alphadax

Day #63 I played tennis today for the first time in a while. The clinic was 2 hours and I think was tired after about 30 minutes. Yeah I'm out of shape lol. To my credit it was indoors and no AC plus 90 degrees outside. It was still fun though. Most of the players are definitely better than me right now. I'll have to get back up to speed. This was definitely a kick in the pants for me in terms of my physical ability. I really want to play more and also be able to play longer without getting so tired. If I start doing some running or other conditioning during the week that should help.

Day #62 Not much to report today. Would like to try to get outside and exercise more tomorrow. When I am cooking I still try to do too much. I had some ingredients I was sauteing on the stove, and then somehow that turned into a soup, when really it would have been better off by itself. I always end up muddling too many flavors together. I forgot I already have something planned for tomorrow evening, so I will definitely be getting some exercise.

Day #61 I feel like I'm not doing enough still. Exercise, that is. My right shoulder has some kind of issue. It's not as strong as my left. It gets sore after a short while. I think my problem is I don't really have any goals with exercise. I don't know what it'll take for me to get off my ass. I know it's good for me, I feel better afterwards, I just can't get myself to do it. I'm more motivated to try to eat healthy though. I've been scouting around for good ingredients and trying to make the kitchen look nice and clean. Things are expensive here. I can't wait for my first paycheck.

Day #60 2/3 of the way through my 90-day detox. Yay me. Coming off of my frustration from yesterday, I was actually pretty productive today. I got the laundry done, did a lot of cleaning in the kitchen, and explored some of the local area. There's a farmers market that runs on Saturdays here that is pretty nice, there's a big selection and it seems like it runs year round. I got some cucumbers that were pretty delicious. I didn't know this, but you can buy herbs in starter pots and then you can just pick fresh herbs whenever you need them. I don't know how long they will last if I don't give them water/sunlight, but I'm guessing if I spent $3 for a basil plant that should last a week even if I neglect it. I looked into what it would take for me to start an indoor herb garden. It would be great if I could just have some fresh herbs growing in my kitchen for use year-round. If anyone has experience with this I would love to know more. I'm thinking basil, rosemary, sage, thyme, mint (never used before but I heard it can grow well indoor), chives..... I saw some people suggest an Aerogarden which is basically a machine that does most of the work for you. However the lights can be pretty bright, but I think you can set them to just be on during typical "awake" hours. I am still very interested in cooking from home, even if just on the weekends. I'm on the lookout for good local produce and meats. There are a few international stores I'd like to check out as well. Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping again and probably clean up the kitchen some more. Oh and happy fourth.

Day #59 ..... Being an adult is hard. New rule for myself--take a drive somewhere every day. It can be literally anywhere. Five minutes around the block. Just get out of the house. I can't stay inside forever.

!shitpost My life expectancy is another 54.98 years, or 20,082 days from now. So I've already lived about 28.57% of my projected life. Wednesday, June 26, 2075 !remindme when dead

Day #58 Ugh. Work is so tiring. I haven't even really been doing much. I just feel like sitting all day saps my energy. I also don't have great vision so if I have to look at a screen for a long time I get eye fatigue. I've been trying to make it better but it seems unavoidable sometimes. So I blame how I feel on work but really I'm probably still not exercising enough or eating enough fruits and vegetables or drinking enough water or taking enough breaks. I'm going to start taking more frequent breaks and make sure to get up and walk around at look at stuff far away. I have nothing planned for this weekend yet. I kinda just want to relax for tonight. Going to try to do some more planning tomorrow. Sleep: good, but still tired Exercise: bad Edit: Not gonna lie, kind of struggling right now. The only thing keeping me from gaming is the fact that I sold all of my controllers. I would literally reinstall and play right now if I had a controller. I want to so bad. The reason is that I feel like shit because it's 4th of July weekend and I'm in a new city. Under normal circumstances, this would be the perfect time to go out and meet new people. I even got some invitations from people I know to hangout. But one of them is a big family party where no one would be wearing masks, and the other one is an indoor party. I want SO BADLY to just go out and try to meet people because that's like the main thing that I need right now. But I'd also feel guilty because I've been traveling a ton lately, and I don't want to put anyone at risk if I happen to be sick. It's a catch-22, damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of feeling. I don't want to come off as anti-social (even though I still kind of am) but I also don't want to contribute to virus spreading. I just started a new job and getting sick would be rough. So all of this is just making me stressed and want to have some kind of escape. I've made an agreement with myself, that for this weekend, I will do my part in social distancing--wear my mask, stay 6 ft apart, try to do activities outdoors, limit exposure time, etc... Honestly I probably could have gone to these events without much risk if I did these things, but I already kind of panicked and said no. I don't know what's the right choice. Ugh. Hopefully more opportunities come up for me in the future. If I get any more chances I will probably take them. Fuck the virus.

Baby chiliflavor looks so happy!

Day #57 Uhhhh Yeah not much to report. Feeling kind of lonely. It's hard to be social and make friends in a new city during a LITERAL GLOBAL PANDEMIC. *sigh* Also, WHY IS CAR INSURANCE SO EXPENSIVE!?? I moved from a low cost state to a high cost state. I didn't realize the cost was THAT high. Driving is expensive. Can't wait for everyone to have self-driving cars and for car insurance to go die in a fire. Good night. Sleep: good Exercise: good

Day #56 Good day today as well. Lost a bit of energy after a while. Working from home is kind of nice though. Today I did a couple chores after work. I'm taking things slow for now, don't want to push myself too hard in the beginning. Just little things every day. Sleep: good Exercise: good

Day #55 Good day today. First day on the job. Managed to get out of the house and get groceries as well. Sounds silly but I have a really hard time getting out of the house sometimes. One day at a time. Sleep (10:30pm - 6:45am): want to get back to taking this seriously. I've been doing pretty well, but after switching to a different bed I've had some trouble sleeping. If I can't adjust to it after a week I'll look into getting a foam mattress cover this weekend. Exercise: same as above. I need to start simple and easy. Like morning exercises and quick exercise breaks.

Day #54 Without posting too many personal details, the move in went well. I start work tomorrow so I don't have much time to settle in. Things are still pretty hectic, but I think I can get by. I just need to take things one step at a time. Sleep: goodish Exercise: goodish This morning I am grateful for: * This large house that I can live in that shelters me and gives me space * The fact that I am alive and well after my move and had no major issues * The time I was able to spend with my mother, who was helping me move * A chance to start over and discover my new life without gaming * A chance to try new activities and make new friends * The sunshine

Day #53 Move in progress. Will post longer update Sunday evening. Hopefully. Very busy still. Sleep: good Exercise: good

Day #52 Move in progress. Will *attempt to* post longer update Sunday evening. Sleep: good Exercise: good--parks

Day #51 Move in progress. Will post longer update Sunday evening. Sleep: good Exercise: good

Day #50 Move in process. Sleep: good Exercise: good

Day #49 Another day of packing and saying goodbyes today. Tomorrow we will see how much stuff we can fit to take with us and how much we have to leave behind. Luckily I think we will be able to fit at least all of the essential items. I am scared for this trip but also excited. Gaming came up with a friend today. I am still thinking about playing again, but I am committed to at least the 90 days without gaming. The reason being that when I start work I don't want every day to be work -> game -> sleep -> repeat because I have done that before and it's not healthy. I need to focus on meeting people and exploring the city after I move. I think if I start gaming again I will lose that motivation to live a more social lifestyle. I remember in high school when I would actually do activities with people and not just sit at home all day. I want to do stuff like that again. Sleep: good Exercise: good

Day #48 Daily Reflection Going to try to keep these short until I am done moving. Did lots more packing today. Met with some friends for final goodbyes. The next few days will be very busy and exciting. I am actually really looking forward to it. I'm really proud of myself for how much packing I was able to do by myself. I feel like I'm going on an adventure now. ////// Mental note: be careful of habits slipping due to new environment after move. Set alarms if need be for bedtime routine (9:00pm: journal, 10:30pm: sleep) Morning exercise (15 minutes) 10 jumping jacks, 5 squats, 5 second pull up hold, 20 second plank, 10 jumping jacks, 10 reps curls, 5 overhead press, 5 dumbbell deadlift, 5 dumbbell row, 10 jumping jacks ////// Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours) 👍 Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Standing all day, morning exercise

Day #47 Daily Reflection Whew. Long day prep work for the move this week. I took down my computer first thing which I think helped me be more productive. I'm surprised I managed to do so much in one day and still not really be done. I still have a bunch of boxes in the closet to move out to the living room and more clothes to pack. There's a few things on the floor in the bedroom and my entire dresser needs packed still, clothes and the stuff sitting on top. A towel load needs run tomorrow as well. Kitchen stuff needs to be packed. Overall I'm pretty happy with the progress I made today, I'm just surprised how much stuff I still have, even after getting rid of a bunch of things. I'd like to do another weekly reflection, but I'll probably wait until I have my computer set up again next week. It's a bit difficult to do these long reflections on my phone. ////// Mental note: be careful of habits slipping due to new environment after move. Set alarms if need be for bedtime routine (9:00pm: journal, 10:30pm: sleep) Morning exercise (15 minutes) 10 jumping jacks, 5 squats, 5 second pull up hold, 20 second plank, 10 jumping jacks, 10 reps curls, 5 overhead press, 5 dumbbell deadlift, 5 dumbbell row, 10 jumping jacks ////// Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours) 👍 Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Standing all day, morning exercise

Day #46 Daily Reflection Almost forgot to do my reflection today. I've been working on music stuff and I keep losing track of time. Don't know how but I didn't get much done today. I managed to sell my guitar and do laundry so I guess that's nice. I don't really know how much I'll be practicing music once I move, but I'm going to try producing for a while. If I get back into piano and guitar I'd probably get an acoustic guitar. I don't know why I got an electric because I don't really like that kind of music. Although electric is easier to learn on from what I've heard. Maybe I'll even get a ukelele. Who knows. For piano I just felt like full 88 keys was too bulky. I want something that's easier to compose on like a midi keyboard. I still have my old Yamaha 61 key that I plan to take with me on the move. It's very old and beat up so I feel less worried about it breaking in the car. Anyway I'm rambling. Tomorrow is my last day before my mom comes into town to help me move. So I need to pack up all the stuff in/on my dresser and in my nightstand. Also finish going through the closet and get a staying area for boxes by the door. I figure I can leave some of the kitchen and bathroom packing for Tuesday, but I think I will try to get some packing paper for the kitchen items and other breakables. A lot to do but I need to take it one step at a time. Probably easiest to start with organizing the staging area and the closet. Mental note: be careful of habits slipping due to new environment after move. Set alarms if need be for bedtime routine. Also in the morning I want to try waking up with some kind of stretch / light exercise (10 jumping jacks, 5 squats, 5 second pull up, 10 second plank, 1 push up, 10 reps curls, 5 overhead press, 5 "deadlift" or dumbbell row) AND have music playing. I'm not sure about music as an alarm, because it would be a different song each time, but maybe I can just start it right after the alarm and then do my exercise. I like music so I figure if I get to listen to music when I wake up that would put me in a good mood. I don't like to exercise in the morning but I think it could also help with my mood. Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours) 👍 Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Walking

Day #45 Daily Reflection Today was pretty good. Made some good progress on move-out stuff and met with a friend for a bit. It was nice to talk to somebody else and walk around for a while. I scheduled all of my utilities to cancel today as well, and got my change of address done. Now I just need to look into changing my address with certain things like the bank. My friend came over to take some of my furniture, so now I just have some folding chairs, my desk chair and my bed. Because of this I actually spent some time working on music today and learned a lot of neat stuff in FL Studio. I think I could actually get into producing as a hobby. It's pretty fun, but it can be slow at first because you don't know how the program works and you don't know any of the shortcuts. So I spent a good hour tinkering around with some really useful shortcuts. I think I've gotten a lot better as using the piano roll. It seems like you don't really even need a midi keyboard if you are good with the piano roll. But I may still get one eventually lol. Tomorrow I'll probably read more and double check stuff that I want to give away or take with me (instruments, computer desk. If it's nice out I might even go to the skate park again. I also want to go through boxes more and pack stuff up better / get rid of more stuff. My goal is to be able to fit most of my stuff in my car. That way it is easy for me to move again if I need to. Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours) 👍 Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Walking Fundamental Techniques 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. In all of my social encounters this week, I will reflect on my own the following questions: Did I give my best effort to be concerned for others? Did I consider the other person's feelings/wants/desires/needs before my own? ***Did I seek out and give genuine interest and praise for admirable qualities? ***Did I make an effort to remember and call people by name? ***Did I actively listen and recall details from previous conversations? Did I succeed in tying what they want to what I want (by knowing what I want and what they want)? **Did I speak with a smile? Kind of struggling with this one. I think I need to just focus on one aspect at a time. This is the one thing I want to focus on this week: Become genuinely interested in other people.

Day #44 Daily Reflection Getting a little tired of these daily reflections to be honest. But I want to keep it up, at least until the 90 days is up. Today was the first time in a while I had a craving to play games. I think the pressure of isolation and the stress of moving is at a boiling point. But I'm getting excited now because there's only a few more days until I can finally move and get on with my life. I guess this past year has felt kind of disappointing in a way, because I knew I was going to be leaving soon and it didn't feel like anything meant anything anymore... anyways... I have no clue what to expect really once I move. Even though I have already been to this area before, I will be living in a different part of town and with people I have never met before (IRL.) I just had some major repairs done on my car and I think I can make it through the move but I need to start saving ASAP so that if my car doesn't make it through the winter I can afford a new one (sorry I write like a first grader with no punctuation and sentences that never end.) I've had a few people ask me if there was anything I wanted to do before I leave, or any people I want to talk to, but to be honest I'm just ready to get the heck out of here. I've never really had many friends so the only people I want to talk to are family and my old roommates who I've guilted into helping me move anyway 🙂 An old friend of mine is coming by tomorrow to pick up the couch since I can't take it with me when I move. Seeing as I've been spending the last few days entirely on the couch watching anime, this puts me in a real pickle. But I kind of set it up that way intentionally, to force me to get out of the house more and really finish packing things up. Also been suffering from eye fatigue more lately, which isn't great considering I need to make a long road trip. I think for me, exercise really helps alleviate this because it distracts me and gets me moving. So basically, taking a break from sitting around and doing something active should help. I also might need a new glasses prescription, but I'm going to hold off on that until after I move. One last thing that I realized today was that I'm not really sure who I am anymore. Whenever I would have long breaks from school or work like this in the past, I would be doing one of several things: 1) programming / playing / making video games (middle school me), 2) doing band stuff / playing games (highschool me), 3) play video games and watch youtube all day (college me). If you didn't notice, all of these have one thing in common: video games. They've been a part of my life for so long and a good chunk of my memories growing up are related to video games. So I guess it's not really surprising that when I cut video games out from my life, I feel like I've lost a part of my identity. I don't really feel like myself anymore. It's not just video games either. Music also used to be a much bigger part of my life, but when I started college, it wasn't really the same as high school and I didn't put as much effort into music anymore. Music was where I got my sense of community and belonging in high school. That and being a nerd. But in college I didn't have music, so I was super lonely. I tried several times to get involved in music groups in college, and I looked into joining some different clubs, but none of them ever clicked for me. Even when I played video games, I didn't really have much of a community. I did have a small group of people who I played with regularly, but they weren't even people I knew in real life. And at least half the time I would still just play by myself. I think this may be a big reason I decided to quit gaming, because I felt like gaming was holding me back and keeping me from forming meaningful relationship in real life. If anyone reading this is still in high school or college, my advice would be to find hobbies that allow you to meet other people. I'm still a very introverted person, but when I think back on my memories, most of them are from some form of human interaction. And that's another thing that makes me kind of sad, because my memory is TERRIBLE. When I was dating someone in high school I remember how god awful I was at remembering stuff. She could literally tell me every detail of our first date, and like a bunch of stuff that happened between us, and I could barely remember anything (we ended up breaking up later, I wonder why?) Anyway uhhh... this got a lot longer than I intended. Stay safe and eat your vegetables, kids. Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours) 👍 Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Skateboard Fundamental Techniques 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. In all of my social encounters this week, I will reflect on my own the following questions: Did I give my best effort to be concerned for others? Did I consider the other person's feelings/wants/desires/needs before my own? ***Did I seek out and give genuine interest and praise for admirable qualities? ***Did I make an effort to remember and call people by name? ***Did I actively listen and recall details from previous conversations? Did I succeed in tying what they want to what I want (by knowing what I want and what they want)? **Did I speak with a smile? Ok, I feel like I need to clarify something here. I don't want to become a social psychopath. I obviously want people to like me, but I know it's not going to be the case because you just can't please everybody. It reminds me of this girl in high school who I kind of had a crush on, but was also kind of creeped out by. Why was I creeped out by her? Because she was literally TOO PERFECT. She was the nicest person you would ever meet, an honest-to-god angel from heaven. But in my mind I was basically a worthless turd, so someone being so incredibly nice to me was outside the realm of possibilities that my tiny brain could handle. I always felt like there was something disingenuous about her niceness, because why would someone ever be so nice? Looking back now I think that was really just her personality, but I guess I'll never know.

Day #43 Daily Reflection I think I have a slight cold. Picked up my car from the dealer today. Not sure if it was worth all the trouble but I'm just glad to have my car back. Finally got groceries today and enjoyed the sweet taste of fruits and vegetables. Tomorrow morning I will get started on packing up the kitchen and my keyboard. I also want to look at change of address stuff for moving. Once I get a shopping list together I will go to Target and pick up some moving supplies and birthday gift. Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours) Since I'm feeling sick I just need to make sure I'm in bed early and staying hydrated. Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) 😞 Fundamental Techniques 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. In all of my social encounters this week, I will reflect on my own the following questions: Did I give my best effort to be concerned for others? Did I consider the other person's feelings/wants/desires/needs before my own? Did I seek out and give genuine interest and praise for admirable qualities? Did I make an effort to remember and call people by name? Did I actively listen and recall details from previous conversations? Did I succeed in tying what they want to what I want (by knowing what I want and what they want)? Did I speak with a smile?

Day #41,42 Daily Reflection Forgot to do my journal last night. I was feeling really tired for some reason. Normally I write my journals an hour or two before bed, but yesterday I just suddenly felt tired at like 9pm so I just decided to go straight to bed. I had my car taken to the dealer yesterday to get things looked over before I move out. Unfortunately it sounds like my brakes are shot and the repair is expensive. I don't have enough money for a new car right now, so I'm just going to get it fixed and hope that nothing else breaks down in the next 6-12 months. Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours) Good Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Walk Fundamental Techniques update tomorrow 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Be concerned with others before yourself Consider the other person’s wants and desires before your own Foster genuine interest and curiosity in other people (by seeking out their admirable and interesting qualities) Find aspects of other’s that you can learn from, and that are worthy of praise—and praise them! Focus on remembering and internalizing everything about others—remember their names, their strengths, and their wants Tie what you want to what they want, and don't forget to smile

Day #40 Daily Reflection Played tennis with friends today. Helped a friend with a song he was working on. Watched some more anime and algo lectures. Tomorrow I will be doing a bit of reading and hanging out at brother's house while I get my car worked on. Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours) Good Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min) Walk Fundamental Techniques 1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (to / about others.) Did I criticize, condemn, or complain today? (If yes, explain:) I don't think so, but I could be wrong 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. 2-1. Daily Admiration / Appreciation (Goal: 1 thing) I admire my friend's dedication to his music 2-2. Daily Gratitude (Goal: 1 thing) I am grateful to have had the chance to play tennis today 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Be concerned with others before yourself Consider the other person’s wants and desires before your own Foster genuine interest and curiosity in other people (by seeking out their admirable and interesting qualities) Find aspects of other’s that you can learn from, and that are worthy of praise—and praise them! Focus on remembering and internalizing everything about others—remember their names, their strengths, and their wants Tie what you want to what they want, and don't forget to smile Weekly Reflection What did I do well this week? Completed my daily journals and continued my commitment to not gaming Began working on forming strong habits What could I have done better? Read more, review book materials more frequently What lessons can I learn? I tend to feel more productive when I am around other people When I am by myself, I don't know what to do, or I don't have the motivation to do it