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LevelUp450

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  1. Day 4 - Thursday November 18,2021 Just a quick entry today and I may expand later. I did go to bed by 10:30 last night and I did not watch any Youtube gaming content (proud of these 2 things). The problem this morning is that I slept through my alarm and I made it to work later than I wanted so somewhat behind. This is important to me to write down my thoughts every morning, hence why I write this now. Still need to work on my other goals as nothing has been done in those areas. Instead of watching YouTube I am listening to an audible book "Think Like a Monk" by Jay Shetty. Thanks for reading and hopefully everyone has a great day today.
  2. I like this. In a recovery meeting once we discussed setbacks and comebacks. Many people shared that once you are setback there is an even greater comeback and we can use that momentum to propel us forward in life. I have been off and on these forums many times myself and just recently started up again so thanks and we can get through this together.
  3. Day 3 - Wednesday November 17, 2021 Feels great to keep this going for a change. The aspect of journaling hopefully will help me put my thoughts and ideas into a better perspective because if I keep these things in my head and not have some concrete thoughts then I forget the things I am thinking about. I don't know if that makes sense? Anyway, yesterday was a good day with no gaming. Still watched videos on Youtube but that is going to stop today. I created a new account on Youtube one other time I was quitting and have changed the settings on my phone and computer to be that account with no history of gaming content. I learned yesterday that I should start taking more control of my life. This means that I have the ability to make changes in my life without outside experiences having influence on me. Just letting life take me along for the ride is not what I want. Therefore, I am going to use this journaling to come up with some goals for myself. I have always wanted to start my own podcast and have been "researching" this for many months now but without setting myself so concrete goals it is not going tohappen. I have not written any episodes other than a few ideas I have written in my phone. I need to do something about my job I currently have. The job I currently have has served its prpose to this point in making me a better decision maker, better manager, and a few other things but I feel right now I am not growing to my true potential in this job and I feel it is sucking the energy out of other things I want to work on. I need to find something else but my family relies on me to bring the $ home to pay the bills, etc so I need to plan my leave from this job and how to transition into something that will be more satisfying and enjoyable for me. My job pays well but I find myself pushing myself hard to just make it through the days. Goals for the week - 1. Research other jobs that will not take up the time my current job does that I may enjoy more. Could be in same industry because that is what I know but maybe something where I can interact with people more often. I feel I have an ability to relate to others in a unique way. I have a resume written up so start distributing it to potential new employers. 2. Write first episode of podcast down in writing (note form ok). My podcast beginning will be my addiction story (gambling and gaming) and I have shared on other recovery related podcasts so I know kind of what I would like to say and I don't want the show to be fully scripted because I would love for it to be more spontaneous as that approach is always the best when I listen to others. 3. Of course no playing computer games and no more watching gaming content on Youtube or Twitch. 4. Go to bed by 10:30 every night. I constantly stay up too late and I still get up early (4 am usually) for work. I am a morning person and I don't get much done past 10pm anyway. I say 10:30 because on Thursday nights I go bowling and I dont get home until 10. 5. Write my next Toastmasters Speech - I have been procrastinating doing this and it was supposed to actually be done 10 days ago but I postponed it and still need to get it finished. Feels great to write all this down. In the days to come I will update this journal on how my goasl are progressing. On another note I like this format a little better. Thoughts on the day that was and then some reflections on what I need to do today and rest of the week. Thanks for reading and have a great day everyone.
  4. Day 2 - Tuesday November 16, 2021 Note that I post this Wednesday morning but it is what happened on Tuesday (Nov 16). Gratefulness: 1. I am grateful for all that I have in this world especially my health, my recovery and my loved ones. 2. I am grateful for Toastmasters - a great team of mentors and friends with common goals. 3. I am grateful that despite the destruction caused by flooding in my area many people are safe. I pray that this devestating turn of events does not affect too many (even though it will) 4. I am grateful for podcasts - learning lots of stuff on finding purpose in life and changing my mindset. Yesterday was a good day for me overall. I did end up watching some Youtube content which I shouldn't have done (gaming content) so I should put up blocks for me because it is just too easy to go back and its a slippery slope that I am not interested in continuing down. We had a great toastmasters meeting last night where we handed out end of the year awards and succesfully made better upgrades to our hybrid meeting. Meditation done (15 mins on Finding Focus) Morning Routine was very good with meditation, breakfast, making lunch and heading into work early Was supposed to give blood today but that was cancelled due to devastating floods in the area. Rescheduled for next month. Evening, as mentioned earlier, was fantastic. Toastmasters does so much for me in building confidence, providing mentorship, engaging audience and public speaking. Really fantastic group of well versed public speakers and people with eagerness to learn and grow. Thanks for reading my posts. Will continue this as long as I can. Have a great day everyone.
  5. Just a note that I would like to do my journal entries in the morning. The above post was created in late afternoon of Nov 15. Day 2 will be Nov 17 AM.
  6. Day 1 - Monday, November 15, 2021 I say it as Day 1 but I feel that is too harsh as I am not giving up on everything I have learned since I started trying to quit playing. Gratitude 1. I am grateful for my recovery program (Problem gambling support, GA, counselling and all the information out there) 2. I am grateful for the loving support of all my family 3. I am grateful for waking up each morning with a roof over my head, food to eat and people to love and that love me. 4. I am grateful for God's great green Earth we are caretakers of. 5. I am grateful just for today. Morning - Didn't turn out as well as I had hoped as I did end up playing a game or 2 this morning but did decide during the day after listening to a few podcasts that today is the day I start again. As always I did meditate this morning for 15 minutes. I use the Headspace App and I am right now on the course on Finding Focus. Meditation is something I have done for about 2 years now and is one thing I have been faithful on throughout my journey so far. Day - Work for 11 hours today. I won't get into specifics here because my job is currently not a good fit for me however, I do my best to work hard at it every day. I do find that it does sap energy from me, hence the need for a change. More on this later. Evening - tonight my toastmasters meeting has started to go hybrid and we usually meet on Tuesday evenings but tonight we ahave an opportunity to try our setup the day before so I am going to help with that tonight. I am part of the executive of this club which I joined in March of 2021 and it is somehting I am more dedicated to right now in my life.
  7. Hi, I have made journal entries here in the past but for many reasons it never stuck and I have found myself quitting playing and then going back many times to playing again. The longest streak I have had lately is only for about 4 months and if I want to do this correctly and make it stick I need to quit for at least a year, reevaluate and then go from there. I really do seek to stop playing all together but at this point I need to strive for longer goals. By the way I wanted to start new again so I changed my login info under a new email address. Now for a general introduction. My name is Kelly (pseudonym LevelUp450) and I am a 49 year old father and husband who loves to play video games, watch Youtube, Twitch and other gaming content. I have played video games all my life and it has been unhealthy at times and other times I have been able to manage/control it. I mostly have played Blizzard games like WOW, Diablo and Hearthstone but have dabbled in others before. Right now, I got hooked back in to Hearthstone with their new Mercenaries mode. I know its a problem because I put money into it again and even lied/hid it from others (my wife included). This is terrible and this behaviour is going to have to stop. I tried to control it by setting limits for myself but I easily disobey those limits because I don't share them with others. These limits would be a certain amount of time (1 or 2 hours) or to only play after other more important tasks have been done. It doesn't work for me. My family life is good and I have a somewhat well paying job at the moment, however, there are many things I want to accomplish in life before I get too old. For instance, I want to start making a difference for not only those close to me but those in this community and other recovery communities that I belong to. You see, I have also developed a compulsive gambling addiction which had taken over my life for the better part of 20 years. I quit gambling back in December of 2018 and I am proud to say I have not gone back since (ie: no replapses). Since entering recovery I have started a journey of continuous self improvement and my life is so much better than it was 3 years ago. In order to continue that and make the differences in my life that I need/want to make the computer games have to stop. In order to start making that difference I need to make a few commitments and one of those is to show up to this community forum every day so I hope and pray that I can do that. It lies in my hands now. I look froward to discussing things over these forums again within this community and hope to support others who need it here as well. I realize I might be in the minority with my age but that is not going to matter as we all share something in common here. I am starting a journal with the same name as this post (Level Up My Life).