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Suns

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Posts posted by Suns

  1. Oh boy where do I start I have a headache today was a bit sad still I'm making progress I just watched the video that comes after downloading app and website blocker I've got rid of my switch downloaded a focus me app and put pornhub xvideos and xnxx because fuck it on timeout and will continue to do so its so weird watching a dude have sex with women and get off on it nah man I'm all Gucci no porn for me.

     

    I'm not a chuck maybe I secretly like it eh.... gross but seriously I'm good blocked YouTube and reddit for a day.

     

    My sadness is just eating a bunch of food but I didn't eat the fucking Wendy's I ate a giant bag of popcorn the root beer a kit Kat a sandwich pork beef yeah not the greatest but I did finish off a jug of water and some komboocha so not bad it's always a challenge maybe I should just allow myself to get fat and accept that I eat bad instead of labeling it as something g I have no control over I always choose to eat the Wendy's drink the soda eat the kit Kat even if it's overwhelming its not right for me to say it's cut I'm overwhelmed if I'm going to eat it I should just accept I'm eating it rather than saying oh it's my depression my sadness my happiness it's because I can't play videogames no MO. My problem my action my choice. 

    Blah such a pain to make changes I'd like to start a yoga routine or workout early currently waking up at three in the morning going to bed from 7-9 so that's dope work is a little easier to fucos on I hate my job but I'm in the military so for now I'm going to have to focus on doing my best there getting qualified and understanding what I want and who I am without the videogames that chapter is closed so let's get excited for whom I can become yeah yeah.28 and onward will be my years to really see what I'm made of. I had good times playing yeah I did. A little sad but I'm ready to move on. I'm glad I can share this with others I don't have to keep the randomness of thoughts and what not to myself enjoy my fractured sentences and spelling errors free form journaling is the best and therapeutic for me.

    God damn auto type le.ee misspell sgit.

    Night guys.

  2. Tue Aug 3rd

    Today was a little different mostly sadness mostly thoughts of inadequacy old familiar thoughts of not being good enough for anyone that I have a sexual attraction to or even remotely interested in

    .. yeah......

    The main things that changed is I didn't start the day with my usual morning routine and not as much sleep and masterbation always leaves me feeling a little icky.

    I dunno man I'm used to being this insecure and it's probably part of what I wanted to avoid by gaming.... no matter what I said or did I was never good enough for a woman I am attracted to she can always do better and more successful.

    I did however give away my nintendo switch and deleted or am In process of deleting my steam account waiting for it to finalize but I did Uninstaller all games.

    I'm going to miss grinding out my characters in dead by daylight also building up my Feng min she was Bae I even bought a skin for her I liked it was nice and it was fun to level up many characters for many perks while I let my runescape account afk in the background. I had many a fun time on dark souls 3 playing my oc Suzie suns. My pyromancer my tank and everything inbetween.

    It's a little bittersweet to think I'm never going back but yeah I think 28 years is long enough for gaming it really was fun but I've hit my limit and I can't go any higher in life if I don't let the dead weight fall. 🙂

     

  3. 22 hours ago, Suns said:

    Day # 1 August 1st sunday

     

    Gratitude journal

    I'm grateful for my anger I feel right now it's overwhelming and I feel incredibly scattered I probably need to feel this right now.

     

     

    One amazing thing that happened/I did today 

    quitting gaming

     

    Workout/run

     

    Meditation

     

    Visualisation

     

    Daily affirmation

     

    Reading + taking notes

     

    Getting to bed before 9pm

    I did that

    Weekly Goal(s)

     

    Monthly Goal

     

    3 Month Goal

     

    What went well today:

     

    What I could have done to make my day better:

    Make a plan for the week write out some goals do some planning programs for my new future reconnect with myself internally

    What I will do differently tomorrow:

    those things stated above make some goals do my future authoring program by Jordan peterson

     

     

     

    Day 2 August 2nd 2021

    I was surprised by the effect not playing videogames had on me making the firmish decision to not play videogames really freed up much mental bandwidth today.

    I was far more sociable  with friends at work. I was more upfront and honest with coworkers and higher ups about why I decided to quit playing videogames and the fact that I quit. Some thought it was silly others supported it happily it was amusing to hear.

    I am a little scared though will I be able to keep this up. I was very anxious and angry and agitated today I felt alot of aggression and sexual energy throughout the day and the mental fog was gone most of the day I wasn't feeling shameful of words I was saying or things I was thinking. Overall a very positive first day experience but as I stated above I'm scared that it won't last or that I'll find a reason to go back.

    Within the week I'm giving away my ps4 and nintendo switch that will leave me with my gaming laptop which I don't want to get rid of as it's a solid productivity laptop as well. So if I decided to continue learning about 3d animation and programming I have that.

     

    I'm just worried about relapsing with it.

    I don't know I see how important building a new social group is while going down this endeavor as of Sunday my first day of not gaming I laid in  bed all day and watched YouTube and went to bed far earlier than usual. I just felt sad all day and then today it was more aggressive emotions.

    I'd like to get into new things I'm just worried I won't commit to this. However my mindset is if I didn't need to feel these things I wouldn't

    This is simply life's way of giving me what I need and not what I want.

  4. Day # 1 August 1st sunday

     

    Gratitude journal

    I'm grateful for my anger I feel right now it's overwhelming and I feel incredibly scattered I probably need to feel this right now.

     

     

    One amazing thing that happened/I did today 

    quitting gaming

     

    Workout/run

     

    Meditation

     

    Visualisation

     

    Daily affirmation

     

    Reading + taking notes

     

    Getting to bed before 9pm

    I did that

    Weekly Goal(s)

     

    Monthly Goal

     

    3 Month Goal

     

    What went well today:

     

    What I could have done to make my day better:

    Make a plan for the week write out some goals do some planning programs for my new future reconnect with myself internally

    What I will do differently tomorrow:

    those things stated above make some goals do my future authoring program by Jordan peterson

  5.  

     

    Hey im Elijah

    as of Sunday august 1st 2021 ive decided to quit videogames cold turkey.

    I've needed this for a while but could really do as I was using gaming as a way to cope with my time in the military. While I'm still in the military it was really upsetting when I went to our rec center and the lady was asking me questions about what I enjoy doing and I couldn't give an honest answer about enjoying anything other than gaming.

     

    I realized it wasn't that I didn't try anything or do anything else it's just nothing compared to the high and emotional repression gaming gives me so it dominated my time. I decided to use that moment as a wake up call.

    I felt like mob from mob psycho 100 when ever he was asked if he had any hobbies or ambitions. For a comparison lol.

    I'm excited and I feel the first thing is to get my mindset right. Looking forward to the journey.

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