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Sashiku

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Everything posted by Sashiku

  1. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Thanks Cam! Great to be back!
  2. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    This was my dream too. Hope you will make it. Greetings, Piotr. Thank you! I intend to try. Did you give up on yours?
  3. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Thanks for your post. Yes, I have always had a strong love of vegetables and having our own garden my entire life has just been a way of life for my family and I. yes, I like almond milk well enough. LOVE chocolate almond milk. Not a fan of soy or coconut though. May try a few other types when I get the chance. And Indeed. Not interested at all. I think I Just needed that last little shove of motivation to spark my love of gardening all over again. I will try to get a picture of our blackberries and our blackberry Jelly we made.
  4. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    SO MUCH NEWSSSS!!! I'm back on the bandwagon! Check out my facebook post! You all know I've been barely playing any video games at all. The only one I've been playing is on my handheld 3DS and its a rarity. I've also decided to cut computer usage down. Not only that, but something else is going to change. My diet. It isn't that I don't eat healthy, because I do most of the time. Its that I'm tired of meat. So very tired of it. It makes me feel horrible when I eat it. Its heavy and makes me feel sluggish and even causes me nausea at times. It has been that way for my whole life. I also don't really like meat anyhow. If anything I like the occasional sausage, bacon and burger. But even those are becoming less and less. I find myself desperately craving vegetables when we have none. So, I'm going to try eating a non-meat diet. Heh, don't worry, I'm not going to preach about it. One of the reasons I kept from it so long is that vegetarians and vegans have a bad rep for being pushy about what they eat and I do not want to be associated with pushy people. The reasons for me going nearly vegan are pretty simple. 1: Don't like meat much anyway. 2: I'm lactose intolerant so I can't do dairy anyhow. 3: I feel like I will feel better if I'm eating food I know is good for me. 4: I do think the treatment of animals that are kept in tiny pens for our food needs to stop. Its not fair to the animal. However, this is just another plus in not eating meat. It is not my main focus, however it is a big factor for me as I do love animals. 5: I simply love veggies. ^-^ I figured my texture issues with food might be an issue too. I can't stomach squishy foods. I think the reason is meat fat. I despise the stuff. I think me being served meat growing up and ending up with fat in my mouth always grossed me out. I hope I can get past it for the veggies. Even if I can't I can always juice them or blend them. I mean, I have an awesome manual juicer that'd do the job. Another Idea I had is starting a vlog about all this cool stuff I'm doing lately for fun. I also plan to get outside more and try to practice my skills in the garden and maybe even learn some carpentry or something. Why? Because I hate the city and I at times want so badly to leave it and head for the middle of nowhere. This lack of camping is only making me miss the outdoors more. I read a story about some folks who started a homestead and while that sounds amazing, I know with my limitations I'll have to settle for a small town and a garden. That's fine, as long as I have my own space and my neighbors aren't literally a yard away. ANYWAY! Sorry for talking so long! I'm just getting very motivated now. Peace out. <3 So yes, I'm completely uninterested in games now. We plan to move to a bit of land and grow veggies/herbs and raise rabbits, goats and chickens. So, in other words, I want to learn how to live with my own two hands. "Self reliance and Self Sufficiency" I also want to learn carpentry and mechanical skills so I can do repairs on my own for minor things. So I've decided to focus on skillsets I need to do the things I intend. I would really like to have a homestead, but that's not logical for someone with my vision. Off the Grid living has been a love of mine since my childhood days and I didn't even know what "off the grid" was. I've always loved being in the great outdoors and fantisized about never leaving our campsite, living there permanently. But, with life comes compromise. Just wanted to update you since It's been a little bit now. Many things going on here.
  5. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Day.. i have no idea. I've fallen off the band wagon so to speak. BUT, I've still been doing things and going places and doing other things. I'm still improving my life but its been hard to kick gaming all together. I quit gaming because I never get anything else done and I spend WAY too much time on it and never go anywhere with friends. I also didn't exercise enough. I still didn't get much done when I wasn't playing, my ADHD makes it hard to focus and being diagnosed means I can get therapy now. I still want to quit, and I am to the point again where I think I can. Our pool will be open soon and I'm not going to want to be inside. I think being stuck inside makes me want to game more. if I had a way to go places I'd be camping already. But buses don't go to lakes and nobody I know wants to go. So yea, While I may slip up now and then, know that I am still working hard on improving my life and I will get there, sometimes its just hard. Thanks for being my motivation you guys. <3 Note: One last thing. I'm not craving games anymore. No more dreams, no need to play, When I do its from pure boredom or the need to create something. *my tablet is currently not working*
  6. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Thanks for the support. I will take your idea into consideration. Thanks!
  7. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    You are absolutely right. I am going to try finding other ways to be creative. Also, my tablet isn't working so my creativity has been pretty much ignored lately due to no way to draw. I think your idea is a good one. Thank you.
  8. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Triggers below. Alright. So I have a problem. There is one particular game I will be sad to quit again. The rest I don't give a flying care about. But this one has been a creative outlet for me for years. Minecraft. I seriously only care about that game. I can create whole cities, towns, ancient civilizations, etc. Its a huge creative outlet for me. I will never be able to find something like that outside of a game. I do have other things I can do, but I suppose getting into them has been difficult. I got "Weird Shadows over Innsmouth" by HP Lovecraft for my birthday and I want to read it but I just feel so overly creative. I DID get a coloring book for my birthday. Its a VERY detailed one that is going to take a long time to fill out. I dunno what is wrong with me. I want to quit but at the same time I feel rather hopeless and don't know what to do. I love my outings with my friends, but those are only once a week. My thyroid has been bad as well so I've been sleeping a lot and been unable to do much. The inability to get up and go fuels my need for things to do which brings me back to one or two games every time. Today I am going to try to read. Also, I am making slow progression on my house. My kitchen looks much better already. Anyway, to sum up this post, I don't really know how to get out of this rut I'm in. My motivation is gone.
  9. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    You are absolutely right. I will keep going. I want to find another group of people to hang out with next. Its nice to have a group of friends and have events to go to, but I'd like a little variation in my life. A once a month book meeting or maybe a foodie club. hahahaha. I also have goals to get a cellphone and get moved. Thanks for the support, I appreciate you.
  10. Sashiku

    Vivid dream of relapse?

    Mine have stopped too. Now I mostly get funny dreams that aren't so vivid.
  11. You're welcome but its seriously no big deal. I understand how it is to fight with friends. I recently went through something similar so I can empathize. We're here for you, even if some others may not be. *hugs* Also, I agree. Better little improvement than none at all. Keep it up. <3
  12. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Oh, and I just celebrated my birthday on the 12th. It was amazing. Feel free to read about it on my facebook page.
  13. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Ok so I have a TON of updates! Get ready to read a long post. My ADHD was very bad this morning so writing this took a lot of time and was pretty frustrating. *Warning, if you're triggered by game names, please don't read this part.* Ok so, Right after the last post I went into depression. I know, its not good news. The lack of money/transport/food + being very sick was weighing on me heavily. I started losing hope in myself and in life in general. My computer was still doing badly so I updated it to windows 10. After that I decided to reset it and remove all my files after backing most of them up. Once I reset it I decided to start gaming again because I didn't know how to deal with all the stress I was feeling. I at first re-installed Fallout 4 as it had been my favorite game. I also installed Goat Simulator and Skyrim. But this time, gaming was way different than it had been. I will get to that later but first, I need to acknowledge some important people and events. *You remember how sick I was right? Remember how I told you guys I had been going to meetings and meeting some people with similar interests as me? Well, about this time one of my friends I made introduced me to another person who turned out to be the one who kept my head above water so to speak. First, he took me to the urgent care. He had worked 12 hours that night but insisted on taking me in when I was unable to sleep due to extreme coughing and breathing problems. Turns out I had a sinus infection that turned into bronchitis that was pretty bad. I got some antibiotics and was sent home. I thanked him over and over. Not long after that I got better and had just a few lingering symptoms. a few days after that I felt completely better. *The second time, he invited me to play Dungeons and Dragons with him and my other friends. I accepted but had no idea what it was asside from some sort of game involving dice and your own made up characters. This intrigued me as it took place in real life and the main reason for me liking games in the first place is the stories. D&D would give me the chance to make my own story for real, instead of playing through someone else's. It turned out to be really great and I enjoy it a lot. We only play once a week on Sunday night and I look forward to it which is odd, since I'm not normally a super social person. I could tell you a half a dozen things about it but I'll keep this short. *Feel free to read the rest. No more triggers.* *The third thing was taking me to the Renaissance fair. I had SO much fun. I am actually going to consider volunteering the year after next. It's funny because I'm obsessed with fantasy and things that don't exist in this reality. So its nice. Once a year I can thrive in a fantasy for 6 weekends and the rest of the year I can deal with reality. It makes reality a bit more tolerable. Anyway, the reason I brought this up is because I felt a true connection to the fair. Like I was meant to be there and meant to be a part of it. This lifted my spirits from the deep darkness I had been in for a while. Being there with a friend made it even better. *The fourth thing was probably the biggest thing of all. So, I might have brought up that our car has been missing for a few months and thus we cannot get groceries, get to doctors, or really do anything. ... My new friend took us to our car to get it towed. We JUST got it back 3 days ago. I'm finally feeling much happier and all of the stress is leaving me. We have food. Its been ages since I've had anything but junk food. *that is literally all we could get. the only store within walking distance is Wallgreens and their food aisle is a joke. I would literally rename their *food aisle* the *the un-sustainable aisle of junkfood* I am not joking. I felt like I was dying from lack of nutrition. I eat a very vitamin rich diet when I have the means to get it, so eating nothing but junk food has affected my system very negatively. If it weren't for my friends, I'm sure I'd be even worse off right now. They took me out to eat several times and tried to keep me healthy. Something odd happened yesterday though. We went out to eat yesterday and I had an anxiety attack. We sat in those booths that I hate. I'm claustrophobic and emetophobic so sitting that close to someone especially when eating is very uncomfortable. I told my family I was very uncomfortable sitting in the booth a few times but tried to deal with it. Finally, i started shaking and breathing hard and got nauseous. I told mom I had to get out and sat in the booth behind them alone the rest of the meal. I also barely ate due to the attack. No idea what caused it. I had been out to eat several times before recently as I mentioned. I did have some stress when people were eating in the car around me though once. Perhaps the stress of things lately is affecting my phobias. Anyway, I want to talk about a couple more things before I post this. Gaming. It was different this time. I would play something and 10 minutes later quit and switch to something else. Or literally open a game and close it moments later. I just lacked the desire to do it. It was very odd to not *want* to play them. At a certain point I actually did enjoy a short gaming session but it didn't last too long and it left me with absolutely no desire to game again. Life is too short to do that all the time and I think I actually understand myself more now than I had a relapse. I know what triggers me, I know why I play, and I know why i don't want to anymore. Before now the answers to those questions were sort of foggy but now I know them. Its funny. My best friend of 15ish years decided to start taking things I vent to her and tell everyone. they were never major things. She kept asking me questions about our friends while I was venting about how hard things have been so I told her I thought a friend was being a jerk lately to our other friend and she told them and they literally griped me out. I told them "I'm just venting, Se kept asking me questions about you while venting so it just came out.* I never knew her to talk behind my back or gossip about me or anything. A few days later she gossiped about me to my other friend and told her complete lies of things I never said. Its like ever since I started making friends, She has had it out for me. Anyway, we're not friends anymore. She told me she didn't want to be anymore so there we have it. Right after that, I met friends who actually cared. Funny how life works some times huh? I didn't even cry about losing that friend. Yea, we had been friends for 15-16 years but my life was too stressful at that time to really be emotional about it. And finally, I never wanted people to help me so much. I've always been a giver and had friends that took a lot but hardly ever gave. I've bought about 30 games on steam for my friends alone and I've offered a room to struggling friends and even money. But this time I met people who give. I don't know how to tell them how much they've changed my life. 3 months and my life completely changes. Thanks to this forum, my new friends, and my own goals. I think I will be okay now. Now that I know the reasons behind my gaming and have friends by my side, I'll be good. You guys will always be my guiding light as well. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, I just feel like I've broken ground and am saying goodbye to the old me right now. Things are definitely changing. I will try to post more often now that I'm not having such a rough time of it. Peace out guys. <3 ~Note, my tablet isn't working on windows 10 so I can't draw. ;n;
  14. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Working on it. I do have antibiotics now so WOOT! x3
  15. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Went to the Urgent Care because I was so sick. Apparently I have one tough bout of Bronchitis. I got some antibiotics though so I should improve quickly. As for not gaming. Ugh. It has been an entire month of not being able to do anything. I gave in. No major games, just playing a dumb flash game here and there to ease the constant boredom. I intend to quit again once I can get up and do things though. Every time I try to walk I end up nearly falling flat on my face. I have some equilibrium issues caused by ear issues caused by my bronchitis so I am WAY off balance and I can't walk very well. They put a *fall hazard* bracelet on me at the UC.I fell last night and landed on my collar bone. How you ask? I was beside my bed and my knees gave out and I landed on my knee and my collar bone hit the foot of my bed. Oww. :I Had to sleep with a heating pad for 3 hours today for that one. All in all, I am starting to feel better but it's a super slow recovery. I have never been this sick before. The nurse says it seems like I had a bad sinus infection which turned into Bronchitis. I just wanna be better so I can concentrate on recovery again... sigh.
  16. Sashiku

    Vivid dream of relapse?

    really? Wow. I'm really glad I'm not alone though. And congrats on all you have accomplished! I've had insanely realistic dreams ever since I quit playing. Not even all about gaming. Some were just random events, others were from creepypastas I'd read and others were from movies. Total randomness.
  17. Sashiku

    Vivid dream of relapse?

    Yep, I felt bad too! I was so sure that it was real that I got really upset until I realized it was a dream. Funny how your mind can trick you huh?
  18. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    A TON of stuff. Certain soaps, certain laundry detergents, pollen, mold spore, the heat, and I'm not sure what else. All i know is that every spring I get very sick from all of the allergies. Fall I get sick too but not as bad as spring. So naturally, Summer and winter are my favorite seasons.
  19. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Hey guys. Small update. I was going to go to ren fair this weekend but I got sick again. :I Stupid spring and stupid allergies. In any case, I am getting out more. I haven't been able to keep up my journal as well since I'm always either sick or not home lately. Something did happen recently. I downloaded Origin and downloaded one of my games, but to my anger and happiness, it won't work on my computer anymore. It crashed my graphics drivers every time I booted the game up. Upgrading to windows 10 seems to have made my computer very sluggish. Anyhow, so I didn't end up playing any games. I was really upset the day i tried to play and didn't know what to do to feel better but in the end I didn't get to play anyway. The only thing game related i've been doing is playing my 3DS at night for about 5 minutes while laying in bed. As I said before, it's not my problem but I wanted to not play it much till I beat the 90 days. I don't play the 3DS every night, just mostly nights I am too sick to sleep well, which is a lot recently. Anyway, I walked to the store yesterday and it was nice, even though I've been suffering for it since. I am honestly doing my best to change things around for myself. My house is cleaner than its been in a year even. I just hope i get 100% better *I haven't been 100% since that sinus infection* and am able to quickly find a place, sell the house and move. I hate the city. :I Going to move to a large town. From 400,000 people to around 9,000. If that ends up falling through I'll probably find an apartment here, though I really am sick of Oklahoma, I finally have friends! For the first time since my Best friend moved away 5 years ago. And I met them not long before I found one of Cam's videos on youtube and started my new life. Anyway, sorry I'm also so mushy when i post. I just don't think you guys get how thankful I am. I want to help people so when i can I'm going to pay it forward. Because I'm grateful to all of the people who have been supportive and friendly.
  20. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Thanks~ And I appreciate your comments. ^^
  21. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Of course. Before I head off to my friends house for my vacation, *That's a vacation for poor folk! Hahaha!* I'm going to make a cake for the lovely friend of mine who helped me with medicine and write "Thank You for Everything" on it. And maybe draw some cute things on it too.
  22. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Hey guys. This isn't really a daily thing, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm feeling so much better now. I have also been busy and not at home much. It's been nice to be away from the comfy confines of my house. I'm going on vacation soon for a few days. Probably on the 28th. It will be a great way to take a break from all the stress I've had to deal with lately and just spend some time reflecting and relaxing. Also... people have been treating me very good lately. A friend brought me medicine as I had no way to obtain it myself. She also brought me a neti pot which I feel saved my life at night from congestion. My brother has been cooking for me and treating me like a human being which is just weird. Then a random friend bought me a headset because mine broke and I don't have a cellphone anymore and skype is my only way to talk to people when I'm home. I haven't spoken to many of my gamer friends since day 3 or 4. Only a couple support me and hve been talking to me now and then to show support. I'm starting to feel better now. I just need to start taking my thyroid medicine again and I will feel a ton better. thank so much you guys. You've been a stabile and comforting guidance in my life and I really can't thank you enough. I know I still have hard times to get through, but I'll be fine. <3
  23. Sashiku

    My Journal ~ A New Beginning

    Day 18 First off, I'm SO sorry for not being very active. It's been a difficult month in many ways. Sigh, I'm not doing so well but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Being sick threw me off so badly, I feel it will be another few days before I am motivated enough to do anything. My dreams are getting worse too. Right now I am lacking focus. I just wander around my house now wondering what I should do and pretty much end up doing nothing. Before I got sick I was motivated and had spare energy to boot. When I was starting to feel better, it's almost like I woke up from a really long nap and now I'm kind of just "Meh". Not taking my thyroid medicine for 10 days definitely isn't helping my "meh" mood, leaving me sleeping 13 hours a night and just generally feeling foggy headed. I wish I hadn't gotten sick so soon after I decided to quit. It really messed things up. I had all these plans for the next day. I was going to do so many things like yoga and exercising and walking the roads... The day after that is when i woke with a fever. Sometimes life really pisses me off. I'm so out of it that not even drawing sounds like fun. I really hope this state of mind goes away quickly. I am gonna go walk in a few minutes anyhow. Maybe the fresh air will help me clear my head.
  24. Sashiku

    Sashi's Art

    I have been drawing for years but video games kept me from practicing as much as I wanted to. I even made up my own character and intend to write some books and illustrate her into them. My art style is very... cutesy and kind of odd. I really enjoy it though, regardless of my odd art style. I won't be posting any game fan art and trust me, I drew loads of it. I hope the amount of art I am posting isn't a strain on the servers. I won't post all my art here, there is just too much. Here is a link to my DeviantArt if you want to see all my art, including game art I haven't removed yet. If you don't like furries or ponies, please disregard this forum post. http://sashikuchan.deviantart.com/ Okay, here are some of my favorite drawings. Two of these are brand new, done in the past 2 days. The *true friends* sketch and the one with the little girl riding the cat.
  25. Sashiku

    Sashi's Art

    Thank you~! I intend on uploading everyday again once I get well. maybe I will draw today, Dunno yet. Best I've felt in a week.
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