R. Daneel Olivaw

Hi Mohammad, I have seen your first post and found this one. Not sure what can I say, I relapsed after 7 years (2010-2017) when I played maybe once a year, just for some hours. Then I found myself playing 36 hours without interruption. I have to read your other posts, just curious which games caused you the relapse. In my experience it can be any digital content, some are more dangerous though.

DAY # - 1 Physical task: work done Mental task: read some articles Projects: quit gaming Summary of Day #:1 Today I got a newsletter from Cam, he talks about Aug 31 and the running time. It is true, especially at the age of 39. It feels like I just woke up in the morning but it is late at night, without realizing it at all. Woke up relatively early and went to work earlier as usual. While working, temporarily forgot about all games. The work, looking at the green trees and all the beauty makes my honestly happy. Then took a nap, and continued a strategic game for 1900 golds in a fighting game. It is a free offer, looks like I messed it up, because I had to reinstall the games and everything is interconnected. My short time goal is to leave the fighting game forever. I wasted 3.5 days of total active playing time in this, from my life, in 3 months. Someone else, a core gamer put more than 365 days into this game in a span of 7 years, so he wasted a full year of his life just to this single player game. He says that "nothing is impossible", I feel sorry for him. At work I heard the boss talking about a well known online fighting game, she is around 40 years old. One of my previous colleagues spent 5 months of his salary for a gaming PC. Yesterday I've played a rally game and makes me relaxed, an old favorite offline game. Scientists say that the "running" type games, like racing, platformers are not to dangerous, and I must agree. Unfortunately it caused a system crash, so I went back to the online strategy game and got immersed for an hour. I have to wait 2 more days for a very powerful weapon in the fighting game, it is annoying. I spent the last year searching for a "good game" and I settled with rally. After the PC crash I have lost my saved progress, need to start over. What a mess... Tomorrow I meet my therapist, and I kind of had enough of him. He digs deep into my mind, and it is painful, but seems to be beneficial in the long run. Some days ago also started reading books. I was shocked that books are way more interesting than games, and enhance thinking, a bit more boring though. I can't read books 24/7. Sorry for the long winded start, and some inconsistency, I will keep it shorter next time. Just came out of my chest. What I am grateful for today: Hot weather ended overnight Got a newsletter from Cam

Hi friends, I started playing at the age of 12 on Commodore plus/4, now I am 39. Back then the computer was a new thing, I've never seen that before, seen the first device in elementary school. It was a Commodore 64, the school soon changed it to IBM PC with Windows 3.1. I asked my family to buy such a computer for me, because it was interesting for me. We learned Windows basic skills in school, and informatics for children, but I immediately got immersed in playing at home. The first game ever in my life was a text game, without any graphics. I had to answer questions and progress. Like who climbed the Mount Everest for the first time. The device and games were utterly ridiculous, but I remember playing a fighting game for 24 hours without interruption. It was in 1992, not sure about the exact years. Soon later I had IBM PC 20 Mhz and was given a platformer from a friend of mine. That was jump in technology, I still have in on my PC after 28 years. I soon found myself thinking that getting a super fast computer is the real purpose of my life. It was not a very serious issue, I've read books, went to gym and go outside to run every day. I graduated from University in 2005 with a good grade. I found myself in the job market, and it wasn't easy at all. I played sometimes, but I had girlfriend and had a lots of books. In 2010 I decided to stop playing cold turkey. I played a strategic game and disliked it, the next popular game was a lame title and it was too much for me. Quitting was very hard, even with a low level of addiction. First I deleted Windows and installed Linux on my PC to get rid of all games and it worked perfectly. Edit: I deleted this, but it is important. Recalling: I have to save this text right now, because it can disappear anytime by another PC crash. I read @MuMuMelon 's diary and how his long post disappeared by tapping a wrong button. I put the computer in the cabinet. It doesn't worked, so I put it in the other room, to "cleanse" my room from games, internet and media. After cleaning my room from the PC, I went to the other room and continued consuming media there. It was not about the games anymore, historical things, TV. When I quit playing, it was boring and I had lots of other problems too. I changed my addiction to much worse, alcohol, it almost caused my death. Especially when I relapsed to games 3 years ago, when I bought my first smartphone. The last two years was a game + drink madness, like never before. I broke my hand after countless hours of playing, I collapsed, and emergency surgeon fixed my broken fingers immediately. I was in cast for 2 months in 2019, and I played with one right hand and left thumb. I was very lucky not breaking my right hand, and meeting the best surgeon. Been to hospital in and out, and actually stopped drinking, after a near fatal accident, hopefully forever. The accident involved 36 hours of playing a multiplayer shooter type game without interruption, I collapsed and suffered a bad injury. I'm happy to survive this case. This year I get a part time job as a cleaner, way under the level of my professional skills and other real life skills. The games and booze lowered my IQ with about 30 points in two years. It is a rough guess, and I am slowly regaining my common sense. I'm still fighting against this addiction, but not ready to quit now. My life is so hard, I need a place to escape. I have a therapist and support now, and increasingly find games extremely boring. Not sure what else can I do in my free time, I've almost tried everything to find myself in another dead end street. I was into photography, discovering my city, everything works... for a while. English is not my first language, I made grammar mistakes for sure, my apologies. Cheers a relapsed person