Saturday night and then Sunday night I was busy so lets recap the weekend! Saturday did some uni work, did a workout and cooked a meal for my family. It was nice to cook, since it gives me a chance to get some feedback on what I make, as I live/cook alone normally. Sunday I traveled back to Wellington and then hung out with a mate for most of the day. My friend showed me around his flat and then wanted to just game since that is what he normally does on a Sunday afternoon. I watched him play one game of Dota then we played some combat game co-op on PS2. I'm comfortable in not calling this a relapse because frankly I don't enjoy console games, I have never owned one and find the controllers awkward. It just happened to be the vehicle used for me to talk about random stuff with my friend. The other hour or 2 we hung out was just chatting about psychology and then walking back into the city. On the walk back I mentioned I had quit video games but wouldn't mind an invite to a D&D session, I think he took it positively and respected that next time we hang out gaming isn't going to be a real option. Today I had some minor urges to play Dota, since my brain had re-activated those thought processes from watching my friend play. Honestly watching him play and giving advice on Dota is more of a backwards step in my eyes than playing some PS2 game that I was not invested in at all. Reflecting on this, I have tried to push forward more in my personal development. So I joined Meetup, and am going to play table-tennis tomorrow night, then the next night I am going to a relaxed pace running group to see how my knee is coming along. Should be a good way to get that social interaction goodness going . Caged

Hey thanks Alex, I'll take the "casual" mindset into playing as much as I can. If I find it is too much "my type" of game I might have to abandon it, I think that would be the best choice. Entry 8 Got the 6.20-7.20am basketball session in this morning before classes. Now I have come to stay at my parents house for two days to catch up with them and my older sister. Worked through an assignment today, will try and cross check it with someone next week before I submit it. I think I am becoming impatient with my lack of muscle gain. I'm sick of being scrawny and weak, but I need to remember that the change will be over months and years rather than weeks. Also that for right now I should focus on the positive feeling right after completing a workout and just trusting that what I am doing now will build towards where I want to get to. Even if my method isn't the optimal way, it will work if I give it time. This post is a bit more introspective, something for me to refer to if I feel like this again in the future. Hope everyone is progressing towards their development goals. Caged

Hey Alex, I felt as a fellow Kiwi I should see what you were up to. My mindset when running in the morning is that when the weather is bad, you go anyway, because you know you will survive just one run like this, just this once. Then every run after that you get up and think "Urgh, looks freezing.....BUT I went that other day and it was worse than this". My personal highlight day was a winter morning in chch where it was hailing and so cold that when I got back I was questioning if I would get me gender defining parts back haha. Now every run has nothing on that one . Also your journal has been some inspirational reading here man, you are a resilient dude, you got this.

Entry 7 I am glad today has come and gone. Sat my test (I'm hoping for a 90% or better) and gave my presentation to my tutorial class. I asked the tutor afterwards how I did and he said I did a decent job at explaining and said he thought I would be able to become a tutor in 3rd year if I want to. Personally I felt pretty nervous while speaking and I know my face was super red, mouth was dry, all that shit I wanted to avoid haha. Really pushed myself in my workout today by doing the circuit fast with small down times. Basically throwing up in the shower afterwards, don't think I have pushed myself that hard since running beep test in high school where I was always 2nd in our year to my friend in another class. Once it got to mid 12's or low 13's I would struggle to keep the pace, where-as my friend had much more top end speed. I don't know how widely used the Beep Test is globally, it's basically just 20 meter shuttle runs at increasing speeds. Right, time to go cook dinner and catch the replay of the NBA game. Peace.

Yeah this is what I need to do. I need to just throw myself in there and get those interpersonal skills going more frequently. I hope you reach the goals you set yourself @hycniejsy Entry 6 I got up about 20minutes late today so court time was from 6.30-7.40. Tomorrow I will probably not be going as I have a test and a presentation. I will do my workout tomorrow afternoon, once my body/arm has recovered from giving blood today. Have organised seeing a high school friend on Sunday. I'm a bit unsure of how this will go because having talked to him, he still seems to play Dota regularly. He also plays the Magic Card game and D&D. I have never played these two, so if someone would like to advise if playing D&D is a good or bad idea I would like that. Given that I have a VERY addictive personality I'm going to be cautious. I think if I can use it as a social tool then it could be okay. I need to watch that I don't trick myself into thinking it seems social at the start when I meet the people he plays with, because it won't expose me to new people all the time. I think it could just be good as an option, like "Hey, tonight I might go hang out and play D&D with those guys, since I know how to play." For now I'll just wait and see how it plays out, I might hate both games so this over-analysis would be pointless haha. Back to revision Caged

I really liked the video Cam. Will be a good one for me to refer to when/if I get the urge to play again in the distant future (I hope this will be years rather than months away). Will be cool to see some San Francisco footage, I really like the outdoor video creation method

Entry 5 Second day of building the 5.40am wake up routine, got to the court at 6.10, practiced for 1 hour until the gym was booked out. I'm going to go again tomorrow, basically I'll keep going as long as my body is handling it. Also did my core bodyweight exercises, the burn is my friend. (Also note to self: a song I know the words/guitar to is a good way to reach my bridging target time). Okay biggest improvement I have seen since quitting would have to be my diet. I have always avoided junk food, my main issue was the lack of food I ate. I would think it's tied into being more active/productive and also sleeping like a regular diurnal human. I was debating becoming a vegetarian since my older brother and sister have both been veg for a while. I have decided to re-evaluate my position on this once my studies/social skills/self esteem issues are in a better state. I am content with being a heavily-reduced meat consumer for now. Also Steven Adams is a beast. That is all.

I have heard of that book Cam, I will try and read it after exams and I have down time between semesters, thanks for the suggestion dude. Entry 4 Well I got up at 5.40am, hit the basketball court by 6.30 and practiced shooting/basic skills till 8. Objective achieved! It felt good and was a nice active start to the day. without straining my knee too much. I am going to try get to the gymnasium tomorrow too. I have become a bit slack with doing my bodyweight circuit exercise, am going to try do it every second day from now on since I can't really go for long runs anymore. Booked a blood donation for this week, I feel since I'm O- I should give whenever I'm not sick. Nothing much else is new, revising content for test in 3 days time. I'm probably not going to mention gaming a whole lot in my journal, unless the cravings start hitting me like a truck. I want to quit for good, its more of a lifetime detox, so I probably won't reference No.of days game free, unless I notice the number is significant in some way. Basically I don't want gaming in my thoughts anymore, so I should damn well hope I don't see it in the journal posts I make haha - Caged

Yeah our brain can rationalize even our bad habits, I don't know how many nights I went to sleep thinking I would quit tomorrow, but then you wake up and want to try strategy X or get item Y or test Z. But you broke the cycle! That is no small feat, welcome, and I look forward to seeing your progress.