Tabula rasa

Hey Jason, I'm just popping in to check on your diary. Maybe I can offer a few tips that you can relate to but everyone is different so just determine what works for you. Self hate and regret are very real and I often did that when in a vicious cycle of gaming, quitting and relapse. Humans are very much imperfect and we make mistakes daily so it's okay to forgive yourself for what you have done. The past can't be changed but we can learn to forgive ourselves, learn from our mistakes, then focus on what we CAN change, which is the future and our actions now, like getting back on the path. I can imagine it would be even more difficult for you to quit considering that people in your household play games like your younger brother. I can only really suggest letting him know if you haven't already that you have quit games and to very bluntly reject any offer he has to play games with you. You can explain why you are choosing to quit games so that he better understands your situation and hopefully he respects that! I'm sure you can think of other ways to bond with him and you can suggest those things if he wants to spend time with you or vice versa. In terms of the gaming friends you have, if the only topics you talk about with them are games, then it's probably time for you to decide whether to disassociate yourselves with them. It's what I had to do unfortunately and the only friends I continued to keep in contact with are those that we shared other similar interests in. Friends are there to support you and they come and go as we journey in life so you shouldn't feel bad if there comes a time when your interests and worldview starts to come into disagreement with your friends. I used to use the social aspect of gaming as an excuse to continue playing but there are many more communities out there in the world that you can join. For example, I am currently part of a Toastmasters club which is a public speaking club. This is an international organisation so hopefully there's one near you if you're interested. Best of luck with your journey in quitting games!

Thanks Jason. The 90 days is very much a short term target for me though. Quitting games is something that I am doing permanently. I look at my life now and compare it to when I was playing games and I never want to go back ever. Always have your end goal in mind and vividly picture, imagine and describe to yourself what it would be like to be rid of the burden of games and what your life would be like without them. All the best to you too in your journey!

Day 70/90 detox 16/12/2020 Wednesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (pull) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:40am) This diary entry is for Wednesday. Today was a work day and didn’t get up to too much. However, I did do a couple of hours of study which and keeping it up daily. Haven’t meditated for a long time though. Day 71/90 detox 17/12/2020 Thursday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:40am) This diary entry is for Thursday. Same same as yesterday. Still sleeping past midnight but getting 6 hours of sleep. Not ideal but isn’t too bad. Day 72/90 detox 18/12/2020 Friday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No (rest day) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:20am) This diary entry is for yesterday. Today was more on the chill side for me. I did some studying in the morning then also resolved a few commitments outside. Caught up on some episodes of TV shows that I'm following.

I really like the idea of if the task can't be finished before 11, don't start it. I'll implement that going forward. I think you're describing a mindfulness action whereby we don't begin the activity which makes stopping easier since you never started it (same concept with gaming). I relate very much to this Bird By Bird! Night is kinda our 'me' time. It's actually possible during the day to have 'me' time but it's just a little harder setting up that environment in which we aren't able to be distracted by other things. Maybe it does happen to everyone but other people are better at controlling their sleep time haha.

Psych, I'm back! Day 66/90 detox 12/12/2020 Saturday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (Running) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:20am) This diary entry is for Saturday. I focused a lot on managing finances today so didn't really get up to anything else. Ran to keep my fitness up and keep my weight in check. Day 67/90 detox 13/12/2020 Sunday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:08am) This diary entry is for Sunday. I cleaned the oven today but it wasn’t very difficult since we have a self cleaning oven. Regardless, I searched up what to do and what not to do. Also washed some clothes for work. Tried studying but I wasn’t very efficient. Sleep was very close to midnight but not before. Day 68/90 detox 14/12/2020 Monday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:00am) This diary entry is for Monday. Back to work. I tried exercising, however my equipment was playing up on me and I spent the rest of the night googling and trying to find gym equipment to buy. Due to COVID, pretty much everything is sold out and the stuff left is either ridiculously overpriced or of seriously questionable quality. Ended up staying way past midnight to look into this. Also came to a realisation that I study extremely inefficiently while at home and thus I am going to go out to study from now on. Day 69/90 detox (nice) 15/12/2020 Tuesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:30am) This diary entry is for Tuesday. Had work today. I managed to resolve the gym equipment issue. I also fit in some exercise. Study will be a thing that I WILL do daily since it's something that is much easily picked up when doing it daily rather than figuring out what you were up to from last time after a hiatus.

Hmm I believe I have done that previously. It's not really to do with being unable to fall asleep (I fall asleep in under half an hour almost always and usually less than 15 minutes). It's more to do with getting onto bed before midnight. Sometimes I have additional commitments which to be fair, I can postpone to the next day most of the time but I'm a kind of person that dives into rabbit holes and gets distracted quite easily.

Day 64/90 detox 10/12/2020 Thursday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:15am) This diary entry is for Thursday. I did not sleep before midnight but was quite close. I had work today and managed to complete a few family related tasks as well as fit in exercise post work. Day 65/90 detox 11/12/2020 Friday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:20am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I did not sleep before midnight but was quite close. Had to go out to complete a few tasks. Also managed to fit in study and exercise. My study efficiency is yet to improve, however.

Big catchup on the diary today. Here we go: Day 61/90 detox 7/12/2020 Monday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:40pm) This diary entry is for Monday. Guess what? Nice, I slept before midnight again! Had work today and it’s getting a bit more hectic now. Only did a couple of dailies. Day 62/90 detox 8/12/2020 Tuesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? YES (11:20pm) This diary entry is for Tuesday. Guess what? I actually slept before 11:30pm for the first time in ages! Had work again today and it continues to be hectic. Only did a couple of dailies. Day 63/90 detox 9/12/2020 Wednesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (1:00am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I read something quite interesting today from the 7 habits of highly effective people. To imagine that you have a terminal illness and that you are going to die in 30 days but can’t tell anyone. What would you do differently?

Thanks for the tip. I checked with my family but they aren't all okay with the cut off haha. Maybe another time though! Day 60/90 detox 6/12/2020 Sunday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:59pm) This diary entry is for yesterday. Nice, I slept before midnight again! My family isn’t too keen on turning the router off by midnight so I’ll have to hold off on that one for a bit. I attended another Toastmasters session and spoke impromptu for 1 minute. It was a bit nerve-racking but I did watch a couple of videos beforehand on how to do an impromptu speech so it went well in my opinion! Also socialised more with the attendees there. No study today though but I did catch up with a friend of mine and we watched a couple of episodes of a show.

Day 59/90 detox 5/12/2020 Saturday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (leg) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:59pm) This diary entry is for yesterday. Nice, I slept before midnight. A great start and the friend accountability thing worked! @championealalso suggested something very interesting like cutting of the router at midnight which I will look into. I’m also getting into the rhythm of studying and am prioritising meditating and reading a little less now since I don’t have too much leisure time.

Hey championeal, you're spot on haha. Usually I would be on my computer during the times in which I sleep past midnight. The router idea sounds like a great idea tbh. Is this a feature that your router has and if so, could you please tell me what model router that is? Although I do not live on my own and I live with family, cutting the internet off past midnight is a fantastic idea to get everyone to go to sleep. Thanks for the suggestion and it will definitely help - maybe even for me to set it to 11:30pm to cutoff, giving time to shower and be in bed by midnight.

Day 58/90 detox 4/12/2020 Friday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? Yes Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (3:00 am) This diary entry is for yesterday. Straight up, I failed with sleeping before midnight one again. I’m getting a friend to keep me accountable for today (Saturday) so today will be the day I’m back on track. However, I did manage to do the other dailies with the exception of reading. I’ve also finally got a start on getting back into study after a long hiatus and have organised the materials I need.

Day 57/90 detox 3/12/2020 Thursday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (pull) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:00 am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I had work and managed to do my dailies but once again sleep is an issue. I can stick to the schedule that I had created for today and that should allow enough time to prepare for sleep before 11:30pm.

Day 56/90 detox 2/12/2020 Wednesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:15 am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I was at home but didn’t do many dailies. However, I cleaned my bathroom which I had been putting off for literally ages and am really happy with the result. Super clean! Also prepared a bit for work the next day. Sleep though is still a massive issue.

Day 55/90 detox 1/12/2020 Tuesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (Push) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:00 am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I had work and was quite tired when I got home, however, I still managed to chunk out the dailies. Sleep once again is an issue.

Hey Pochatok, I've come to check your diary out for the first time and I wish you all the very best in your journey! For me personally, the way that I perceive games now is that they are unfortunately very unproductive, no matter how you rationalise them. Yes, they are a form of social connection but at the end of the day, there are many other activities or interests that can be used to interact with other people! I unfortunately have distanced myself from people that I used to play games with because in the long run, it's not a time commitment that is benefiting my personal growth and those people who still play games can't really see this impact it's actually having on their lives. When I took a step back from gaming, I was able to understand how little time I have because there's so much to do everyday, and other interests you can develop which are great for personal learning and knowledge, fitness or social skills. Thus, cold turkey quitting wasn't too hard for me once I had this realisation. Remember the sunk cost fallacy and truly understand it!

Day 53/90 detox 29/11/2020 Sunday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (Pull) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (3:00am) This diary entry was written on Sunday. I attended a local public speaking club for the first time today, thought it was a great experience and want to continue to come back! Day 54/90 detox 30/11/2020 Monday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:30 am) This diary entry is for yesterday. Sleep is still a major issue. I had work today and was too tired to do too much when I got home.

Thanks Panda. Strength to you too! Thanks Pochatok, good luck to you too buddy! It's a bit personal but all I can say is that it has something to do with finances and I have heated discussions with family members. This is something that I can move into the daytime and just simply stop the conversation before midnight to prevent me from sleeping so late.

Day 52/90 detox 28/11/2020 Saturday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:00am) This diary entry is for yesterday. Today was ONCE AGAIN a powerhouse of habits with the exception of sleep. Goal is STILL to reset my sleep schedule.

Day 51/90 detox 27/11/2020 Friday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (Pull) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (1:30am) This diary entry is for yesterday. Today was a powerhouse of habits with the exception of sleep. Goal is STILL to reset my sleep schedule.

Day 49/90 detox 25/11/2020 Wednesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? Yes Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:30am) This is a catchup diary entry. I had work today and so didn’t end up doing much after work. That thing that I am preoccupied with from 2 days ago is still ongoing and will probably be ongoing for the next month. Slowly winding back my sleep schedule. Day 50/90 detox 26/11/2020 Thursday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading/podcast? No Meditate? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:00am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I had work and it was a pretty good day at work. Goal is to reset my sleep schedule.

Day 47/90 detox 23/11/2020 Monday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (push) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? Yes Meditate? Yes Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (4:00am) This diary entry is a catchup diary entry. I have been sleeping extremely late recently due to being preoccupied with something personal as a result of a changing environment in my life. I want to prioritise my sleep over all else and that is my plan going forward. I watched some TV shows with friends and also went out to do some shopping for cleaning equipment. Day 48/90 detox 24/11/2020 Tuesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? No Duolingo? No Reading? No Meditate? No Podcasts? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (1:45am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I had work and after work I was pretty ‘dead’ in that I had been quite sleep deprived from the day before. I didn’t manage to do any tasks except for exercise which is something I need to maintain my health. I’m losing myself a bit but I am confident that I’ll get back on track with my daily habits.

Day 45/90 detox 21/11/2020 Saturday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (running) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? Yes Meditate? Yes Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (5:00am) This is a catchup diary entry. Today I was sorting out some personal things and slept very very late. Also did some more cleaning and managing finances. Managed to do pretty much all of my dailies though. Day 46/90 detox 22/11/2020 Sunday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No (break) Study? No Duolingo? No Reading? No Meditate? No Podcasts? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No (3:00am) This diary entry is for yesterday. I had a late start to the day due to sleeping late the previous night. I went out to meet some family friends and also managed finances. I didn't do my dailies unfortuantely.

Day 44/90 detox 20/11/2020 Friday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (legs) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? No Meditate? Yes Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:59pm) This diary entry is for yesterday. Had a late start to the day since I was resetting my sleep from the day before, however, I managed to get to get to bed by midnight which was exactly what I needed. Spent some time on sorting out finances and also did some vacuuming of my room since I haven’t cleaned it for a while. Make sure to always keep the slight edge in mind, it’s really important.

It's been a while since I've checked in. Catching up now! Day 39/90 detox 15/11/2020 Sunday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? No Meditate? Yes Podcasts? No Sleep before 11:30pm? No, 2:00am This is a catchup diary entry. It’s still quite difficult to wind back my sleep time but I managed to sleep before midnight today. Sorted out some finances and helped family with a few things. Day 40/90 detox 16/11/2020 Monday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? No Meditate? No Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:59am) This is a catchup diary entry. Day 41/90 detox 17/11/2020 Tuesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? Yes (yoga) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? Yes Meditate? Yes Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:59pm) This is a catchup diary entry. Today was a powerhouse of habits day as well as a work day. Nothing much to say! Day 42/90 detox 18/11/2020 Wednesday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No (rest) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? Yes Meditate? No Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (1:30am) This is a catchup diary entry and a work day. Day 43/90 detox 19/11/2020 Thursday Play games / watch game related videos? No Workout? No (rest) Study? No Duolingo? Yes Reading? Yes Meditate? No Podcasts? Yes Sleep before 11:30pm? No (4:00am) This diary entry is for yesterday. Work week was pretty hectic tbh and it messed with the time I had after work and my sleep schedule. My productivity was decreased and as a result spent even more time on tasks. Resetting over my long weekend.