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Skaterboy

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  1. Day #5 Gratitude journal I'm thankful for my parents that support me, despite me having disappointed them enough in the past. One amazing thing that happened/I did today Nothing special comes to mind. Hmm Going outside I'm going to delete this section from my journal. I have well established that going outside is essential for my happiness. Weekly Goal(s) Go to sleep without watching anything on my phone. - 4day streak Monthly Goal Catch up on the lectures in the three most important classes. - I'm caught up in one of four important classes. I hope to be caught up in 2 by the end of the week. 3 Month Goal Keep the 90-day Detox going! @Jasonthanks for your reply. I think coming clean and telling him I'm on detox is the way to go. I don't see another way because he will be weirded out by me suddenly disappearing online and possibly think I blocked him or something ^^ What went well today: Talked to my mom for the first time in way too long. Should've called her sooner I guess. What I could have done to make my day better: Written this journal sooner. I've been in bed for over an hour now, procrastinating on writing this for no reason. I'm super tired and could've just had this done an hour ago and be sleeping right now. What I will do differently tomorrow: Write my journal entry before going to bed.
  2. Your journal is impressive. I'm on day 4.. 5 weeks seems like an eternity away. Not using my phone directly after waking up also seems like an alien idea to me 😛 Congratz to 36 and good luck to you for making it to 67 and beyond!
  3. Day #4 Gratitude journal I'm thankful for everything I've learned about eating healthy and that I have the ability to employ those concepts. I do not always have the discipline yet, but I do have the means to eat healthy everyday. One amazing thing that happened/I did today At around 9:30 pm I felt like I wanted to listen to a lecture. I listened to a 10min recap of the last 2 lectures by my prof. The thought that I'm supposed to enjoy what I'm studying, has occurred to me ^^ I just hope that this will become a trend because it would make my life so much easier if I didn't have to force myself through ever single lecture. Going outside Same story as the last days. Going outside is like a guarantee for a good mood. Weekly Goal(s) Go to sleep without watching anything on my phone. - 3day streak Monthly Goal Catch up on the lectures in the three most important classes. 3 Month Goal Keep the 90-day Detox going! Today I almost got baited back in by a friend. He just shared a highlight of his game with me. I managed to simply reply that it was funny and leave it at that. Had he directly asked me to come online and play with him today... I think I would've joined him. I'll have to think about how I'm going to handle that problem. What went well today: Made good progress with Uni, cooked great food and had a great conversation with my girlfriend. What I could have done to make my day better: I could've got up earlier and drank some water for breakfast. I literally gave Google a description of how I felt, got dehydration as an answer and after drinking 2 glasses of water I went from groggy, sleepy sloth to attentive and motivated monkey 😄 What I will do differently tomorrow: Get a maximum of half an hour after waking up.
  4. Day #3 @ZenoI did allright today. A friend told me to try watching it in 1.5 speed. It actually helps a lot because the boring bits still have enough speed that my mind can't wander and when the lecture really starts, I slow it back down to 1.0 speed and sometimes repeat watching segments. In total, I spent about 1:35 on a 1:30 lecture video but I feel like I got so much more out of it. As previously explained, I watched most of it fast and the important parts slow and twice. This is my first time trying it so we'll see how it works in other subjects. This was an Engineering subject with some math, which were obviously the parts I had to watch slow ^^ Gratitude journal I'm thankful for my girlfriend, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Although she can't be with me right now, talking to her everyday keeps my spirits up and I can only hope to be the same positive influence on her. Going outside 2.5 hours outside, I even forgot the time, I was enjoying it so much. I really don't understand why my brain would ever seem to want to develope habits that make me stay inside and miserable all day long. Weekly Goal(s) Go to sleep without watching anything on my phone all week. - 2day streak Monthly Goal Catch up on the lectures in the three most important classes. -found a new method of watching lectures and had great success with it, going to try it with other subjects 3 Month Goal Keep the 90-day Detox going! 0 Minutes on YouTube today. This is probably controversial, but I believe that YouTube is designed so well that it might as well be considered and online game by now. I can't find the source right now, I think I read somewhere that the average user spents over one hour on youtube once the person logs on. The reason for going on to youtube might honestly be just to watch that one new video from a subscribed to channel or to see how to cut a certain vegetable. In order to spend one hour though, I think almost everyone watches more than they had planned when going on the website. What went well today: I cooked really yummy and healthy dinner again and even have leftovers for tomorrow, that I'm really looking forward to. What I could have done to make my day better: Get up earlier. I'm having trouble falling asleep because my routine would be me watchings streams. I have done it so often, that streams actually make me yawn. However, this is also kind of an excuse, I was awake at about 10am and then just kept daydreaming till about 11:30. What I will do differently tomorrow: I managed the lecture after breakfast really well, I wan't to keep that going to form a habit. Maybe, I'll start writing that to my weekly and monthly goals. For now, I will just have to see how it goes. I did realize that my attention got worse over the last year of llistening to barely any lectures at all. I will probably need some time to adjust to the amount of taxing mental work required as a university student. Therefore, I will not stretch my willpower and not do that differently, but keep it the same for now. I will just focus on getting up ealier tomorrow. regardless of when I wake up, I want to be out of bed immediately. My body should take the sleep it needs but once I'm awake, I want to start the day.
  5. Having been in a similar situation, (though younger and not nearly as dramatic) on the "male's side" I think the only way to get something to actually change is if he wants to. And you can only find out that out by leaving him. In my case, she told me she would leave me if I didn't get it under control. Since I'm here now, it obviously still isn't 100% under control but there were much worse times. Anyways, I knew she was serious, and I told her she was right and we should seperate instead of ruining us both. She didn't want to leave me and still loved me but we knew this couldn't go on. That breakup made me finally realize how bad it was for her and the very real prospect of having lost her over video games terrified me. We were back together again within a month and she still sometimes cries when memories of that time come up. The emotional wound might never fully heal. Still, it was worth it. That was 5 years ago I am with her to this day and we agree that because of our "short breakup" we became a much stronger couple. I think that her not being able to be here with me during Covid is one of the reasons I relapsed and am now here to get back on track. When the breakup happened, I did consider the idea that not getting back together would mean I could game as much as I wanted, not having to justify it to her and gain so-called freedom (although gaming addiction is the prison). That was a tempting thought but having consciously decided against it was a decision for her. In my mind, when I chose coming back to her, I might as well have proposed to her, that was a full commitment for me. Maybe your situation is different and I'm not a counselor, I just wanted to share my experiences. About this rule making and "controlling" that he's using as a defense: my love never told me to choose between video games or her. Had she done that, I might have actually tried to convince myself that she's controlling me and restricting my life. All she did was say that she was sad and lonely. In other words, had I been able to make her happy and play games, she would've been fine with that. I realized that that wasn't possible, which made it logically equivalent, but the way she said things were just as important as what she said. There were also some things on her side that weren't perfect, which she committed to working on. Now our relationship and especially communication is so much better than before. I wish you two the best of luck! Tldr. We seperated but returned as better people and a better couple
  6. Day #2 Gratitude journal I'm thankful for living in a wealthy country where I have the opportunity to study and can enjoy luxuries like skateparks. Thinking about, its actually insane how much it costs the city to build one of these parks and I get to just use it for free. I'm also thankful for having a healthy body and enough confidence to wear protective gear without feeling self-conscious. I'm not a pro skater and even if I were, no amount of coolness is worth doing tricks in pipes and not wearing protective gear. I have made that mistake before and I'm thankful that I was able to learn my lesson with only minor injuries and some ripped clothing. One amazing thing that happened/I did today I did a movie night with a friend. Of course, movies are also just "entertainment" but doing it together, laughing together, setting it up and everything felt very different from playing a duoq game (or even worse, soloqeue) all you league gamers know what I'm talking about. And in different, I mean infinitely better. Going outside I went skating again and I would love to make it a habit. Once I'm outside, I always enjoy it, the difficult part is getting there but I hope that once it becomes a habit, the necessary mental energy to get me out of the house becomes less. Weekly Goal(s) Go to sleep without watching anything on my phone all week. -did that yesterday Monthly Goal Catch up on the lectures in the three most important classes. -made barely any progress on that today 3 Month Goal Keep the 90-day Detox going! -Again, the hardest time was the "down-time" that I would spend watching streams. Today I wasted a lot of time on YouTube, that I should've spent studying but at least I managed to refrain from any gaming related content so I didn't fail yet. What went well today: I cooked really yummy and healthy dinner. What I could have done to make my day better: Get my Uni-Stuff done earlier, then I could've enjoyed the rest of the day so much more. What I will do differently tomorrow: Do one lecture after Breakfast, no excuses. One 2h session with a 5 minute break. After that I can keep going if I want to, or I can call it a day. But that is the absolute bare minimum I should be doing in a day and there is definitely enough time to go outside afterwards and after breakfast I also don't need to worry about getting hungry, meaning I have no excuses. Also setting a specific goal should help me get started.
  7. Buenos dias Ted, You were one of the people that responded to my introduction and I wanted to thank you for that. Also, I really like your idea of using mediation as a means to build emotional self-control. Good luck with staying positive tomorrow! 👍
  8. Day #1 Gratitude journal I'm thankful for the people that took the time to respond to my introduction. I'm fairly certain they saved me from insta-relapsing and I hope to impact someone in a similar fashion someday. One amazing thing that happened/I did today I got a fistbump from a kid at the skatepark today. I didn't a particularly difficult trick, I think he just recognized me from a few weeks ago before the semester started. It was nothing out of the ordinary, but just him saying "hello" in that way and seeming genuinely happy to see me, felt really good. Of course I know, that by him showing his bros that he "knows" the older guys makes him look cool. But that doesn't change that its a win-win ^^. Going outside I went skating and it felt so good to be outside in the sun. Weekly Goal(s) Go to sleep without watching anything on my phone all week. Monthly Goal Catch up on the lectures in the three most important classes. 3 Month Goal Keep the 90-day Detox going! What went well today: I finally did something for Uni for the first time this semester. What I could have done to make my day better: Cook an actual meal instead of just jamming frozen food in the oven. What I will do differently tomorrow: Read someone else's post and reply. And see the above ^^
  9. Thank you for your answers! I will write about how my day was in the journal but I wanted to answer you guys here as well. I actually attended a lecture today! Two, to be precise. I also started working the worksheets. In betweeen, my mind wanted a break though, just like @Amphibian220 said. When I needed a break, my mind was YELLING at me to chill for a sec and open a stream or watch some gaming videos on YouTube. I was about to do it because my weird self-deceiveing brain made up the idea that I had done good work and deserved it... Luckyily before doing that I came here to see if anyone had responded. And I'm so glad I did. @Julon I also went outside for a walk, and, as you can guess by my username, I took my board with me and it felt so good to be outside in the sun. Just listening to music didn't work for me, but I guess everyone has their thing. Later in the day, I had the same huge urge but I just came here again and reread your responses. Seeing how it affected me, I want to start browsing the forum and responding to other people's intros and journals as well. @Ted I know we have been chronical relapsers and having had friends in the past that tried to quit smoking, it seems impossible for relapsers to ever become clean. Well, maybe I'm overreacting because its only day1 but since you're also new here and this is a new approach for both of us: I think we can actually do it this time! tldr. Your responses kept me from instarelapsing day1, Thank You so much
  10. Hello everyone, I'm in my mid-twenties I live in Germany and I've been gaming ever since I was a kid. I procrastinated everything until the very last minute with gaming and last semester even last-minute didn't get me going. Nobody knows how big this problem is because most of the time in my past I managed to get the stuff done just in time. I got through school with above average grades and even through my entire bachelor's degree. I think I could have gone on like that for even longer. What changed is that I moved for my masters degree and those friends that always got me going are far away now. Because of the current pandemic and me staying in my room most of the day, I'm not meeting any new people. In hindsight I was really blessed to have some non-gamer friends while doing my bachelor. Just the social pressure of them knowing I was slacking if I didn't go to the lecture or honestly me enjoying talking about uni-stuff with them was what got me my passing marks and made me finish my degree. In my first Master Semester, I didn't pass a single class. And I barely attended any. In this master, if you haven't passed the basic classes by the end of the 2nd Semester, you're out. No ifs, buts or third tries. Now its the middle of the second week of my second master semester and I barely manage to make myself something to eat, don't have a proper sleeping cycle, didn't attend a single online class and keep drowning out my bad conscience with gaming. I bought the GameQuitter course some time ago because I think what you're doing is great and I wanted to support you guys. I also really liked to listen to "Gaming the System" on google Podcasts. At that time I didn't think it was necessary to come here. Now I'm not so sure anymore. I honestly don't think I can go full 90days detox but I want to commit to at least keeping up the journal and posting everyday. I will take it a day at a time. If I don't post, there is a high likelyhood "you know what" happened... But hey, maybe I do manage the 90 days. It would be a dream come true. If someone actually reads this, I would be happy to read your story and share experiences. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone outside about this. I have tried that twice and it went horribly wrong both times 😕