Max

Day 8. Quick entry this time. Already fucked up my sleep schedule. But this time it happened because I can't stop studying haha. Like I stopped programming at 10:30 PM and then I started changing my linux configs until 3 AM. It's just so fun. Gonna keep learning. @Paul A. yeah, thanks, I kinda found my own vibe, I'm definitely on the right path, making some progress every day and enjoying the process. I hope you're doing good too.

Day 7. Today was great, it is now much easier to start doing something productive because I don't have much distractions. And what is much more important, I started to enjoy studying. Like it's not a chore for me anymore, I do it only because I want to. Not gonna lie, studying is hard and I have problems with concentration, but as long as I'm trying it will improve. I don't need to do like ton of things in one day, I want consistency, so I will gradually increase my load. As was written in Atomic Habits "Don't focus on your goals, focus on your systems instead'. And I think this is what I need. I've been constantly focusing on achieving something as fast as possible, but what I really needed is consistency and a good routine. It's is also day 3 of my dopamine detox. It's been going well, but I have to clear some things out. I still use discord. I found a study community there, so yeah I'm still using it to chat. I'm also kinda active on one developer server. So yeah, my detox is not pure because I consider discord as a social network. But it helps me focus on my goals, so I don't mind actually. Also I finally found replacement for gaming (kinda). I figured out I like to press keys on my keyboard fast. So past few weeks I've been practicing speed touch typing. And because I'm also a keyboard enthusiast, typing brings me so much joy. My current PB is 104 WPM, I'm planning to go for at least 120. I realize that it might become addictive and I'm keeping an eye on that, but for now I have no problem to keep it under 10/20 minutes at a time.

Day 6. I am making great progress on my studies. I've just started, so I have many things to improve in my schedule and discipline, but at least I'm doing something meaningful and I think it's great. Obviously no cravings, but first two or three weeks were always very easy for me, so we'll see what will happen after a month or so, I'm a little bit worried that my addiction will suck me even in Overwatch 2, but that is not very likely due to the game being dogshit. I picked up readying in my bed instead of youtube and I think that's great. I should definitely look into meditation, I will start it this week. Not much else to report, just making small changes that will be beneficial in a long run.

Of course I do. I've probably failed more than 50 times already, so I ain't stopping. Yeah, I've done only 2 days of detox, but it has been very beneficial already in certain areas like sleep and focus. Yeah, that's for sure, but I want to start small. My average time on YouTube alone was about 5-8 hours daily, so I just want to get a feeling of life without stimulation. If I'd set much bigger goal, like 1 month or 90 days, I think I would fail almost immediately, because this would be way to overwhelming. But 7 days is a kinda small period of time, definitely doable, so I think it's a solid point to start with. I see the tendency on this forum that many people are very motivated in the beginning and they try to quit everything at once. And most of them relapse almost immediately. I was one of them a couple of times. So now my experience tells me not to rush, and just take it slow and steadily. Thank you Paul, sure I will. Best wishes, Max.

Day 5. I kinda fixed my schedule so I'll usually write around this time. Today's been good, I start to feel much more present due to lack of dopamine distractions. But I still found some places where I tend to waste my time. My investment app, this forum and wikipedia. So starting today I allow myself to check my investment app only in the morning and in the evening, visit this forum only once a day in the evening for posting, and reading wikipedia only if it's related to my studies. I've been thinking about disabling my cell phone, but I don't think it's a good idea in case someone in my family needs to contact me. Still a lot of work awaits ahead, but it is a solid start.

Hey Yan! Yeah, I'd say with ease. I'm from Russia. We were completely cut off from world payment system, so it's impossible to buy any western services (battle pass in a video game in that example) with a Russian card. And if your account is Russian, it won't let you use foreign card either. I purchased physics and math courses for one month, there's a lot of problems I have to complete. I'm also actively learning programming. Yeah, that's very obvious. I've been trying to quit for at least 3 years now, so I've learnt quite a lot in that time. I've read "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, so I think I know enough about habit formation and behavior in general. I am constantly applying practices from that book. Currently I have lot's of studying to do to keep me occupied. Yeah, I'm trying to read more. Mostly I read technical books though, but I'm planning to pick more for other subjects. Yeah, I've heard about it, not in a positive way sadly. Currently I have quite a big queue of books to read, but maybe I'll get to this one day.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Hey there, you might know me for being extremely addicted to Overwatch and struggling to quit for the 2.5 years already. TL;DR Overwatch 1 servers are down forever, Overwatch 2 sucks ass, I have no desire to play it. So I'm focusing on not playing any other games for 90 days and finally doing a proper detox, while for the first 7 days do a full dopamine detox (I'll talk more about it below). So yeah, my last detox ended with a relapse on day 45, followed by binge playing Overwatch for 10-14 hours a day. My sleep schedule was waking up at 4-6 PM and playing non-stop until 5-6 AM. Remaining time was wasted on watching Overwatch on Twitch. My binge lasted a week. Then Overwatch 1 servers got closed and Overwatch 2 came out. And I hate it, this new game is absolute dog water. New UI is trash, 5v5 mode is not fun for me, queue time is just bullshit, community still sucks, server connection is garbage, and my biggest disappointment is fucking battle pass. Like they locked heroes in a competitive game behind a paywall, like holy shit. And I can't even buy it because I live in a country everyone hates. So yeah, there's no way I'm ever touching this game again. But I still lack discipline, I'm just a huge procrastinator. My life is just a mess, no friends, not job, no girlfriend, no education, no health. My sleeping schedule right now is waking up in about 3-5 PM and doing something 'till 6 AM and fall asleep with youtube videos in background. I don't remember last time I was sleeping without a video playing. So my first and most important goal is to do a 90 day gaming detox. But I don't consider it hard anymore, but we'll see how it goes. My second and the hardest goal is doing 7 day dopamine detox. I watched a video about it on YouTube and really liked the idea. So here I am. The idea is to remove all sources of dopamine stimulation for a certain period of time. It includes gaming, social media, junk food, series, films, porn, music, youtube, news. I want to go trough this in finally experience some mind clarity in my life. I think this is gonna be really hard, but I've just lost and addiction, so I have to compensate. Today is actually day 5 without video games, and day 0 dopamine detox. I think I'll write daily to reflect better on what's happening and also make a more complete journal.

Yeah I get such a warm feeling from looking at Hrushevki at winter. Like it’s constantly dark and cloudy, they are all dirty and covered in shit. Snow is brown from dirt and chemicals. Not maintained properly since USSR. There are no perspectives for ordinary people. Post Soviet era is so depressing yet so heartwarming! Well, I quit 2 days ago. To be honest it wasn’t my effort at all, but Overwatch 1 servers went down forever and Overwatch 2 has released. And it fucking sucks so hard. They’ve removed everything I liked in that game. Everything feels so foreign and… boring. I’m completely uninterested in playing that new game, it actually felt like a chore, I wanted to go do something else. So.. because my favorite game that I was addicted to is never coming back, I think I’m finally free. I’m not planning to pick any other games yet, and as I said before - I am not addicted to any other game, I’m a very casual gamer. My current plan is to go through proper 90 day detox and then reintroduce myself to casual gaming. It’s kinda sad actually that this story had to come to such an end, where I couldn’t push through and gain proper self control to quit by myself. I am not a strong individual, rather just a big biochemical reaction with not enough willpower. Not a master of my life, but a slave of my feelings and emotions. I assume that if Overwatch 1 would still be playable I’d still quit eventually, but this doesn’t feel like a win. I guess it’s my last entry in this journal as it’s lost its purpose. I’m gonna create another one soon.

I'm good, thanks for asking. And how are you, Matvei? No, why would I leave the country? Also no, as I said before, I have no military experience so I'm not needed yet. This is weird. I don't have any social media and I'm not readying the news, so I have no idea what western (and Russian liberal) media is saying about current situation, but I have some suspect that they might have a little anti-Russian bias, thus may be distorting the facts in their favor. I can't speak for everyone of course, but I'm just chilling. Nothing has really changed for me, I'm still going to restaurants, museums, work, spending good time outside. The only reason why I wasn't active recently is just because I've been binge playing Overwatch for 14 hours a day. So my excessive gaming is at fault here. Regarding leaving, I have such option any moment. My sister lives in Germany and my family has connections all over the world, I could just point a finger on the map and I'd be there. But why? Russia is my home, I grew up here and have deep connections with it's culture, nature, people. I've traveled quite a lot, been in whole lot of cool places, but I always have a warm feeling coming home. This is where I belong, I'm proud to be Russian. And not a single fucking politic will change my mind. Putin, Zelensky, Biden, Scholz, Truss, Xi Jinping - they're all cunts. Yes, Russia is a shithole, but it is my shithole. And I don't care what others say.

Mostly studying, reading, programming, also going outside a lot. I was readying a book about Python programming lol. Programming is cool and I enjoy it a lot, but nothing else in this world gives me the same amount of satisfaction as playing Overwatch, not even other games. I am completely hooked, I simply can't stop. Once I came here over 2 years ago I started to look at gaming as an addiction, so I never actually thought about stopping my attempts to quit. Overwatch 2 is out tomorrow, and I'm gonna play the shit out of it. But in a couple of weeks I'll uninstall and come here again.

Day 48. This is it, I relapsed. I’ve been craving a lot whole week, but today was especially terrible. I wanted to play so much I just could’t think of anything else, I was reading a book, but games was the only thing I had on my mind. After some hours I started having a headache, my hands were shaking. My mind has been tearing itself apart. I didn’t want to play, I NEEDED. I’ve never had such a painful craving before. I just couldn’t take it anymore. While installing Windows to play, I accidentally chose wrong drive and wiped out my main system with tons of unsaved configs, scripts and other thing’s I’ve been working on this year. I’ve been learning Python this whole week, now all my code is gone. I put so much effort in it, fuck. Instant karma I guess. After I finally played I feel such a relief. No more cravings, I don’t feel anything. I’m gonna binge play for 12 hours a day for some time, that’s for sure.

Oh, then my bad here. I only played competitively, so I wouldn't even touch a game if it's not at least 144 Hz and 150 FPS. No idea what Roblox is, but I guess it's different lol. Anyway good luck, having a decent hardware must be pretty nice. But I'll keep my 2000s plastic bricks 😄

Congrats on buying a new laptop. But I think that it won’t be easy to abstain from gaming if you are doing game development on a gaming laptop, especially on such an early stage of quitting. I have a 3 or 4 year history of quitting, so I figured out that works for me. And it is to keep gaming hardware as far as possible. I’ve sold my gaming GPU and bought a very cheap one just to output 2D graphics, I gave away my 144 Hz gaming monitor to my brother. And also I uninstalled Windows, using Linux full time on PC and laptops. At this point for me to game I need to 1) buy a new GPU 2) Buy or take back 144 Hz monitor 3) install Windows. It is such a barrier that if not that, I’d relapse like 10 times already. I am bad at self-control, so I’ve created an environment where I almost don’t need it. For me gaming is literally difficult. I am learning programming too, although nothing related to 3D graphics. And honestly the most modern laptop I use is 2014 ThinkPad. Like on Linux you don’t need new hardware, everything just works blazingly fast (if you know how to set everything up). So while my hardware is getting more and more outdated for gaming, it still works great for programming, and I like older ThinkPad keyboards much more, they’re so durable and feel great to type on, any modern laptop keyboards (Macbooks included) just suck! I’ve shared my approach to computer hardware hoping that you may find something useful for yourself in terms of quitting. Honestly buying a gaming laptop on day 3 sounds like a questionable decision. But it’s up to you of course.

Thank you, I really appreciate your support during such a hard times! We can do this!

Day 45. Half of my detox. I've been planning to relapse today, pick up my gaming monitor and good GPU, download Overwatch and play for at least a month (also Overwatch 2 comes out in a week and I wanted to be there). That's all I was thinking about this whole week. I was very uncertain, on one side I had massive urges to play, on the other I knew what comes after a relapse. So today I've made my final decision that I'm moving forward. I had enough of this shit. Every time I relapse I feel horrible. I'm so tired of being a failure. I have so many goals, during the past 6 years I've reached none. All of these years I've been nothing but human garbage. I lied to everyone that I would change, I lied to myself. I can't do this anymore, it makes me fucking sick. I have to fucking grow up.

Yeah it sucks. Some people I know already got letters from the army. But all of them served in the army and/or have real battle experience. I can't relate to none of the above, so I'm in the second wave. Most likely I won't be drafted because I'm useless lol. But who knows, no one thought that mobilization would happen at all. We in Russia live in complete uncertainty, no one knows what to expect from tomorrow day. So it won't surprise me if I'll be on the frontline in a couple of months.

Day 42. I’ve been doing alright, due to the pause at work I am now learning Python. Also I have a very interesting book to finish, so my mind is staying occupied. But cravings are strong, so we’ll see how it goes. Just read on the news that people in reserve can’t leave their place of living, so I’m happy that I was able to travel a little bit two weeks ago. I guess all I can do now is study, finish my work, and read books. We have a tight deadline at work, I’m waiting for other people’s part so I could finish mine. I hope to finish this project before getting drafted.

Yeah I only do bodyweight exercises now. Thank you, I’m still staying strong, it’s day 42 now. Honestly I craved so bad this whole week and I plan to play Overwatch on Saturday for a few weeks. But I’m still uncertain because I don’t want to ruin my streak. Yet I really wanna play. Yeah, that’s true, we’re living in a very different environments. Just an hour ago Putin has announced mobilization of military reserves. And guess what? I’m in a military reserve, second wave. So there’s a chance of me getting drafted and being sent to Ukraine soon. I’ve never been in Ukraine and always wanted to visit, but not like this lol.

Day 37. WARNING: MAY BE TRIGGERING Yesterday I was sick so I had to skip a work day. While laying in bed I was bored, but instead of reading a book I started watching Overwatch streams on Twitch. And at the same moment new hero was announced for Overwatch 2. And then I saw tons of other new content for it. And I started to crave so badly. For all you guys not familiar with the game, Overwatch hasn’t received a single content update for years, game became basically dead. But I still played. And now there’s tons of new content, hype, lots of new players. And my work has ended as well. I’m so sorry if anyone had some faith in me, but I don’t think I’m gonna make it. My addiction is too strong, I don’t think I can resist anymore.

Day 35. Woah it's been a while. Been lurking on the forums, but had no time to write a proper entry. Again writing this while going to work lol. I've been doing alright, cravings are minimal, always occupied with something, my mind is clear, motivated to learn and discover new stuff. Last weekend I was in Armenia on a music festival and it was great, ate a lot of delicious food, met new people, discovered amazing places. I think the best part of it was the weather, sunny, 25 degrees. It was really nice compared to shitty fall weather in Moscow. Can't wait to finish my current work and go back to studying, really want to find a job in programming as soon as possible. Quitting gaming is so fun!

Hey. My advice is to find a job. I’ve been severely addicted to gaming for over 6 years. This summer I’ve got a job offer and it changed my life. Instead of sitting at home and being bored, not knowing what to do I’m now so busy that I don’t even think about playing again. Cravings do happen but I’m too busy to relapse. Still only 29 days clean but it’s my longest streak in years.

That's exactly what I'm aiming for. After years of overstimulation with dopamine and getting used to instant gratification it's so hard for me to do chores and enjoy slow paced regular life. I think it'll get better with time, I'm just on day 21. Haha yeah I get it. Actually I'm a little bit worried to play it too. I once was shooting with a crossbow in Minecraft and it reminded me of playing Overwatch and I relapsed instantly lol. So I have to be really careful with games, but most of the time with single player it's alright. I usually get bored after just an hour or too and stop. Actually not. I think I'm so addicted to Overwatch is because I've spent crazy amount of time mastering it and got somewhat good. When I'm doing any other activity as an amateur I have no trouble keeping it under control. Same thing happened with powerlifting. I've been training for 1 hour 3 times a week, then after a year I started to get good gains and I started to workout for 2 hours or even more. Because of that I severely injured myself and needed a surgery. Now I can't lift anything anymore. So yeah, if I stick with something I could get compulsive over time.

Day 20. All these days I was too busy to write an entry. So I'm writing this on my phone in a subway train lol. I've been fine, about to finish my work project and go back to studying so I could apply to software job in like 6 months. Work has been very busy, I've been working this whole week including weekends. I think I'll finish everything mid September. Currently can't spend almost any time on my hobbies, but I managed to get my hands on my keyboard last night. I fully disassembled it, so it's ready to be lubed and modded with PE foam. I hope to do it today in the evening. Still don't have much time for reading, but I go to the library once a week when I have some time. My biggest concern at the moment is that I don't have any friends and I don't know how to make them. I kinda used to being alone but it's still saddens me. Also my health condition is kinda shitty, I have to make an appointment to the doctor. Gastritis is a nasty shit. I often experience urges to play throughout the day, but I can resist them because I'm always occupied with something. So when my work would end and I would have much more free time I might have some troubles. I'm really worried about this, but we'll see.

Yeah long time no see! It's so motivating to see you grow as a person in your journal. I wish I would be as mature and disciplined like you one day. I'm pretty confident that I can keep it up this time, so I'm kinda following your steps. Btw if you are doing a research on game design, have you heard about Cult of the Lamb? It's an indie game and it looks so cool! I haven't played it obviously, but I think if I can manage to do a 90 day detox completely off games, I can reintroduce single player games and I would definitely play it! Obviously my biggest goal is to stay from Overwatch forever!