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MuMuMelon

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  1. Hey @AbjurationWizard! I'm just feeling like the only thing I'm accomplishing is quitting video games. Don't get me wrong. I'm damn proud of myself for doing this and I feel better about myself everyday. However, I'm also 44 and I'm really feeling what not doing much of anything for most of my life feels like, and frankly, I hate it. I so so wish I had come to these conclusions sooner. That gaming was eating up all my time, my best years. Up until a couple of days ago I was satisfied with just quitting gaming, smoking and weed. Now though, I just wish I was more accomplished...at what I don't even know. That's part of the problem with this video game addiction. I've been playing them for so long that I don't even really know myself. I thought of myself as a gamer for the majority of my life. I don't want that anymore but I don't know what I want period. I know that I'll get to a point where I can see more clearly, I just wish it would come sooner. I've been drifting through life up until this point, doing whatever came easiest. I barely thought about my job, friends, family, etc, but I sure did focus on gaming. Playing, watching reviews, reading about the next new thing....nearly all my time and mental energy I put into gaming. The meditation and yoga are fantastic. I'm very glad I've taken the time to understand and learn them and I intend to continue that journey for the rest of my life. I just have a desire to make up for lost time. Thanks for checking in.
  2. Day 59 Another day of not much. Meditated and went for a walk in the morning. Did some laundry after that. Honestly I just didn't get up to much. I very much need to start planning out my days a little better. I know I'll be going back to work soon but I'd still like to be more in control of my own scheduling. I've been giving myself the freedom to just quit and take life as it comes and so far it's been working. Now though, I think I need to seriously focus on some new hobbies besides meditation and yoga. These have been great and I intend to continue with them but I need to add some more hobbies to the loop. I picked up some classes on Udemy earlier but I really haven't been studying much. Time to start sorting that out. Also, I have a board game that I've been working on that I really need to finish. Anyway, off to bed. Tomorroe it's time to be more disciplined. Take care all. Keep it up!
  3. Thanks @AbjurationWizard, this is my third attempt. Feeling good about this one.
  4. Hey there @AbjurationWizard, good on you for stopping yourself in your tracks! As far as I'm concerned you're still quit. Just had a moment of weakness is all. That's the f'd up thing about addiction. You can not do it for years but it'll always be with you. I think that kind of defines addiction. You can not do that thing for ages, forget about it even, then it just pops back up to remind you. I'm very glad you stopped yourself. Smart move coming back to check in too. Take care and keep it up!
  5. Day 58 Feeling tired today. Didn't get up to too much. Started my day with some meditation to help me relax. After that I went for a walk and really tried to focus on my life and what I want out of it. To be honest I'm still not really sure. I'm just glad I've brought meditation and physical activity into my life. I really feel like it's making me feel better while simultaneously giving me less time to think about playing video games. Not that I do think about them too much these days. Most days they are not on my mind at all. Just every once in a while I get an acute craving. These craving always seem to pass fairly quickly at least. Outside of cooking the meals, doing the dishes and bringing the garbage cans back around I really haven't done much today. It was a lazy day. I spent a lot of it just thinking. Guess I need to get some sleep so I'm going to head off to bed shortly. Have a great night all you ex-gamers!
  6. Day 57 Missed a few days there. Monday and most of today I was out camping. Went to a place called Guelph Lake. Wasn't the greatest spot to camp but it was still pretty nice. Had an interesting run in with some skunks at night though, so that was kinda freaky. I had just put the fire out but the weather was so nice I decided to stay up and just relax for a bit before I went to bed. Dozed off for five minutes or so and when I woke up I was surrounded by skunks. One of them was behind me and I could tell that I startled it. It took up a defensive pose and was getting ready to spray me. The one in front of me walked right up and started smelling my shoe. After a minute or two they both ended up wandering away but those were a long two minutes. After that I slowly got up and into my tent. To safety. That would have sucked so much if I'd got sprayed right as I was planning on going to bed. It was also light's out at the campsite so I would have had to suffer in silence. Everyday is an adventure I guess. Today, after my friend and I made coffee and had some breakfast, we went for a hike on a trail in Guelph. Even though Guelph isn't exactly considered an "exotic" place to travel to it was still nice to just check it out. The trail we went on wove through a pretty large forest. It was nice. The trip was interesting for me as well as I ended up going with a friend I used to game with. He asked me about why I quit and all that. I explained where my head is at and he seemed to understand. He, like everybody else, wondered why I couldn't just game here and there, like only on weekends. I had to explain to him that this isn't just something I feel like I'm spending too much time doing but something I have a compulsion to do, like whether I really want to or not. In a way, talking to people I used to game with helps solidify why I quit in the first place. Having to answer questions about why I quit really makes me process it even more. I appreciate having that opportunity. It was also great to see that my gaming friend could just be a regular friend. I was really happy when he decided to go camping with me. I didn't get the best sleep last night and I've had a long day of getting out in the sun, so I'm pretty tired. Going to pack away my camping stuff and put the stuff I took out of the car to make room for the camping stuff back. After that I'll probably do a little reading, plan my day out for tomorrow, meditate for a bit and then hit the sack. Hope everybody is feeling good today!
  7. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. It seems obviously unhealthy, in the same way doing anything to that kind of extreme is not healthy. The kids that are getting into playing video games at that level have a skill in them that is almost supernatural. While I think it's amazing that the (very small) percentage of gamers can express themselves at that level, I can't help but think what they could do if they put that talent towards something worthwhile. Obviously, different people will have different definitions about what is worthwhile. I believe that it's a waste of talent but at the same time it makes that particular talent obvious. But what about all the hopefuls? All the kids that want to be gaming legends but just don't have what it takes? These are not easy questions to answer. As somebody who is in the process of quitting gaming it's very difficult for me to find any kind of positives that could be generated from gaming to that extent. The truth is I gamed to that level with no expectation of anything other then getting to play the games. Is it better or less addictive to play video games with the intention of playing competitively in the future? I don't know. I don't like the idea of people finding their identity in the video game space, and I think (much like athletes) that it's almost inevitable they they will. That's just my two cents. Great question.
  8. I haven't, as I've never really been into watching other people play video games. Always just made me want to play games more. I have a friend, though, who loves watching competitive Overwatch and he doesn't really play Overwatch. I guess for some people it's just like watching sports. However, having said that, I don't think somebody who identifies as a video game addict would benefit from watching people play video games. I can only speak from personal experience but I'm quite sure that if I were to sit down and watch somebody on twitch playing some games, my first reaction would be to REALLY want to play some games. I suggest you avoid it, but you know yourself better then I do. All the best!
  9. This is a post for yesterday Day 54 I went to a breath work/meditation workshop that was out of town yesterday. I'm kind of an antisocial guy. Well, I guess a better way of putting it is that it's hard for me open myself up to new people unless I feel completely at ease. Usually, this comes after I've met somebody a few times. Sometimes it happens right away, if that person opens up to me in a trusting way. However, I find that it can't be me first. Somebody has to show that they are willing to accept me before I can open myself up to them. The workshop itself was a wonderful experience. We did various forms of meditation and breath work. The breath work itself is quite a challenge. It's like exercising very hard but without doing the exercise. You are breathing to the full capacity of your lungs and then quickly releasing and you repeat this for minutes at a time. In a sense you are making yourself hyperventilate. We did about an hour of these breathing exercises and then meditated in various forms throughout the next couple of hours. It really felt like all the meditation I've been doing up to this point was practice for this very moment. The breathing exercises allowed me to go much deeper into my meditation. Sometimes I would get lost in the experience, at another point I could hear two, high-pitched frequencies in the room (that I could recognize as being outside myself), and a few times throughout the session (Sometimes for just a few seconds at a time) I could feel the connected energy of the people in the room. When the meditation ended everybody was invited to share their experiences of the day. I was too awkward to really open up but I did my best. I've been invited to join a facebook group to talk about the experience. I would very much like to give my thoughts and I know I would do a better job explaining them in writing then with just my words. When I got home my wife was very upset. Throughout the day she had worked herself up into a frenzy, worrying about our tax situation. I did my best to let her speak and when I found moments to jump in I did my best to give reassurance. I really believe that things are going to be okay and I tried my best to pass those feeling on to her. I know this is a stressful time. I just don't want it to overwhelm her. She already works so hard. I don't want her to have added stress in her life. Truthfully, she deserves a vacation of any duration of her choosing. Through all this talking I realized I was mentally and physically exhausted from the day. I tried very hard to focus on my wife and stay present in what she was dealing with. However, after an hour or so I realized I was fading. I apologized and let her know that I definitely wanted to discuss these things with her but I was just beat from the day. She understood and I went to bed. Didn't have the best sleep as I was pondering the day and really feeling what my body was going through, but whatever I got was much needed. I am grateful that I quite playing video games. Having done so is opening up so many avenues in my life that didn't exist or I wasn't paying attention to. I am grateful that my wife and I are still capable of connecting in an open, honest and loving way. I am grateful for the changes in myself, that I'm more open to hear her and want to connect with her more deeply. I'm grateful that I've allowed myself the freedom to just let go and see where life takes me. These new experiences, like meditation and breath work, have brought so much positivity to my life, in all aspects. Also, I am incredibly grateful to still have this feeling of growth. I feel like it could be very easy to go down dark paths and reflect on all the time I have wasted in my life playing video games. I'm so glad that I can see the bright side and know that this is just the beginning of a new life. One where I am far more conscious of the path I choose. On a final note, I can't recommend meditation enough. I hope everybody here gives it a real, solid attempt at some point in their lives. The sooner the better. All the best for all of you!
  10. Good job @Some Yahoo! I'm sorry you're having a bad day but I'm glad you put up a fight and decided to not game. Every time you say no you make it easier on yourself in the future.
  11. Day 53 Slept in today for a change. I'm used to getting up around 5 but I woke up at nine today. I'm sure the crappy sleeps I've been getting the last 3 days helped. Rolled out of bed and cooked up some oatmeal with Rasperries and peanut butter. After that I went for a walk. I stopped to do some meditation out in nature for a change but it didn't go so well. Since it's not the most secluded place I couldn't really let go. That's going to take some practice. Got home and then meditated for an hour. Fully relaxed. Could have gone longer but felt that was enough. Cooked up a light pasta lunch and did some searching around for a campsite to go to on Monday and Tuesday. Found a place nearbye. My wife can't make it but a friend of mine is going to come along. Should be nice and relaxing. Folded a bunch of laundry. Got prepared for a breathwork class I'm attending tomorrow. This is like the first semi-public event I've been to since Covid. I'm really looking forward to it. Its definitely out of my comfort zone but I think that's good. I need to meet nee people. It takes place over most of the day. I imagine I'll be pretty tired by the time I get home. Not much else happened today. Pretty chill. Night all.
  12. Good stuff! I don't have the stressful situation that you have but I have found that meditation has brought a lot of calm into my life. You can do 30 days! The next time you get a craving come here first! Let us know and hopefully somebody is around to help. If nobody is here, talk it out to yourself at the very least. Journal about it. Maybe if you take the time to think on why you are getting the urge to play, those urges might pass. Hope that helps.
  13. Day 52 Woke up this morning with a pretty great solitaire card game idea in my head. Not sure if I was dreaming about it or not but it was the first thing on my mind upon waking. I rushed to my notepad and wrote the idea down before sitting down to meditate. Meditation didn't come easy today but when I finally settled into things I felt like I went pretty deep. After an hour I got up and went back to bed for an hour or two. When I got up I headed to Hamilton (about an hour away) to visit my Dad and my brother. Didn't get up to too much. Helped my Dad move a TV stand into his apartment. After that we grabbed some food from a Thai restaurant and sat down to eat it at my brothers place. We ate outside and chatted for a bit. Nice weather. When I got home I looked into my tax stuff and found out that I'll have what I need to get back to work on the 31st. I wish things would move a little faster but I'm glad I have some actual information for a change. Things are looking up in that regard. Chatted with my wife for a few hours and now I'm feeling pretty tired. The last three days my sleep patterns have been all out of whack. Not sure what's up but I do not like it. Hopefully tonight I can get a good nights rest. Talked to my brother today about quitting vids. He still doesn't really understand it. He was like "why don't you just play in moderation"? I was like, that's a wonderful idea in theory but I simply am not capable of doing that. I know myself. He was talking about how cool the PS5 is gonna be and all that. I was like, I know, trust me. I'm well aware of how cool all of these new games and consoles look. That's how I know I can't play them. Just the thought of playing them gets me excited. It's sad. I wish I could simply play a few games here and there but I know that I can't. I have an addiction. I understand that. Video games are just off the table for me for the rest of my life now. I know that my life has improved as a result. I can see it and feel it. My mind is clearer. My decisions making is more thought out and methodical. I still have so much to learn (and unlearn) but I'm excited at the prospect now. I feel better. My wife views me in a better light. People who don't see me all the time might not get it but they don't see the time that I've dumped into playing video games. They don't see the money that I've spent on the library of games and consoles. If they did I think they would understand. That's all fine though. I also don't need my friends and family to treat me as though I'm recovering from something. It's enough that I've told them. If they don't get it that's cool. I know me. And I know that I can't temp myself. I can't allow myself to break anymore. I've cracked too many times in the past. I want to be bigger then an addiction to video games will allow me to be. And these days, I really feel like I'm growing. I wish the same for everybody here. Keep growing.
  14. I totally get it. There were definitely times in my life where my game cravings were so strong that I would play on whatever was available. Budget PC, Phone, classic console, etc. When you really want to game these days it's incredibly easy to find a way. I hope you can find a way to push past these cravings. You've been here for a while so I know that you are aware of trying new hobbies, making new patterns, etc. Is something triggering you? Are you under more stress than usual? (I mean these are certainly stressful times.) This is not judgement in any way. I hope you find the strength inside yourself to do this because it sounds like you really want to quit.
  15. Day 51 Chill Wednesday. Since I can't really do much until I get my taxes sorted (should have what I need in ten days) I've just been exercising, reading, cooking and meditating for most of the day. Did a bit of reading also. Currently, I'm on Discord playing D&D with a few of my IRL friends. This is something we started doing during the pandemic but we haven't had a chance to play in about two months. Not really a D&D guy but it's a fun diversion. Just nice to hang with my friends for a few hours. I called my employer earlier today to let him know the situation and he sounds cool with it. Thank goodness. Getting this stuff sorted is going to be such a relief. Also, visited one of my friends earlier. We went for a walk and had a nice conversation. It was good to see him as he has a very busy lifestyle. It's been a good day. No game cravings....although, I woke up this morning from a dream where I was in an arcade. It was modern but I was playing a game called Operation Wolf. That was a game I loved when I was kid. In my dream I was marveling at how they had a copy in such good condition. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I woke up. I had a chuckle when I woke up. Outside of that no game cravings. Things are good over here. Hope things are good for you all too!
  16. Not trying to tell you how to live your life but might I suggest that you delete all your games? Change your passwords, etc. It just doesn't sound like you are creating many barriers and then it becomes easy to just play. If you really want to quit get rid of them. If they aren't there it becomes a lot easier to not play them.
  17. Day 50 - Woot! I'm not sure what it was but I couldn't sleep at all last night. The weird thing was that I was exhausted when I went to bed. Did a bunch of exercise throughout the day, did some breath work in the afternoon, yoga in the morning. I was tired but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was wide awake. Nothing on my mind. Just tossing and turning all night. Think I got about two hours of sleep the whole night. That was soooo frustrating. It's possible that I had too much coffee throughout the day but that isn't usually an issue for me. Crossing my fingers that I fall soundly asleep tonight. Taxes are starting to get sorted so that's great. Turns out my wife's old friend used to do taxes and she agreed to help us out with ours. I'm sure it wasn't easy for my wife to ask for help but this is really going to move things along. Progress! Anyway, another good day. Did some breath work via a meetup group and had a great experience. Went for my usual walk and then made lunch. After that I finished watching the Inner Worlds, Outer Worlds documentary on youtube. Very interesting and certainly worth a watch. Started the book The Secret Life of Plants. So far, so interesting. After that I watched a Bill Burr comedy special on Netflix - Paper Tiger. That was pretty great and I had a laugh. I love me some stand up. Then I played a quick game of Spaceshipped (card game) and I'm just about to go to bed. I'm flippin' tired. Night all, and screw video games. Life if far more interesting.
  18. Hi @UsualSuspect, and welcome! I am not an expert (I've only quit gaming for about a month and a half), but it might be easier if you looked at quitting gaming like opening up your time to do new things as apposed to "growing up". You feel that you have an addiction, that you play too much. Those are good reasons to stop doing anything, let alone "childish" things. I doubt many people view heroine as childish but it certainly is addictive. That's how I look at video games now. Like a substance that was controlling my life. It wasn't easy for me quit gaming. This is my third attempt in my life. Fortunately I feel like it's for good this time. Take it from this 44 year old. Gaming is addictive and will rule you if you let it. Video games are created with addictive elements baked right into them. This is done deliberately, in the same way casino machines are created. Bright lights, exciting sounds, constant positive feedback....these things are crafted to control you, to consume as much time as they can. I'm glad you're here. You know what's up. I'd be lying if I said it was easy but I know you can quit. It's hard at first but gets easier over time. You got this.
  19. Epic will be fine. Apple will be fine (although I'm sure they'll miss those profits). There really is no loser here. Both of those companies are giants.
  20. I'm not the person to give advice in this situation. I just wanted you to know that you're heard. This is a tough spot to be in. I hope you can work it out.
  21. Day 49 (Yesterday (Day 48) was a nice Sunday. I took it easy, played some board games, read a little, did some yoga in the park and went for a hike. Pretty chill day. Meant to write a journal entry but fell asleep early and...didn't.) Had a pretty intense day today. Good kind of intense though. Still no word from the accountant yet. I'll give her a call tomorrow to see what's up. This is a point of stress and I'd love to get things cleared up as soon as possible. Started the day off with a 45 minute mediation and a 20 minute Yoga routine. Just a nice, peaceful way to start the day. After that I made a nice avocado and fried egg sandwich for breakfast. Flippin' delicious! After that, my wife and I went to Cosco to do some shopping. Place was pretty busy but we managed to get in and out pretty quickly. Normally, going shopping in a place as busy as that would make me irritable AF. Not so much these days. I'm definitely a lot calmer and focused as of late. It's a very nice change of pace. When we got home I was going to go for a hike. Unfortunately, there was some rain happening so I ended up busting out the treadmill that we picked up yesterday (kindly donated by a nice local) and did a 45 minute brisk walk. Fast enough to get my blood pumping and my lungs working. I want to build myself up to do some running. I've just been taking it easy on myself as I was a smoker for a very long time. Walking up a steep hill can leave me winded. I'll get there. I'm just being patient with myself. While I was walking I watch 2 episodes of a show my friend recommended called Inner Worlds, Outer Worlds on youtube. Really thought provoking stuff. After that I made a plate of nachos for my wife and I. We sat down and watched an episode of Somebody Feed Phil on Netflix. Love that show. He seems like such a nice guy who deserves every nice meal he gets to experience. Only problem with that show is it makes me want to travel everywhere and eat everything. Did the dishes and then sat down to join a breathwork meetup group for an hour. Just an awesome experience. Really focuses my mind and opens my eyes to what the human body is capable of. I was feeling pretty tired before we started but when we were finished I felt energized. I ended up signing up for a day long workshop on breathwork for this coming Saturday. Really looking forward to it. I think everybody should know this stuff. After that I made a smoothie for dinner. After that I finally finished The Urban Monk. It really is a wonderful book and I'll absolutely be reading it again in the near future. There are so many great practices in there that I'd like to integrate into my life. Next book on the list is The Secret Life of Plants. Sounds really interesting. And this brings us to right now as I type this. I'm tired but relaxed. I was planning on playing a board game before bed (just recently picked up a game called Spaceshipped - pretty great little solitaire game) but I don't think I've got it in me. All in all I'm feeling good. Just so happy about my life these days. I mean, I'd love to get my tax issues sorted, but that's life. There's always going to be something to stress out about. I guess it's just about how we handle it. Have a good night all. Stay safe out there and stay quit!
  22. Day 47 Moody AF today. Not sure why. Did my usual 1 hour meditation in the morning and felt good but it wasn't long after that that brain fog set in. Strange. I haven't experienced that in a few weeks. My whole day my mood has been sour. Still, I managed to cook breakfast, lunch (my wife helped), and dinner, went for a walk in the afternoon, read some of The Urban Monk (soooo close to finished), did some light grocery shopping and ran some errands. Not an entirely unproductive day but certainly not the most productive either. My head is still foggy now. Hopefully in the morning it will be clear. I hope so because I'm planning on going to a nearby park in the morning to do some group meditation. I happened to find a flyer taped to a pole on my way home from my walk. It might be nice to try something like that in a group. Who knows? Could be weird too. Guess I'll find out. This weekend is a bit of bummer on the gaming front. The last two years my gaming friends and I have been meeting up IRL to have a few drinks, play vids and just hang out. It's been pretty great the last couple of years. This year though they're all just getting online to hang out and play vids. For obvious reasons I will not be joining in. They know the scoop. I messaged them all a few days ago to let them all know. I just don't think I'm ready to join in on a twitch session to catch up. I know I would just feel left out. Kind of a bummer but I'm not willing to sacrifice what I've achieved so far. Maybe next year I'll be able to just hang and chat, just not this year. Have a good one everybody!
  23. Hey @Barefoot Mitch, good news that you found your way here. My first couple of days (weeks) were uncomfortable to say the least. It takes time to figure out your new self (I'm still in the process), but it's a good feeling knowing that you're working your way there. Just take the bad times as they come. Don't put needless expectations on yourself for the next while and just try to focus on quitting. All the best! You can do this.
  24. Day 46 Pretty laid back day today. Meditated in the morning. After that I checked my email and saw that I got a message from my accountant letting me know that she would get back to me on Monday about some questions I had. Hopefully we get the ball rolling on getting my taxes completed next week too. Met up with a friend in the afternoon and went for a bike ride and grabbed some sushi afterward. We decided to eat in the park. While we were eating a friend of ours from college just happened to walk by the park. We hailed him over and we chatted for another hour or two before I had to head home. Really nice to see him. Good to get out for a ride too. After I got home I folded some laundry, did some dishes and watched a little Netflix. Did another short meditation session and now I'm off to bed. Night all! Keep the quit in your hearts! You all deserve to have the freedom not gaming brings!
  25. Day 45....wow! Much quit! I fully intend to quit playing video games for the rest of my life. I've poured enough hours of my life into them. Still, I'm happy to reach the halfway point of the 90 day detox. Feels good. Had a bit of a down day yesterday so I didn't get up to much. Today I'm feeling much better. I drove to see my in laws in the afternoon. We went out to a nice fish and chips place in Statford, ON. Really great place. We went there specifically because they offer a gluten free fish and chips menu. That is extremely rare. I tried it as well and I have to say I barely noticed the difference. They really do a great job there. Totally worth the drive. Since we got back home I've just been relaxing and reflecting on the last 45 days. I meditated for about an hour ago but it didn't go so great. I have RLS (restless leg syndrome) and it was really kicking in during meditation. However, I managed to keep my legs under control but doing so took a lot of focus. It's funny, my RLS only really seems to bother me in the evening. During the day it doesn't really bother me at all. Haven't been doing Yoga the last couple days as I've been trying to let my rib heal. Still managing to get out and go for walks though. Well, I'm off to bed. Pretty tired from all the driving today. Keep kicking ass everybody!
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